Hi mamas. A friend of mine is having some troubles breastfeeding her newborn. She's been to LLL and they pretty much told her that if she wanted to she could do this. They really weren't very helpful and made her feel like it was her fault. So she's feeling defeated because it's much harder then she thought and she really wants to do this. It just isn't working well. The baby isn't latching on properly, her top lip isn't puckering outward well enough and i'm not sure what else.
I wish i could just run over there and help her but she is states away.
Anyway, i don't know what to tell her much more then i've already said. I told her to go ahead and keep pumping like she's been doing and then offer the baby the bottle till she is not as hungry as she was then try the breast. I know that may cause nipple confusion and i don't know how long of often she's been offering her the bottle. She has been breastfeeding too though. It's easier at night so that's why i'm thinking the too hungry thing. Does this sound right?
Ok so thinking outloud here...she had a c-section. Would that be with drugs that get to the baby? I know that my first baby had some drugs in her system and she didn't wake easily for the first couple of weeks. Maybe that's what is going on and the baby just doesn't wake until she's really really hungry and frusterated because of that.
Ok so obviously we don't know enough but i'll make sure to get her into the conversation when she can get online.
Any tips, helps or encouragement for this mama would be very appreciated. Thanks for your help mamas!
I would tell her not to use the bottle. When the baby finds it's easier to drink out of the bottle then that is what that baby is gonna want!
Tell her to keep trying. Wishing her lots of luck. Hopefully someone else has some more advice! Sorry if mine wasn't much.
I'd probably try to get rid of the bottle altogether, but I know how hard it can be once the baby gets used to a bottle. Can she use a needle-less syringe? They aren't very expensive. Any lactation consultants around that would take her on a sliding scale? I've heard recently that it's less expensive to nurse a baby for 6 months AND have 3 lactation consultations during that time, than to formula-feed for the same amt of time.
I think it's GREAT that she hasn't given up, and that her baby is nursing at night (sounds like that is the case from what you said). If she's nursing well at night, she may start doing it during the day also, if the bottle is kept away.
Oh, and about the lip - the baby's lips should look sort of like a fish's - both upper and lower lips flared. If they're not, she can pull gently at the skin next to the lips, and flare them out. I used to have to always pull out my youngest's lower lip. Someone I know used to have to pull out her DD's upper lip. Generally speaking the baby will learn to do the flaring him/herself within a few days, but my friend had to pull out her DD's lip for 2.5 years.
Very good point there. It is much easier to take a bottle. The time the other mama told me about was that she tried many times to feed her dd and she wound up screaming and choking. Mama was crying too. I think that's why she decided she'd just pump instead for the most part. I know that soon the baby will probably prefer the bottle completely but maybe that's why this incident started in the first place? Thanks for the post!
One more thing... is there any other LLL group in her area? Sometimes one group just isn't a good fit, and another one is - I know I was fortunate enough when I moved from one community to another, that I felt more like I fit in with the 2nd group.
Good idea about the syringe. I once babysat for a mama who would pump and i'd feed the baby milk in a spoon lol. Worked out nicely for us all.
Hopefully she can try to pull her lip out a little and make a good latch. I don't think she is having any problems personally from a bad latch. ie nipple bleeding or cracking etc. It's just baby frustration from being hungry that's so hard.
I'll be sure to come back and check this post later and i'll email it to her now too. Thanks so much for the replies thus far. I gotta go, i've got work to do too. Talk to ya later mamas.
(I'm the mama who this was posted for...)
thank you OP for being a great and super friend! and thank you mamas for the replies. i talked to OP today and afterwards i woke my daughter and she nursed at the breast. i am not giving up! and i will get through this.
thank you all for the help and i will try again and again!
Well from what you've said, if she's definitely nursing, I would not let her get too hungry, I would nurse her every hour or sooner during the day, just so she can get the hang of it and not be to hungry and get upset. At night, I would wake her up every 3 hours or so and get her to nurse.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Having said that, here is my story~~~~~~~~
Sounds a lot like my experience with my dd, except I have flat nipples. I went through 3 weeks of hell of pumping, supplementing and starving her to death (I feel so guilty) so she wouldn't get nipple confusion, but it was already done at the hospital - argh. I had a c-section and I feel the drugs definitely had a play in it.
Anyway, the only way I could get my dd to nurse was with nipple shields because there just wasn't anything to latch on to, like trying to get a wet balloon in your mouth, lol. We nursed that way for over 2 years, but it was worth it to me because I was able to nurse my dd and she loved her mommy milk.
I'll never forget after 3 weeks, I finally got some nipple shields, I washed them with some bottled water in the car right out of the store and we sat in the back seat and she nursed for the first time without crying, after that I threw out the formula for supplementing and we literally spent the next 3 days nursing almost nonstop.
I tried without success to wean her off the shields, but it never worked, and I just gave up and continued nursing her with the shields til she weaned herself a few months ago, around 2 1/2 yrs.
I know a lot of LLL and LC's don't like nipple shields, but it was the only way I could nurse. I went to several LC's who gave up on me and told me ff, I went to LLL and they couldn't/wouldn't help me. But I wanted to bf - darn it, lol. I had a nurse recommend nipple shields to me and it was god send, I ran to the store and bought some.
I do know, there are lots of mamas who've been able to wean their babies off of nipple shields, so you might try it. At the very least, you're still able to have a nursing relationship with your dd.
I know how difficult this can be, I felt totally hopeless those first few weeks about ever getting bfing down.
Sheesh, I know how you feel, here is my expereince.
DS was born and seemed to nurse all right at first. i did notice he had a weak suck compared to my first ds. When we got home people kept saying that he looked like a little spider monkey..after the first week home I realized it was because he was so skinny. I had suspected a problem because I never felt a let down and never saw any milk pooling at my baby's mouth like I had with my first ds. I contacted my dr who told me I was paranoid and to keep nursing, that everything was alright. It seemed like he only had a hold of the nipple to me and I was worried my nipple was to big.
Everyone kept telling me he was so beautiful...so brown, was I sure he did not just come home from the carribean, they said he HAD to be healthy and eating well to have such a nice complexion. One lady (a smart lady) said "OMG, that baby has jaundice, have you taken him to the dr.? I took him the next day and the nurse took one look at him and said, why didn't you bring him in before? Dr. said to nurse more often (and they put him on one of those light blanket things. he said it was unusual for a nursed baby to have jaundice this badly. I expressed my fear that DS was not nursing well and he pshawed it away, when he left I asked my nurse to watch him so she could make sure everything was alright and she told me my nipples were great nothing to worry about...
to shorten this long story up some, I was crying all the time because I KNEW something was wrong. My mom finally convinced me to see a lactation consultant. After watching DS for an hour she said he had not swallowed even ONE time. I KNEW there was something wrong, dr.s be screwed! She couldn't get him latched on properly either and felt that he had a weak muscle...she sent us to a Chiropracter who really and truly helped....I mostly think chiropracters are quacks (so sorry) but whatever this one did worked! I also had to feed ds pumped milk through a bottle but I got the hardest nipple I could find, Ds had to work for his food. He was five weeks old when he finally took my breast and now I can't get him to take a bottle LOL. HTH
What state are you in? Perhaps someone here knows a great LLL leader or LC to put you in touch with. It really is hard to help with latch on if you can't see what is going on.
How old is the babe? How is output and weight gain?
Wow you all are great! Thank you thank you for your help and input. I'm sure this will help so much towards a better feeding relationship for mama and baby. I'm so happy to get such feedback. I'm sure she will have more ideas about breastfeeding now and make it easier on them both.
DS was born by C-section and was fed by an IV for the first 5 days of his life. I wasn't even ALLOWED to BF him!!
Needless to say, it was pure HELL trying to get him to latch on after that!! Finally, I was introduced to a nipple shield which he immediately latched onto with no problems and nursed like a champ!! For the first month and 1/2 it was very hard to try to wean him from the shield, but I was determined to do so. My milk supply wasn't as abundant as I would have liked, because when I used the shield, DS wouldn't get the whole areola stimulated, if that makes any sense.
After many, MANY frustrating nursing sessions without the shield, he finally caught on and we are still going strong at almost 8 months!!!
You are such a great friend and support system for her!!!
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