amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

mamakven · 04-24-2009, 01:28 AM

i am 24 weeks, pregnant with twins and having a HECK of a time with my new doctor!!! a little background, i've had 5 babies, 4 naturally, 3 at home, and this is really hard to deal with!! anyway, i've cut and pasted an email to my local mama group here, so i don't have to type it all out again.... thanks for any feedback!! OH, one thing, i'm a lot overweight and my dr. doesn't seem to like fat people much.. think that might be a part of the whole scenario, and explains the weight loss/diet issue...

Ok all... dh suggested i post here and ask you all your opinions, since at least 2 of you are doulas and most are interested in birth in general... anyway, i just finished bawling my eyes out to andy, and here's why. This pregnancy has been a shock in so many ways. I just really expected ONE baby. And i don't mean that in a unappreciative way... i know that one pregnancy and 2 babies is really a pretty good deal in a LOT of ways. But i am in a situation now that i feel totally powerless and trapped. Dawn (my midwife) recommended i stay with the doctor that i'm with, and said she'd utilize him if she was having twins herself which made me feel better for a while, and the nurse that i spend most of the appt time with is AMAZING, she really takes as much time as i need to explain stuff to me and she's a sincerely nice person, but there is SO much i have to just DEAL with that i never had before, and the question is, is it truly necessary because they are twins, and that changes everything THAT much or is it excessive and medical-ish, exactly what i've worked so hard to avoid in the FIRST place.

So ok, here's my objections 1. the choice of vaginal vs. Csec isn't mine anymore- it all depends on the doctor, and they SAY as long as A is vertex, not breech or transverse, then vaginal delivery is a go. Well, who knows what might change that in the end and be an "emergency" My biggest concern about THAT is that the babies are big. they are measuring 94th and 95th percentiles, and about a week larger than "scheduled" (huuuuuuuge eye roll) now, they are UNIFORMLY big, just like LEIF was uniformly big! THat's how my babies WORK! They aren't diabetic babies with huge heads and bellies, they are just plain proportonately big becuause they come from solid scandinavian stock, PERIOD. anyway, andy said after my appointment, "i give you till 35 weeks before he insists on inducing you" and it really has been weiging on me all week. Becuase i think he's right. I think the babies will be big, and if i don't go into preterm labor, he will insist on inducing me ridiculously early.

2. This GD diet i'm on SUCKS!!!! it completely BITES!! i HATE IT! i have little room in my stomach ANYWAY! its not like i'm overeating! i've LOST 20 lbs and granted i gained 7 last week, but that easily could have been water retention, increase in blood volume, growth spurt for babies, etc. Believe me i KNOW when i'm not eating appropriately and its NOT now. well, kinda becuase this stupid diet, which was prompted becuase my 1 hour test score was 139, exactly the same as when i had leif, which when i had leif was just fine but apparently 3 years later, is NOT fine. so now i'm finger pricking 4 times a day and trying to keep my blood sugar under 120 and about 1/3 of the time last week it was a little over, so since my last appointment, i've been following their stupid diet, as much as i can, because i'm not exactly cooking right now, and all but eliminating fruit and my beloved jamba juice... sigh... not allowed to have juice at all, can have fruit but only one serving at a time, several times a day, and the problem with that is, I OFTEN load up on one thing at a time, then i make my daily allowance of it and don't have to worry about it! but i can't do that with this stupid diet. i have to have exactly the right servings exactly at certain times. ANd all this because my blood sugar is borderline high, and i have big babies. Well DUH i have big babies!?!? its not like it takes 7 of them to figure that out?!? uggggg!!!!!

3. and i think the biggest issue is the complete lack of control of my body. All these "necessary" tests and interventions are just making me INSANE! For example, last time, i had to get a vaginal ultrasound to make sure my cervix was long, Ok, so i reluctantly agreed to that. Well i get in there, and he's like, we might as well do your pap too! and i'm like, no, we were just going to do that AFTER the babies were born, and he was like well we're here now, so fine, we were going to do that then. and we might as well do the fibronectin test also, and just throw the swab away if your cervix is long. ANd the thing is, i have ISSUES with strange men digging around in my BUSINESS. Like long term from childhood issues, So he started putting the speculum in, and of course i'm NOT relaxed but made a serious effort there. and he couldn't find my cervix and just digged and digged and it HURT and i was like "ouch" inch a lot and doing my best NOT to cry. Andy was right there holding my hand which was awesome, but still... and the drs like, "come on! this is how you got pregnant, remember? ANd i wanted to SCREAM "NO, i DIDN'T get pregnant by some JERK sticking a cold metal object up me!" but i didn't. so finally he discovered my cervix is up more toward the front and he couldn't reach it at all cancelled the pap and just did the internal US which determined my cervix was long, and just fine. So i am supposed to do the fibronectin thing at 28 weeks, and he reassured me that he had a longer speculum (!!!!!! Yeah, that made me feel SOOOO much better!) ANd i'm just wondering if i REALLY have to deal with feeling raped every month!

I mean i GET that the most important thing is the babies, and i GET that twins changes so much and i have a high risk pregnancy now, but this all together, is HARD to take. and i'm wondering if i really have to. Any feedback? i know i could probably find a midwife that could do twins, but i'm not entirely sure i'm comfortable with the safety of that... espeally since there's a GOOD chance at least one of them will be breach. i mean, at least this way i KNOW what to expect?! ugg.... another thing is i could just outright refuse any vaginal anything, right? except GBS i think is required, right? Anyway, if anyone has any feedback, i'd sure appreciate it...

Rebecca

tikva18 · 04-24-2009, 01:57 AM

Oh, Rebecca, huge hugs to you. First off my key betwee_ the letter b ad m sudde_ly is_'t workig. Sorry.

Is there a_other dr. that you would feel more comfortable with? perhaps a woma_? I'm sorry he's _ot bei_g more respectful. That really sti_ks.

I do_'t k_ow why you would have to have a pap do_e i_ the middle of your preg_a_cy - that seems odd to me. I also do_'t k_ow why you'd have to have repeated i_ter_al exams.

Do you k_ow if your twi_s share a sac or place_ta? that makes a differe_ce i_ the level of care.

I ca_'t speak about gestatio_al diabetes because I have_'t bee_ i_ that positio before - but at least you k_ow there's a_ e_d i_ sight.

U_less you fi_d a hospital/dr. tht supports more _atural births, you are probably i_ for a disappoi_tme_t. Fi_d out what they will allow for you. I fought for vagi_al delivery, I agreed to get a_ epidural i_ case of a_ emerge_cy c-sectio_ (although I _ever got the epidural a_d had the twi_s _aturally).

Ask arou_d, see who goes where for twi_ births. There is a yahoogroup for multiples that is good... I'll have to dig up a li_k for you - or maybe a_other amitymama will do that. Also, mdc has a good muliples forum that gets way more views tha_ this o_e.

I was i_duced at 35 wks 5d because the ultrasou_d showed that twi_ A was _o lo_ger growi_g. I was devastated. Be prepared that early delivery may cause issues with _ursi_g - a_d be ready to push for it i_ the hospital.

Good luck! a_d feel free to pm me. A_d I'm so sorry that my _ key is_'t worki_g. Clearly this is the work of o_e of my twi_s . It had better be fixable.

Mysticmama · 04-24-2009, 02:18 AM

I would find a different Dr. The whole vag ultrasound turned pap thing w/o your consent sounds very bad not to mention the diet. Is your midwife a homebirth one? I'm not sure about your state but can she attend twin births? Why bother going to the OB? I don't really think of twins as high risk. You probably know but if you go to www.blueribbonbaby.org it tells you what you should eat while pregnant and what to eat w/ twins. Nutrition is key. I had my first twin at home unassisted (4th HBAC, 2nd UC). My second twin didn't seem to want to come out so I went to the hospital 19 hours after the first one was born and 20.5 hours after the first birth had a c-section. I am/was not happy with that completely, but I went to 38w2d and I did at least have my first baby home where I wanted her born.

mamakven · 04-24-2009, 02:30 AM

THanks guys!! i'm going to be shopping around.

A few answers...

NO, they do NOT share a sac or placenta, they are probably fraternal, though they could possibly be identical, both boys.

and i'm in WA, and i had to stop seeing my homebirth midwife because she doesn't do twins at all.

tikva18 · 04-24-2009, 10:34 AM

So, already that puts you at lower risk.

hematite · 04-24-2009, 12:19 PM

Wow mama, you sound rightfully stressed out! First off, you have the legal right to refuse any and all medical interventions. However, it would be best for you to research the "whys" of these interventions so you feel certain about what and why you are refusing. You sound very educated in most of these matters though. It makes me so sad/angry/frustrated as a midwife that pregnant women are treated in the manner you described! I am also not quite clear why they wanted to put a speculum in you to do a vaginal ultrasound (unless they wanted a fetal fibronectin)?

You might want to contact the midwives at The Farm in Tennesee and see if they know of any midwives near you that catch homebirthed twins...

I am so sorry you are so stressed, from your post, you sound like you are a very healthy mama who happens to be carrying two babies.
Hugs Mama,
misty

~*~Seeking*Simplicity~*~ · 05-02-2009, 09:17 PM

Congratulations! Dh is jealous - he really thought we were going to get #6 & #7 in one shot! LOL

Adria had a twin homebirth - if you can find her birth story it is very inspiring (she was even overdue! her twins were over 8 pds each!!! LOL)

~Bethany~ · 05-11-2009, 07:36 PM

You know, I just really HATE it when health care providers make references to "this is how you got pregnant" or "this is what happens/you deserve/you asked for 9 months ago" when they have their hand/instrument/whatever in your body or you are having contractions and you let them know you are uncomfortable. I mean, seriously. WTH is that about??

mamakven · 05-11-2009, 07:45 PM

AGREED!! i mean WHAT kind of person would say that?! i know that the analytical, brainy, doctor type tend to be insensitive and blunt, i GET the personality thing but GEEZ!! One in civilized society ought to try to control oneself, just in a really basic way!! ugg.

mum21andtwins · 06-02-2009, 05:33 AM

HIya,

First of hugs!
Noone should do anything against your will for that reason alone I would find someone else. if he cnnot respect your decision now what about when you go into labour.

I had twins 1 placenta 2 sacs at home. I had a uc. twin 1 was down normal twin 2 was in the caul and but first.
I had a horrible time with ds1 and decided that this for me an the babies was the safest way to birth.
I do think that from the moment they realise there are 2 babies an alarm goes of somewhere in medicland and they pul out a long list of what ifs and just in cases. Sure sometimes these iterventions are neccesary but.....

I know of several mums on MDC who hb/uc twins they have their birthstories on the site

Good luck!

Chickapea · 06-02-2009, 08:51 AM

I did not have twins, BUT he should NOT be doing anything to you that you do not agree with. When you said NO, that should have been it. I am fuming for you!

I would see if you can find a midwife that delivers in the hospital. They are more medwives generally (though mine were AWESOME), but should be able to deliver twins in the hospital AND should be more natural and laid back than most doctors.

I had no vaginal exams in my pregnany until the end when I requested it, I refused anything that I didn't want or wasn't comfortable with and they didn't even bat an eye.

If nothing else, I would definitely look around for a different doctor. He already isn't listening to you and I can totally see him pushing you in to things that you do not want during labor and birth and would bet dollars to donuts that he gets you in for a c-section, warranted or not. Labor is when you are most vunerable and possibly not as able to stand up for yourself. He's already proven that he doesn't respect your right to say no or respect you. PLEASE change providers ASAP. He sounds scary to me.

mamakven · 06-02-2009, 12:12 PM

Thanks! yeah, i did opt to switch doctors, and upon asking around locally kept getting the same name over and over again, so i made an appointment with her and have my first appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping it goes well, and hoping i can still get ultrasounds! its been about a month now and i'm totally jonesing for a peek at these guys!!

tikva18 · 06-02-2009, 01:40 PM

please update us

- I'm thinking of you.