amitymamaThe Attachment Parenting Community

cathleenc · 04-18-2007, 02:47 PM

My dh came home last night after 5 days on a road trip for work with about 11 more out-of-town days scheduled during the next 30 days ahead. He's gone an average of 5-7 days every two months and I am really getting an attitude about it!

I was barely civil to him this morning and I regret that but it's so hard to feel delighted to see him when I feel like I carry so much of the family load single handedly. Our two boys really suffer and act out like crazy and I wilt and get crabby.

His work is awesome! Been meeting with the top epidemiologists in the world developing a product that could potentially save thousands of lives a year! I feel selfish complaining about his time away but but but but....

How do you handle solo parenting and working? Would love to share some groans and some hope and lightness.

thanks
Cathy

khlinville · 04-18-2007, 04:14 PM

My Dh doesn't travel, but I work part time and he works at least 14 hours a day and in the fall he is gone from Th morning to Sat night every week. I don't know how I handle it. Not well sometimes. I complain, I cry, I support, I encourage....I just try to balance the good and the bad so I don't come off as a total wench. I also try to rely on others for help when they offer it. I hope to see some good suggestions here too. I have 3 boys that neeeed him more than I do. Oh and he's a football coach/teacher - not saving any lives.

organicmama · 04-19-2007, 09:53 PM

That is so tough mama. I can imagine the load. But of course he needs your support so I hope you can get use to it somehow. Easier said than done! for sure.

Sunflower_Momma · 04-19-2007, 11:47 PM

You know, I think I understand, but from a different perspective. My dh does not travel with work, but it is so incredibly high stressed and high demand that he is emotionally and physically consumed with work far more than I'd like him to be. He only works from 8-6, but, he puts in 2-3 hours every single night (sometimes from home and sometimes he comes home for dinner and then goes back to work until the wee hours of the morning) and he generally puts in another 8 hours over the course of the weekend.

But, that's not the worst. The worst is that it is where his mind constantly resides. He's way over stressed. He's managing a project that the company has placed very unrealistic timeline deadlines and he has less than 1/2 the bodies he needs.

At the same time, it's an incredible opportunity to develop some incredible technology that will also save lives (something he developed and is now used regularly would have saved JFK Jr.'s life had it been available then).

but I'm getting to the point where I resent his job (even though it provides wonderfully for us). I have asked him to quit if it is still this demanding ten years from now (I'd like to ask for five, but was afraid he'd say no).

So, given how I feel with him physically being in the home every night, I can only imagine how you must feel.

cathleenc · 05-03-2007, 07:22 PM

Rebecca, I want to respond and say thank you for your post and that I've been thinking alot about what you posted.

My situation has improved because both dh and I did the work to communicate with each other. Big improvement. And dh spent the last week before taking off again to talk with both kids on a daily basis about listening to mom and being respectful. We're on day six of another 8 day trip for dh and this trip is like night and day for the kids and I - they are being sweet and responsive and I can do this!

I just couldn't do the separation part long term, though, and I know I would bonk at what you face on a daily basis. Looking at 5 - 10 years with a majorily awol husband sounds terrifying to me! But I know I 'trigger' on emotional unavailability so that is my interpretation..... not yours. And you didn't say emotional unavailability - you said 'his mind whirling' - but I can't even make the jump to that.

Anyway, thank you. I felt heard (badly needed) and honored by your sharing.
Cathy

tinyterror'sma · 05-04-2007, 02:02 PM

Cathy - I didn't respond before b/c weeks where my DH is either traveling or working until 9 pm I'm not in a great place myself and shouldn't be giving any advice to anyone. LOL.

But what helps for me is to set an appt of some kind for Wednesday to break up the week. Getting a babysitter to put this kids to bed (our biggest issue) and even better to give them dinner. Or I save Wed. for fast food or dinner out of the house.