amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

ThirtySomething · 08-18-2007, 10:36 AM

Smoochie has always been and is such a darling. However, as her first birthday approaches I find I am reliving so much of the difficult part. I'm actually feeling anxious in the days leading up to her birthday much as I was last year awaiting her birth. She was so hard to parent in those first months. I am remembering that.

Oddly/Coincidentally, she is having a lot of the same problems she had right after birth. She is sleeping terribly, has a lot of congestion, and she is very clingy and crying a lot.

So, my question is, in my phrasing when I tap on her, what should I say?
I think a lot of her issues were caused by my emotional state following her birth. Should I actually be tapping on myself or her?

In my mind, I would say:

Even though you had a really difficult birth, you are a really wonderful baby (or something similar)

OR

Even though mommy had a hard time bonding to you after your birth, she loves you very much. You are a wonderful baby.

??????? I still have to say that I feel a bit silly saying all of this, but I was planning on trying craniosacral, I just never got to do it. I am open to alternative treatments.

Deborah · 08-18-2007, 01:41 PM

Here are some tapping ideas based on what you wrote:

For yourself (do a full round on each):

Even though I am feeling anxious, just like I did before she was born, I love and accept myself and my feelings.

Even though she was so hard to parent, and I did the best I could, and it was so hard, I forgive myself for what I did and did not do. Or I honor myself for being her mother.

Even though all her issues were caused by my emotional state following her birth, I am open to the idea of forgiving myself.

Even though I had a hard time bonding to my baby, I forgive myself (or I am open to forgiving myself)

Even though I hate it when she's so clingy ....

Even though I feel so bad when she's sleeping terribly ....

Even though I hate it when she's so congested .....

When you tap on her, speak in the first person as if you were her ....
If you tap on her directly, be very aware of her response and don't over do it. I highly recommend you tap on yourself, as if you were her, speaking in the first person. Yes it feels really weird and it works.

For her:

Even though I am holding this birth trauma in every cell of my body, I love and accept myself completely.

"??????? I still have to say that I feel a bit silly saying all of this, but I was planning on trying craniosacral, I just never got to do it. I am open to alternative treatments."

I know -- it can be so weird to say this all outloud and the results I've seen and experienced make it so worth it! I've also done cranialsacral and homeopathy for myself and children and this just brings in another piece of healing.

Hugs,
Deb.

Linda · 08-19-2007, 03:26 PM

IN my experience, I totally agree with what Deborah said, if you want to tap on your daughter's 'issue' think about if you are having a reaction to that issue first and clear yours first. Then you can be clear and present for her and you can tap on her issues with her. For example, I get angry(working on it, and it is MUCH better now) when my 2 yo is very needy with me. Whiny, clingy, inconsolable, nursing won't even make her happy. It is tempting to tap on Aidra for her clingy grouchy mood. But first, I tap on my reaction(the anger...and try to get to the core issue) before I work on Aidra's issue. The reality is, if I get rid of my reaction to her...and I am calm and centered, then her mood, behaviour, crying, won't bother me anymore and I can handle it as super Zen mommy

My 2 yo likes for me to tap on her..sometimes. She will even ask me to sometimes. But she has a limit. I mostly tap surrogately for her when she is asleep or in my arms or nursing(haha). It really helps to be a bit childlike with my tone and affect. If I am tapping surrogately with her in my presence, I often do it in my head...sometimes I do it out loud. It just depends what the words are and who is around.

Stacy, I remember your anxiety when you were pregnant! You don't have to tell us what the issues are, but you can think of those issues, thoughts, ideas, negative talk that you had while pregnant and tap on those.
You can simply tap globally, on 'this anxiety' before you get more detailed. Then get more specific when you feel comfortable doing so.

You can tap on your issues while you were pregnant for you. Then once you have cleared them for yourself, then you can tune in(to yourself and your daughter) and see if you need to tap on them for your daughter. Then you can tap on them for her as well.

(I am going to put wording in that is fictitious and super general, I have NO idea what your anxiety was about)

~Even though mommy felt like...while I was in her tummy" I am still an amazing baby and my mommy loves me sooo much."
~Even though I was scared when I was in mommy's tummy, I am stiill a wonderful kid and my mommy and Daddy love me sooo much.
and then you can get specific with your words for her to make it relevant.