Attached Mamas Working Outside the HomeDo you face the unique challenges of balancing your career with your children? Come on in and talk with other moms who find ways to make their situation work for the whole family.
This is insane. I have been working 7am-7pm on Saturdays and Sundays for a while now. I am so tired there are no words to even begin to describe it.....I am on my feet the majority of the 12 hours each day and then I run home to try to see the kids for an hour or 2 before they go to bed and then I literally pass out, only to get up @ 5:30 am and do it again. So here we are, Monday morning, and the house is a MESS. DH does keep the kitchen tidied up, so that's good, but the rest is just --- awful. All I do on Mondays is think about when I can lay down for a minute and then practically cry when I look around and see all I need to do.
My plan each week is to have the house in great condition by Friday. So I spend Tuesday thru Friday working my tail off, only to repeat the cycle week after week after week.
I've been married long enough to know that no matter how much I try to get Dh to do certain things around the house, he won't change and I actually feel like I'm getting a good thing out of him just by keeping the kitchen picked up.
In the big picture, I see that a clean house is not the end all/ be all of a happy life. DH is spending great time w/ the kids, getting to know them and play with them in a way he never did before I worked. I really view me working right now as a win/win situation for all involved. Having a clean house would just be icing on the cake, so to speak.
As I write this I realize I feel better about it. Sometimes I guess it's all about perspective.
__________________
Life at its best...Game Day in Auburn, Alabama...Go War Eagle!
they are destroying it so bad it takes you 4 days to fix it again even with the kitchen tidied up?
That's the sort of thing that would make me stop cleaning altogether until he learned I wasn't a **** maid.
__________________
When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
Thomas Jefferson
Location: There's no place like home! There's no place like home!
Posts: 10,604
What kind of stuff is getting messed up? What do you find yourself doing over and over during that time? Picking up toys? Cleaning floors? Laundry? Can your kids do any of it? Can your husband do stuff with their help?
I'd be crying!
__________________
married to Robert * mommy to Emma (04/2001) & John (09/2004)
I'd say "look here mr. man, I'm not cooking or cleaning jack s.hit until you learn how to do a little around here."
nothing passive about it but plenty of aggressive
I'd say "look here mr. man, I'm not cooking or cleaning jack s.hit until you learn how to do a little around here."
I don't know about Jen's DH, but mine would not be phased by that in the least. He'll just step over the mess, may be grumble a thing or two and that would be the end of it. And go out to eat (read - spend not so plentiful money) while saying "well, we have nothing in the house to eat"
I really don't ask much of my Dh for several reasons -- the weekends are long for him (I'm gone for 14 hrs each day) and with 3 kids, that is a long time to be on solo duty. Also, he works a full time job as well as goes to post-grad school full time. So his "time off" is relatively non-existent. And he has cerebral palsy, so he physically can only do so much. For instance, he is unable to sweep or mop or vacuum. He improvises ways to do a lot of household chores, but it hurts him and I ask him *not* to do things that will cause him physical pain.
My boys have enough responsibility laid on them due to their daddy's disability without adding more -- they do their chores plus so much more very willingly and with a wonderful spirit, so I do not pile more on them than I have to.
Dh has never felt I was a maid --- when I complain that I didn't get any housework done for whatever reason, he has always replied with "you're a mom, not a housekeeper." Like Irina's DH, mine just doesn't see, nor mind, the mess. And he can't understand why it bothers me.
My post was just a complaint from one working mom to others who may understand....that's all.
Well, I say just imagine your house is clean and by the grace of the power of attraction it will be. Good luck and I hope somehow it improves for you and you manifest exactly what you want!
Well, what I'm about to say should come as no surprise: hire someone to come in every other week. I believe that is a WOHM need. Really. When I first went back to work, I figured that I could keep up with the housework. Fast forward two months and I'd done zero housekeeping. At that point, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen. Pulled in the budget in other areas.
I work full time, and I can't afford a cleaning service.
Right now Tom is home with the kids so he is responsible for basic cleanup, one load of laundry per day, vaccuuming, mopping kitchen floor - not all at once. I've learned to live with it. He cooks dinner every night too.
On Saturday he does the yard work and pool while I do the bathrooms (Chels does her shower/tub), dusting and one area of deep clean and finish off the laundry.
Once a month I do the fridge and stove.
We do what we can do and we give up the rest
__________________
~Barb
Mama to Chelsey, turning 19, 8yo Zoey & 5yo Roman
I have a magnet on my fridge that says "sticky floors = happy kids". Good thing I HATE doing floors.
I have broken down my housework...even made a chart.... each day there are two things that get done after work... on top of coming home and cooking supper.
Laundry can wait until the weekend when I am off, if not son can throw a load together.
Before I did my chart thing, I was soooo overwhelmed... I cried and cried and of course nothing got done because I saw it as me having to try to get everything done in one day. I had a very good therapist help me work through this.... thank sweet sweet Jesus for that man or I might still be sitting on the couch crying.
I don't know about Jen's DH, but mine would not be phased by that in the least. He'll just step over the mess, may be grumble a thing or two and that would be the end of it.
Sooooo my dh. Aaaaagh. Gets me nuts.
We just hired someone new to come clean for us. Tried someone yesterday who took the $80 and split early, didn't clean much, and left our door unlocked (my babysitter was supposed to stay here and pay her at the end of the day, oh well). My FT babysitter was supposed to be cleaning to some extent, but it doesn't seem to be happening (never mops the floor of the bathrooms or kitchen, piles things that don't belong into corners rather than putting them away, throws little pieces of games and puzzles into the container that holds the play food so that I can't find them when I actually have a minute to play with my kids). Somehow I feel like my work is multiplied instead of divided...
Sometimes I guess it's all about perspective. 
Jen, just wanted to chime it and say "You are not alone!" I am in a very similar situation, even our DHs seem to "operate" in the same way.
Claire, Montessori-teaching mama of two boys.
Linear Mode
