amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

mamasboys · 03-16-2005, 11:33 PM

okay i posted here when i was pregnant with ds #2. i was still nursing my almost 2 year old and asked about tandem nursing well i ended up having to wean jayden just a week or 2 after that post because i kept going in preterm labor. it was days before he turned 2. now it's been 6 months and he trys to nurse ALL the time. he has since austin has been born and really he never wanted to give it up. would you start nursing again if it were you? im so in the middle about it. i want to try for another baby when austin is a year old. i would now if i didn't think i would go in preterm labor again so i dont want to be stuck feeding both of them because i know i'll never get pregnant like that plus he's 2 1/2 and i know im going to nurse austin until he's 2 and i really dont think i would nurse past 3... anyway what would you do?

Adria · 03-17-2005, 01:22 AM

Personally, I'd let him nurse if he asks. Chances are he will have forgot how or just wants to see what it's like and won't start nursing full force again. If he does, then perhaps he still needs it.

Alternately you could say something like, "Oh you silly. Nursing is for babies." and make a joke of it.

bellee · 03-17-2005, 01:29 AM

I think it's totally a personal choice.

I tandemed for about 3 months and it just wasn't for me. I "weaned" dd at 24 mo cold turkey. She asked daily to nurse and I would use distraction. a few months later, in a last ditch effort to sleep one early morning, I lifted my shirt and let her do what she needed to do. She tried to suck but forgot how. So she held onto my breast and cuddled with me and slept for another two hours!!! She's going on three and still cuddles my "mamas" several times a day

mamasboys · 03-17-2005, 02:15 AM

well he hasn't forgot how because he has latched on and suck a few times but i would gethim busy with something else...

bellee · 03-17-2005, 08:46 AM

nak

well, then i really do think it's a personal decision. maybe ask others about their tandum nursing experiences and go from there

Harmony · 03-18-2005, 01:46 PM

It sounds like you're feeling conflicted. Have you already decided what to do? There are benefits to resuming nursing and there is also the drawback of needing to wean again.

What would I do? I tandem nursed for nearly a year and sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes I just wanted to run away. I'm glad we did it though. My dd weaned about 6 months ago and is still very focused on my breasts and would nurse if I let her. However, weaned is weaned for me. She's also 4 1/2 and maybe I'd feel differently if she were your child's age.

I hope that things go well with your decision. It's such a personal thing. Search your feelings and go from there.

mamasboys · 03-18-2005, 02:07 PM

i am very in the middle about this. im very pro-breastfeeding and before i had to wean him i was planning on tandem nursing and then weaning him around 3 but then after i had the baby and jayden tried to nurse i felt kind of weird about it and it had only been a month 1.2 i dont know why i felt like that so i told him it was for the baby but since then he has latched in about 10 times and sucked for a min then i pull him off because i dont know what i want to do. i know it's still good for him and he gets comfort from it and i think thats a lot of the reason he's been acting out? i thing my main thing is that everyone was always trying to get me to wean and i wouldn't. my dh and i use to fight about this a lot because he thought it was stupid to be breastfeeding a baby past 1. plus he looks like he's 4 and not 2 so people look down on that also for some reason... so yes i am very conflicted. i guess i just need to hear from some other people who do breastfeed what they would do to make me feel better.+

mama_wingnut · 03-22-2005, 01:02 PM

Hey mama, I wanted to tell you I think you're great for considering what's best for all your family.

My own personal philosophy is the one of "do the opposite of harm", and I see breastmilk as gold. Any bit of it that they can get helps keep them healthy for years to come. My 3 1/2 year old is still nursing. She got this illness that has been knocking her little friends down left & right w/ ear infection/sinus infections...my little one got phlegmy for 1 day, nursed 3x a day instead of 2, and is running around happy now. So I love breastfeeding.

I don't think it would do any harm, and could only benefit healthwise/comfort wise. They're only young for such a short time

Adria · 03-22-2005, 01:34 PM

I nursed through pregnancy and went on to tandem nurse for over a year and a half. I would have nursed 3 children when I found out I was pregnant, but when I learned it was twins I decided to wean my girls. In addition to being concerned about PTL I was unwilling to nurse 4. I didn't think my girls were ready (at 3.5 and 1.5) and I had a huge amount of guilt but distraction worked well for us and after the first week or so they stopped asking. Naiya has asked from time to time after seeing the twins nurse but I tell her nursing is for babies as I have no interest in having her resume nor do I have enough milk. I agree it's a personal decision, and while I'm a huge advocate of breastfeeding and extended breastfeeding I think in your case either choice would be ok and have advantages as well as disadvantages. That probably didn't help much.

Susannah · 03-22-2005, 01:37 PM

Take this for what it is worth to you, throwing the rest away. I slowed WAY down on nursing Olivia when I was newly pregnant with Victoria, because of having very sore nipples, but have been nursing her off and on all along. My milk dried up by the fourth month and it never came in after Victoria was born, due to the hemorrhaging. This means that she has been dry nursing all this time. Anyway, she has been continuing to ask infrequently, but I have been hesitant to let her go full force, knowing that there is a comittment that is necessary on my part. All along I have been struggling with this, feeling as though she had weaned off a bit sooner than either of us would have liked. This last week or so it has been weighing up me even heavier, which culminated with my family coming down with a fast acting flu. I then made the decision to relactate and am now at peace, whereas there was a struggle that was ensuing within me. Even if we only nurse for a few months, I know that at least she got that much more time to be nursed and cuddled, which just can't be fulfilled any other way. Realizing what I was about to lose, in not being able to ever share this with her again, made me sit up and take notice.

Harmony · 03-22-2005, 07:25 PM

Tiffany,

There are so many positive things about extended breastfeeding.

In your case one important thing that shouldn't be overlooked is the lack of support from your dh. If nursing your older son will create friction in your marriage then it would be best to not make it a regular thing. Marital relationships do need to be considered.

I experienced a similar situation with my dh. He is a breastfeeding advocate, but only to the age of 3. Our dd insisted on nursing much longer than he was comfortable with and we had several heated discussions. I won in the end and weaned her when I thought she was ready, but it did cause a rift in our relationship. I wish that we could have come to an agreement, but we didn't.

Reading that your dh and you also fought, I had to post again. If you'd like support for extended nursing you can find lots of info. online to share with your dh. Also, the World Health Organization recommends 2 or more years. The Academy of American Pediatrics just raised their recommendation to more than 1 year. People seem to assume that just because formula can be stopped at age 12 months breastfeeding should be too, but that isn't the case. There's so many benefits to breastfeeding that formula just doesn't have.

Take care and I hope that things are going well.