Attached Mamas Working Outside the HomeDo you face the unique challenges of balancing your career with your children? Come on in and talk with other moms who find ways to make their situation work for the whole family.
"Working outside the home is easier because nobody is home making a mess."
I get this regularly. Both of my sisters-in-law have had to re-evaluate this notion since they started working. Most recently I heard it from a friend at Thanksgiving who has small children but would like to get back to her career before too long.
I grit my teeth and point out that everybody is still wearing clothes every day, food still needs to be bought, 3 meals a day still get prepared, pets are still shedding and coughing up hairballs, etc.....
Then there's entropy and its relationship with dust.
I'm not saying that staying home is easy. I'm just saying that things still need to get done at home when one is not home to do them.
Of course if someone else were home cleaning and cooking and calling the dentist, that would be heaven.
Okay, vent over.
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And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.
-- A. E. Housman
I haven't heard it, but honestly I have thought it. My situation is different tho in that I watch babies too. So yes, me working outside the home would mean that the house doesn't get thrashed with toys 12 times a day. If I clean it up before I leave I'll come home to it being clean kwim? If I make the beds and we leave the beds will still be made when I get home, not torn apart to make forts lol.
That said - they'll thrash it from the time we'd walk in the door til they go to bed and I'll still be cleaning it up, just after a days work outside the home lol. Now that my kids are older tho I'm thinking it may not be so bad.
I'm going back to work full time so these are alot of my thoughts honestly. Crockpot cooking, laundry on evenings and weekends, lunch hours for appointments - trying to think about how its all going to work out. And remembering what some of the pros will be.
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~Barb
Mama to Chelsey, turning 19, 8yo Zoey & 5yo Roman
I know that during the week, things seem to just get put places, not where they go, and I'm to tired to deal with it. I usually have to clean up breakfast, while trying to fix dinner, run laundry, which I don't fold because I'm tired, homework, baths, animals, lunches... I don't know what my point is, nothing ever seems to get done. I am really close to calling a family meeting, and nobody likes that!! lol
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~Gael~
Mom to Grace 11 and Santino 5 months
Hello Ladies...
Barb, I did not know you are going back to work full time. Details? Or were they posted on another thread.
Anyway, right now for me it's relatively easy given that I work 2 days/week, but when I was working full time, honestly, it was easier in some respects. Sure, I NEVER had a moment of rest until I went to bed because I'd pick up the kids, rush home, warm something up, feed the kids, clean up, get tubs started, fold laundry, put them to bed, put laundry away, put another load in, straighten up, maybe cook something for the next day. I would not stop until bedtime. Then, the weekends were all about cleaning, cooking, shopping for food, etc.
Heaven forbid someone got sick or had to go to the dentist.
So, it was absolutely busier, but - for me - in some ways it was easier emotionally because - for me - being home full time in a place where I have absolutely no social contacts at all, a burning drive that feels the need to "do something" on the checklist all the time, and a high needs baby can be pretty lonely and (sorry, I'm going to get SLAMMED for this) boring (at times, sorry, but it can be) and frustrating (because there is nothing for me).
Location: "the stars are matter, we're matter, but it doesn't matter."
Posts: 3,096
Yes, I've heard this.
I dunno. My kitchen is a royal mess now, even with having eaten hot dogs and frozen broccoli for dinner tonight and eaten out last night. I'm living in the stress of now, so my memory of sahm-ing might be foggy, but I'm pretty sure my kitchen was mostly a mess then, too. But the chaos has definately increased with working FT, along with (thankfully) my tolerance of chaos.
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Dawn,
mama to Maxine Day(8/01) and brand new Ivan Wolfgang(6/08), partner to Jason.
Barb, I did not know you are going back to work full time. Details? Or were they posted on another thread.
Yah, we're in big trouble financially. Dh's company are being true *******s, no bonuses, cutting pay for certain things etc. I lost two of the 4 daycare kids and the two I have left are both part time. The disney trip was saved for, paid for and planned - and now I feel totally stupid (i know, great memory, was a great plan at the time lol). Some unexpected expenses, blah blah .
Bottom line is that we're paying out $550mo for health insurance and dh made half this year of what he brought home last year. We have a HELOC and have been using it to make bills. Not a good situation and it has to change.
Romans been doing ok 2x week in preschool so I think the transition to full time will be tough, but ok. If I can drop off at 8 and get to a job at 8:30 dh can pick up Romy at 2:30 and then be home for the girls when they arrive at 2:50. S he'd only be in daycare like 6.5 hours or so (8-2:30) Still alot, but best we can do.
I've put out like 50 resumes this past 2 weeks and posted on monster, jobing etc. I have two interviews tomorrow. Bought a cute skirt and jacket/blazer and am just going to go in there and get me a job. I should be able to start at around $30-$34k year (i've been out of the field 6.5yrs so not going in at top money obviously but thats just fine to start at this point) and benefits. Gotta have benefits.
I have a daycare in mind. Its nothing fancy but my friends have had their daughter there since she was a year old (she's zoeys friend and still goes for after school care and during the summer) and they trust and like them alot. If I get an offer we'll go in and set it up. I've asked Romy if he wants to go to a new school every day and he says yes, every day like zoey. He is bored at home 3 days a week with me and the two infants. I mean, we bake, read books, play games, have tickle fests, do puzzles - but I also have to tend to the two babies and he gets nuts. I think it'll be good for him.
Honestly it may be really good for all of us. Money coming in will be a good thing. I'm hoping I'll find something I really enjoy. The two interviews this week are ok - but the job I really want is for UMOM at the homeless shelter. I'm hoping to hear about it this week.
Anyway, wow - didn't mean to write a novel but I'm pretty nervous, excited, anxious, scared etc to be working full time again.
Oh Barb! I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll find a good job and great space for your little guy. I do think it will be easier than having two babies at the same time.
I do think staying home can be difficult in a completely different way like Rebecca suggested. There are so many variables. But the chores are definitely not less because nobody is home all day.
Yeah I've heard it. I even said something similar, along the lines of "at least I get a bathroom break and a lunch break at work"
Though, as far as there being nobody to make messes... I don't know. We must then have some alien invasion or something, cuz the house most of the time IS a mess
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Irina,
Mom to Matt 08/87 Valerie 07/00
Yah, we're in big trouble financially. Dh's company are being true *******s, no bonuses, cutting pay for certain things etc. I lost two of the 4 daycare kids and the two I have left are both part time. The disney trip was saved for, paid for and planned - and now I feel totally stupid (i know, great memory, was a great plan at the time lol). Some unexpected expenses, blah blah .
Bottom line is that we're paying out $550mo for health insurance and dh made half this year of what he brought home last year. We have a HELOC and have been using it to make bills. Not a good situation and it has to change.
Romans been doing ok 2x week in preschool so I think the transition to full time will be tough, but ok. If I can drop off at 8 and get to a job at 8:30 dh can pick up Romy at 2:30 and then be home for the girls when they arrive at 2:50. S he'd only be in daycare like 6.5 hours or so (8-2:30) Still alot, but best we can do.
I've put out like 50 resumes this past 2 weeks and posted on monster, jobing etc. I have two interviews tomorrow. Bought a cute skirt and jacket/blazer and am just going to go in there and get me a job. I should be able to start at around $30-$34k year (i've been out of the field 6.5yrs so not going in at top money obviously but thats just fine to start at this point) and benefits. Gotta have benefits.
I have a daycare in mind. Its nothing fancy but my friends have had their daughter there since she was a year old (she's zoeys friend and still goes for after school care and during the summer) and they trust and like them alot. If I get an offer we'll go in and set it up. I've asked Romy if he wants to go to a new school every day and he says yes, every day like zoey. He is bored at home 3 days a week with me and the two infants. I mean, we bake, read books, play games, have tickle fests, do puzzles - but I also have to tend to the two babies and he gets nuts. I think it'll be good for him.
Honestly it may be really good for all of us. Money coming in will be a good thing. I'm hoping I'll find something I really enjoy. The two interviews this week are ok - but the job I really want is for UMOM at the homeless shelter. I'm hoping to hear about it this week.
Anyway, wow - didn't mean to write a novel but I'm pretty nervous, excited, anxious, scared etc to be working full time again.
Essh! very stressful.
And, seriously, that pay ain't shabby.
It'll all be good and way better than okay. It might even be less stressful than the homebased daycare. And, it'll certainly be less stress than worrying about money. And, Roman will probably love it.
I do think staying home can be difficult in a completely different way like Rebecca suggested. There are so many variables. But the chores are definitely not less because nobody is home all day.
oh, true that. It isn't as if those chores disappear. It isn't as if people transition to nudity once mom works full time out of the home. Or stop eating.
well. . . at least not in our home.
but, I will also say that when I started back to work full time, I swore I'd be able to keep up on the housecleaning and I did not want to pay to have someone else come in and do it. After two months of NOTHING getting done cleaning-wise (no toilets, no vacuuming, nothing other than laundry and kitchen), I had to call uncle and hire someone else. There is NO WAY I could have added that to everything else.
I just happened upon this thread and I hope you don't mind me butting into this forum where I don't really belong, LOL.
I don't WOH. I have SAH since two weeks before my first child was born 8 years ago, so I cannot speak from experience.
But I will say that my own mother, who WOH the whole time I was growing up, has said this exact same thing to me many times, like every time I complain about how messy my house it, LOL.
I'll be honest, that's one of my fears about going back to work one day, trying to find the time to do all of the things I do during the weekdays now. Grocery shopping, Dr. appts., laundry, general housekeeping, general errands, etc. Trying to cram all of that into evening and weekends scares the you know what out of me!
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Blessings,
Amy
Mama to Brendan (08-18-98), Ian (01-15-01), and baby Connor (6-1-05)! Also mom to my beloved goldens, Haley and Chase
Location: firmly planted in the postmodern pastoral economy
Posts: 12,328
Yeah, it's such a tradeoff. I work at home IN the home without children during school hours and it's nutso. From my perspective, being home is hard because I get distracted by phone calls, laundry, dishes, etc. If I work outside the home (and I sometimes choose to move my work to the library or a coffeehouse or whatever), then I come home and think UGH!!! when I look at all the stuff I didn't get done while I was working...yet if I'm home I'm not making money but the house is cleaner.
The balance is a very tough one to strike. Maybe it's just supposed to feel this crazy. My mom recently retired - she taught FT most of the years my two brothers and I were in school - and she says now she has no idea how she worked FT *and* did all the other **** she did. She says she cannot imagine squishing it all into one day. Sigh.
__________________ Be realistic: Plan for a miracle. ~Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
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I know that I am not outside the home, but I may have to be cuz dh isn"t bringing in the gravy this year and we are not in a good position. But I also must say that I am home all day-some of my children are in school, my teen dd is homeschooled but is going for her GED and then college, adn Olivia.
I work from the time I get up to the time I crash....sometimes I get a few minutes reading my book before I crash.....My family and house is always in need of tending to and working in the home or out of the home...well I feel the messes will still be there, regardless.
My family and house is always in need of tending to and working in the home or out of the home...well I feel the messes will still be there, regardless.
I think you nailed the point I was trying to make the whole time. Not whether one is harder than the other, etc...
Just that the house still needs tending either way!
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