amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

~Meeshi~ · 12-03-2005, 09:47 AM

Ok, I saw a shirt the other day that struck a cord with me... Here's the design.

So, as I am trying to think of a few nice things for the family for the holidays, I am finding it really hard.

The girls do not have a ton of toys, we like to keep it down to a smaller quantity of quality toys... But, in the grand scheme of things, they have waaaaay more than enough. Grandparents are calling to see what else they need, and in my mind, I feel like we don't need more stuff. We have tons of kids books (over 400), puzzles (over 30), art supplies out the wazoo... They have more then enough stuffed animals, dolls, accessories...

When I think of the people in this world going without, it makes me feel like we are contributing to the problem by accumulating more and more...

Not to mention, it's really hard to keep a house clean when you have too much stuff...

Anyway, if you try to live simply, how do you feel about accumulating more and more and more this holiday season??

And another thought I had, Kaya got a few gifts for her birthday, and the packaging the things came in was just nuts. A whole big bag of packaging for just a handfull of gifts. I have a hard time taking part in it.

How do you "live simply" during a time when everyone seems obsessed with needing more things?

~Meeshi~ · 12-03-2005, 09:55 AM

I wanted to add that I did find at least a few nice things for the girls. Nico is getting a small violin and Kaya is getting a banjo, a Mama here is making them snowsuits for theirs dolls, etc...

But, I was wondering if anyone could recommend a place where you can "adopt" a child in a poor area and sponsor them. It would be great if it was the kind of place where we could see pics of the child and maybe write back and forth. I was thin king that might be a good "family" gift.

Marina · 12-03-2005, 10:02 AM

It's been weighing on me lately as well. I battle w/being a packrat since I grew up with a mom who doesn't let anything go and a father who grew up in England during the war and equally feels the need to save everything. I've been working so hard to decrease and with that comes just not wanting anything more. I want more time, time to spend with my children, not time spent maintaining stuff. As a single mom, fixing everything falls to me or my teen and it seems we spend endless hours just fixing this "stuff", and then once it's fixed, cleaning and maintaining it.

Don't get me started on the land fill thing. We decided to start taking our garbage to the landfill because it costs us $1 a month to take what it was costing $23 for them to pick up.

It's insane, really. Garbage as high as the eye can see, piles of appliances, tires. . . and then there's the animal trucks, which are filled daily mainly with all the 100s of dead chickens from these local chicken farms (the chickens that Tyson doesn't take, and then Campbell's doesn't take of the tyson rejects for their chicken noodle soup).

I want to run away and hide.

Mamax4 · 12-03-2005, 10:09 AM

I have always had an issue with that. We all have more stuff than we need. I prefer, when I do buy, to buy non plastic things, used items, natural items that will biodegrade, and heirloom items that can be passed down. My fav place to buy new things is here: www.novanatural.com. Books can be had for cheap used, and can then can be given to others to enjoy. There is no reason to not take care in what and how we consume. i also avoid buy plastic toys or anything that is heavily packaged. It's why i prefer wahms and natural catologs for when i do want to give new gifts and such for folks.

My family is great about this. We do celebrate various holidays to mark the passage of time. But my MIL refuses presents of any sort, and forces cash on us at holidays. My own family is totally reasonable and gives things like tickets to plays and events, and even then we pick names, so nobody is having to waste money on too much. My father once gave me a $50 GC to a used clothing store he knows I shop at. From that $50, I made a much needed $300 on Ebay after fees. Nothing cluttered my house and others were able to get used , excellent goods (I won't buy crap even to sell) they needed/wanted.

Some books that I've enjoyed regarding personal responsibility are:

Your Money or Your Life
Affluenza
Tighwad Gazette (These folks walked their talk and hardly ever bought anything. They also grew their own food. The author doesn't look like a hippie or is a vegetarian, so too many folks dismiss as her as mainstream and she is nothing of the sort!). Ignore what to do with plastic twist ties and get to the heart of not wasting and using what exists, and being a good steward of the earth.

I also try not to direct negative enegery to others who are not yet on the path. We are all works- in -progress. And not everyone is going to agree on what is reasonable or what it means to be a good steward of the earth.

Sandi · 12-03-2005, 10:11 AM

Well, admittedly we bought quite a few things for the girls - but I hope not too excessive since 90% of it is WAHM-made. So I guess I feel better supporting another mama, buying quality handmade items that will last until the grandkids are around

, and one other thing we do to offset:

We go through everything we have before Christmas and donate at least half. We make sure that the stuff in excellent condition is given appropriately to a child who will appreciate it, and then donate the rest to the salvation army or food pantry/shop in our area. We always have, and we tell the girls that in order for Santa to bring something new for them, we have to make room - and that we are so very fortunate to be able to have the Christmas that we have, that we need to be sure all those toys that don't get played with have a nice, loving home to take care of them so they aren't sad on Christmas.

So, it's just part of our decorating now - we go through and take out a lot of what has accumulated first.

We also try to put consumables on the kids' christmas lists (because they get gifts from grandparents, as well as gifts from cousins when they pick names). We also REALLY encourage handmade gifts because our family is tremendously talented and I think that people often shy away from handmade because it isn't as *valuable* in their eyes. However, it is WAY more valuable to us and we always cherish the things made with love

~Meeshi~ · 12-03-2005, 10:13 AM

Thanks for the recommendations, Laurie. I have always meant to read those Tightwad books, I should look them up the next time we're at the library.

brayg · 12-03-2005, 10:36 AM

I'm really trying to pare down this Christmas--we decided, on both sides (my family and dh's family) that we weren't going to exchange gifts with the adults (we always just drew names anyway) and were only going to buy for the kids. I've asked everyone to please not buy/spend a lot--there's just no point to it. My kids have enough stuff anyway. It's going to be great, financially, too this year.

I've bought a few things for the kids at thrift shops (hey, a 3 year old doesn't care if his "new to him" legos come in an official lego box or a recycled box that mom makes all pretty), Santa got a gamecube off ebay for the family

, I'm giving Jacob some money so he can pick out what he really wants, etc.

I've tried to stay practical, too...for my mom and dad, I bought them a new cordless phone w/2 handsets since I knew they needed one anyway. I bought a meat market gift card for Jacob's godfather, etc...just trying not to perpetuate the "stuff" mentality this year. I feel good about it, too.

Barb · 12-03-2005, 10:40 AM

well - my kids will get more 'stuff' but the old 'stuff' gets cleared out. This weekend and next are our own personal toy drive. We will box up gently used toys and games. We usually drive them down to the shelter but our neighbor told us she's collecting for her school (for the blind) and so we'll donate to them instead this year.

It helps teach my kids about giving during the holiday season and it makes room for new toys. So the shelves will be cleared within the next two weeks.

heather4285 · 12-03-2005, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hippiemama

well - my kids will get more 'stuff' but the old 'stuff' gets cleared out. This weekend and next are our own personal toy drive. We will box up gently used toys and games. We usually drive them down to the shelter but our neighbor told us she's collecting for her school (for the blind) and so we'll donate to them instead this year.

It helps teach my kids about giving during the holiday season and it makes room for new toys. So the shelves will be cleared within the next two weeks.

we do that too. i usually do it at least twice a year. i don't necessarily mind my kids having lots of things, as long as they are all used and appreciated. i just don't like all the junk toys that somehow find their way to my house.
i just added more to my to-do list. i haven't cleaned out the toys yet. YIKES!!

Kbsmama · 12-03-2005, 10:53 AM

I am really struggling with this this year. I did finally come up with some things I feel pretty good about. My kids have way too many toys. DH picked some RC cars which don't reallly fit with my feeling of what they should get, but I can live with it. Last year was way worse, so this is good.

I have also dramatically pared down the stocking thing. Often I feel compelled to get little trinkets that really are not played with after January 1. I bought some nice musical instruments, treasure bags from a Mama here, WAHM bath fizzies, socks for the boys, hair things for DD, croaking frog "drums"(my boys love frogs), and there will be a few treats--St. Claire tarts and Tropical Source bars from my co-op, maybe some organic jelly beans or gummy bears, an orange in the toe. I was inclined to buy some other chocolate because we are back on dairy currently, but after reading the chocolate thread, I've changed my mind!!!

ThirtySomething · 12-03-2005, 11:03 AM

I gets antsy a lot this time of year. I feel sorry for the people wringing their hands over the fact that they can't afford Christmas. I see the gift-giving, in general as sort of optional. I feel sad to see people put the holiday up so high on a pedestal that they run up the debt to pay for a lavish holiday or they work so hard to provide a huge quantity of gifts and toys for children who don't really care after awhile because the amount is just overwhelming. I want people to have a relaxing fun time with their family.

Not having TV helps here. They watched it on our vacation and came up with a lot of things they wanted after that. It has since dropped down to 1-2 things that they are interested in.

I try to get each of my children one thing they really want (in my price range). They get a few gifts from my in-laws and my parents. It usually works out to a pretty modest amount.

wethreepeeps · 12-03-2005, 11:25 AM

I'm struggling with this year too. Our family used to buy to excess, but times and circumstances have changed. This year my kids are each getting one "big" thing. C. is getting her Inuyasha costume made by Hastings, and Walt is getting a toy kitchen that I'm buying second hand if possible. C is getting some books I got from paperbackswap, and Walt wants a backpack on wheels. They don't need anything else, but I feel weird that they won't have a ton of boxes to open. My stepmom used to be really into Asian themed decor, and she's recently redecorated and boxed it all up. I'm having a hard time convincing her that C would be totally thrilled to get a second hand sake set and her geisha figurines for christmas, but she feels weird about giving her "used" stuff. I'm trying hard to change how we do things, but the kids are pretty entrenched in the consumptive habits they were taught when they were younger.

Lmata · 12-03-2005, 11:37 AM

We have always gone easy on the kid's gifts. This year we are doing combined gifts. The girls are getting a wooden kitchen that dh is making and the boys are getting a $25 T-ball set. Both will be well played with. I also picked up some old comic books off ebay and will get some used pokemon cards for their stockings. The girls will be getting things for the kitchen in their stockings.

The big change for us has been with the little gifts we give to neighbors, teachers, coworkers etc. In the past I have baked up a storm and gotten overwhelmed never making as much as I'd like. The expense was big and they had to be delivered asap so they would be fresh. the food has been fine because it is consumable but really, who needs more fudge and cookies this time of year. lol!
Also having to use the paper plates etc for packaging is not good.

This year I have made up soaps (still a consumable gift) and we are giving them in reusable cloth gift bags. Not sure how many of our friends will reuse the bag but it's worth a shot. If they throw it away at least the cotton will biodegrade unlike a plastic bag. I'm going to resist the urge to put tissue papper in the bag since it is just a throw away decor. Nice, simple, and won't go bad if we happen to not get them all delivered in 2 or 3 days since the baby is comming. We can take weeks to give them out and everything will be fine.

jessica_momof7 · 12-03-2005, 11:40 AM

I am struggling with that this year as well..but mainly because after our car crash the other day, our CHristmas money is gone. I am so grateful that we had not bought a bunch of junk for the kids.

when family calls to ask what they girls want/need...tell them things like:

clothes, pajamas, socks, books, crayons, videos if you watch them or music cds if you don't, instruments etc...it is ok to tell your family to get things that go with your lifestyle. I tell my mom to go easy on the toys and she respects that, you know?

also, when the holidays come around, the kids know it is time to go through their stuff to take to the thrift store. no matter how bad off we are, we still donate so that someone else can buy things for their children too.
it makes them feel good.

harvestgirl · 12-03-2005, 11:45 AM

like barb, we'll clear some unused "stuff" out before x-mas.

i *try* to get things that won't be shelf sitters & dust collectors. this year that DID include some barbie & pegasus things for dd b/c she LOVES the pegasus ~lol.

stocking stuffers & just about everything else is natural/wooden or wahm-d made.

so i am hoping we did ok, i hate the mall & prob. won't even buy anything there at all.