None of us have any guilt in regards to our children, do we???
The "Tapping the System" Technique
By Ulrike Tuzar
I came up with this idea when I was working on a guilt issue of my own. I am a mother and, like most mothers, there are memories regarding my children that are loaded with guilt. I used EFT on these guilt issues but the intensity rate didn’t really decrease. Upon looking on the issue in more depth I discovered thoughts like...
“If I use EFT and forgive myself for what happened then that means I am betraying my son. Accordingly, I should pay for my actions for the rest of my life and that is like it has to be." And so on…
This, of course, is yet another form of guilt thinking and thus I was going in a circle. I would tap on one form of guilt that would generate another and another and another. I was in a conflict wherein I wanted to get rid of the guilt but didn't allow myself to do so. Even if I was very persistent in tapping, all the feelings and memories and thoughts decreased very little in intensity and the whole issue kept coming back.
This led me to the "Tapping The System" Technique wherein the System is defined as a combination of...
My son (Steffen) as he was during the guilt issue.
Me as I was at the time of the guilt issue.
Me as I am now.
The situation was when my son was a baby and in a hospital and I left him alone. This created guilt on my part and so I tapped on his and my feelings together. I recognized in this that “his feelings” were my projections anyway (I don't really know what his were) and probably feelings from my own childhood.
I vividly imagined the situation, tapped on the whole thing and then I focused on my son and what he might have felt. It was like switching into him (that was a hard one! Next time I would suggest the Tearless-Trauma-Technique on that part of the process...). I tapped on that. Then I came back to my feelings when I was in that situation. Then to my judgments about me now and then back to Steffen… and on and on went the cycle. It was similar to having EFT lead me through the process by shifting aspects. It was quite a journey but at the end there was peace.
I also applied this “system tapping” on other memories and then started to use it with a client who also had a guilt-issue with her daughter. It worked very well.
Love, Ulrike
Stubborn guilt finally subsides after doing a search on our website and DVDs for ideas
Hi Everyone,
Our website and DVDs provide a massive resource that is loaded with EFT ideas and approaches. There is nothing like it anywhere in the world. As you will see, Moira McFadyen from Scotland consulted these resources and found ways to finally relieve a stubborn incidence of guilt.
Hugs, Gary
By Moira McFadyen, EFT-ADV
Hi Gary,
I have been using EFT for the last two years both personally and professionally with a lot of success and I wanted to share with you an experience I had with a client who I recently treated for a stubborn guilt issue. It taught me a valuable lesson.
Jane had a lot of issues concerning guilt around her children and anger & hatred for her alcoholic husband. These incidents happened a number of years ago and my client was now divorced with all her children grown and out of the house. We had been steadily clearing these issues but then hit a brick wall .
The stubborn guilt issue was related to an incident where my client lost control of her temper when her son was age 3 and, as a result, he fell down the stairs and cut his head. The head wound needed stitches and my client lied to the doctors as she told them that he’d fallen down the stairs on his own. Her guilt was rooted in the fact that although her son didn’t remember, he carried a permanent scar on his forehead (we tapped on this) and also in the fact that she had lied (we tapped on this). She told me that everyone thought she was a “wonderful mother” but if they knew the truth they’d hate her (we also tapped on this).
As we had achieved easy success with her other issues I was puzzled when we couldn’t shift “this big guilt” issue. I checked for any secondary gains but Jane assured me that there were none and that she was desperate to get rid of the guilt as it was “torturing” her. As we had tapped on this issue from every aspect I was stumped. Jane would still burst into tears whenever she thought of it.
I researched the wonderful library on your website and discovered a lovely article by Ulrike Tuzar on tapping on your guilt from the point of view of the child. So armed with this we started another session full of optimism. I started by getting Jane to tap from the point of view of her child. I asked her to visualize him standing before her at 3 years old and then we tapped on:
Even though my mummy got really angry with me and shouted at me and I was really scared…
Even though mummy pulled me down the stairs and I fell and bumped my head and it really hurt and there was lots of blood…
Even though I was really terrified I know that mummy didn’t mean to hurt me, that she loves me and that I’m safe and secure…
We achieved partial results with the above as her level of intensity came down to a 7 or 8 on a scale of 0 to 10, but her eyes still filled up whenever she recalled the incident. I then suggested we try the “What if” approach. So we tapped on
What if I did release this guilt I’ve carried it for 35 years and it’s time for it to go and I deeply and completely accept myself?
This guilt has been crippling me for 35 years, it’s hurting me & not helping what if I now choose to release it and forgive myself…
I’m so tired to carrying this guilt, of feeling so bad all the time, what if I were to let it go and be free of it, what if I were to let myself be happy…
Again there was slight improvement as her level of intensity came down to 5 or 6 out of 10 but her eyes still filled up with tears whenever she thought it. I knew I was missing something but couldn’t think what.
I then remembered what you said on your DVDs, Gary, about using your intuition. So I asked Jane to take a deep breath with me and let it out slow. While I was letting mine out, the thought “fight fire with fire” popped into my head, probably because I was feeling very frustrated. I asked Jane to start tapping, repeat after me, to trust me and not to ask questions. We started…
Even though I deliberately hurt my child, he had made me so angry and I hated him…
My client looked shocked but I just said, “keep tapping.”
Even though I wanted to hurt my child, I was at the end of my tether and he was getting on my nerves, he deserved to get hurt and I wanted to see his head bleed…
Jane started laughing at this point but she kept tapping. So I decided to take it a step further and said...
Even though I wanted to kill my child, he was getting on my nerves, making my life a misery and he deserved to die…
We then went through the tapping routine, ensuring that we finished with “I completely and totally forgive myself”.
Afterward I asked Jane to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I then asked her to think about the incident and tell me if there was any reaction on 3 levels:
1. Just thinking about it (this always made her cry).
2. Visualize her son as 3 years old with his head bleeding.
3. Visualize her son now with the scar on his forehead.
Each time she responded with a huge smile and said “The guilt’s gone, I can’ t believe it”.
The relief I felt was enormous, Gary. I was so pleased, as Jane is a lovely lady who didn’t deserve the guilt she’d been carrying. This experience taught me that although EFT always works, perseverance is essential and for stubborn issues you just need to find the right approach.
I would like to emphasize though that I wouldn’t use this approach for every client. Jane and I had a bond of trust. Jane knew that I had her best interests at heart and that EFT works because we had already cleared a number of her issues.
Jody
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