We have lots of things for the kids to play with, but I don't necessarily play with them. I start feeling really self-conscious about playing and being stupid. Even though I'm sure the kids don't care what I look like. I am having a really hard time overcoming being so conscious of my actions with the kids.
I want to be silly with them. I want to play with them (without being controlling. which is another issue. like if we play a game and they don't do it "right" then I end up not playing the game with them).
Then there is the guilt associated with not playing with them.
How can I learn to be a better playful parent? And.........am I already too late?
__________________ Missy
Live in such a way that if anyone should speak badly of you, no one would believe it.
oh, missy! you're *never* too late with your children, at this age, anyway! keep in mind that YOU are the most important person in their little worlds. even though we often feel like we're not important, to our kids, we really, really are. your kids will adore you if you just sit with them on the floor, leaning against a couch, and let them run their matchbox cars over your legs!
i generally "excelled" at everything i tried to do, up until about the age of 22! so, anyway, when i was a camp counselor at the age of 18 and failed miserably, it floored me. it took me a long while to realize why. i was a counselor for 6th grade girls, and i wasn't able to give up that self-consciousness, to "lose myself" in just having fun and being crazy and spirited and fun for the girls.
so i try to be as un-self-conscious as i can with my ds. i'm not as fun as my dh-- he comes up with the greatest games, and noises, and weird ways to do things that delight ds. i don't know where my dh gets all his great ideas! but anyway, i try to do the best i can and hope it's good enough, y'know? i just try to smile a lot at ds, i try to talk to him constantly, even if it's about silly stuff. i read him a lot of books and get into different voices for the different parts.
i think being attentive while your kids play will go a long way, to start. remember, this is the *only* time you've got while your kids are young to be young yourself with them, and truly enjoy their childhoods, y'know?
to get a concrete start, i recommend getting a book or two which has suggestions on activities to play with kids. maybe if you plan a "real" activity, you won't feel so self-conscious? there's "games to play with toddlers," and also "the toddler's busy book." i don't know how old your kids are; there's also "the preschooler's busy book." the latter books also have lots of kid-friendly cooking activities, like edible play-dough, etc. that's an awesome way of playing with your kids! arts and crafts activities also require less "un-self-consciousness," if ykwim. in "super baby food" there are tons of arts and crafts ideas. another suggestion is to get down on the floor and "play animals"-- pretend to be an elephant, a doggie, etc. with them. you could also play dress-up with them!
another concrete suggestion is the wee sing tapes, specifically the one on finger plays. it has tons of songs with finger plays, like "where is thumbkin?" and "this old man" etc. kids of all ages love that, and you'll have so much fun singing with them.
I think that's an important part of me being a SAHM. Of course, my son is a toddler so there's no issues of being self-concious. As a child, my mom was a SAHM and never played with me, I was so bored and became a tv-addict. I didn't have any siblings or neighbors to play with, though.
I don't think it's ever too late to start!
As far as being controlling and not 'playing the game right,' just try to think of how creative they are being. I think it's wonderful when children make up their own ways of playing games. If it's really hard for you, maybe ask them to teach you how to play their game, and then teach them how to play your game.
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Ds 6 yo
Dd 2 yo (but don't tell her she's not 6)
I spend more time playing/goofing off with my kids than I do housework most days! When they were smaller, we used to play an hour of house in the morning, after lunch, and then again after dinner. Now that they're older (cept for Lan), we play board games here and there, but mostly cardgames (uno addicts) together.
Pretend play when they were little was so much fun for me, as I never felt secure enough when I was a child to pretend much of anything (neurotic mother), without getting into trouble for being silly or for having an overactive imagination. SIGH.
Play, laugh, and have fun! It can never be too late!
I do, but I feel like no matter how much I play with them, it's never enough! The boys absolutely LOVE playing. I don't think it's ever too late (at least until they're teens/adults! LOL) The boys right now love for me to get down on the floor with them and tell them stories and then they like me to act out the stories with them as they go. I have to balance being a sahm/wahm and taking care of them 95-99% of the time by myself so my biggest thing is MAKING THE TIME to actually stop, sit and play with them instead of going on doing what NEEDS to be done 24/7. KWIM?
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~*~*~*~Cindy~*~*~*~
Mom, wife, postal worker & pretend farmer ;-)
but I balance it with the knowledge that they also should play by themselves.
Alot of the time, I might just pull out the blocks and start building, then fade slowly out of the way, as DS's imagination takes over. I might suggest that his cat and dog (stuffed) need baths, he might agree, he might not. If he's hiding under a table, I might walk someone across the "bridge". I don't usually play with him for long stretches, just bursts to maybe redirect a behavior, or on a whim when I am excited by what he is playing, or because he asks me to play. With DD, I don't play very much. I didn't when DS was this small, either, as 12 mo seem to be working all the time and rarely seeking a playmate. I sing all day, and I take requests, and we do finger plays. But even with art stuff, I try to stay out of the way. DS will do what he is able to do, will ask for help when he needs it, and will quickly get bored with art that involves too much help from me. OTOH, I sometimes do an art project for my children while they watch, and I describe what I am doing if one is interested, and I let them do any part of it they want to do, or I give them their own(mostly DS as DD is still too little).
Then we include our children in as many activities in our daily routine as they can manage. DS helps to cook every meal, helps with the table, picks up toys, makes a swipe or two with the vaccuum, that sort of thing. DD has started picking up toys, comes for a bath or comes to the table for a meal. And we interact with them steadily, not to barrage them with commentary but in response to their steady stream of discoveries and DS's growing ability to report.
So, don't be too hard on yourself. If you are interacting with your kids at times other than discipline moments, then everything grows from that positive interaction. Let it grow, don't force yourself or your kids, none of you will have fun.
Location: Paradise. No, really, I live in Paradise, PA.
Posts: 2,251
Mrsmissy, I could have written your post! I feel so stupid playing silly games or singing songs to Jonah that I can't bring myself to do it- even if we're alone together. So we play "structured" games. He seems to just crave the interactions and doesn't seem to be missing the silly play yet.
I need to get over this and fast! I'm just not sure how to move past it. Michmom had some great suggestions and I'm going to try some out tomorrow!
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Elise
Wife to Duane
Mama to Jonah (6) and Ruth (4) and Benjamin (2)
YES! But probably not the way dd wants me to... I feel the need now that she is a little older to distinguish myself as her mother rather than as her playmate. She wants me to be her best friend, I want to be her mommy. I also find it hard to play with her -not games or art projects but playing imaginary things or dolls. She likes to control every detail of the play so it's not that great for me and she gets mad when I try to explain that both people playing get to have an equal say in the way we play. When I was little I could play for hours alone or with a friend. DD seems like she needs someone to play with her all the time. She will play alone, but whines about wanting someone to play with. I had 3 brothers, so I guess I liked playing alone rather than having them bug me, lol. I like Rach's perspective. I am going to try to incorporate your style into our play time.
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~Amoreena~ artist momma to baby Saige and 2nd grader Akaya!
I used to laugh and think "yeah, right!" when the older women would say, "Forget the housework and play with and hug your babies."
Not that I didn't want to, I just thought they had gotten so old they forgot how much work there is to do in a day plus play with the little ones.
Please, play and read and hug NOW! This is the time in their lives that they really need it- it provides a solid foundation for them listening, loving, and believing you when they get older and don't want to play, but need you to listen and advise.
We play hide and seek all together. It teaches counting and thinking skills and is just down right FUN! We also like Uno, teaches colors, numbers, sequencing, matching, lots o things! Make believe is great, too! I have found that if I give my children 30 minutes of "mama time" they go off and play for an hour together or by themselves. It fills their emotional bank .
Don't feel self-conscious in front of them- they are probably LOVING it and you are showing them soooo much!
Reach a hug to ya mama!
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~Rae~
Not perfect, but forgiven by the same God as you are.
Yes we play together, Im probably really silly, but at my kids age they think its funny and great
I play restraunt, house, read silly stories, dance to the Wiggles like a crazy person lol, we take walks outside and we race to find rocks, feathers and stuff. We play board games, but they dont know how to play them, chutes n ladders candy land they just pretend to slide around the board. We do lots of coloring and crafts, but when Im not playing with them, I let them play alone and they do just fine.
Missy, dont feel wierd around your kids, they look up to you and they of all people wont think you're silly lol, well maybe silly but cool as heck!! lol.
Enjoy them now while they're little, or one day you'll be wishing you could play with them while they say ew no way! Take it slow and do what you feel is comfortable you'll do just great!
I did not play much with my first two boys. They had each other and I felt I did not need to. I wish I did now. They are 11 and 9 now and we do play card or board games several times a month. I find it's a good time to get them open up more deeply about friends and school and generally be silly together.
Ds3 is 2.5 y/o and I play a lot with him. We just spent an hour on the floor with little wooden people. If I did not play with him, he would be bored or sit in front of the tv all day because his brothers are gone all day for school.
I don't remember my mom ever playing with me. Not even a card game. I was a only child too. I got pretty lonely sometimes. I remember that she did not play with me but I don't think if she did I would think now that she was a dork or think why did she play like that. Kids love it when adults get down to their level. I see my older boys eyes light up everytime we get down and silly on the floor.
now on the board games with the older boys, yes, sometimes it can get to be stressful and everyone argues about a move taken that should have not or the person who won must have cheated. So sometimes it ends up not so fun. But that is ok. We forget about it and start again.
My mom was the same! It was like a clean house meant a good marriage...my house is terrible compared to the one I grew up in! Luckily I'm not married to anyone like my dad, so Dh is cool about it.
Mrsmissy - how young are your little ones, maybe that can help us with fun ideas!
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