Don't like this woman-insensitive comment on adoption
I met this mama ONCE and within 5 minutes of meeting her she told me that her teen was having behavioral problems. They went to juvenile court twice, etc. He 7 year old biological DD added "She's ADOPTED. She's crazy." The mama said "Yeah, she's adopted" and rolls her eyes, then goes on lamenting how horrible the teen is. (Can we say "maybe it's not just your teenage DD?") I really disliked the way she set a part her DD, kind of like "Yeah she's really screwed up, but she's adopted, so it's no reflection on me, she's not really a part of my family." That way of thinking really irks me, kwim?
Anway, this mama is a chaperone for a field trip that's 2 and a half hours away. I say, my DD is NOT going. Am I blowing this out of proportion? My DD would be with this woman for 5 hours. I just dislike people who think that way....
__________________
My boys
Amy, abuser of quotation marks and parentheses,
Mama to five sprites
Is your daughter adopted? You don't have to answer that but I wanted to know since you stated you didn't want your DD with her for 5 hours.
Personally, either way I think the woman is a nut. My husband is adopted and got insensitive comments like that from within his family. It makes it really hard and he has some negative attitudes toward certain members still.
And, if your DD is adopted and I were you I would have seriously smacked her silly but then again I am so hormonal right now it isn't funny!
i have a son who's adopted and depending on who i'm talking to and what the situation is, i do refer to him as adopted. he'll be 19 in july and i just turned 31, so that's the main reason i do b/c i've gotten comments in the past about me being 12 when i had a baby. it would make ds and i both uncomfortable so we talked about it and we both decided it was ok for us to 'admit' it, kwim? we didn't get him until he was 14, so that makes a difference to him; he still remembers his bio family, although, he only has contact with his siblings (and chose that himself).
It sounds like this woman is in a different position though...and to let her bio DD say such things about her adopted DD is just wrong and so disrespectful! My DD has no idea DS is adopted (although we'll talk to her about it at some point) but she thinks he hung the moon. lol
Some people do not realize what they are saying or how their actions/words affect their kids.
My uncle and aunt adopted 3 kids about 10 years ago. They had a really bad experience. If someone were to ask my family about adoption everyone would tell you what a bad idea it would be. This is based on the only adoption experience they know, so one cannot completly fault them. Regardless it is insensitive.
In my uncles situation the kids were state adoption between the ages of 6 and 12. The state reported as they are legally bound that these kids had not experienced anything negitive in their lives under state care. Unfortunatly this was untrue (full story was given by the state once the eldest turned 18), needless to say caught unaware they had many serious out of the ordinary issues with their kids.
This ontop of the fact that my uncle and aunt were not exactly the most nuturing people not skilled in the art of child care and not really lovey huggy types. The parents did not know that the kids seriously needed therapy. Their situation got seriously out of control.
Everyone in my opinon should take a little blame, but my uncles, aunts, mom, grandmother all see that the issues laid blame on the kids alone.
My uncles and aunts and mother and grandmother were raised by nannys in a time when kids were about status and not about nurturing. Their veiws on what is expected of kids and the roles kids play are not right and unfortunatly the result of the only thing any one taught them about parenting. We only know what we were taught by our own parents about how to be parents.
Special needs kids are hard... special needs kids when one doesnt know what the kids need is harder... being a parent unprepared makes raising a kid with special needs unknowingly is an impossible to do well task.
On the other hand I have seen some really happy well adjusted adoptions and familys and happy people so I know that more then just one story exists and that some... many have happy endings.
When in the middle of negitive drama it is hard to imagine a happy outcome for others.
Wow I wonder why people bother to adopt if they don't want to treat the adopted children like their own..I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion at all. I wouldn't like my child to be around the negativity of this women. No wonder the poor teen is acting up if this is the way her adopted familly thinks about her.
__________________ Michelle - Loving wife to Benjamin, mother to my two beautiful sons: Arthur, born september 22, 2004 and Henri, born july 10, 2006!! And my sweet baby girl Jeanne born december 10, 2007.
"Wow I wonder why people bother to adopt if they don't want to treat the adopted children like their own..I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion at all. I wouldn't like my child to be around the negativity of this women. No wonder the poor teen is acting up if this is the way her adopted familly thinks about her." Quote ( i dont know how to do the quote thing is message so i do it this way lol)
I feel sorry for that whole family.....for the adopted teen who is made to feel different, for the idiotic mother, and for the little girl who is being taught all the wrong things...
My DD is adopted (and its obvious since we are all caucasian and she is Chinese) and I would NEVER say negative things about her and say its b/c she is adopted! Now don't get me wrong, there are days she drives me crazy, but thats b/c she is soooo MY daughter and acts just like me lol
I dont know what to say about your DD going on a trip with her....if she doesnt want to miss the trip, maybe use the opportunity to discuss things with her ?
Susan
(who forgot her previous user name....d'oh!)
Gee, we have our rough days in our family, so being adopted has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a child's behavior. I do not think you are overreacting at all and most likely would have said something more to this insensitive woman about her misplaced remark. How about if we put the shoe on the other foot and say, "Oh well, she is an adopted parent, how can we expect her to behave otherwise".
Susan B., if you can think of some of the threads you have posted in, you might be able to get your old name.
__________________
My 1st son and my 1st granddaughter -
It takes a real daddy to wear a baby girl blanket.
Michelle - Loving wife to Benjamin, mother to my two beautiful sons: Arthur, born september 22, 2004 and Henri, born july 10, 2006!! And my sweet baby girl Jeanne born december 10, 2007. 
Linear Mode
