amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

Q:

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Just wondering.. how long did it take you to deal with not being able to breastfeed?? DS is 15 months now and we tried breastfeeding for almost 8 weeks (2 weeks longer than I told myself I would try) and had a horrible time. We had weekly visits with the lactation consultant for latch issues, he wouldn't latch right. I tried pumping and that wouldn't help increase my supply. I got a hospital grade pump from the LC to try to increase my supply and pump so at least he could get breastmilk from a bottle.. no luck. It was so devastating for me. When I was pregnant with him I was so unsure about breastfeeding. None of my friends did it really, I just worried about doing it in public and so on.. but as soon as he was born I just had the strongest urge to start breastfeeding. It was so upsetting when after many failed attempts I just gave up. Still, over a year later I tell myself what if... DH never understood either. I blame everyone else for it. The hospital for not giving him to me immediately, and for bullying me into giving him a bottle. No one showed me how to breastfeed from the start, they just expected me to do it on command as soon as he was born (he had blood sugar issues.. ) and when I couldn't get it happening they forced me to give him a bottle and then took him away into the observation nursery the first night and gave him bottles ALL NIGHT LONG! I'm sure that had alot to do with my problems. But there was also a serious supply issue. The first two weeks my supply was great, then it was gone! Anyway, so how long until you are over it?? Or is it really never? I know things will be different with our next child. I will not be bullied into anything by the doctors.. I'll probably have a doula with me next time, since DH didn't help me with getting my points across to the doctors. I want another child so badly right now, but part of me is just so scared to go through the whole not being able to breastfeed thing again..

sorry for the long book.. but I just wondered how you felt about it..

A:

first of all...major hugs to you. it *is* difficult, & i really think the only people who truly "get it" are others in the same shoes.

in terms of answers to specific questions...first, i can't tell you if there's any certain time period where you stop feeling guilty. i still haven't. my situation is a little different, i think, b/c i *truly* feel like i brought it on myself b/c of having had breast reduction surgery. i was huge, & miserable, & in constant pain, & for those reasons, i don't regret it. but in terms of not being able to breastfeed, i regret it a lot. i guess in some ways i have come to terms w/it, though, b/c of time. simply put, we've gone on.

my first dd was taken out of the OR immediately & spent her entire first day in nicu (blood sugar & something else i can't remember right now). that night, after i'd demanded all day to see her, a nurse brought her down & said, "here, she's hungry." i said, "what do i do?" & she said, "try her on one side until i come back." she came back about 2-2.5 hours later, & i was in tears, in major pain, totally blistered from that one session. my dd WAS hungry...& i had no clue whatsoever about what to do other than stick my breast in her mouth. i'd done no reading...nothing. next morning, she blistered the other side, & i was pretty much done. i had no clue whether anything would come out anyway, & couldn't bear the thought of trying again. i pumped for about a week, & gave up b/c it was so little. when 2nd dd was born we had a house full of people, i had no support, & the pumping didn't even last that long, b/c i was sure i'd starve her anyway. i wanted to see the formula disappear into her, & couldn't stand to watch her cry while i attempted to pump.

this time is totally different. i'm taking some supplements to help me make more milk, i have at-breast-supplementers, & we're bf'ing. i also have the support of a list for moms bf'ing afer reduction. it's painful as hell thus far, i kid you not. it's been a week & i think we've had 2 non-painful latches/sessions. most of the time i gasp or moan when she latches on. but her latch looks good to the lc & all! tomorrow i'm going to a bf support group...will take my supplementers & hope to get good advice/help.

8 weeks is not a failure, imo! that's 8 weeks worth of colostrum/milk/immunities/other good stuff that you gave him!! that's a lot more than some, who never even try. heck, it's more than either of my first two got! i know pumping helps your supply...but for me it's the single most depressing aspect of bf'ing & i've done it twice this week~& don't plan to try much more~will try a few times since we're paying for the rental, but i know now from what i have done that i produce some milk...just not ounces at a time. & ikwym about not being comfortable about doing it in public...for me, i just don't want to explain the supplementer. it's nobody's business. other than that, frankly, i *want* to do it publicly! i've just got that much attitude about it, yk?

please don't beat yourself up w/the "what if" stuff...& while i also blame those around me for not supporting me in the past, i think it took that anger to get me where i am now. i have a friend locally who's a lll leader & she came to the hospital the day 3rd dd was born, & again the next day...& she's really the one who got us started~the lc came the 2nd day & helped tremendously as well. but i asked for her, continuously, & had dh or my mom asking for her, til she got in there! she's wonderful & i can call her if i need to...but it really took me being prepared this time & pushing everyone around me (including dh, actually), to *help me*. & dh is supportive...he has to be! this is expensive...buying supplementers, the stuff i take, & then still formula. & hey, this time around, i'm buying nursing shirts, so there's that, too, lol! i've been quoting to him from my reading for the last few mos & he knew more coming in this time, too.

i really think that's the best thing you can do for yourself...read everything you can. i've got about 6 bf books in the house these days, & still refer to them. i've surrounded myself w/people who can help. i'm just that stubborn; instead of being afraid, i'm being pushy, lol. i feel like i know what i'm doing, & the lc was impressed w/how prepared i am. now if we could only get it to be painless...but then i guess i'm a bit of a masochist in this respect, too. i'll be doing this for a while, no matter whether we can fix this pain. but i think we will!

please, don't punish yourself. arm yourself w/information & support. & lmk how i can help!

A:

I can relate to how painful it is everytime you nurse. I bf til my ds was 6 wks through painful, bleeding nipples with several different l/c saying they could not help me. Now I know it was a latch problem. With dd I bf til 10 wks of extremely painful nipples and painful breasts. Perfect latch, but once again was told by several l/c that they could not help me. Did everything I could myself to resolve it. Finally found some research on yeast infection in the milk ducts and started on Diflucan. Heard that some women have to take it for months before it helps. I lasted another 2 weeks with no relief and having neglected my family for 10 wks already, had to stop. Tried pumping, but only ever got 1 ounce out.

Keep with it. there is alot of info at www.breastfeeding.com

what keep me going for so long even though I was in tears everytime is that I knew there had to be a reason that it hurt and I did not want to quit this time without knowing why. Breastfeeding should never hurt and if it does, there is a reason.
Good Luck!!

Q:

iTrader: 0 / 0%

Thank you all for your responses about dealing with not being able to breastfeed. I know I did well for trying for 8 weeks, and that's 8 weeks longer than most of the people I know ever gave their babies, but it's still hard. This was something I was so carefree about when I was pregnant, I didn't care one way or another if it worked out for us, but once I held him it was all I wanted to do, yk? I get so frustrated with people I know that don't even bother trying. This one young girl I knew had her baby 6 weeks premature b/c she developed severe pre-eclampsia, well from the start she didn't even want to breastfeed. She never even tried!! I wanted to wring her little neck!! LOL I get so frustrated with people when they don't even try, just say no from the get go. I tried so hard with ds that the WIC lactation consultant had asked me if I wanted to be a peer counselor for the mamas who came to her for help!! And if I had been successful at breastfeeding, I would have been there every week helping out. (I didn't feel right going to help her while holding a bottle in my baby's mouth, yk?)

I broke my leg when DS was 3 months old and spent a week in the hospital b/c of it. Well the first few days I spent under very heavy medication, surgery, and so forth. No one bothered even asking me if I was breastfeeding my son until like the second or third day! Finally this older nurse asked me if I was breastfeeding my son and did I need a pump. Thankfully I wasn't still breastfeeding or else we would have had to stop then. I was on so many different pain killers, sleeping pills, and so forth for two or three weeks that I wouldn't have been able to give him breastmilk! To me it seemed kinda like maybe I couldn't breastfeed him b/c someone Up There knew I was gonna be laid up in the hospital for a week and on heavy prescriptions? I dunno.. sounds silly I guess..

anyway, thanks again for all the responses.. it helps to hear how other people deal with this..