EFT for MamaEFT often works where nothing else does! Welcome to a discussion of Emotional Freedom Techniques - a highly effective and easy-to-learn self-help energetic tool. EFT can be used for any emotional or physical issue, often with immediate relief. This forum is moderated by an EFT practitioner and is a place to discuss how to apply EFT to improve our and our family's health.
This is going to be full of detail as my journey on this particular topic illustrates so many different aspects about EFT. So, get a cup of tea, iced if you are in the Northern Hemisphere~lol! This is LOOOONG....
I woke up at 3am to my daughter crying about a nightmare she had. I let her climb into bed with us and she fell asleep easily(I tapped on her as she told me about her nightmare~lol!)but my headache kept me wide awake. After an hour of lying in bed, I figure I should get out and read some email. Well, after awhile I realized I better do some tapping before my headache became a monster. Notice my daughter got the tapping first and I delayed my own tapping.
I tapped on;
a) Physical pain, the throbbing, the location, the intensity. It was a 6/10, horrible on the right side of my head and throbbing. Very painful right neck/shoulder as well. I did 2 rounds, nothing changed.
b) I tried to imagine the shape, color, texture, movement, sound, feel and weight of the pain. I could not come up with anything which was confusing because in the past I have easily done this for headaches or bodily discomforts.
c) I imagined the emotion related to the pain…my intuition told me ‘anger’, but about what I could not figure out. At least at this point I did not admit to myself that this might be the issue.…I kept thinking I was mad about everyone in my family (husband, two daughters) ‘needing me so much’, but I did not think it was related~lol!
I was stuck here getting no where, but the pain was bearable, so I dropped it for a while to see if any thoughts occurred to me during the day. By lunchtime the pain was a 9-10/10 intensity. I made lunch for my daughter and husband, but the smell of the food was making me feel very nauseated ( I rarely miss a meal). Great, I knew if this kept up I would end up vomiting. I had to do something about this headache.
I called Rehana(my EFT teacher/Workshop leader) and told her all I had done so far. She encouraged me to do some more detective work. Was there a food that triggered this? An incident? If I could not think of anything specific, she encouraged me to guess at what it might be and then make up a story based on that and tap on it. My intuition told me in no uncertain terms it was not a food. I was not sure if it was an incident, but I knew it started when my husband came home the evening before and got worse through the night and the next day. I said to Rehana, ’I am sure this is an emotional issue that is DEMANDING attention from me.” We hung up and I continued my detective work. I tapped very lightly as my head was so painful and just let my thoughts wander.
Last night, my husband came home with a bottle of wine, very upset because a co~worker had committed suicide that day. I remembered being a wee bit annoyed that he brought the wine home as I really did not want to drink any and I find that if he has a glass, I want one. I just find it makes me sleepy and takes my motivation away from being productive in the evenings. In any case, he wanted the wine for relaxing as he was so shocked form the news form work, so we drank a couple of glasses of wine each. I found myself not being very empathic to his news or feelings which is very unlike me. (that was a clue…that as I was listening to him talk, I was just not feeling like I cared at all!)
I went to bed very early, tired from the wine and in retrospect, I believe a slight headache was starting at that point. Then I woke up at 3am as outlined above.
The thing that stood out about my husband/the wine/his ‘neediness’(which BTW I don’t logically see as bad, I am his wife and friend and absolutely want to be there for him.) And thought ‘WHY would this make me upset??? Why am I mad at him for needing me? I LOVE him and like that he needs me.’
And the thought very loudly entered my mind…
‘Because your needs did not get met by your mother or father…and now you are mad that you have to take care of your needy husband and your very needy girls. Emotionally I hate being needed, because I am afraid I won’t get my own needs met.” Logical, no, not at all. But we are not logical when incidents happen and we react emotionally to them. I was having an emotional reaction, a button pushed from my past, eliciting an emotional response that was created a long, long time ago.
The next thought that drifted into my head was a story that transpired when I was about 18 years old. It was about a conversation with my mom about Thanksgiving and her long time boyfriend. I did not want to attend because it was always horrible for me. He was entertaining company, but he could turn on you at the drop of a hat and become really mean and loud and angry. My mom ALWAYS wanted me to be there so it would not be so awful for HER. The irony is that she always drank a ton of alcohol to numb herself during the festivities…so there I was not numb(not drinking) and having to be there in those awful circumstances. I did the movie technique on the phone conversation about Thanksgiving. It was also the bundling of many other conversations I had with my mom regarding Thanksgiving telling her how I really did not want to go and why, and how she always played the guilt card and I always went out of guilt. It really seemed tiny and small and unimportant. Really unimportant.
As I tapped on telling her ’no mom, I really don’t want to go’ I was CRYING with huge tears rolling down my face. Even at that moment I realized, YAY! I am CRYING…yippeeee! I knew I had stuck something good. UREKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I tapped through this until I no longer had any intensity. I cried on 4 of the rounds each time. Interestingly I remember being mad at the time of the conversation, but I certainly did not cry back then. I guess I saved the tears for 18 years later.
{This is the method I used until I had no intensity on the phone conversation about Thanksgiving.
Find the specific incident. Your movie with the beginning middle and end.
1) tell the story in first person 'I'
2) tell the story in black and white and third person 'she, he,'etc. do this until it feels comfortable in third person.
3) tell in B&W third person BACKWARDS. truly backwards.
4) tell the story as a technicolor cartoon inserting cartoon characters(you know, Shrek, Fiona, Cinderella, Bambi, Pokemon, whichever ones strike your fancy) for the people. (the players are still there...kind of like a cartoon/real person morph) Still in third person.
5) tell the story with in technicolor, with cartoon characters backwards.Third person.
6) tell the story in technicolor with cartoon characters with very upbeat music overlaying the whole story. Third person.
7) Then I retold the story as I would have liked it to happen if I could rewrite my history. This is fun!}
My headache was at 5/10 intensity. OM goodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was way faster than over the counter pain killers (which I don’t take anyway) I was so excited, but I knew I was not ‘done’. My headache told me so.
Then I thought…”OK pick another story where you felt your needs were not getting me by your mom.” I picked my graduation from Nursing School. The reason I picked this one, well, simply because it came to my mind at that moment. My stepfather had a huge rage at my graduation (not a surprise as he was not the center of attention) and walked out taking my mom and grandmother with him. After I did the movie technique as outlined above on this story, my headache was a 1-2/10 intensity. I was just elated. I had to leave and pick my daughter up from school so I could not continue, however I did feel done at that time. As the next couple of hours passed, the headache subsided all the way.
The two stories I did the movie technique on were on my list for my ‘personal peace procedure’ I had not gotten to them yet, as I did not see them as super important, especially since I was much ‘older’, an adult really(18 and 26years old), when these incidents occurred. But in retrospect I realize I had been avoiding those particular incidents on my ‘list’for about a month. I just had not wanted to tap on them.
As I sit here in the evening typing up my account, my headache is at a 0/10. I have not done any further tapping today. You can bet I will do another incident/story/movie from my list tonite before I go to sleep. My ego is begging me, no demanding me, to get a move on and unload this junk from my psyche. I really don’t want another yucky headache to have to remind me to get tapping, but if I do get a headache, I can view it for what it is; information.
My elation is indescribable.
__________________
"If you only believe what you see, then you are limited to what's on the surface. If you only believe what you see, then why do you pay your electric bill?" Dr. Wayne Dyer
You are amazing! This is a great example of awesome detective work and going for it. One of the things I notice myself doing is thinking that was such a small incident, it shouldn't have mattered to me. But it's not logical, as you said. It's emotional. And if it bothered us, then it impacted us. I too can get migraines and last time, I couldn't tap my way out of it -- even with help from two other practitioners. So, that's so awesome that you found some of the contributing causes. You've got a real knack for this stuff!
Hugs,
Deborah
__________________
Deborah Donndelinger, EFTCert-I, EFT-ADV www.EftWithDeborah.com You don't have to do it alone, we can help.
Wow, Linda. This is so helpful to me. I can use this. I have cleared some big stuff with regard to my childhood, but lately have still found myself irritated and irrational about having to meet the needs of others. So, your "illogical" statement about needs makes perfect sense to me.
I am going to start working on a list of things to tap on. I know there are some things that I repeatedly mention when I discuss my "issues" that I felt were just small parts of the whole, and I have not tapped on them even though I may have tapped on bigger parts of that whole. There are a couple that come to mind with regard to my sister and her needs being met over mine (and these are events that occurred when I was 20 years old). I think I was feeling it shouldn't matter. I have used these incidents as "proof" in my discussion of how things work with my parents and my sister and me, and how they have always worked, but never thought to tap on them.
Whew, ideas are coming to me quickly--I'd better get to my notebook!
Thanks.
__________________ Jody
Mama to two boys (5-10-98 and 6-01-01), and two girls (11-18-03 and 1-11-07)
Wow, Linda. This is so helpful to me. I can use this. I have cleared some big stuff with regard to my childhood, but lately have still found myself irritated and irrational about having to meet the needs of others. So, your "illogical" statement about needs makes perfect sense to me.
I am going to start working on a list of things to tap on. I know there are some things that I repeatedly mention when I discuss my "issues" that I felt were just small parts of the whole, and I have not tapped on them even though I may have tapped on bigger parts of that whole. There are a couple that come to mind with regard to my sister and her needs being met over mine (and these are events that occurred when I was 20 years old). I think I was feeling it shouldn't matter. I have used these incidents as "proof" in my discussion of how things work with my parents and my sister and me, and how they have always worked, but never thought to tap on them.
Whew, ideas are coming to me quickly--I'd better get to my notebook!
Thanks.
Oh Jody, I am so happy this is helpful to you. Yay on your notebook!!!
I find myself getting really angry at my family for being needy. It. makes. no.sense. I really don't like feeling that way.I never ever did with my first child. I feel like such a b*tch and I know it is not a 'natural' way to feel about my children needing me. I don't buy that, at all. Of course we all get burned out, but this is waaaaaay before that, I think.
Jody, I hope you will post stories and successes too, if you feel comfortable. I think it so valuable to share. Especially since we are moms, it is so hard to find the time to do this. We have huge demands on us form our kids, it is not like they are grown and we can clear enormous time and just tap forever until we feel better, yk? I am also so excited about sharing with moms who are looking inwardly to themselves to find the answers and self help that we have inside of us. So exciting!
Another thing I notice is when I shift with a big clearing like this, my kids shift a bit with me as well. The whole family is happier. A BIG lesson in taking care of yourself first...Gary's Peace Procedure is so right on. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Also all tapping you do is worthwhile. Don't hesitate, just go for it!
Deborah, your words mean so much to me. Thank you! I am so impressed that I am listening to my 'gut' you know? It is trying so hard to give me the information and I am finally listening.
I want to pint out, I had NO intensity, felling about the Thanksgiving phone conversation with my mother. None, until I started tapping on it. Then the intensity came. I can feel very numb about these 'incidents' that I write down in my notebook. THe other incident, Nursing school graduation I logically knew was a biggie, even though I could not 'feel' it was big IYKWIM?
It is so IMPORTANT to listen to what your mind brings up. If it shows up in your consciousness, then it is important, IMO.
My favorite way to find incidents when you feel like you cannot find any is;
Go back and rewrite your life the way you would 'want' it to happen.
Or find the people in your life that you would rather have not been there.
Then make your lists.
We have spent so long coping and moving on from these yucky things in our lives that it seems strange to go back and dredge them up. But, it is safe now to do so, as we have the tools for dealing with the emotions.
I wrote down a lot of stuff. I started by listing names of people and issues I have surrounding them. And, like you, at the moment, many of those illicit no real emotion at the moment, even events that brought up a lot of emotion (like those surrounding my 1st daughter's birth) months ago when I was planning for DD #2's birth.
I want to pint out, I had NO intensity, felling about the Thanksgiving phone conversation with my mother. None, until I started tapping on it. Then the intensity came. I can feel very numb about these 'incidents' that I write down in my notebook. THe other incident, Nursing school graduation I logically knew was a biggie, even though I could not 'feel' it was big IYKWIM?
That's such a great point -- I'm the same way and have the same thing happen with clients -- memories with no emotion on the surface but once we start tapping, whew .... I figure anything we remember that isn't positive has a stored blockage -- luckily the tapping doesn't take much time ....
Headache/ Migrane...OM goodness...looooong......
Jody
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