Personally I don't think it's fair that they should have to include the 4 year old. It's not as if a 4 year old can even relate completely with an 8 year old.
I have 9,8 and 4 year old boys.
My 9 year old is in 3rd and my 8 year old is in 2nd. If either of them were to have a friend over I would ask that they let their other brother play because they go to school together, ride the bus together and tend to have the same friends. But I wouldn't ask that they let their little brother play.
In a way I take that back. We currently only have 1 TV so if the older boys and their friend were to play Nintendo I'd ask that they let Ben (4 year old) play but if they didn't want him to or if Ben was being a stinker, I wouldn't make them let him play.
Christian and Andrew play with Ben all the time. It's a special thing to have a friend over (at least in our house it is) So I'd say, let the girls have their time together alone with out the little sister there. If all the girls are unreasonable trying saying, play with Emma for 30 min and then she can come out and watch a video or something like that.
Stacy
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Mommy to Christian 8/93, Andrew 9/94 and Benjamin 10/98
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No I do not make my older children play with the youngest or even each other when they have friends over. Each is a individual and when a friend comes over it is obviously to play with the child they are friends with not with anyone else in the house.
To me forcing your child's friends to play with a younger sibling is to make them less likely to want to come over. The younger child is not "their" friend and being forced to play will only add resentment.
As with your children mine have a significant age difference and what might be appropriate play for the older children might not be for a younger child.
However there are times when my older children are asked to play with my younger child. Taking her to the park or out on the trampoline. They meet up with friends and they all "play" with the baby.
I am just leary of resentment when they get older. Say when your older daughter is a teen and your younger is used to "getting" to play with all her friends. KWIM?
I don't MAKE them. But, I do ask how it feels when they are left out of something and if the littler one can sort of 'play by the rules' then they do. They have always decided on their own to let their sisters play also. There are usually no problems in our house with that. Just an occasional reminder.
I actually get offended that one of my daughters friends mother keeps asking to have Alexis over because her daughter is 6 also. But, Brianna my 5yo plays with the friend more. They never invite Brianna and it hurts her feelings. I understand that they don't invite Xylena upstairs, she is 2. But, as far as when friends are over at my house they all play together. I actually think it should be that way.
at her dad's house. They have four year old twins that share Emily (who is 11) 's room. They are a constant pain for Emily to deal with. She doesn't want to hurt them but wants her OWN friends independent of the family.
Each child needs to become their own person with their own friends, and should not responsible to play with the younger children.
My one year old cries to play with my oldest when she has friends over too, but that's my time to do something special with the baby, I don't let them play together, I told Emily she needs her own friends in her own space without siblings interferring. Forcing things will only foster resentment to the older child. The play won't be the same, they will have to change what they are doing to include the younger child which isn't fair.
Family time is totally different, but friends are a unique situation
Although I do think the friend was being a twit too!! There is something to being a good guest she has not learned.
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~Meg~ teacher, podcaster, but mostly sahm to my trio of little women (4, 6, 17)wife to Mr Big and dog-ma to Indy the crazy miniature golden retriever
If my kids have friends over to play, siblings are not included UNLESS requested (which as you can imagine isn't too often!!).
I just don't think it's right for sibling interference during play dates.
Could you perhaps set up a play date for the sibling at the same time?
no, i don't make mine play with the younger kids. if they are all going outside to the trampoline, they may play together. if they are in the house, and looking for their own space, i usually make arrangements. like if the older girls are wanting to craft, i may let them do it in my bedroom and then set the younger kids up with something else fun or unusual to them. or i may get involved and we ALL do it. then if my 14 yo stepson has a friend, and they want to go 4-wheeler riding and the younger kids beg for a ride, i may ask for the boys to take them for 10 min and then they are free after that. or if the boys go fishing, they may take a younger child with them for a bit if they behave... usually it is no problem, and they will play with the younger kids as they feel like it. if i forced them to play together, i think some of the kids would avoid coming over more.
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