amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

MommyTo4 · 05-23-2005, 06:56 PM

Home equity loan.

Lisamomof5 · 05-23-2005, 06:57 PM

We've adopted from India 3 times. I'm still not quite sure how we came up with the money, although India tends to be one of the least expensive international adoptions, at least when we were involved with it. We really scrimped and saved and did without a lot, but it was certainly worth it.

We have friends who are adopting from China and they've done things like having a big yard sale - we donated some baked goods to that one. A friend of theirs spearheaded it and we got a letter from them telling various ways we could help. I didn't feel pressured to do it at all and was glad to help in a small way.

My cloth diaper business really helped pay for Lauryn's adoption, but it was well-established when we started her adoption.

Something I would suggest is to think about adopting a waiting child. There are so many waiting children out there who need good homes. Our second agency, WACAP, greatly reduced the fees for our son Reid, because he was a waiting child. He was waiting because he was a small and very ill baby at birth. They were not sure if he would live, so he wasn't available for adoption until he was a little older - and still we brought him home at 17 months. Basically he was waiting because he was a little older and a boy.

I've seen suggestions for saving money on agency websites, if you look around you should be able to find some of those lists. Good luck to you! Adopting is quite an adventure. It has been wonderful for our family.

grisandole · 05-23-2005, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChasingChe

Yes, we've looked into adopting domestically (and from the foster system) and we aren't eligible for a healthy child, nor one under the age of 6. While we know and understand the need for adoptions in situations like this, we feel that because of our family size, it would not be in the child's nor the family's best interest to take on a special needs older child at this time. It's sad - and it was a very difficult (prayer-led) decision, but it just isn't something we are able to do right now. (And the state will not allow us to take on a severely disabled child because we already have four children in the home, so they limited us as well). But, were we aware of the need earlier in our family-building, we certainly would have adopted from the foster system years ago.

eta: I also checked into some part time jobs, but because DH travels extensively and at the drop of a dime (and our lack of a support network at home for child care) I'm not able to commit to a regular schedule. <sigh>

I'm just curious, and you can pm me if the info is too personal, but why aren't you eligible to adopt through the state? IME, it is much, much harder to adopt overseas, the homestudy is WAY more intensive than domestic ones, and overall the different countries have much more strict requirements......In the US, family size is not an issue when adopting through the state.....and while it is challenging to find kids under six, it can happen, it's a myth that only older and/or medically fragile kids are free for adoption. Also, if you want a healthy biracial newborn, it only costs about 9K......and I can give you the name of a wonderful agency.

Good luck,
Kristi

Sandi · 05-23-2005, 07:05 PM

thanks so much for all the advice

Would you mind elaborating on the letter you received? How was it worded? What information was given and how was the request for help presented? I keep telling DH that this is just a really great way to inform our community (friends, family, church, and employers) about our intentions and let them decide, but I think he's afraid to look like we're begging or something.

Home equity is the way my aunt and uncle paid for theirs - unfortunately, we just bought our first home this past July, so not much there

I *do* like the babysitting idea. I just read an adoption site where someone suggested having a "parents night out" type deal with a movie and snack and maybe even dinner. She said they made a good amount of money on that one.

Sandi · 05-23-2005, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grisandole

I'm just curious, and you can pm me if the info is too personal, but why aren't you eligible to adopt through the state? IME, it is much, much harder to adopt overseas, the homestudy is WAY more intensive than domestic ones, and overall the different countries have much more strict requirements......In the US, family size is not an issue when adopting through the state.....and while it is challenging to find kids under six, it can happen, it's a myth that only older and/or medically fragile kids are free for adoption. Also, if you want a healthy biracial newborn, it only costs about 9K......and I can give you the name of a wonderful agency.
Good luck,
Kristi

No problem at all!! I put it out there

I would have NO problem with a healthy biracial newborn AT ALL. I'd embrace the opportunity in a heartbeat (as would DH).

When we contacted our local agency they were quite harsh with me. They emailed me back and said that because we have four children in the home, we are not eligible to adopt a healthy child - and that the only waiting children they had right now were over 8 and severely disabled or older sibling groups, which they said would be "an issue" since we have older children (I took it to mean that it would be an issue for them, although it would be an issue for us as well).

hana · 05-23-2005, 09:08 PM

I know this isn't the point of your post, so feel free to ignore me.

We adopted newborn (well, not anymore, now she's four; she was three days old when we picked her up) Annaliese through Adoption-Link in Oak Park, Illinois. Their website is adoptionlinkillinois.com.
They work with adoptive families throughout the country, though you'd have to travel to pick up your baby. I believe that almost all of the fee and the homestudy (done in your home state) would probably be covered by the tax credit. (So loans would work fine.)

This agency only places African-American and biracial children, almost all of whom are newborns.

I cannot imagine you would not "qualify" with them. When we adopted, my partner did the adoption (openly as a woman in a two-mom house, but she adopted as a single mom), when she was over the age of 50, with five children (only one still at home) and on a single income. The owner herself has a large family, mostly through adoption.

Just wanted to put that out there. We were VERY happy with our experience, and I'd be glad to answer any questions.

Hana

djmdj · 05-23-2005, 09:30 PM

Wait, your agency turned you down for a bi-racial child? Are you serious?

There are literally babies waiting for placement because they are something other than white.

Do you want a baby baby? Because in every country I've ever heard of, older children (pretty much over age 2) have much lower - much! - fees than babies. And siblign groups - with very young children - are even easier to get.

FWIW, our international situation was considerably stricter than domestic in that we could not have more than one child (in some instances no children), we had to have been married more than three year. We had to be over 25 but less than 45. We had to have so many papers all of which had to be notorized locally and by the STATE: physicals, psychologicals, bank statements (a year of all the deposits and debits from our accounts), fingerprinting, clearance by INTERPOL, references (personal and professional), pastoral references, extensive homestudies, proof of financial stability, etc.

I don't understand your agency. I don't know who they are, but if they were "harsh" with you NOW, in the beginning - well, I would run in the opposite direction. You have to have the support of your agency because they are the only link you have to your child and the government where your child is.

I cannot say enough wonderful things about my agency, Villa Hope in Birmingham, AL. They placed children all over the country. You can search for them on the web. They were so incredibly helpful every step of the way. They were patient with our calls and questions and did their best to answer them in a timely manner.

VH is actively seeking a family for a sibling group of kids 12, 8 and 3 from Guatamala. From Peru, you can adopt two children who are unrelated at the same time. In fact, on their front page, they report that a family is in Guatamala to adopt a child only to find that he has a brother. They are trying to raise funds for the family so that they can adopt the brother too. THAT is the kind of agency you need!

I want your adoption experience to be wonderful for you, but something seems wrong with the response you are getting. Of course, I haven't spoken to them myself, so maybe I don't understand.

Los Ninos has a page about funding: http://www.losninos.org/funds.php

This site is even better - very creative ideas! Geez, I might just do some of this and get another baby myself! http://precious.org/adoption-financing.htm

Here is a beautiful family waiting: http://www.adopt.org/waitingchildren/index.html

Finally this site has tons and tons of info: http://precious.org/.

They have over 900 waiting children.

Bleh - you can tell I am passionate about adoption. It is not impossible. It's hard - harder than birth in may ways (I have a birth child too). But please, pick a good, caring agency.

Finally, remember, in many countries, special needs can be very minor such as cleft lip, large birthmarks, etc.

LazyLukesSlings · 05-23-2005, 09:34 PM

Quote:

A book (I have written this, it's an adoption book with a story about animals who adopt - I intended it to be cross-culture so that it would apply to many different adoptive families). I just don't know how to go about printing it and then distributing/selling it.

Check out www.lulu.com for the printing. I'm not sure about the distributing/selling, but I assume advertising it on forums like this one is a start.

Charity · 05-23-2005, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChasingChe

No problem at all!! I put it out there

I would have NO problem with a healthy biracial newborn AT ALL. I'd embrace the opportunity in a heartbeat (as would DH).

When we contacted our local agency they were quite harsh with me. They emailed me back and said that because we have four children in the home, we are not eligible to adopt a healthy child - and that the only waiting children they had right now were over 8 and severely disabled or older sibling groups, which they said would be "an issue" since we have older children (I took it to mean that it would be an issue for them, although it would be an issue for us as well).

We went looking into adoption years back, and were told the same thing by our local adoption agency. But when we looked into things further, if we were willing to foster first (through the state; all homestudy fees covered), with the intent to adopt, we would have the chance to adopt a newborn, toddler, or whatever child came into our custody and went up for adoption. Apparently the foster parents are given first chance to adopt, and usually do. Which is why they told you that there were only older kids available for immediate adoption. The younger ones are usually adopted by their foster parents or by other foster parents that have made their intent to adopt known. So by fostering first, you may have a wonderful chance to have a newborn or toddler. Friends of ours through church, had been fostering a 1 yr old, and then the baby's 2 siblings also went into foster care (a 3 and 5 yr old). They are now fostering those 3 kids and are in the process of adopting them all. These kids were soooo wonderful. It was really inspiring.

lassie · 05-24-2005, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djmdj

Wait, your agency turned you down for a bi-racial child? Are you serious?

There are literally babies waiting for placement because they are something other than white.

Do you want a baby baby? Because in every country I've ever heard of, older children (pretty much over age 2) have much lower - much! - fees than babies. And siblign groups - with very young children - are even easier to get.

FWIW, our international situation was considerably stricter than domestic in that we could not have more than one child (in some instances no children), we had to have been married more than three year. We had to be over 25 but less than 45. We had to have so many papers all of which had to be notorized locally and by the STATE: physicals, psychologicals, bank statements (a year of all the deposits and debits from our accounts), fingerprinting, clearance by INTERPOL, references (personal and professional), pastoral references, extensive homestudies, proof of financial stability, etc.

I don't understand your agency. I don't know who they are, but if they were "harsh" with you NOW, in the beginning - well, I would run in the opposite direction. You have to have the support of your agency because they are the only link you have to your child and the government where your child is.

I cannot say enough wonderful things about my agency, Villa Hope in Birmingham, AL. They placed children all over the country. You can search for them on the web. They were so incredibly helpful every step of the way. They were patient with our calls and questions and did their best to answer them in a timely manner.

VH is actively seeking a family for a sibling group of kids 12, 8 and 3 from Guatamala. From Peru, you can adopt two children who are unrelated at the same time. In fact, on their front page, they report that a family is in Guatamala to adopt a child only to find that he has a brother. They are trying to raise funds for the family so that they can adopt the brother too. THAT is the kind of agency you need!

I want your adoption experience to be wonderful for you, but something seems wrong with the response you are getting. Of course, I haven't spoken to them myself, so maybe I don't understand.

Los Ninos has a page about funding: http://www.losninos.org/funds.php

This site is even better - very creative ideas! Geez, I might just do some of this and get another baby myself! http://precious.org/adoption-financing.htm

Here is a beautiful family waiting: http://www.adopt.org/waitingchildren/index.html

Finally this site has tons and tons of info: http://precious.org/.

They have over 900 waiting children.

Bleh - you can tell I am passionate about adoption. It is not impossible. It's hard - harder than birth in may ways (I have a birth child too). But please, pick a good, caring agency.

Finally, remember, in many countries, special needs can be very minor such as cleft lip, large birthmarks, etc.

I think the OP was saying she wants to do a domestic adoption. In her reply I think she was referring to the STATE agency, which I can totally understand. Our state DHS is awful about giving you "the speech" - they are only willing to accept families that are open to caucasian sibling groups ages ten and over, severe special needs, and families that are open to African-American children two and older (I have no idea what they think happens to the kids NOT of those two races, and under the ages specified). Anyway, I have many friends waiting in our state system for kids. They are open to different things. One is open to black children with sever special needs. Been waiting forever. No one answers her calls, etc. She just picked TODAY though (yippee) from ANOTHEr state for twin black toddler boys

and they were very premature and have special needs. Another friend is open to a sibling group of up to five kids. Nothing. It is amazing. ANother friend wants a child around the age of ten. They told her it'd be 6 months before they got to her homestudy (she's finished classes already). Geez, irritates the fire outta me. Meanwhile we have over 450 kids sitting there waiting to be adopted. UGH Sorry, went on a rant. BUt anyway, OP, that is their "canned" speech. If you truly think you may possibly want to go the route of adopting thru the state, it jsut simply isn't true that only special needs older kids are available for adoption. True, most of the younger kids get adopted by foster families, but there are foster families that can't or won't adopt. The kids have to go somewhere and they need homes too. Some states are much easier to work with. Ours just happen to be especially bad. Also, I echo what Denise says about your agency. Pick a good one. Call BBB. Check message boards for experiences. Call references. I wish I had. Ours (I'm talking private now not state) treated us and bmoms awful. One of my friends called one of their references and she actually told her not to use that agency! Now they only accept letters of referral or you could bet I would be letting people call me!

Denise - I am wondering if we could start placing notices on the foster/adopt board of kids waiting for homes? I have 6 friends I can think of waiting on kids - all open to things other than just lily white newborns.

.

OP - I was gonna suggest babysitting in your home as well. Also what about a fundraiser such as a Pampered Chef cookbook sale or something easy like that? I personally am not comfortable with a lot of fund raising for our family, but have friends that are. Two families are going in together and having a silent auction for donated things. They also have had a couple of garage sales with donated stuff. At the garage sale, they also had a jar for donations. Like I said, it is out of my comfort zone, but I have no problem with others doing it! Also, are you aware of the tax credit? Someone suggested a loan which is in effect what we did, only it came from my dad. He loaned us the money and we'll be able to pay it off fully next year when our tax money comes back.

Biracial adoptions, IME, run around $17,000 (although someone listed an agency that has lower fees). Full African-American adoptions have even lower fees (sad but true). Are you possibly a card-carrying Native American?

Adoption can be a long hard road but so very worth it!

Sandi · 05-24-2005, 10:08 AM

Heading out for a couple days on a business trip (tagging along with DH)

but I wanted to send out a heartfelt thanks for all your information and advice.

Yes, you're absolutely right - it was the state agency that I spoke with that was awful to me. (I know, big shock)

We're not 100% committed to an agency yet because we're waiting to meet (in person) two different attornies who have agencies that are local. But, both specialize in Guatemalan adoptions.

My DH is UBER-paranoid about a domestic adoption, though. Apparently when his brother was adopted there were some relinquishing issues with birthmom and it has kind of scarred him.

We also chose Guatemala because a very close relative adopted from there three years ago and she was expressing her concern for her son not having any bonds with children locally who "look the same" - she said at his age (4) they begin to notice cultural differences and DH mentioned this when we were researching countries - how special it would be for our potential son to have a Guatemalan "big brother" of sorts.

Keep up the great info!!!

(Or, at very least the conversation - I love hearing about all the experiences and info)

djmdj · 05-24-2005, 11:05 AM

Call Villa Hope.

Please!

www.villahope.org

Their guatemala program is one of the BEST!!!

They are a fabulous agency. You will get a baby. They will walk you through the process. Their fees are reasonable/cheaper than other agencies. I cannot say enough wonderful things about them. As far as I am concerned, they are without blemish. And our adoption was in 1993, so it's been a while.

Just give them a chance. Also, they began their adoption journey as medical missionaries to Latin America. They still work within each country for the betterment of the children and families there instead of just exporting their children. We sent over 1000 lbs of supplies for the orphanages when we went to Bolivia. They are in adoption for the children, not for the profit. They truly care.

Here is their Guatemala info:

VILLA HOPE is re-opening a direct Guatemala Program!

We are actively recruiting families, especially those with a completed dossier. Please contact VILLA HOPE for more information on this program.

205.870.7359 or 1.866.261.7359

Guatemala

We have a sibling group of three that need a home. The ages are 12, 8, & 3. If you are interested please contact us!

Children available through the Guatemala Program include infants, toddlers, and older children. Special needs children are also available. Children are frequently assigned as newborns and stay in small, private foster homes until the parents arrive.

Couples between the ages of 25 – 55 may adopt. Unmarried (heterosexual) or legally divorced singles are also accepted.

The wait for assignment of a child is approximately 0 – 2 months after the dossier is sent to Guatemala. After the assignment of the child, the family may travel in approximately 3 to 6 months. One or both parents may travel to Guatemala for 3 business days. If the family chooses not to travel, the child may be escorted to the United States. Any pre-adoptive requirements of your state must be met for this program.

Children are frequently assigned as newborns and stay in small, private foster homes until the parents arrive.

.
VILLA HOPE WILL PREPARE YOUR DOSSIER FOR YOU!

E-mail: villahope@villahope.org

Phone: 205.870.7359 or 866.261.7359

MommyTo4 · 05-24-2005, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChasingChe

We also chose Guatemala because a very close relative adopted from there three years ago and she was expressing her concern for her son not having any bonds with children locally who "look the same" - she said at his age (4) they begin to notice cultural differences and DH mentioned this when we were researching countries - how special it would be for our potential son to have a Guatemalan "big brother" of sorts.

There are some good books out there written by adoptive parents that may give her insight into some of the special issues she will face when raising a child who was born into a different culture. My aunt actually wrote a book about her experience adopting 2 children from Korea and it has received pretty good reviews. IMO, she did a fabulous job in raising these 2 girls in America while still helping them retain their ties to their Korean heritage. PM me if you want the title of the book.

OnTheBrink · 05-24-2005, 12:53 PM

Do you have a degree or education in a specific field?

Could you be a substitute teacher? In our district, you'd get an automated call in the morning. You press "1" if you accept the job for the day and "2" if you do not. That way, it would work with your husband's unplanned traveling.

It sounds like that fundraiser you worked on for a friend was a great success! Why not get someone else to officially organize one for you if it makes your husband uncomfortable for you to do it for yourselves. Then, you could do the behind the scenes work.

Taking out a loan could be a good thing, especially if you know that you'll have the money to pay it back from the tax credit. If you can't get a loan yourself, maybe a family member would help you?

Babysitting in your home

Teaching a class at Gymboree or something (where you could take the kids)

A friend of a friend did the big cooking thing as a second job for herself. Basically, she prepared enough for maybe 10 families or something (I don't know the specifics). She bought all the stuff at Sams' or something. She divided it all up - ready to freeze. People would pay her and get good, home cooked meals. Does this make any sense at all?

Sandi · 05-27-2005, 12:48 PM

These are all such wonderful ideas. Thank you for all the resources and information you've provided thus far.

DH is submitting the request to add adoption benefits to his HR person this week (hopefully!) or next. If they are willing to add it, it would be a total life saver. However, if not, we'll be putting some type of saving/fund raising efforts into motion.
If anyone has additional information on fundraisers, please let me know!

Thank you!