You don't have to explain or defend the pro-gun argument to me http://www.amitymama.com/images/icons/smile.gif, my dh is a Federal Agent who is armed every day and I agree with everything you said, including the toy gun part--which is part of my original question.
I do want to reiterate my original question and make sure I am understanding your answer, though. You had mentioned giving your dd a Barbie despite your not liking them and I asked if that was an "absolute rule of [this] parenting philosophy." Am I understanding this correctly, then, that if the issue is safety (which we deem a toy gun to be) then the parent doesn't compromise with her children? So, a Barbie is a not a safety issue and a parent following this philosophy would allow her child to have it and later discuss pros & cons of Barbie. But a parent practicing this philosophy would not allow her child to have a toy gun b/c it is a safety issue, right?
What about the other toys I mentioned from Catherine's post a few days ago--of course, I can't remember them http://www.amitymama.com/images/icons/wink.gif. But one had to do with incest and one with violence. Would those also be considered safety issues according to this philosophy and therefore the parent would not have to compromise and allow the child to play with them?
I have a tendency to be unclear when I am nursing (brains get sucked right out of me!), so I'm sorry if I'm not making sense. I *was* wondering if this parenting philosop
Your husband's a federal agent! That is so cool! LOL
That is a good question. When it comes to the Barbie, you are right on track. The Barbie is really just a toy that she wants to have fun with. She doesn't have any ideas about (my opinion here) the marketing ploys invovled with her creation. Though she only has to stand in line with me at the grocery store to see that everyone on the front of a magazine cover is thin and beautiful.
I didn't get to catch this post about the incest you are talking about. I will see if I can locate it (and from what it sounds like disgust myself).
But it does bring up a thought in me that did you know there is a website out there (I just read about it in the new O'Reilly book) that promotes, describes how and even tries to get bills passed allowing men to have sex with young boys. North American Man-Boy Love Associtaion. Would I allow my son to play at this site? No way! Some TCS-ers might consider this coercive but I think that they would agree that it is one situation where it is understandable. That (IMO) would be equivalent to allowing your child to spend unsupervised time with a known child molester.
And the style is not about compromise but letting your children learn on their own. Very similar to unschooling. Like when my son was very little and we had a wood stove and I would nag him about staying away from the stove, it's hot. I got tired and one time I picked him up, while the fire was roaring and we got close and I started asking him if he could feel the heat and can you imagine how hot it must be right now, and that is why Daddy uses a glove when he opens the door to put more wood in.
It's about sharing your theories of life with them instead of forcing it upon them. My mom holds different beliefs on many of the things I do with my children. (ie, family bed, no spanking, homeschooling) But those are her ideas and she is allowed to have just as I am allowed to have mine.
As I said before a great place to go to get wonderful advice of varying degrees on tcs is mangomama.org. And whatever you ask, may I also suggest that you wait for larsy to reply because she always says it so elegantly.
So now I am off to clean cream of wheat from the walls of my bedroom. Sigh.
it really about autonomy.. allowing a child to make chpoices for themselves and respecting their wants and needs. coersion is getting a child to follow one theory {child not allowed on tables!} with another theory still present in their mind..{child likes to climb}
tcs suggests finding common preferences, such as climbing on couch insted, or maybe reading a story... its about consent.. , and respect. the only time tcs advocates coersion is when child is in immediate danger.. as in child runs in road, parent snatches child out of harms way. not about toy guns or barbies as much as i detest the things myself...
im not really one to offer advice but i can tentatively explain how a tcs family would handle this
first of all if you have been forcing the child to hold your hand do not expect consent on this issue immediately
try explaining why the child would be unsafe running in the lot. maybe take a bottle of water and leave it in the road and watch it get smushed. child will understand.. ask if the child does not wish to hold hands if he/she would prefer if mommy held hir jacket, or sleeve? or would child like to ride on the cart instead? maybe piggyback, or holding onto moms purse. try exploring parking lots together till you are satisfied child understands safety issue.. maybe child will learn to stay near mom w/o physical contact. find your own comfort level.
hope this helps..
~sadie
Sadie,
This was exactly how my daughter learned about the dangers of parking lots. I was having such a hard time with her running right out and then one day she saw a can get flattened and I told her to imagine what it could do to her body. She hasn't had another incident.
I believe in the respect of tcs but what happens when child is on table and refuses any alternate? Even offering a walk at this point would be coercion, correct?
offering a walk to deter the child from climbing isnt coersion.. forcing the child to go on a walkinstead of climbing would be. if the child would like to go on a walk and prefers it to climbing, all is well.
if the child refuses any alternative to climbing on the table, you could try helpign themclimb safley... standing nearby with your hands outstretched.. putting pillows down to break the possible fall.
thats what tcs says.. if no preference can be found, parent slef sacrifices.
okif the child is on a table you dont want ehr to climb on.. first you should evaluate why she shouldnt climb on it. if youre afraid she'll get hurt, maybe you could spot her, stand closeby or hold her hand. you could lay down pillows or blankets to break a possible fall.
if you dont want the finish ruined or something you could offer altrenate things to climb on, or going for a walk or reading a book or eating a snack... etc.
according to tcs.. if the child will not prefer anything else... parent self sacrifices. im sure hte childs pschological well being is more important than the finish...
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