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Location: Trying to find a few more hours in the day
Posts: 9,981
I don't know if I could be a SAHM ever again
I know this sounds horrible, but I have found myself getting frustrated w/my friends when they complain about money now. Now that I am working it is so nice to have extra money to do what we want when we want and as of right now we have no issues paying our bills. I homeschool and work 24-32 hours a week, yes it's a little hectic at times, but the financial freedom is so worth it. When I hear my friends talk about how they can't pay their electric bill I just want to tell them to get a stinkin job and stop complaining. I know it's horrible, I was a SAHM for 6 years but even in that time we didn't really struggle too much because we didn't own our house, we were renting.
I know staying at home is very important to many many people, but man, I just don't understand anymore now that I see the paycheck and I can still juggle everything any my kids only have a sitter for less than 5 hours a week.
Sorry I just had to get that off my chest it's really been bugging me for a while now.
I understand - to a point. I remember a discussion around these here parts several years ago about how it was so critical for a mother to SAH even when there was huge financial need so great that necessitated government assistance. I do sometimes feel like, "well, go get a job; it isn't the end of the world and your kids will still know you are the mom," but then again, it often is not fiancially feasible for moms to work. For a lot of people, it costs them more to work than to stay home, or the financial impact of working is so great that their net income increase is not worthwhile at all.
Location: "the stars are matter, we're matter, but it doesn't matter."
Posts: 3,099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_Momma
I understand - to a point. I remember a discussion around these here parts several years ago about how it was so critical for a mother to SAH even when there was huge financial need so great that necessitated government assistance. I do sometimes feel like, "well, go get a job; it isn't the end of the world and your kids will still know you are the mom," but then again, it often is not fiancially feasible for moms to work. For a lot of people, it costs them more to work than to stay home, or the financial impact of working is so great that their net income increase is not worthwhile at all.
Yep! And also on the flip side, job does not always equal financial comfort. Sometimes those of us with jobs are still struggling.
That being said, even if the financial impact wasn't what it would should be, I would still want to work at least part time for other reasons (not financial, but personal freedom.) So I agree with your original statement, the only way I would want to SAH again is if I had an infant.
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Dawn,
mama to Maxine Day(8/01) and brand new Ivan Wolfgang(6/08), partner to Jason.
I'm guessing I'll have similar feelings. The part time job at curves even helped. The full time job coming up will completely change our lives. Instead of surviving, we'll actually be able to pay off debt, pay bills and have some extra for saving for vacations and stuff again. I am really looking forward to it. I just don't want to be a sahm any more
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~Barb
Mama to Chelsey, turning 19, 8yo Zoey & 5yo Roman
The part time job at curves even helped. The full time job coming up will completely change our lives. Instead of surviving, we'll actually be able to pay off debt, pay bills and have some extra for saving for vacations and stuff again. I am really looking forward to it. I just don't want to be a sahm any more
Barb,
You expressed for me too!!! I am really considering going full-time teaching, but I have the issue of having a son who is mentally handicapped and even with pay at $12 a hour for someone to watch him from 4:15pm to about 6:00-7:00pm, I can't find anyone to do it!! Heck, when I was a SAHM, I'd have loved that job for extra income since it was in my home. (the state of Wyoming pays that much for childcare for any family who has a mentally handicapped child, regardless of the parents income!!! Cool, huh?)
If I went full-time teaching, we'd be even better off as far as debt reduction and being able to finally do things we've always wanted to do. Even now with my part-time teachers contract....our lives have changed!
I am lurking in this forum as I plan on finishing my degree this summer and hopefully, possibly, getting a job this fall?? Anyhow, interesting discussion here. I am really blessed because dh makes enough money that I can stay home. BUT - I feel like we are so dependent on his job, and that causes me stress and fear. And, we have $60K in student loans to pay off. They both just went into repayment and we have a goal to get them paid off in 5 years, and really, I need to be working for that to truly happen. So, it is inspiring to see the benefits.
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fighting off the cold with the warmth of my laptop
There are - IMO - many benefits to working. I believe that whatever one's CHOICE there are benefits. The key - again, IMO - is choice. I have not seen any negative impact on my family from my choice to work. I have, however, seen much benefit, but for whatever reason, society has created value judgments over either SAH or WOH. Both are valid and good if done from a point of thoughtful decision-making.
I personally could never SAH fulltime. Be it strength, weakness, or just neutral aspects of my personality, I do not do well without the benefit of working my mind in a different manner than I do at home. I also need (emotionally) to have a source of income that is all my own to make my own choices. Finally, I really like the extras I can give my children from the money I earn working two days a week. We can belong to a fun family gym. Lolo can take yoga, swimming, and tumbling. Those are all things we could absolutely not afford without my income. Girlie also gets to go to a preschool we feel good about. Again, couldn't do without my income.
I know some would say that I could provide those things myself were I to stay home - I could do preschool for my dd. I could do yoga. I could do tumbling. But, I would also say that given our social isolation living somewhere where we do not have any friends or family, that I have observed a negative impact on my family from our lack of social contacts. I seen Lauren thrive when she is around other children. She NEEDS this and it is something I cannot provide on my own.
Then, there is my mental health. I am happier when I don't feel so isolated - which I really feel a great deal. Were it not for work, dh would be the only adult with whom I would interact for months on end (until family came to visit). I thrive when I work part time.
My family really has not suffered, but rather has benefitted, from my decision to work.
Location: Trying to find a few more hours in the day
Posts: 9,981
thanks mamas, I honestly had a feeling I might get flamed so I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my feelings.
I do want to add that I don't mean to come down on people who struggle financially. Dawn, i'm sorry if I upset you with what I said. I do sympathise with those who do work and struggle.
I did think of something odd this AM. Of my friends whom I know that complain they have 2-3 kids and stay home. I also have several friends who have 5,7,9 kids and the moms stay home and I never hear those women complain about money. That just struck me as odd.
I have been giving alot of thought to going back to work. I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels they need more. I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I am hoping more mamas reply with thier pov.
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Kate~ mama to Joshua 8, Camden 6, and Annabelle 3
wife to B who has loved me since we were 8
I have been giving alot of thought to going back to work. I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels they need more. I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I am hoping more mamas reply with thier pov.
What held me back all these years were a few things:
1. Honest to goodness lack of a decent child care provider (we have always lived rural which means worse choices available)
2. My spending my 20's pregnant, breastfeeding, or adopting.
3. Our having adopted children with special needs (mentally handicapped) that were significant enough to screw up finding childcare until they were in school all day. Sadly, this is still an issue for us...I can't teach full-time until we can find someone to watch our son from 4-6pm M-Th and then from 2-6pm Friday. Even at $12 a hour we can't find someone!!!! Our state pays for a set amount of "respite" (childcare) for mentally handicapped children regardless of the family income.
4. Our sincerely held religious beliefs from our church that taught that women were to get educated and then stay at home full-time having all the babies they possibly could. The woman's education was to "fall back on" in case the husband died or was disabled or something. (we no longer hold to that religion...and from what I understand the religion itself has greatly changed in this teaching about # of babies and women working)
Am I the only one who is a better mom now that you are working? I really am a better mother!! I never imagined this would happen. I do think if I had had a relative or good quality childcare, I should have been working all these years. Looking back, teaching is a great job to have while having babies and breastfeeding. (although we'd still have had the problem with the mentally handicapped child) I think my working would also have changed how many children we ended up having which would have also made me and my dh better parents since we'd not be spread so thin. But, I'm glad we have the children we do! After typing that, I realize our lives would have been very different had I taught school all these years.
But then again, I'd not be the person I am without the experiences I had while being a full-time at-home mom for over 12 years, KWIM?
I do feel better about myself as a person. I love teaching so much!!! My job has made me a happier person overall. I'm more conscious of being thankful for everything since I started to work outside the home.
That said, it has been an adjustment for me. A BIG ADJUSTMENT!!! Only until very recently did I wonder if I should have stayed home and not taken the job. It has been a rough adjustment for not only me, but for my husband and children. Part of that is the fact that I took over a program/position that was failing and I have had to work full-time hours to turn it around. (but am paid part-time since I'm in a yearly contracted position)
I'll never go back to being home full-time again. I can say that now.
I'm going to stay part-time for next year for sure. I'll contract back in the teaching position at part-time. (I'm assuming they'll offer me my contract again!!*lol*) If we can manage to find someone reliable to watch our handicapped son, then I'll go full-time the year after that which would really really make our debt reduction soar FAST. If I can't find someone to watch our son, I'll stay part-time until he is 18 and we find a group home setting for him that he likes. (he won't be able to have his own apartment...but will live in a group home with other mentally handicapped people and then come home for visits like any other "normal" adult child)
Working has changed my life. I've met new people. I found the "real me" that was hiding under the only definition I ever gave myself which was "wife and mother."
I did struggle socially for a while and am still learning. I am unable to play the political game that you have in public schools and I think my administrators and fellow teachers realize that I'm totally transparent. What you see with me is what you get and I'm honest to a fault. The parents of my students love that and the fact that my classroom is open at all times for parents to come and go and volunteer.
Not sure if anyone is reading this post since it is so long. But it was good for me to post it and share how I feel.
Oh, one more thing. We have had to spend one of my twice monthly paychecks so far this year on things I had to get to go back into the workplace. Well, not all that money went to work items only....we were finally able to afford safe cookware and a couple other items that we've just gone without for our entire married life. But both of my checks will soon be going back on debt reduction and beefing up our savings beyond the $1K Dave Ramsey (financial guru) recommends.
We will probably experience some shock when tax time comes. My salary will put us into the tax bracket that carries the heaviest burden. But we'll deal with it!
I love working PT and could not go to full SAHM. (Throwing on flameproof suit - I started back to work 1 day a week when #2 was only 6 weeks old-she's still very attached to me & BFing).
On the flip side - I don't know when I'll ever be ready to work FT again either. That just seems too much - esp. around dinner time. Maybe if DH was home earlier, more, when his national guard is done, the kids are older, but I don't know.
I've had to shop daycare situations (I think I've used every option there is except live in nanny) and switch jobs but I still get a lot of personal satistfaction from working. And the $ although a lot less than if FT (esp b/c no vac time,etc) really makes a difference.
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Natalie
mom to
DD #1: tiny terror (6/01) who's becoming a nice little girl
DD #2: peanut 3/04 who's becoming a toddler terror
Wife to Mick -13 yrs
thanks mamas, I honestly had a feeling I might get flamed so I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my feelings.
I do want to add that I don't mean to come down on people who struggle financially. Dawn, i'm sorry if I upset you with what I said. I do sympathise with those who do work and struggle.
I did think of something odd this AM. Of my friends whom I know that complain they have 2-3 kids and stay home. I also have several friends who have 5,7,9 kids and the moms stay home and I never hear those women complain about money. That just struck me as odd.
Not directly related to this particular post, but I've been thinking about your OP all day.
Here's one thing I think/feel very strongly: I get irritated when people complain about anything over which they actually have a choice, but somehow feel it is easier to maintain the status quo and complain than to do the difficult - but ultimately better in the long term - decision.
On the flip side - I don't know when I'll ever be ready to work FT again either. That just seems too much - esp. around dinner time. Maybe if DH was home earlier, more, when his national guard is done, the kids are older, but I don't know.
I'm also in agreement - for me - with this. I really like the balance of parttime work.
But we'll deal with it!
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