amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Softiemommy · 10-26-2003, 10:06 PM

Ugh, I really hate the term but don't know a better one at the moment.

A little background: We just pulled our 8 year old son out of public school. Explaining the whole situation would just upset me way too much right now, so let me give the Reader's Digest condensed version. Reid was a special needs adoption from India. Lots of serious problems during his first year. When we adopted him, we knew there would be a lot of unknowns. Well, we have been very fortunate because he is just a perfect little boy! No ongoing health problems at all (besides a relapse of malaria that happened a long time ago). He is actually quite the athlete and is a local soccer star

The only area in which he has problems is reading. He's making great progress, can read, but is 'technically' reading at a 2.2 level when he's in 3rd grade. He is one of those children who would rather be outside than reading. (and yes, I've tried letting him read outside, lol). We wanted him retained in 2nd grade - he had a great teacher and we liked and trusted her. At the end of the school year, she surprised us by recommending that he go on to 3rd grade. We were extremely hesitant (for several big reasons) and she talked with the 3rd grade team, who recommended he come on up to 3rd grade since he was doing well in Math - they said they had different reading levels and would 'take care of him'. Flash forward to this year. He obviously doesn't belong in 3rd grade in this school where The Test is all that matters. When I ask his teacher about it, I find out that she has NO IDEA about anything I've just told you. She basically says that the 2nd grade teacher lied - the 2nd grade teacher is now in another state and can't defend herself. At the big conference with his *3* teachers and the principal (a story in herself), they say they think he's doing fine - what's the problem? (in other words they are covering their butts because they really did this child wrong.) No one ever says that there was a big mistake here and they are sorry. It is so blatantly obvious that he doesn't belong in 3rd grade - no 8 year old little boy should be bringing home grades that are 20s

ANYWAY - I apologize for that rant. Not the whole story, but enough. Here's where I need suggestions. I'm looking for ways to encourage him to read and write that will not be stressful for him and that he may learn to enjoy. Some things we're trying:

He lives in a house with parents and siblings who love to read - this house is full of all kinds of books. We're taking turns reading to him and with him. I got him Treasure Island for his Leap Pad and he's enjoying that. Any other suggestions for Leap Pad books?

I'm reading Reading Rescue 1-2-3 and I'm finding that it's the perfect book for him. Lots of great suggestions!

Ordered Sports Illustrated Kids magazine for him. Any other magazine suggestions? I think he would enjoy that kind of reading.

Thanks to his school, he despises writing. I'm getting him to help me write lists (like our WalMart list for tomorrow), he's going to write a letter to his favorite uncle. I'm trying to think of things for him to write that he actually enjoys. Any suggestions? I have Writing Strands, Level 2 on the way.

We aren't unschoolers, we do use curriculum - but we also try to follow the child's interests. Right now, my main goal is to de-school him - know what I mean? Help him relax and feel good about himself and his abilities. He's very smart, but his self-esteem has taken a beating from this school, I'm afraid.

Any suggestions appreciated! I thank you and Reid thanks you!

nellebelle · 10-26-2003, 10:27 PM

Quote:

He lives in a house with parents and siblings who love to read - this house is full of all kinds of books. We're taking turns reading to him and with him.

Excellent. This is important.. that he see you reading and enjoying it. Reading with him is also important.

Also, being at 2.2 as a third grader really isn't that far off the mark. I'm curious about what they are basing that score on but I don't really NEED to know to give some general suggestions. My biggest suggestion is to find books that he likes and has a personal connection to. I'm a teacher (sixth grade, don't hold it against me please) and have been working with our reading specialist. I'm having a ball... we're not teaching reading in a traditional way which I hated. I'm reading picture books to seventh graders and trying to get them to make connections (they are still reading chapter books too BTW).

Kids need to know things like... well, for instance, when I get to the bottom of a page sometimes I don't know what I've just read... and that even really good readers do this. One way kids get low self-esteem when reading is because they think that good readers never do the things they do. I'd make mistakes on purpose on occasion and model you catching yourself and fixing it and moving on.

I would do a lot of thinking out loud as you read... trying to make connections. Like I just read "Petey's Bedtime Story" by Beverly Cleary. As I read I made connections out loud. Like... "I remember cleaning the floor after my son's bath the other night. It sure was a mess." Help him to make connections... that will help him with comprehension. If you wonder about something in the story, say it out loud. "I wonder why Petey's parents don't just tell him to go to bed." The idea is to get him thinking while he's reading. Let him see you thinking.

There are strategies and all kinds of ideas but IMO, the way kids get better at reading is by reading. It usually isn't anything I've done as a teacher except to encourage them and help them find a good book they will get sucked into and enjoy.

Anyway, if you've gotten this far, I hope that maybe something I've said will help. Remember I teach middle school so maybe my philosophies are too much of a middle school mentality.

I'm sad that they've robbed him of his self-confidence. My little guy is very easily crushed... I feel I know a bit of where you are coming from.

Nelle

Softiemommy · 10-26-2003, 10:35 PM

Here's my secret - I'm a teacher by profession, too! I'm a sahm (really wahm) these days by choice. My mom is also a retired teacher. I have nothing against teachers - in fact, from what I can see from this school (where we were new last year, we homeschooled the year before that but moved to a new district) - the problem is the principal. She only cares about test scores - which are the highest in the county and it's a Blue Ribbon School. Since we've removed Reid, we only have 1 of our 5 children left in public school. Chase is in 5th grade, his choice because he hopes to be on the math team again this year. Get this - he's 9 years old, but they don't get recess. They don't have time for it. Too busy preparing for the test

Didn't mean to go off on that tangent - I'm just blown away by this school. Thank you so much for all your suggestions! They all make perfect sense and are actually quite similar to what I'm reading in the RR book. At this point, my goal is to help Reid feel good about himself and his abilities again.

annsni · 10-26-2003, 10:43 PM

Lisa -

My daughter also hated reading. I pulled her from public school after 1st grade and started homeschooling for 2nd. She told me one day that she hated reading and I realized that she was reading the curriculum's readers and they were boring. I took her to the library and asked her what did she want to read about? Clara Barton!! Well, we pulled books out on Clara Barton, looked her up in the encyclopedia and found stuff online about her. She devoured every book we picked up - we read them out loud together with her reading a paragraph each page and me reading the rest. I can happily say that she's now in 8th grade and I have to STOP her from reading!! I can't keep enough books around and she's now reading Anne of Green Gables - she read for about 3 hours today.

I say to make library trips frequently, get books that he likes to read, read out loud together. Since he sounds active, get some books that he can act out, give him legos, clay or crayons and paper to work with while you read to him - I've heard these ideas work well with more hands-on kind of kids. Have him tell you what you just read to him in his own words - narration really helps them to absorb what they've just heard.

Good luck with him! I'm sure once he's home a bit and is 'deschooled', he'll enjoy reading more. I think there's something about school that is very stifeling (sp?)

Ann

Softiemommy · 10-26-2003, 11:03 PM

Those are excellent suggestions! I forgot to mention that we do go to the library every Wednesday. My 10 year old daughter also homeschools and she would have my head if I didn't take her to the library every week!

Reid does enjoy picking out his own books - usually monster trucks! Yikes! My challenge is in showing an interest when we read them together

But I'd even drive a monster truck if that would help him enjoy reading more!

ps - I just started your order and hope to finish tomorrow. I've been so busy since I announced that I'm closing. This change with Reid is one of the main reasons I decided I needed to close.

annsni · 10-26-2003, 11:15 PM

No problem Lisa! The larges are still a little bit big for Joanna so she needs to grow into them a bit.

I hope some of the ideas help. I've gone to so many homeschool conference seminars and am sure I went to one called The Reluctant Reader years ago but can't find a tape of one. Those ideas were just some that I remembered, though.

Ann

ThirtySomething · 10-26-2003, 11:24 PM

Also remember that he doesn't have to just read books. You could casually ask him to read recipes for you, instructions for things, books to his little sis and brother. Edited to add that Airon read Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards too. They are junk, but he was reading them!

My ds was stagnating at reading. He read early and just never improved. We are homeschoolers. He made a leap when we simply just played games. Get a word game book of some sort and go from there. Reid may like things like crossword puzzles and mazes. He might like to unscramble words. I made up games for the problem areas (blends, ai words, silent e)

We just played games for about 1 month. Then, we went back to reading. Surprise! He reads! He looked at me the other day as he was reading and said:

"Mom, I can't read anymore. I don't know how to read."

I said:

"Silly kid! What do you think you are doing? Knitting a sweater?"

He laughed and he hasn't said that since. Make sure Reid isn't picking up on the fact that *you* don't think he can read well.

As for writing, I take a very subtle approach there too. I don't know if you are speaking penmanship or actual writing. Writing letters is a great idea. Airon is going to start with postcards to family members soon.

For actual writing, there is always dictating. He can get his thoughts down on paper if you write or type them. I just don't believe that a child will never want to write on his own. I just think some get pressured into doing it too quickly.

My son is younger than Reid. He is only in the 1st grade. However, I've noticed some of his peers in PS who already hate reading and/or writing. I may not be going about it in entirely the correct way, but I have noticed Airon moving towards writing more and truly enjoying it.

I believe you can still use curriculum and just modify it to take the emphasis off the things that cause the most stress.

HTH!

griffin · 10-27-2003, 12:49 AM

Quote:

I'm reading Reading Rescue 1-2-3 and I'm finding that it's the perfect book for him. Lots of great suggestions!

we did this book this year with dd and she has improved tremendously so i'd say just keep at it.

my dh did say to me earlier this year not to stress with dd's reading skills or interest in reading. he said some people/kids just don't like reading. we have masses of books but dh who has a PhD in theoretical physics is more of an auditory learner and prefers listening to lectures than reading a book so maybe i dd has a different learning style to me (mostly visual learner here).

hths

Thmom · 10-27-2003, 04:00 AM

I'm going to suggest you just leave him alone. It is VERY common especially for boys for them not to be reading before 9.
Reading well does require certain physical developments and many children don't recieve this development (it's nerve sheathing) until they are older. It could be very uncomfortable for him to read.

Also studies have been done that show that there is a higher incidence of the need of glasses in adults if they read early as chilldren. Again the eyes are still developing and they need to be moving all over the place, you get this from being active and focusing on multiple distances.

As a homeschool mom you don't have to prove anything and neither does your son.

Continue to read to him, continue to make good books available but don't push him he'll come around to it.

Do some searches in the homeschool circles, especialy in unschoolers and delight directed schooler. You'll see numerous stories of parents who didn't push and their kids didn't read until after 12 but once they did they were reading major novels and they couldn't stop reading. Many report that thier children would go from a 1.1 reading level so suddenly 12 or higher.

It has alot to do with physical development. I would let him be outside as much as he wanted right now, especially since you just pulled him, he needs to "de-program" but he's also at an age where sitting still is hard, he has plenty of time to learn everything he needs to know to be a responsible adult.

Seeking~Clarity · 10-27-2003, 07:56 AM

I too homeschool.

Here is a thought too. Many of the people in our Homeschool group who had to pull their kid from school went thru a *downtime* from any school at all. My daughter for the longest time thought learning only occured at a desk.

I would suggest taking it easy and not jump right into anything. Give him time.

As far as his reading....I wouldn't worry....really. Boys are late bloomers anyways.

Good luck.....he will show you the path!!! Just sit back and enjoy the journey.

bigmomma · 10-27-2003, 09:54 AM

I really loved everyone's suggestions. My oldest ds is only 3.5 y/o so take anything I say with a grain of salt, please!

I have heard "Handwriting without Tears" is a good program for reluctant writers.

What about comic books in addition to other books? He may find a series that he likes and then will want to keep up with what is happening in each issue. We have the Captain Underpants series that was given to us. It's pretty funny. Perhaps once he is interested in something he will make more of an effort to read.

Mamax4 · 10-27-2003, 10:27 AM

I have one of those 'reclutant readers' and I am trying *trying* not to stress. He is 9 and is a good reader, but doesn't adore books.

We go to the library, we read to him, we have books and mags everywhere. I just drop them near where he might be. He just read an edited version of '20,000 Leagues Under The Sea" with his Dad. His Dad would read one chapter, and then he would read a couple. They kept taking turns, and dh says our son read 80% of it. That was real progress for our family.

Just keep doing all that you are doing. I worry, but try to plug away without voicing too much dissapointment. My son will read frequently to his little sister- so that is something wonderful. He will also read Captain Underpants.

I know where you are coming from. My child also had a rocky start health-wise and is thriving today. When I think about it, on my darkest days of his infancy, I would have danced and thanked the universe if I could have seen into the future to now.

Wow. I feel so much better. So he doesn't read tons yet? He's healthy and well and happy.

Thanks for letting me get that all out. lol

Laurie

PS I am also a former teacher. There's my problem right there.

Charity · 10-27-2003, 10:44 AM

What about using a reward system for books read? We have a chart that we put stickers on each time a book is read, and for every so many books read (I use 10 since my kids are little), we give a reward (can be money, toy, treat, video game or movie rental, anything!). That's got my kids so excited about the reward that they are reading daily without me having to nag them. It's made reading a pleasurable thing, and created a win-win situation.

I've also created games that involve reading just to get them to do it. Like treasure hunts. You can make the clues as long or as short as you want, and as complicated or as simple as you want. That way they practice reading with each clue and then get a reward when the treasure hunt is done.

We made home-ade mailboxes for each child in our family and keep them in their rooms. Mom and Dad can leave notes letters, treasure hunt clues and more in there. You can have a relative send him mail and put it in his mailbox to read. You can also make a mailbox/comment card box for Mom and Dad and have him leave you notes in there which you can encourage him to write. If he thinks you're being unfair about something, maybe he can write it down and put it in your mailbox. Or if he has an idea for a family outing, or something to do, he could write down his ideas, and submit it to the mailbox/comment card box.

I also have a ds who hates writing. So far, I have him write his spelling words each day, and encourage him to write letters to relatives every so often. He has a penpal he writes to every so often and sends stickers to. That friend sends stickers back, so it's a nice reward to his writing. I haven't forced anything else yet, but may increase it as he gets used to doing what he's doing.

Rach · 10-27-2003, 11:41 PM

Also a former teacher, Montessori.
What I saw was that most kids can read by the time they are six, and some read later. What I experienced at my school was that it was unacceptable to not be reading on entrance to the first grade. It was a Blue Ribbon school. I have three kids in mind. One girl did not read well until she started second grade, and then she outstripped her classmates. Another girl was labeled with dyslexia which magically disappeared when she left our school at the onset of third grade. One boy read well but couldn't communicate with a pencil. This one haunts me as I know I did him a disservice with my lack of knowledge.
So, now I have a 3.5 year old who won't color or do any pre-writing stuff, and every teacher nerve ending sizzles with concern. However, he has dexterity beyond his years, and he'll get there. That's my mantra.
Can you back off? I don't know if I could in your situation. Can you do other pencil/pen activities that are not writing? Spirograph, drawing, coloring, cartooning, there must be millions. As for reading, I like the game suggestion. Most games an 8 year old would enjoy would require at least a little reading and often math. And, there is always the score keeping.