amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

blended05 · 06-15-2008, 04:43 AM

I am working nights as a nurse and am so exhausted!! I took a job 10 minutes from home to be close to home. I am working nights so that there is always an adult home with the kids. But, I am exhausted and husband is gripping that he is doing laundry and oldest daughter is cooking dinner (she loves cooking and wants to be a chef someday). Physically I am tired as nurses are over tasked (56 patients to pass meds to and be responsible for). Emotionally drained because husband demanded that I return to work and now makes me feel awful that I can't do it all. How do you all manage? I am mom of 5 kiddos still at home ages 5 to 16.

Barb · 06-15-2008, 12:09 PM

I honestly don't know how you do it and I can only imagine you're exhausted. Nursing in and of itself as a profession is exhausting.

What does your husband do for a living? I'm concerned about "husband demanded that I return to work". That statement is pretty significant. My husband would not *demand* anything of me - he might suggest, we might discuss, but I went back to work after 7 years at home because I wanted to, and because it was what we needed to do financially. When I did go back to work, the rules of the house changed including help with laundry, help with cooking and cleaning - I would not tolerate being expected to work full time and care for the house full time - no human can do that successfully. Period.

Is there any way to get on days? And get the family involved in helping maintain the house?
Glad that your daughter helps with the cooking. That is I'm sure helpful.

In our situation = we share all the responsibilities. Right now my dh is off work due to an injury (workmans comp) so he is responsible for the house except for weekends when I deep clean since he's the tidy/dishes/laundry guy and he is the daytime parent (which we all know is very tough) and does the dinner cooking.
When he goes back to work, the responsibilities will shift again and I'll take on more household stuff as I'd never expect HIM to work all day and then come home and cook and clean - he'd not expect that of ME either.

A chore chart might help - get everyone involved. A family is a team and has to work together to keep running.

Ftr, my kids are almost 5 (but really more like 3 1/2 emotionally), almost 8 and 18.

blended05 · 06-16-2008, 11:50 AM

Husband is retired military and couldn't get a job (due to war and budget cuts in the gov) for quite awhile. Because of the military he was always worried how the kids and I would survive if something happened to him. So I went to school for nursing. Graduated last May and began working as a nurse in December. All the kids are in school so I sleep until school is out. Financially I had to go back to work. As far as my husband, he quit working as a team along time ago. Long story short our marriage is shaky at best but he is a great father and I hope eventually he will return to the loving, kind, understanding man he once was. I hope maybe when we are not so financially drained and stressed things will get better with us again.
I will try a chore chart for the kids. My neighbor wants to start walking together. At first, I thought it would just make me more tired but now I think it may be a great stress reliever and something for myself.
I hope to switch to days eventually but for now there are no day openings and I am still such a new nurse alot of places want a year of experience.
Thank you for the advice and kind words.

Claire Berry · 06-16-2008, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blended05

I am working nights as a nurse and am so exhausted!! I took a job 10 minutes from home to be close to home. I am working nights so that there is always an adult home with the kids. But, I am exhausted and husband is gripping that he is doing laundry and oldest daughter is cooking dinner (she loves cooking and wants to be a chef someday). Physically I am tired as nurses are over tasked (56 patients to pass meds to and be responsible for). Emotionally drained because husband demanded that I return to work and now makes me feel awful that I can't do it all. How do you all manage? I am mom of 5 kiddos still at home ages 5 to 16.

Ugghh, working nights is SO hard on a person. That is so cool that your daughter is using her interests and talents to help out.

Don't let him make you feel awful that you can't do it all. You shouldn't be expected to and I have a feel it is as much you expecting yourself to do it as it is him. Things have a wierd way of working out that way. We see what is inside of us all the time in our outer lives. Take time to enjoy each other and have faith that you will keep evolving and find solutions that work for everyone.

Good luck!

blended05 · 06-17-2008, 01:23 PM

You are right. I was a stay at home mom for so long and deep down I miss doing it all for everyone...I miss being home. I've been stressen so bad trying to do what I used to do. Sometimes I need to step back. After reading what you wrote, I have realized that maybe I am trying to do so much to still feel like a stay at home mom. My husband is going to need to understand that we are both working now and everyone is going to have to pitch in and help. I am going to have to work on myself to let go of some of my own feelings of trying to measure up to my own expectations. My kids will still need me even if they do their own laundry.

Thank you,
Angela

tinyterror'sma · 06-17-2008, 02:26 PM

Angela - there are much better ways to let your family know that you love & support them other than washing their underware

. There is nothing wrong with a 16 yr old cooking dinner and everyone doing laundry & chores. My DH does most of the laundry b/c he's particular about how it's done. In fact I'm going to be way behind now that he's deploying. I might just have to buy me and girls more undies to make it through.