Attached Mamas Working Outside the HomeDo you face the unique challenges of balancing your career with your children? Come on in and talk with other moms who find ways to make their situation work for the whole family.
anyone get tired of the whole, "I didn't have them
to be raised by someone else" thing?
Do you have phases where it is more annoying than others?
How do you deal with it?
99.9%of the time it doesn't bug me. I think it is annoying and condescending, but I accept it as par for the course. Right now, however, I find it more irritating (not hurtful, irritating) than usual.
Can't say that I've actually had that said to me in person but I'm aware of it going around many places, many times. I guess I feel called to work and just don't pay those who criticize any attention or any energy.
Oh, I find it downright hurtful when people say that.
There is no way a person can utter that phrase without thinking they are superior in some way to women who work, no matter how many times they tack on, "that's just me though" or any other such addendum.
**** happens. I wanted to stay home too. We've got to eat somehow. Nobody else "raised" my kid. I am doing that, thank you very much.
How do I deal with it? I ignore those people and vent online
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Laura, mama to Abel, age 9!
~my 2 favorite boys~
~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
Location: One tank gone second thoughts are on my mind. What's this trip gonna cost me this time? The devil I know is starting to look awfully kind. But the new road is an old friend.
Posts: 39,067
I'm ashamed to admit I've uttered that phrase more than once. I never thought of how hurtful it might be.
It was typically in the context of, "You should hire an au pair" from my Mother.
Eh, like I said 99.9% of the time it doesn't bug me.
I've said it in the far past (like when I was 18-20), but I do know - at least for me - that I didn't get the manner in which work would affect my family and that the WOHM is STILL THE MAMA. Until I did it, I didn't realize that there are parts of WOH that can benefit the entire family (and not in the "so we can have more stuff" line).
Just every once in a while I get irritated (not hurt) by the condescention.
I'm so glad that we have this forum so that I can actually utter the above statement.
And, I too, don't get the whole criticism between the SAHM and the WOHMs. Shoot, how can we - as women - expect others to treat us with respect and diginity if we don't even treat each other that way? I do believe that if we each sat down with each other and really listened to each others' story, we could see that the choices that most of us make are very valid choices that have been thought out and are the best choices in each of our given lives.
Do you have phases where it is more annoying than others?
How do you deal with it?
99.9%of the time it doesn't bug me. I think it is annoying and condescending, but I accept it as par for the course. Right now, however, I find it more irritating (not hurtful, irritating) than usual.
Don't take this the wrong way, but why do people talk to you so rudely?! I am not implying that you are "asking for it" but I can't believe someone could say such judgemental things, simply because you work outside the home!
I'm so sorry!!
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Amy, abuser of quotation marks and parentheses,
Mama to five sprites
Don't take this the wrong way, but why do people talk to you so rudely?! I am not implying that you are "asking for it" but I can't believe someone could say such judgemental things, simply because you work outside the home!
I'm so sorry!!
It wasn't said about me. It was a statement that I heard (and hear a lot in various forms), but it wasn't directed toward me.
Location: "the stars are matter, we're matter, but it doesn't matter."
Posts: 3,022
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_Momma
to be raised by someone else" thing?
.
That statement is just ignorant. I am in firm belief that it takes a village. No, other people are not raising your children for you, they are helping you. Do moms that say this live in a vacuum where no one else takes their kids, ever? Or teaches them, or interacts with them? Sheesh.
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Dawn,
mama to Maxine Day(8/01) and brand new Ivan Wolfgang(6/08), partner to Jason.
I've said it in regards to my sister who is not so happily married for 20yrs, and doesn't ever seem to have her kiddo with her. He's 4, in daycare from the time she opens until closing(for only $60/week, mind you!) spends the weekends with my other sister, and is in the church nursery 3 times a week while they attend services. They probably spend 12 waking hours with this child a week. It is so sad, but my sister and parents continue to enable her to leave him like that. So yeah, I do get frustrated with her, and when she badgers me about going back to work, I will say this.
Now, I don't ever say or think this about my friends, or anybody else, really. I think most Moms are just doing the best they can, and they really do have their child's best interest in mind. I'm not all that judgemental anymore, but I used to be when I was a new Mom.
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Angela - Mom to Hailey 1.6.97 & Madelaine 5.5.98 & Anna Grace 6.21.04
Location: One tank gone second thoughts are on my mind. What's this trip gonna cost me this time? The devil I know is starting to look awfully kind. But the new road is an old friend.
Posts: 39,067
I've been thinking about this thread in quiet times lately, and I realized what it is that prompted me to say that (or feel that way). Aside from the obvious conflict with my Mom and her belief that I should hire "help" - I think the main issue, for me, is that I don't have a tribe of people around me who are SAHMs IRL. Everyone I know (and particularly DH's colleague's wives) are WOHMs. I don't know if they resent me for staying home or if they really think it's something they couldn't do, but I get a lot of grief through the grapevine. Oddly, the husbands are more supportive and think it's great. Anyway. Just wanted to throw that out there, too. Not that a rationalization changes it at all.
I've never had anyone say it to me, but I do think it's a terrible thing to say. I WOH'd for more years than I have SAH'd, and I don't think I take better care of my kids 'cause I'm home more.
But I put this on par with the ****e I read on my hsing support groups...every now and again, and daily at MDC, that 'children who go to school are in insitutions...and that why would *anyone* have children if they were just going to warehouse them in an institution for 6/8/10 hours a day?' I always wonder what planet these people are on.
Nobody in my real life hsing group would ever say such a thing to a fellow parent! (People spew all sorts of hate when they are hiding behind their little screens, things they would never consider saying to flesh and blood folk in front of them).
Most people in my rl hsing group have had plenty of experience with all sorts of educational configurations, including 'letting' an older child who wants to be institutionalized, be institutionalized.
I didn't even know this forum existed. Cool. Hope you don't mind a SAHM stopping by.
< shameful look
thank you guys for letting me vent.
- Mom to Hailey 1.6.97 & Madelaine 5.5.98 & Anna Grace 6.21.04 
Anyway. Just wanted to throw that out there, too. Not that a rationalization changes it at all. 
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