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btdt, too. I try to see it in a similar light as turning down a date or dumping a boyfriend (way back when) - I try to do it in a way that helps them maintain their dignity and see themselves as desireable while being dumped. I'm completely honest about why it didn't work out on my end - but I do think that the knowledge of why it didn't work out has the real potential to help them step up the to plate the next time around.
sorry you had to do that! not fun at all.
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