Because a few of you asked on another thread, I thought I'd make a new one on how to get started in adoption. I'd love for other adoptive parents to add their input as well. I only know my experiences and those of my personal friends.
When I first started the process, it seemed so overwhelming. I started a local support group that has been invaluable. I enourage you to look for one or to start one. Some of my best friends have come from that group. I consider them family.
1) Research. Read books, search the web, ask friends. Some websites are
http://www.fosterparents.com/ ,
http://www.adoption.com/ , and
http://www.fertilethoughts.com/. All of these have message boards that are a wealth of information and there are others out there too. Try to find out what type of adoption you want. International vs. Domestic. Private vs. State. Age, race, special needs. All of this is what you will want to consider before searching for an agency. Once you narrow down a specific "type" of adoption you are open to, then you will be able to find specific yahoo groups that focus in this area and you can begin your search for an agency.
2) Find an agency. Something I can't stress enough is to RESEARCH your agency. We naively signed up with the first agency that called us. Although I am obviously glad we did (beacuse of Melody) it is not the path I would take now. There are many many different agencies. You may check in your state, but you can use any agency, not just a local one. Some deal with private adoptions only, some international and some both. There are also agencies specific to certain religions, meaning they are more limited on who is accepted into their program. Ask for references and call them. I personally wouldn't consider a letter a reference. I would want to actually talk on the phone to an adoptive parent (or 2 or 5) that had used them before. You do NOT have to go through an agency. You can get a private homestudy done and then try to adopt through word of mouth or through a lawyer. This may take more time but is usually considerably less expensive.
3) Get a homestudy done. If you go through an agency, they will do your homestudy most likely, unless you are in a different state. Then you will need to find someone in your own state to do your study - a licensed social worker. A state (dhs) homestudy is generally free and will allow you to adopt not only any child waiting in foster care in your state, but any other state as well. State adoptions are financially free, not not always mentally and emotionally.
But there are numerous children in foster care waiting for homes. A homestudy is a process which you go through to be approved. It varies from agency to agency but most likely you will have 2 or so home visits. They interview you and your husband and children that are old enough to understand. They want to know your reasons for adopting, your family interests, your childhood, your means of discipline, all about your marriage, etc. Basically everything.
They'll check your home to make sure it is safe and they will have specific things they are looking for (you can ask about this beforehand). For example, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, water hazards, enough exits, etc. You'll also need income verification, tax statements, birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce licenses, a physical for each member of your family, a background check, references, and a life book (scrapbook detailing your family).
4) Wait and prepare. If you are going through an agency you will be waiting on them to "match" you with a particular birthmother or waiting child. If you do not go through an agency, you will need to network. I've seen it happen and it can work. But you have to get the word out to
everyone that you are wanting to adopt. If you plan to nurse, you can use this time to prepare.
I am sure I am leaving a ton out so ask any questions you want and feel free to fill in what I have left out. I do not know much about international adoption, but there are plenty of moms on this board that have done it and I am sure would love to share.
Cost - I have a friend who has adopted 5 times, each adoption costing $500.
I also have friends that have spent $30,000 to adopt. And as I have said before state adoptions are free. Finances are not fun to talk about related to adopting a child, but it is a reality. There are grants available, loans, etc., and a tax credit that allows you to get back $10,000 of what you have spent adopting.
Adoption: How to Get Started
It's not true of all agencies though. And my friend I spoke of has been told by many agencies she may not be picked, but she has on several occasions (others of hers were harder to place foster children). #16 was her first full AA child BTW. She has two other biracial children, as well as a few caucasian and hispanic children.
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