She is *very* strong willed and has been throwing "temper tantrums" for several months but they are getting worse and I'm not sure how to deal w/ them.
I try to redirect her or get her interested in something else but she will thrown down on the floor and start screaming. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I move her, take her to another room, etc. she keeps going back to whatever it is that I'm trying to keep her from doing. For example, today she was shaking the table that my sewing maching and serger are on (it's not an extremely sturdy table) and she's never messed with it before and I tried telling her that it would hurt her, I took her into another room to get her interested in something else and after about the 3rd time, she would have a major meltdown and throw herself on the floor screaming if I came near her to move her.
I'm afraid of what the next few months, years are going to be like if she's already like this now!
What am I doing wrong? What else can i do? HELP???
Location: The mountains, the plains, wherever my road my lead me...
Posts: 8,333
The hardest thing that I had to learn was that ds is going to have meltdowns, so I just let him. If he just collapses and is kicking and screaming, I tell him in a soft voice that I love him and I'm sorry that he's upset, and if he needs me I'll be.....and then tell him where I'm going to be and walk away.
At that age, emotions are so strong and since they're mostly non-verbal, frustration levels are really low. So, it's totally normal that they're going to get overwhelmed and just melt, but we, as parents, aren't always going to be able to fix "it" - the situation, so it's okay for them to just let all those emotions fly.
The other thing that I've learned is that I don't have to be right there while he melts. I know that, for me, after a while, I felt like I was being assaulted by his screaming and tantruming. So, I remove myself, not in an angry way, but quite matter-of-factly, and wait for him to be ready for me to comfort him.
It's frustrating, I know. There's nothing worse than watching your child totally out of control, but it's such a normal process for them, and since we're so far removed from that age that it's hard for us.
Okay, I hope all that came out coherent. And, one tiny last note, sometimes when was sure that ds was just crazy, lol, sometimes a good ride in the sling was all he needed.
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lorraine, mama to my sweet baby boy
thank you so much lorraine! that helped me to not feel guilty about letting her have a meltdown
how else can i "discipline" her w/o sp***ing? she's recently started hitting and pinching and i don't know how to stop that...
sheesh~this parenting stuff is hard!
Allowing them to have their feelings without judgement is teaching them that self-expression is healthy, acceptable and okay! It doesn't mean you have to enjoy it, but allowing them the time and space is certainly a gift in the long run.
This is quite normal behavior, and will ebb and flow over the next years.
Here are some articles that may help! And just remember - you are NOT alone! We have autonomy tantrums around here daily. lol!
Location: The mountains, the plains, wherever my road my lead me...
Posts: 8,333
Quote:
Originally posted by ccorley95 thank you so much lorraine! that helped me to not feel guilty about letting her have a meltdown
how else can i "discipline" her w/o sp***ing? she's recently started hitting and pinching and i don't know how to stop that...
sheesh~this parenting stuff is hard!
My pleasure. The few times that dh has hit, ok maybe it was more than a few times, but it seems like so long ago, I would hold his hand and model "how we use our hands." And would show him how to stroke my arm, or wherever, gently. And I would say "hands are not for hitting/pinching."
And if she's hitting out of anger, you can show her how to channel that energy. Last night, ds was very angry with me because he wanted something and dh and I said "no." So, he came over to me and was getting ready to swing...let me add that this is such a rare occurrence that it took all that I could not to laugh...and I said to him "you cannot hit me, we don't hit people. If you're angry, you can hit a pillow." To that, he looked at me swung his arm in the air, then went over to a sofa pillow and gave it 2 good punches. He felt better, and I didn't have to yell.
The most important thing to remember is that if you want your child to understand that hitting is not okay, you can't do it either. It such a contradiction, they can't understand that. It shows them that if you're bigger and stronger than someone else, you can hit. Does that make sense?
Okay, ds is really hungry, so I gotta run, but if you wanna talk more you can AIM me at username starkl100 or feel free to email me! {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} It is hard, but I think you're doing a great job!
And would show him how to stroke my arm, or wherever, gently. And I would say "hands are not for hitting/pinching."
i've been doing this for a while~telling her to be gentle and stroking my face w/ her hand...she now stokes my face whenever i tell her to be gentle
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And if she's hitting out of anger, you can show her how to channel that energy. I said to him "you cannot hit me, we don't hit people. If you're angry, you can hit a pillow."
that's great! i know she's ding it b/c she's mad or frustrated but couldn't figure out how to tell her what to do in words, yk? she understands everything i say so telling her (and showing her) that she can hit the pillow will work i'm sure!
Quote:
The most important thing to remember is that if you want your child to understand that hitting is not okay, you can't do it either. It such a contradiction, they can't understand that. It shows them that if you're bigger and stronger than someone else, you can hit. Does that make sense?
that's exactly what i've been trying to explain to my parents (who are hopeless~so i've given up on them) but i think dh is coming around~although he's only popped her hand once...and then i found out and freaked on him
anyway~that helps tremendously! i'll have to try it during her next fit...which won't be long ~ lol
Location: The mountains, the plains, wherever my road my lead me...
Posts: 8,333
Quote:
Originally posted by ccorley95
that's exactly what i've been trying to explain to my parents (who are hopeless~so i've given up on them) but i think dh is coming around~although he's only popped her hand once...and then i found out and freaked on him
You can tell your parents this, children that are hit, do not respect their parents, they are afraid of their parents, and children that are afraid of their parents, won't come to them when things are bad and they're in trouble. KWIM? I don't ever want my child to fear me, I want him to respect me and respect others, and respect himself.
I'm glad that I could help! My circle of friends, I'm one of two that only have one child, so people don't usually ask me for advice.
I need help w/ my 14.5 month old!
I dont know what to tell you, my dd has been doing this for the last year. It has gotten better though
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