amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Q:

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Hi mamas,
this is really embarrassing...but I know I am not the only one and I've gotta ask for advice.
My ds is almost 3 and still nursing. Ever since my dd was born (2 1/2 months ago) I've just been driven nuts by it. I no longer really want to nurse him (its only 2 or 3 times for 2 minutes, before going to sleep)... but I know I can't just dump him now since he is so insecure....
The main problem is that sometimes my body starts acting up (if you know what I mean) "opening up" when he is nursing and it just makes me feel psycho. Its totally the wrong feeling to have... This never happened before when I was pg and I am wondering if my "looseness" now may have something to do with it (my ds was "born" by c-section, so my body is much more supple now, you might say). Will this ever stop?

Advice, suggestions, encouragment would be very welcome.

Thanks a lot.

A:

First, let me commend you for bringing up the subject. It took a lot of courage, courage many would not have.

The feelings you're having are normal and I'll tell you why! Oxytocin.

In the bf world, Oxytocin is dubbed the miracle hormone for milk ejection (let down) and no doubt it is. However, Oxytocin IS NOT only responsible for milk ejection, it's also responsible for orgasm.

I do not know if some women are less affected or not when nursing an older child. And, I don't know how they work through the feelings if they do. But I know you have to make the best choice for you and your family.

You said "I've just been driven nuts by it. I no longer really want to nurse him...". To me, that sounds like you ARE ready to move on to the next stage with him. I always tell bf moms that if they ever get to the point where they are resentful of nursing their baby/child, then it's time to make a change. That doesn't necessarily mean wean cold-turkey.

If you'd prefer not to wean him completely, consider dropping all but his most needy session. This will require some creative parenting on your part - as well as patience. Many moms offer a favorite snack in place of the session, others find playing a game or reading helpful.

A:

Those feelings are pretty common but no one ever talks about it becasue were afriad someone might think were freaks ya know? Have you read the book "Mothering your nursing toddler"? It addresses this issue if I remember right. There are days I am soooo ready to wean dd but I know its not in her best interest medically and she'd be crushed so I keep on and it really gets to me when I get *those* feelings but I think and remember its totally normal and deal with it but if you think its time, maybe it is?

A:

I have to nod my head with the responses. You don't *have* to wean because of your feelings...your feelings/responses are normal and you can learn to live with them. But you don't *have* to continue nursing, either.

I am beyond the pressure to wean -- meaning that a huge percentage of our culture pressues in one way or another to wean by a year. That doesn't bother me -- at least insofar as influencing me to wean. But I'm not sure if I am beyond the self pressure I put on myself for natural weaning -- or EBF. DS self weaned at 11 1/2 months. I was devastated and wanted to nurse him longer. So when DD was born, I was paranoid about her weaning early (not that most people would think almost a year is early). DD is only 18 months. Weaning isn't an issue now. But I know there will come a time when I will have to let go of the nursing relationship for whatever reason -- maybe she will want to stop nursing or maybe I will. ???

I just want to say thanks for sharing your concern. I remember reading that your feelings could come up but forgot about that. So at least I know that if I feel that way, it is normal. Right now, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum -- so touched out and nursing so much that I have an "off limits" area for DH and when DD does the twiddling thing, it drives me crazy.

A:

Thank you for bringing this up!
I never even thought I'd have "those feelings" when I was nursing my sweet little bundle of joy and I never did until around 18 months.
It bothered me a lot a first, but after doing some reading and research, I realized it was fairly common and completely normal.
I started to initiate the weaning process to give myself some space. First we night weaned....then cut out that tough," I just woke up and I need ninny session" and we are now down to one, two, or if he's needy, three SHORT nursing sessions a day.
I've found that sometimes the "feelings" are stronger if I need to err.....hum.......pay more attention to my dh or it can also correspond with my cycles and nipple tenderness.
Do what feels right and works for you.
Good Luck.

Q:

iTrader: 0 / 0%

Well gals,
Thank you all very much for your support and advice. I still am not sure what to do, but at least I know about the options and I know I am not a weirdo. It never happened before with my ds, so I didn't expect it this time--and last night it even happened with my little daughter!!! Agh!

thanks again