EFT for MamaEFT often works where nothing else does! Welcome to a discussion of Emotional Freedom Techniques - a highly effective and easy-to-learn self-help energetic tool. EFT can be used for any emotional or physical issue, often with immediate relief. This forum is moderated by an EFT practitioner and is a place to discuss how to apply EFT to improve our and our family's health.
when one of your oldest friends decides to dump you.
We have been friends since we roomed together first semester Freshman year of college. We lived together all through school. She is one of those friends who I have been through everything with. My husband and I are even godparents to her children.
When I moved to NZ, she was pretty mad at me, although she would never say that. The funny thing was she rarely made physical time for our relationship, but when we spoke and got together it was always good, supportive and fun.
She miscarried recently and called me for support. I did support her, but when she asked for advice, I prefaced it with, "this is what I would do, not what I am suggesting you do...and if you don't do it my way I will not judge you or think any differently of you, i promise. I know most people would not do things my way, anyway as I take the medical route as the last option"
In any case, something that I said to her *really* upset her and hurt her feelings. I am not quite sure what it is, but now she 'needs her 'space' and needs to rethink our relationship. Maybe because she took the medical route, she thinks I would judge her or think less of her? But we don't have any evidence of that in our relationship..I have so many friends with different belief systems and lifestyles than mine...I dunno, I am guessing.
I try really hard to be compassionate. I know for whatever reason she is hurting and I apologized for anything I said that might cause her pain, but apparently 'our frames of mind' are so different that she can't relate to me anymore. What the hell??? I don't get a moment in my life to be human or different?
I guess we grew apart? I don't get it because when we talk it is always good, and not superficial in the least.
I hate this, it is just like my mother and my brother..the whole 'conditional love' thing. I can't say I am totally surprised, as I have watched her relationships over the years, but I never expected her to do this with our relationship.
it is our 20 year anniversary of our friendship this September. She is like a sister to me...
Just too much grief for me today. I am so thankful for EFT. I might even be thankful to my friend for acting this way as it brings up huge issues with me and my mom that I need to work on. But right now I just want to send her an email to tell her how hurt I am. I won't. When I first read her email this morning All I wanted to write back was 'f*ck you'. not compassionate or helpful~eh? I don't feel that way right now, now I just feel sad.
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" I choose to be a pioneer of the future and release being a prisoner of the past" Deepak Chopra
I'm so sorry Linda. Maybe she is just hurting so badly that she's not thinking things through.
I've had this type of thing happen twice. I don't understand it or even what I did. It hurt me both times though and both times it was with long time friends. I thought we had solid relationships but I guess not. The first was when my best friend had a stillbirth. She must have told her family untruths b/c I saw her mother after that and she mentioned it having to do with something totally different. The second time was a male friend who I had been friends with since I was about 16. His wife had a baby on the same day I had my dd and they named her something similiar. He called the day after I gave birth (his wife had a c-section and I had a long, rough birth) and couldn't understand why I was so tired and out of it. I literally couldn't stand up and was so weak I dropped a vase that was gifted to us when I tried to move it. I was weak for days. He was abrupt with me after just a few minutes and never contacted me again.
Why I'm typing all of that out I don't know. It just seems to me that in these situations some people really change. Or are so distraught/off kilter that they don't realize what they're doing or who they're hurting.
I'm sorry. I hope you are able to resolve it. Real friendships are hard to come by.
I agree with Morgansma - her grief, hormones and general physical dis-ease might be playing tricks on her. And then when she "comes to" she might feel guilty about it yet not wanting to admit it, even to herself.
And just like you two, I have a friend who has miscaried recently. And after that I felt the distance between us. She is in another state though, but may be she wante me to be there for her an I was not. (Not suggesting that it is your case Linda at all, just sharing my not totally, but different experience)
You think giving it time might help?
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Irina,
Mom to Matt 08/87 Valerie 07/00
Thanks to both of you. I am unsure how to proceed, you know? Give her space, check in with her..I have no idea. In her mind I made some mistake that she finds egregious, so I am wary of trying anything else.
I do know she is grieving... time might help.
All I can do is wish her love and light..but still, do I just let go and leave it up to her, or does that make it seem like I don't care or I am angry? I dunno.
eh, I just sent her an email; I guess as time passes if I don't hear form her, I'll send her a postcard saying hello..and just do that over time. If she never calls or writes, then so be it.
Well, I am confused. Are you telling me “don’t call me, I’ll call you”? Our relationship is all over unless *you* make a move to talk about stuff? Basically that is how I am taking what you wrote, but since you wrote it in email, I guess I should ask for clarification. That said, you don’t need to clarify if you don’t want to. I guess it is all too painful. I’ll miss you, though. I love my life with you in it…different frames of mind or not. I’ll leave it up to you to contact me again if you want to have a relationship.
Again, I am sorry for anything I might have said to hurt you.
I am sorry for your loss.
Love and light to you,
i'm so sorry linda. my old college roomate and i drifted apart after i got pg w/ scout and we moved here. (not that we lived close by -- she was in orlando and i was in mississippi - it was the reason for our move rather than the physical move). it's very sad. i've had 2 "best friends" in my life and have lost both of them. no wonder i feel so sad and lonely these days....
(sorry, didn't mean to hijack...)
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Life at its best...Game Day in Auburn, Alabama...Go War Eagle!
I have also experienced a similar situation with a dear friend many years ago. It took many years before we were even able to speak again (because of her anger over what she perceived as a betrayal stemming from a move I made as well). We are back in each others lives now, but nowhere near the level it was before. It is hard.
Have you read any of Byron Katie's books? If not, I highly suggest them. Start with Loving What Is and then read A Thousand Names For Joy. Loving What Is will introduce you to The Work, which is *exactly* what is called for in situations like this. In A Thousand Names For Joy she goes deeper into the essence of The Work. There is a section in it where she is talking about a conversation with a friend and it really resonates with what you are going through. I can't really explain it adequately in a short post, but it follows perfect suit that having anger surrounding her miscarriage would spill into her relationship with you. She is a living sage in our times.
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Katie ~ Mama to my sweet girls~Dylan(17),Kiah(16), and Anja(7)
Hey Linda, I'm so sorry ... I'm pissed and sad with you!
I think losing friends is one of the hardest things to understand ....
Something similar happened to me a few years ago --
My best friend from high school sent me a mass email one day saying this was her new address. I called her and found out she'd left her husband and hadn't even talked to me about it. We talked over email a bit and it got really ugly. She blamed me for all sorts of things. I was so mad and pissed off because it wasn't fair -- I became her scapegoat -- in retrospect, I was the safest person for her to be mad at precisely because I did love her unconditionally. She couldn't bear to disappoint her family -- too much baggage -- but she could me.
I spent a long time mourning our friendship and I finally had an insight that helped me enormously. Even though I was sad we were going our different ways, I could also honor the past we had together. I really valued our time together and thought that separating would diminish it - I realized that both are true -- we were very dear friends and now we have gone our different ways.
BTW, from a birth imprinting thing, this is a transition and separation thing and if you tap on your birth stuff, you might get more space on this topic.
Hugs,
Deb.
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Deborah Donndelinger, EFTCert-I, EFT-ADV www.EftWithDeborah.com You don't have to do it alone, we can help.
Hey Linda, I'm so sorry ... I'm pissed and sad with you!
I think losing friends is one of the hardest things to understand ....
Something similar happened to me a few years ago --
My best friend from high school sent me a mass email one day saying this was her new address. I called her and found out she'd left her husband and hadn't even talked to me about it. We talked over email a bit and it got really ugly. She blamed me for all sorts of things. I was so mad and pissed off because it wasn't fair -- I became her scapegoat -- in retrospect, I was the safest person for her to be mad at precisely because I did love her unconditionally. She couldn't bear to disappoint her family -- too much baggage -- but she could me.
I spent a long time mourning our friendship and I finally had an insight that helped me enormously. Even though I was sad we were going our different ways, I could also honor the past we had together. I really valued our time together and thought that separating would diminish it - I realized that both are true -- we were very dear friends and now we have gone our different ways.
BTW, from a birth imprinting thing, this is a transition and separation thing and if you tap on your birth stuff, you might get more space on this topic.
Hugs,
Deb.
Thank you Deborah, that helps *a lot*. I came to a similar conclusion yesterday. I am also my mother and my brother's scapegoats, so this triggered a lot of stuff for me. My girlfriend can be extremely judgemental and that is what she accused me of. So, really no surprise there. I do tend to love people unconditionally. I am very open and forgiving and no I don't harbor resentments. I figure we are all human. No I am not perfect.(hardly...haha)..but geez. So to be living this all over again is a bit much for me. I know that I am a loving person, daughter sister and friend. I know she is as well, but she is hurting over stuff that has nothing to do with me.
As I said, though I am thankful(in a theoretical way~lol!) that she acted this way. I know I have to deal with it, and that will set my emotions free even further. You know, I remember thinking a long time ago that I am so lucky that I have a 'family' I created for myself in my friends and my husband that love me unconditionally....since my family of origin does not. I now realize that this family can be just as fragile.
Had this happened 5 years ago, I would have been devastated. Today, well, I see it as information. Don't get me wrong I am sad, but I am happy for all of the wonderful friendship we have had together and wish her well.
I guess when I can look at her pictures without feeling sad, then I have peace.
I am unsure how to proceed, you know? Give her space, check in with her..I have no idea. In her mind I made some mistake that she finds egregious, so I am wary of trying anything else. 
)
and a 
. Lover of life when properly caffeinated.
I'm so sorry ... I'm pissed and sad with you!
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