I haven't been around in awhile, so I'm sure you don't know me. But I have an inkling of what you're going through. We're also pursuing an international adoption right now, and suddenly have to switch countries midstream. We have been waiting to adopt a specific little boy from Haiti, but it appears that due to some changes in the country's social services administration, our family won't be able to adopt from Haiti at all. We are now pursuing adopting from our "back-up" country of Ethiopia, but the whole thing is a mess. I just can't get past the feeling that we are abandoning that little boy.
Losing a child while still in the process of adoption is terribly frustrating and heart-breaking. Although the child may not have been placed with your family, your grief is real.
I sincerely hope that everything will work out with the facilitator, that you get your $ and dossier back so that you can move on and provide a family for a child who is in desperate need of one.
__________________
Ann, mama of Avery (8.5) Ben (8) Noelle (6.5) Lindsey (5) Myspace
We have adopted twice (international and stateside) but I'm not sure what a facilitator is.
I'm so sorry for the ups and downs...I remember that very well. We had one infant that we were sure were would be getting fall through at the last minute and I understand your heart-sorrow. Then we had a child placed with us and had to send him back after a few months.
My heart goes out so much to you while you ride the ups and downs of the "adoption rollercoaster".
I'm just so so sorry for the continual letdowns. Keep faith that eventually, YOUR CHILD....the one destined to be yours, will find his/her way into your life, heart, and family.
I wish I had more to offer to help ease the stress during this waiting time.
Why not adopt from within the US? There are thousands of children in foster and group homes that need loving families. If you adopt through the state, your expenses will come out to less than a couple hundred dollars.
This is true. Our international adoption was expensive but our stateside adoption was hardly any cost at all. Beyond the money, the international adoption had so many frustrations and the stateside adoption had very little in the area of unexpected delays and frustrations.
When I compare and contrast the two experiences, our stateside adoption was must easier, faster, less expensive, and waaaay less stressful.
Our son (international) was 11 months by the time I finally flew to Mexico. Our daughter (stateside) was just a few hours old when I held her for the first time and I took her home directly from the hospital.
I understand it is totally personal about where to adopt...just thought I'd comment on Logans comment and share a bit of our own experiences.
Hana, thanks so much for that info; we are exploring private domestic adoption as well, and that agency seems great. I know that other agencies charge the same rate for African American babies, but way more for "white" babies, and that always creeps me out.
__________________ Back of every creation, supporting it like an arch, is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing: it comes and goes. But if one believes, then miracles occur. ~Henry Miller
{{{{{Sandra}}}}} I am so sorry. Adoption can be so difficult!
Listen, it is your choice, a personal one, where you decide to adopt your baby (or child) from. IME, my friends who have adopted internationally have had an easier time than those of us who have adopted domestically. So it greatly varies.i don't think you can look at it and say... international is easier or vice versa. There are so many variables including country, agency, luck or fate, and state laws and policies.
If you truly are interested in adopted an AA or biracial baby, please PM me. I am with an adoption support group and we hear of babies being born or close to being born all the time, especially black baby boys. One of my friends has adopted ten children, and two others have adopted three. They have a lot of experience between them and I soak it all up. I'd like to know your budget and keep you in mind when I hear of something.
Also, as far as adopting thru the state, some states are MUCH easier than others. Our state has tons and tons of adoptive parents waiting and over 400 children also waiting. It is like pulling teeth to get anyone matched. Soooo many freaking problems with our state system. But it is true that if you are willing to foster, you will have an easier time adopting thru the state. But I know that age is a factor unfortunately. I find that very sad when there are so many "older" (by the states definition) willing and ready to adopt.
Oh, I also wanted to ask if you are sure your facilitator is not a scammer? I don't know much about international facilitators, but I do know there have been a lot of domestic facilitators cracked down on lately for taking money and "running".
Yesterday on one of my lists I saw that there are some young sibling groups ready for adoption, fees waived. How old is Marianna again?
Adria, our family was a family of three, so I am not certain. I would imagine not with our agency. I would NEVER recommend them to anyone though. I don't think they would care about anything except the money iykwim. They were less than honest and horrible to work with. I have a friend with 15 total children. She's adopted mostly thru state systems but she would know of agencies that work well with large families. Would you mind PM'ing me and letting me know what you are interested in (if you are asking for yourself )?
No, with Adoption-Link, family size is NOT an issue. I know of a family with seven or eight children who adopted through them. Actually, Rose has five older children and they didn't say anything at all except in our homestudy when they asked about them all. You might not get chosen by birthparents who want their child to be an only child or "top priority" or whatever, but you would move up the waiting list with everyone else.
By the way, I hope I didn't in any way indicate that I think domestic is better/more important than international. We are lesbians (either not accepted or not well accepted by many countries), Rose was well over 50, we had limited funds (although in retrospect, any amount would have been fine if it had brought us our sweet children!), it was the journey that felt best for us.
I find that very sad when there are so many "older" (by the states definition) willing and ready to adopt.
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