Attached Mamas Working Outside the HomeDo you face the unique challenges of balancing your career with your children? Come on in and talk with other moms who find ways to make their situation work for the whole family.
I'm new to AM. Just joined yesterday after finding out I'm expecting. (still AHHH! lol.) Anyway, it's probably too soon to be fretting about this, but I currently work as an Activity Director at a retirement home. I work 40 hours per week and make a decent living doing what I do. The work is minimal stress, but requires me to be in the office 5 days out of the week.
I know I'll be taking time off once the baby is born, but I'm wondering a few things.
1)How much time off should I take? I feel like 6 months is not enough (baby wise) and maybe a year is too much (job wise).
2)Should I even work AT ALL? True, we could use the money. I drive a gas-guzzler and live in an expensive neighborhood. The cost of living is just ridiculous. And if it was just me, I wouldn't have a problem eating normal food and buying normal things. But with the baby, I'm starting to go green...
ahh!! I'd really love some input from other mothers/mothers-to-be who work.
I will be back to this question in about an hour. I'm at work today and I'm about to go into a session, but I would like to come help you think through your thoughts on this.
Location: There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
Posts: 10,403
My main advice is to do whatever Rebecca says!
Seriously - only you can answer these questions.
Most moms on here stay home, I believe. My daughter is 7 and I've been home since a few months before she was born. But that was always the plan. So we bought our house and cars and all that with the intention that our income would be cut nearly in half when she was born.
I've been doing some very part time work for the last year or so. (My son is nearly four.) I love it and am ready to do more. I wouldn't have wanted to do it when either were truly babies, though. For me, two is about the age I feel OK being apart from them on a regular basis. But it's different for all moms/kids/families.
There's also the option to find an "in between" option. Is there a part time option for you? That would keep you active in your field, bring in some money, and allow you more time with your baby?
Quite a few people have downsized their lifestyles to allow mom to stay home. People sell their houses, move to smaller houses, get older cars, get rid of cable and cell phones and eating out and stuff. For some families, that's a perfect answer. For others, that wouldn't work at all.
Are you single or do you have a partner? Does he/she have thoughts on this?
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married to Robert * mommy to Emma (04/2001) & John (09/2004)
I am engaged. We're planning to get married next summer.
He knows that I was curious about possibly being pregnant, but he doesn't know it's been confirmed. I was trying to figure out how to give him the good news. It was so hard not saying anything to him as soon as he walked through the door last night!! lol. Any ideas on that??
Anyway, we've had light discussions on what we'd do once children came into the picture, but nothing too serious..yk, no planning.
Last edited by westcoastgirl : 07-08-2008 at 06:28 PM.
For realz, that is a question only you can answer for you and for your family. There are, approximately, one billion different opinions on what you should or should not do. Ignore each and every one of them.
You will find that there are the following attitudes among people and both of them are equally hurtful (IMO):
1. I didn't have children to have them be raised by someone else
2. I didn't go to school to get an education to waste it
Ignore those. Decide what is right for you and for yours and ignore everyone else because everyone is going to have an opinion about what the right thing to do is.
Also, spending time doing something other than fulltime in person mothering (and there are many options: working outside of the home, working inside the home, volunteering, whatever) does not have to be in the box 40 hours/week M-F 8-5. You can figure out what works.
Now, if you ask the question of what others have done, I would answer it the following way (not that I think my way is the right way for others; I think it is the right way for me and my family):
*I stayed home until my first born was one.
*I then worked a 40 hour work week which was brutal and wasn't something I felt was in the best interest of my family, but which worked out far better than I thought.
*When my second born was born, I switched to working two days a week and brought him with me until he was 6 months.
*Both kids then went to daycare two days/week until the baby was two.
*Now, I work three days/week (24 hours/week)
*My goal is to eventually transition to five days/week but keeping the 24/hours and being there when the school bus picks the kids up and when the school bus drops them off.
*I believe - and this is JMO for me and mine - that it is more important for me to be home when they are teens than when they are toddlers.
*I also believe that breastfeeding is critical.
But, that is what I've decided is right for me and mine.
You have to figure out what is right for you and yours and you will figure it out.
The way I grew up, both of my parents (divorced and re-married to other people) worked full-time outside of the home. I was, essentially, raised by my grandmother and my teachers. My family always provided and we were always close and together at dinner-time and such, but it would've been great to have my MOM there, yk?
That being said, it's so important for me to be there for my kid(s). I love my job, but not enough to miss important moments and be around whenever they need me ykwim?
I appreciate what you all have to say. I guess I shouldn't ask your opinion on what *I* should do, but rather see what you all have done and how that has worked for your family. That makes a lot more sense. I'm the kind of woman who likes to see everyone's pov and how that worked for them and then make a decision. lol.
whatever you choose...start planning now by cutting back and living with less. Get a cheaper car, save some $$$, spend less NOW, and pretend like you aren't going back to work. That way, if it comes down to a last minute decision, you are prepared. You'll either be way ahead or the shock of scaling back won't be so difficult.
And I agree with what Rebecca said.
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~Jennifer~
wife to a lifeguard hunk
mom to 4 boys On Your Left... Athlinks
That being said, it's so important for me to be there for my kid(s). I love my job, but not enough to miss important moments and be around whenever they need me ykwim?
sounds as if you know one thing that is important to you.
You still haven't told him? What do you think his reaction is going to be? Welcome or apprehensive?
That's a tough question that nobody else can answer for you. Personally, I'm of the opinion that the kids are only young once and there are plenty of years ahead to work.
Be prepared that you may end up deciding to go back to work after the baby is born but once the baby is here, those plans may change completely.
If it's possible to scale back now and make it on one income, I can't see why you wouldn't want to stay home at least part time.
There are plenty of part time jobs available where a mama can stay home during the day and work some evenings and/or weekends. I even took a job delivering pizzas for a while when my oldest was little in order to be home.
Good luck on the decision making process!
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Rachel
Wife to Bryant
Mom to Jacob 12-25-95 and Owen 12-13-02
I left my options open just in case, but never really planned to return to work. It's been good.
There is at least one book on this subject that is good, but I can't remember the title at the moment.
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Ann
mommy to Morgan Phillip 5/24/02
and Elisha Nicole 5/10/05
and Bethany Alyssa 1/5/08
6 months old! Wearing sister's tutu that mommy made!
There is a book called Leaving the Workplace, it's a focus on the family book. There is a lot of good info on budgeting and the transition from work to home.
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~Gael~
Mom to Grace 11 and Santino 5 months
whatever you choose...start planning now by cutting back and living with less. Get a cheaper car, save some $$$, spend less NOW, and pretend like you aren't going back to work. That way, if it comes down to a last minute decision, you are prepared. You'll either be way ahead or the shock of scaling back won't be so difficult.
And I agree with what Rebecca said.
For me it was kinda a last minute decision. I had a feeling that I wanted to stay home after having kids, but still thought that working was a good idea, too. It sure is easier to have nice things when there are two incomes. I had a good childcare situation set up, a pumping-friendly job, good benefits, etc. But we also did some cutting back, knowing that eventually, if things worked out, I could become a SAHM.
After ten weeks of maternity leave, I went back to work and HATED it. I lasted six weeks before giving my notice to the company. It was really hard financially, but dh switched jobs and I found a part time telecommuting job, and it all worked out. As an added bonus, we learned how to live much more simply, and now live pretty comfortably on a lot less than we used to make.
I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby.
You still haven't told him? What do you think his reaction is going to be? Welcome or apprehensive?
I think a healthy mixture of both! We're both young, but we both know that everything works in God's time. I'm sure after the initial shock, he'll be just as excited as I am. lol
When my firstborn was born, I was a teacher. I took 9 weeks maternity leave (she was born in early November and I went back mid-January), then had an IDEAL childcare situation. DH is a cop and works rotating shifts, so when she wasn't home with him, she was with my best friend. Even with my IDEAL situation, I hated leaving her. I had a very pumping/breastfeeding-friendly environment (I pumped 2x a day and nursed her usually on my lunch/planning period). Even so, I finished out that school year LITERALLY counting the days and resigned. I've since had 2 more children (eldest is 6 1/2) and have never regretted not going back to teaching. I work part-time out of the home (waiting tables), which is nice both for getting out and for the extra money. I also homeschool our kids, which is, in itself, a huge job.
I totally echo the "you have to do what's right for your family" sentiment previously posted. I just wanted to tell you what we did (since you asked!)
Good luck; let us know how your SO takes the news!
Gretchen
GO USA!!
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