amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

joyfuljourneys · 08-17-2004, 08:32 PM

So we have been praying, and go back and forth on adoption...so we just aren't totally ready to commit yet..though I have this longing for someone ...you guys here are probably the only others who will understand what I mean by that..

So has anyone done infant fostering? I know our old neighbors did,,and they loved it (and adopted one special needs boy). As I was doing an infant physical on the baby I helped deliver last night, I started to wonder if I might be really well suited to help take care of little little ones until their mama is back on her feet, or a long term placement is made. I started to call the ss office today, but thought I should talk to my DH first..I am considerate that way! LOL!

So a couple of questions I have that some of you may know are:

Is there respite care or daycare available for foster homes? I have 1-3 births a month, and may need a sitter occasionally..

Does the baby need a separate room ,or can we plan to keep the baby in a pan-n-play in our room? (which is my preference,,second to co-sleeping but I won't displace my toddler for that..)

Any tips on giving all of your heart to a baby you know will be leaving you soon? That is probably my biggest worry, the heartache that may happen..

Thanks for being here you guys..

momufactured · 08-17-2004, 09:52 PM

YMMV and could be different in another state, but here:

<<Is there respite care or daycare available for foster homes? I have 1-3 births a month, and may need a sitter occasionally..>>

Yes. Respite as well as daycare if necessary.

<<Does the baby need a separate room ,or can we plan to keep the baby in a pan-n-play in our room? (which is my preference,,second to co-sleeping but I won't displace my toddler for that..)>>

No they don't need their own room. They can sleep in a pack-n-play in your room. Some states say it HAS to be a permanent crib and/or bassinette for young baby. They'd probably frown on co-sleeping anyway

<<Any tips on giving all of your heart to a baby you know will be leaving you soon? That is probably my biggest worry, the heartache that may happen..>>

If you can't give all your love and heart and unconditionally love that baby for the time you have them, you'll not make it. But, if you can, you could be the one bright spot in that baby's life that makes a difference in their attachment pattern and sets them up for success rather than failure. Read up on attachment theory. Interesting stuff as it has to do with brain development in an infant.

joyfuljourneys · 08-17-2004, 11:18 PM

Thanks for the reply,,,one more question,,

cloth diapers?

momufactured · 08-18-2004, 12:20 AM

Not a problem here. You get a $1.34 a day diaper allowance for chlidren under the age of three. You can use that for sposies or cloth, they don't care. I could see that if they were getting to the point they were going on home visits to be returned to whomever that you'd need to put them in a sposie when you sent them or you wouldn't probably get your cloth back!

geekmama · 08-18-2004, 08:41 PM

I've fostered 6 babies. A number went home to their parents. One who went home was kept in the same daycare I put him in when I had him so I still see him and his mom just about every day. She's doing great and even invited me to her recent baby shower (she's having twins). Two of the babies are on their way to being adopted by me. I got them at 7 months and 6 days old. They are now 3 1/4 and 2 1/2 respectively and may not be adopted for another year.

It's been a very hard route and quite frustrating, but I've LOVED the babies. I used cloth diapers and got daycare when I needed it. The system is really horrible to deal with here in MA. I would love to continue fostering after adopting my two, but my agency is so against me for complicated reasons that I can't.

I find it's a little hard to be able to mind read what the system wants you to say and do and that's where I ran into problems, saying and doing the wrong things.

I would, though, foster babies again if I had the free time and an agency who would be more supportive.

Aileen

grisandole · 08-20-2004, 06:37 PM

Hi! I haven't had a baby yet, but hope to eventually. You can have babies in your bedroom. In our state (AZ) respite and day care is provided and paid for by the state. You can use cloth diapers

Here, co-sleeping isn't allowed, so we will have any babies in a co-sleeper or a crib next to our bed.

It can be heartbreaking to be a fosterparent, and very frustrating, but also very rewarding.

To get a taste of it, you can check out this fourm, lots of the mothers there have babies, and you can post and ask about more info regarding your particular state. http://www.fosterparents.com/phpBB2/index.php Most are pretty mainstream, but not all

Kristi

grlgalileo · 08-25-2004, 10:19 PM

I've fostered five newborns in the last three years and I agree that it's hard but really rewarding. It looks like you've gotten all of your questions answered... but I just wanted to add that deciding to foster was the hardest/best decision that I ever made. My first placement was actually a foster/adopt placement and so we thought we would be done for several years and go to grad school and just have her. HEr name was Megan and she lived for eleven short but amazing weeks... she made me a mother and it would be impossible to explain how much I still love and miss her. Somehow through her loss I decided that in her honor we would keep going and take care of more children. My new philosophy was that some would stay and some would go and it would all happen as it was meant to... but I still prayed that that I would get a baby I could keep. Shortly after that we were called to take my son whose adoption is almost complete now (he turned two in June but we've known that he was ourse for a long long time). Then we took care of two babies whose mothers were in prison and who did an amazing job of turning their lives around, we still talk to them and they still call us their children's other mothers... and then almost exactly a year after our daughter died we were called to take our daughter... and for now we've decided our family is complete. So, I guess what I'm saying is, if you're willing to just love without worrying about what the future will hold... fostering is a great way to build a family.
Jen