amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

3Gs4Me · 09-13-2004, 07:13 AM

We have been dealing with making calls to CPS for some time now in regards to the welfare of dh's 3 nephews. It is looking like things may be coming to a head this week and that the kids could possibly be removed. We are the best candidates as far as family is concerned for taking these little guys in and I have a few questions. I am aware that laws may vary from state to state but I would just like some general info or for you to share your experience.

Have any of you been licensed for foster care even though you don't vacc. your children and was this an issue?

What are the benefits to being licensed over just taking the kids in. Dh knows someone who works for the FIA in their foster dept. and he said there are definite advantages.

If you were to get subsidies for a child when you are fostering and then adopt, do you still continue to get any aid? I am wondering this because adding an extra 3 kids plus the babe we have due will put undue strain on dh's teachers salary and there is no way I would go back to work with 6 kids to care for.

Has anyone ever taken in kids when they have had little ones or a new baby. My kids are 2 1/2, 4 1/2, and baby is due in 6 1/2 weeks and my nephews are 3,5, and 7.

Has anyone taken in children in the ages above with significant abuse and neglect issues and with moderate behavior difficulties and seen a significant turn around in the child?

If we did get funds for fostering the children, would I be able to allocate some of that towards paying for a mommies helper?

I think I will need to continue with vaccing of these children as a foster parent but do I have the right to do one vacc. at a time and space them out a bit as long as they get them on schedule?

I am sure I will have more questions but this is what comes off the top of my head.

Breila · 09-13-2004, 08:54 AM

I can't help you with most of the legalities, but DH's cousin recently adopted through the foster system and I do know that they lost all of the aid once the adoption was final, at least I know they lost WIC for the baby and the daycare subsidy.

The two children they adopted came from an abusive home with serious drug problems. J was 7, M was 9mths. I know they have made great strides with J, she is really turning around, but they had a long road. J had never been to school, and clearly had not been schooled at home, so they had to start her in K. M was developmentally behind but caught up for the most part within the first 9 months or so.

My friend from college was one of five adopted special needs children. Several, including herself, had come from abusive homes. Of the four surviving, two grew into happy healthy adults, one ended up in prison, and I understand her sister has chosen a path no one would wish for.

Best of luck, you are doing a wonderful thing. I have a cousin that I would take in in a heartbeat, but apparently the situation is not bad enough to warrant her removal from the home. In a way, I kind of hope is does end up there, only because I would rather see her raised happy and healthy than spend her childhood so close to the edge as she does now.

mommy2maya · 09-13-2004, 09:08 AM

At 3,5 & 7 they *should* have all of their vaccinations, and only need boosters now in the future. In pennsylvania, as a family member I don't believe you need to be licensed, of course that can be different in another state. Good luck! Oh, another thing, as far as behavioural problems, and effects of neglect & abuse, these children should be eligible for therapy, though I would imagine you have to be proactive & pushy to make sure they get it! Also, the 3yo should get WIC, and they should all get medicaid. I believe for the subsidy, you will be able to spend it as you see fit for the children. Also, you might be able to get childcare vouchers, or reimbursement. I would guess you can use that to pay for a mother's helper.

Suzie · 09-13-2004, 09:31 AM

Wow, BobbiJo, you and you dh are wonderful people to even consider taking in three additional children. I pray that God will bless your socks off. You are such a blessing to so many people.

I have no experience in this area but I just wanted to tell you I think you rock.

lamade · 09-13-2004, 10:04 AM

Have any of you been licensed for foster care even though you don't vacc. your children and was this an issue?

We were required to show proof that our children were vaccinated. Since our children were vax'ed it was not an issue to us and I didn't ask how stringent they were, but the form was one of the required paperwork prior to getting our license and it has to be updated every 2 years.

What are the benefits to being licensed over just taking the kids in. Dh knows someone who works for the FIA in their foster dept. and he said there are definite advantages.

I am not sure how it is in your state, but there is 'family assistance' for family members who take in children (instead of foster parents). I am not sure how the financial assistance compares to the board payment you would receive as a foster parent. You need to ask the child services department about this.

If you were to get subsidies for a child when you are fostering and then adopt, do you still continue to get any aid?

No, once you adopt, they are your children. Financial assistance is for foster children only.

My kids are 2 1/2, 4 1/2, and baby is due in 6 1/2 weeks and my nephews are 3,5, and 7.

whoops...I deleted part of this question, but I think it was about how I handled having additional children. Alot depends on your personal demeanor. When we were first licensed, two brothers (2 & 4 yrs) came to live with us. My DD was 12 and my DS was 4). It was very difficult the first month. You need to think long and hard about taking this on. It will not be easy, especially if there are extinuating circumstances with prior neglect.

If we did get funds for fostering the children, would I be able to allocate some of that towards paying for a mommies helper?

You can use it however you see fit. I use part of the board payment to pay for Mother's Day Out for Des. Some people get additional assistance for things like this. I never ask for more assistance than my board payment though.

I think I will need to continue with vaccing of these children as a foster parent but do I have the right to do one vacc. at a time and space them out a bit as long as they get them on schedule?

It is really up to the social worker. Some are more strict than others and some are more flexible than others.

3Gs4Me · 09-13-2004, 10:15 AM

If services are available, you bet your butt we would push for them. Dh is a special ed teacher and I am currently not working but until last year worked as a child development specialist. We are hoping with our positions we will also be able to get into the system better for the benefit of the boys.

I am not sure if it is still practiced in Michigan but we knew a woman a few years ago who adopted twins and she still kept her subsidy and medicare until the children's 18th birthday. All of the financial resp. keep running through my head. I know that if these kids come to us it will be filthy with inadequate clothing. We also will need a larger vehicle since our two cars will only fit 3 passengers each. There are also bunkbeds and dressers that would need to be bought (hopefully we can find these used).

herc · 09-13-2004, 10:48 AM

hey Bobbi Jo--
no real experience, but a few comments.
The lady with twins--- were they considered hard to adopt, or special needs, or damaged in any way (from premature birth, etc?) I know that in some situations they recieve federal subsidies-- here is a link I think-- http://encyclopedia.adoption.com/ent...gram/19/1.html

because this is a sibling group they MAY qualify (I dont know much abt the legalities of special needs adoption).

Also, I think there are rules on how many kids you can have per room, so this might be an issue in your house too?? I know you can't have mixed sex kids in the same room, but am not sure of the number of children allowed in each bedroom.

Anyway, hth a little-- time to go try not to puke again, lol
heather

lassie · 09-13-2004, 11:13 AM

Have any of you been licensed for foster care even though you don't vacc. your children and was this an issue?

We had to show proof of vaccinations, but I don't know the loophooles if you don't vax.

What are the benefits to being licensed over just taking the kids in. Dh knows someone who works for the FIA in their foster dept. and he said there are definite advantages.

Gosh, I am not sure. Call and ask DHS about kinship care.

If you were to get subsidies for a child when you are fostering and then adopt, do you still continue to get any aid?

It totally depends on the state. I know that in our state you would have a hard time getting assistance. But it also depends on the kids and their situations and whether they are considered "special needs" etc.

My kids are 2 1/2, 4 1/2, and baby is due in 6 1/2 weeks and my nephews are 3,5, and 7.

Has anyone taken in children in the ages above with significant abuse and neglect issues and with moderate behavior difficulties and seen a significant turn around in the child?

Yes and yes, but not without cost to my own family. We haave a 3 year old daughter and in the spring we took in an almost two year old boy. PRECIOUS little guy. But he'd been neglected and although it wasn't documented, I *know* he was abused as well. It was very hard for my daughter. She has done well, VERy well, with all our foster children, but he was the hardest for her because he was the closest in age and had the most issues. He would tear things out of our walls, throw over chairs, bang his head on the wall and floor, etc. He did get better after about a month (which isn't very long) but he still was very difficult to deal with. I think he was denied food because he wanted to gorge himself all the time (or maybe it was just psychological). Even after he ate he would try to rip into child-proofed cabinets (and succeeded at times). He would rip open boxes of crackers, etc. He broke a refrigerator lock and would rip intot he refrigerator and open yogurt after yogurt. And he was SO fast. He could do all this with you following right behind him. He also was stronger than any child I have seen his age. Anyway, back to my point. He did do okay after awhile. Then we took in two more boys, ages 6 and 13, and things fell apart. I'd never been so exhausted in my life. Dylan regressed. He started biting my daughter and the 6 year old. He would scratch them, push them, etc. It was really awful. It was a constant circus around here and not the fun kind. Whitley LOVED Dylan, but it was very hard on her. She started biting the 6 year old as well. She started scratching both kids. Taking them in the car anywhere was hideous. First of all Dylan could get out of *any* car seat. So I would have to constanly stop and put himn back in. We tried three different seats. The 6 year old was int he middle and both kids (mine and Dylan) would scratch him. My daughter was obviously stressed. Those last ew weeks of having Dylan in our home was the hardest time we've had fostering. It was a nightmare. I am just sharing this with you because it is what we have experienced. We've felt defensive when people would suggest that we were wrong for taking in children when our dd is so young. We honestly have not regretted any of it, but it was hard. Very hard. Dylan was by far the hardest. I just never expected such a young child to have so many issues already. And it did rub off on my dd. It took a few weeks for her to wind down after he left, but she has returned back to normal lol. She just said the other day out of the blue... "Dylan is very nice boy! He BITE me on the arm!" She said it so lovingly like biting was his way of showing his affection. rofl It broke my heart though. Because we did subject her to that. But honestly I think she grew from the experience. i know we did. Anyway, this is the longest answer ever.

If we did get funds for fostering the children, would I be able to allocate some of that towards paying for a mommies helper?

Yep!

I think I will need to continue with vaccing of these children as a foster parent but do I have the right to do one vacc. at a time and space them out a bit as long as they get them on schedule?

I am not sure. I think it would totally depend. [/b][/quote]

Oh and HERC is right. There are limitations on kinds and rooms. Can't remember how many kids you can have per room. But each needs their own bed 9after a certain age) and all kids need a certain amount of s.f. for themselves. They have to be sleeping in an actual bedroom too with a window and door. And, I do think in some states siblings groups of three or more may qualify for adoption subsidies. Check out fosterparents.com. There are links at the top for info. for each state. The people on the message boards also are very informative. There are people on those boards from all walks - lawyers, social workers, etc. Surely they can better answer some of these questions for your state.

Phoenix~Rose · 09-13-2004, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gabegavin
We have been dealing with making calls to CPS for some time now in regards to the welfare of dh's 3 nephews. It is looking like things may be coming to a head this week and that the kids could possibly be removed. We are the best candidates as far as family is concerned for taking these little guys in and I have a few questions. I am aware that laws may vary from state to state but I would just like some general info or for you to share your experience.

Have any of you been licensed for foster care even though you don't vacc. your children and was this an issue?

~*I have been licensed without vaxing, this is in CA. I showed my personal belief waiver*~

What are the benefits to being licensed over just taking the kids in. Dh knows someone who works for the FIA in their foster dept. and he said there are definite advantages.

If you were to get subsidies for a child when you are fostering and then adopt, do you still continue to get any aid?

~~Well, here in CA, yes you do still get aid. It is called Adoption Assistance Payments, better known as AAP. This is for special needs kis, but a sibling group is considered special needs, so is older kids. I will get AAP for Sarah when she gets adopted.~~

I am wondering this because adding an extra 3 kids plus the babe we have due will put undue strain on dh's teachers salary and there is no way I would go back to work with 6 kids to care for.

Has anyone ever taken in kids when they have had little ones or a new baby. My kids are 2 1/2, 4 1/2, and baby is due in 6 1/2 weeks and my nephews are 3,5, and 7.

~*Yes. It will be hard but it can be done. Noah was 2 when Sarah and Michael came*~

Has anyone taken in children in the ages above with significant abuse and neglect issues and with moderate behavior difficulties and seen a significant turn around in the child?

~*Absolutely. e-mail me at calidutchtreat@yahoo.com if you need help. I am a therapeutic foster mom.~*

If we did get funds for fostering the children, would I be able to allocate some of that towards paying for a mommies helper?

~*The funds you get for the kids are for the care of the kids. A mommy's helper or respite provider would fall in that category, it helps you care for the kids and maintain the placement.~*

I think I will need to continue with vaccing of these children as a foster parent but do I have the right to do one vacc. at a time and space them out a bit as long as they get them on schedule?

*~Techically this may be an issue, but an understanding caseworker may allow it~*

I am sure I will have more questions but this is what comes off the top of my head.

I tried to work the answers in , kinda hard to read and I am sorry

Phoenix~Rose · 09-13-2004, 11:55 AM

I just wanted to add that there are lots of foster care rules and all, but that when it comes to placing kids with family who is willing and able, a lot of those rules can be bent. Like th ebedroom rule, sometimes , if the room is large enough, they will allow it. One of the times I had Sarah (second placement) we were not even licensed anymore, and she is not biological family, and yet they allowed her to stay under kinship.

I totally upset birth order and it was hard, but had some benefits as well. My oldest was relieved to now have an older sibling when Sarah came along. So there are times it can work. But the key is...LOTS of respite. I cannot say that enough. Ask DSS for a foster family who will take the kids for a weekend every month, so you guys can get a break. That act alone would have saved Michael's placement.

3Gs4Me · 09-13-2004, 12:52 PM

In our state each child must have 40 sq. ft of bedroom space and children over 5 cannot be in a room with an opposite sex child. The three are all boys and so are our two so that isn't an issue. If we used the nursery as a room and counted the boys room then we can be licensed for all the kids since our baby can legally be in our room for a year. If it went on longer than that we would have to consider putting an egress window in the basement and turn my sewing room into another bedroom.

I don't know if the birth order thing would be an issue or not. All the boys are somewhat developmentally delayed and malnourished and even the 7 yr. old is smaller than my oldest. I am not sure how sign. the behavior problems would be. The oldest two are wonderful when they are with our family and love the consistency we offer but that could also change drastically when put in our care full time. The youngest has the most sever behavioral issues and he also has some medical issues so I think dealing with those would be the greatest difficulty.

I just got a call from the grandma grilling me in regards to whether we turned the situation in. It appears that the CPS worker has already made contact with the people that my husband mentioned to him. I am pretty pleased with their rsponse time since dh only called a few hours ago and didn't have alot of the specifics he needed such as what school they attend, specific address, etc....

The CPS worker did state though that if the kids are removed they would put the kids in temporary care until they could do a home visit of all viable family members so even if they are removed and we were to get them it wouldn't be immediate.

It is driving me nuts not knowing what is going on right now but I guess I just need to sit tight and pray.

Thanks again mamas.

maryalene · 09-14-2004, 11:04 AM

I don't have any personal experience with adoption (as you know, of course

), but it's something I've thought about a lot. Here's a couple links you might find helpful:

www.mare.org

This site includes information on MI laws and they have free workshops for prospective adoptive parents. It's my understanding that if a child is classified as "special needs," you get a subsidy and Medicaid for the children after adoption until they reach 18. This website also has a lot of good information:

http://www.olderchildadoption.com/

There is a link on the left hand side column for discussion forums. The issues and challenges forum includes a lot of good discussions about birth order and helping children heal from abuse and neglect. Good luck!