amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Kristin · 09-22-2003, 05:41 PM

Anyone have the answer to this?

I am seriously considering buying a personal safety course to teach to my children. I can't remember the name of it I will look again after dinner and see if I can find it.

Any tips or word of wisdom?

I was looking as some statistics last night and before I read them was thinking that I was home-free with my 13 year old since she is so big. She is taller than me so she is woman-height. I was thinking that the majority of the missing teenagers were runaways and that just isn't so. She is more at risk now than she was as a younger child.

UGH.

Kristin

freedomlover · 09-22-2003, 05:58 PM

to develop skills in being assertive of ones' safety, to handle people who try to outmuscle you and so on.

The best advice I can think of is to tell your kids to not talk to people who they don't know or know well when they are alone and vulnerable.......to not let people they don't know within grabbing reach while they are by themselves, to learn to scream uninhibitedly, to learn to grab onto things like trees and poles and bikes and wrap themselves around them if cornered and scream. To run various scenarios with them to talk out things to do.

It is such a crazy thing to teach these things yet try to make the kids confident in other people's basic humanity. A few bad apples can spoil it all....grrrrrrr

I don't have any real wisdom....but am always walking the line of having healthy, happy kids who are also savvy.

willowsmama · 09-22-2003, 07:36 PM

The personal safety course might be a good idea. I second the confidence and the assertiveness it would proolly help build.

But I think alot of safety comes down to common sense and instinct. If a situation feels 'funny' or something seems off- get out ASAP! If your kids understand/ believe that, it'll go a long way.

Vanity Fair · 09-22-2003, 07:55 PM

LOL, I am not sure I could...that's why I have TWO! LOL

Erin

beanzz · 09-23-2003, 04:17 PM

Protecting The Gift by Gavin DeBecker.

I think that I spelled his name right.

Anyway it is the one book I think everyone with children should have.
I found it once at one of those dollar stores and bought every copy they had. I gave it to everyone I know with children.

~*~Seeking*Simplicity~*~ · 09-23-2003, 04:37 PM

I think the self defense class is a good idea. I tried to sign my kids up for one near our home, but my 13 yr old (also womanly sized! She is almost as tall as me wears a size 10 shoe & weighs more than I did when i got PG with her!) didnt like the teachers,etc... I used to be against martial arts because i believe in non-violence - but I do think that knowing you can defend yourself is a huge confidence booster & I think that people who prey upon others can sense when they come across someone they can victimize easily. I want my children to be confident & have a fighting chance - I wont always be able to protect them!

Its so much easier when they are small &you dont have to let them out of your site! Letting go is *so* hard! Especially,I think, with girls..... so much worry!!!!

(((HUGS)))

Blessings,
Anne-Marie

TipToe Fairy · 09-23-2003, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by beanzz
Protecting The Gift by Gavin DeBecker.

I think that I spelled his name right.

Anyway it is the one book I think everyone with children should have.
I found it once at one of those dollar stores and bought every copy they had. I gave it to everyone I know with children.

Ooo yes, I was thinking of this book and his other one "the gift" too. I heard him in an interview and it really made me realize how important it is to listen to my intuition. He was speaking about animals and how they use their instincts, when they are frightened, but we are taught it's bad manners and rude. It really made me more vigilant in staying safe and keeping dd safe.

Nutmeg · 09-23-2003, 04:58 PM

Here's my feelings, take it for what it's worth (LOL!!)

To make our girls become strong independent women, I think that anything that builds character and confidence in themselves is wonderful!! Many vicitms are chosen because the look and act vulnerable. This is why they are victimized more than once. The predator knows the signs to look for.

When I took a self defense class in college, we learned:
--to use foul language (shout it actually) in other's faces. Attackers often use bad language to scare women as we aren't supposed to like those words and are often rendered helpless when they are used.
--that you have five weapons--your hands, legs and teeth. Use them with vigor. They can't hold on to all of your weapons at once. The teeth can bite and rip anything near them. The hands can twist and pull and tear. You get the point.
--never ever ever get in the car. Once you go with them they have far too much control.
--scream 'call 911' rather than 'help' because people often play and yell 'help'.
--trade your fear for anger (this is KEY) How would you feel if someone attacked you? What would you do? Then think, how would you feel if your baby was attacked? You should have the same level of anger and violence for someone that wants to hurt you as would hurt your child or loved one. Love yourself enough to be pissed that someone would try to hurt you.

I have worked on these with Emily, as well as using common sense. (not staying out alone after dark, not being alone with a boy or man, etc. It's not fair but it's common sense if you want to be safe in this day and age)

Kristin · 09-23-2003, 05:30 PM

Wow! What great information! Thank you all. I am so glad that I posted this here. I was hoping for these varied answers and information.

It made me feel better about this particular subject, too. I am going to get that course that we can all do together and perhaps read that book by Gavin DeBecker. I have heard of him and I, too, saw him on a talk show before. He had a very scary childhood.

Thanks again!

kristin

MonsterBabyMama · 09-23-2003, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nutmeg
Here's my feelings, take it for what it's worth (LOL!!)

To make our girls become strong independent women, I think that anything that builds character and confidence in themselves is wonderful!! Many vicitms are chosen because the look and act vulnerable. This is why they are victimized more than once. The predator knows the signs to look for.

I agree a lot with what is said here. After reading several books on abuse, I learned that victims are usually chosen because of their body language, appearance, or being an "outsider" without confidence and needing a "friend."

I do think that as mothers, we can encourage our children to become more confident if they are not naturally. I was a very shy child, and my parents always said, "She's shy." That label stuck with me until high school when I finally broke out of that mold and started to become what I really am! I'm quiet, but I'm not shy!!

Unfortunately, with the struggles my kids have been through, they are acting very unsure of themselves lately, and I am just trying to reinforce their worth and trust in me as their mom...that I will always love them and believe in them. It makes me so sad to see them in such turmoil...and I worry all the time about their safety...

Does anyone know of a good book for kids to read that will help them to understand better what to do if they are in danger? My kids are very aware of the dangers, but it is hard to express to them how they should behave...I think they worry about getting in trouble and stuff if they defend themselves...even against bullies at school.