I was feeling so confident about how things were going. My house was clean. I didn't ever have to tell Christian "no" because he seems to fit perfectly in sync with things. I watched less tv (Christian watched none) and spent evenings drinking my chamomile tea and reading from http://www.naturalchild.org (I now have a whole notebook filled with print-outs- Its a fabulous site)

But these days have been different. My house seems messy no matter how often I clean it and I am just being a lazy bum and wanting to mope or sit on the computer all the time. Christian has been watching too much tv for I have been using it as a default instead of finding something creative or imaginative to do. I don't want to go out and Christian's behavior is attrocious. I can see why it is bad but I am not sure how we got back here or how to get out of this rut.

He yells and hits and frankly doesn't listen to me. He won't nap, won't eat well. I've given him too much sugar. As a reaction I have been spanking and yelling all to no avail (these things DO NOT work and I know it, but I feel reduced to it, like I'm stuck in a rut) The more he acts out, the more frustrated I become and act out, the more he acts out and so on...

How do I stop this cycle? I feel lost, like I know what to do, but can't pull myself out. And I am a constant thinker (well, I try to convince myself) that it will be better if... when... but I need to be proactive NOW! I want to have confidence in myself again, but I know G*D must be reminding me that I need humility...

Any advice, it has been a tiring week.

LESLIE

Get out of the house. It is spring! Fresh air-playground time, talk to other moms...I know how it can be. It seems like a pain, but pack a bag and go out. I know when I am in a rut the last thing I want to do is leave the house...but when I force myself it does the trick. Maybe pack a picnic lunch and go to the park...Eat on a blanket...

It sounds like you KNOW what you need to do. The opposite of what you are doing. PAy attention to your son, shut off the TV. Cut out the sugar. Get off the computer(take a vacation from it for a couple of weeks) DOn't yell or hit...so awful. I am not criticizing you-just think about how humiliating that is for both of you. Don' ignore yourself or your son. I know that when my daughter is having a very fussy day, if I focus on her a while...even just ten minutes-it straightens out her mood. It certainly does become a vicious circle if you don't. For example, I am trying to get an email written, bills paid or cook dinner...my daughter keeps interrupting and whining...when I finally wake up and nurse her, read her a book, play in her room with her...for a little while she reenergizes and goes off to play by herself and then I continue on with what I was doing. Afterwards I think "DUH-why didn't I do that sooner) Our children do not have the emotional maturity to tell us what is wrong...he is acting out to get your help!

A clean house is not as important as your relationship with your son and both your happiness. But, if you are overwhelmed...then cut out the things in your life that you don't need to do...to give you time to do the things that you do. Enlist your sons help in a happy fun way. Children love to help. It may tak you longer to get stuff done... but that isn't important. Make it fun.:rolleyes:

Well, I am not being eloquent, but you need to break the cycle. I know you don't want to look back and think about this time with your son in a negative way. Don't be hard on yourself-be grateful you realized that things are not working out for you and MOVE forward.
PM me if you need someone to talk to. Or-PM talk to someone you trust!

PS-get out of the house without the kids if you can. Get a girlfriend or someone to watch them (if you have someone-if not ask your hubbie) and go away fro a couple of hours and do something for yourself. It will help clear your head.

((HUGS)) Leslie.....I hear you Mama, and think you are right on. It *is* a vicious cycle, and it does need to be stopped. As you are seeing, he is hitting and acting out, and the spanking him is not working......I think you may want to consider deciding that you are *not* going to spank, that is is not an option for you, and once you decide that, it is often easier to use those other discipline means and tools. Just decide that no, no more...you will not using hitting as a means of teaching your son. Harder than that, yes, but I think it's the first step, and a realllllly important one! (o:

That said, I think you may want to do 2 things....One, consider why he is acting out. Too much sugar? Ok, lets work on eating healthier and minimizing the sugar. Also look at his sleep, play time, etc. Is he sleeping enough, getting enough fresh air, playing enough? If not, try and change that. Set up a daily routine, maybe do one nightly for the following day....a loose schedule that ensures you and he eat well, play well, etc. These changes can really help how he and you behave and feel. (o:

Also, once you do the above, and he still acts out or behaves inappropriately, you want to teach him why it's not ok. And yes, offer natural consequences, depending on how he reacts. I know some kids do better with time outs, and others need other means. Consistency is a biggie.....Consider what seems to work well with him, or may work well, and stick to it. To avoid being over-harsh, consider the whys, as in why he is acting out.....often it is something beyond his control, like being over-tired, over-stimulated, needing a way to get his energy out, etc. These are things you can help with, and help avoid the meltdowns, and the acting out.

(((HUGS)))

Hugs for you Leslie...

You know, you've already accomplished a very huge step in recognizing that you want to change. You've already received some great advice, so I'll just add a few thoughts. When you reach the point where you feel you are losing (or have already lost) control of your emotions, take a time-out for yourself. Tell your child that you need to take a little break to calm down and that you'll be back to talk to him shortly. Then, go to another room, close the door and do whatever you need to do to calm down. By then, he will also have some time to wonder what mama is up to and possibly be off the tangent from before. Then, you hold him in your arms, tell him how much you love him and need him to listen. Force yourself to use the calmest, softest voice you can (where he can still hear you, of course!).

One thing that I am learning is that "somebody" has to be the grown up and that somebody is me. Children will act out, but that doesn't give me the excuse to act out with them. It only gives them more reinforcement and modeling to conduct themselves inappropriately. Plus, they feel more powerful to see how they can make me lose it. So, I just keep reminding myself: "I am the grown up. Act like it."

{{{Hugs}}}

Mama, no one will drop off the face of the earth if you took a few days or weeks to tend yourself and your family! Take a hiatus from being online/on your computer and do things with your family! Picnic on the lawn or in your livingroom, plant and tend a garden....fairy? Butterfly? Veggie? Strawberry patch? (yes, you can even have a garden in an apt!)....teach your ds to ride a bike, or go to the library for story time, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Summer is just around the corner! Enjoy the WARM pleasant weather as well as your ds! You'll most likely NOT think...boy, I have to admit to feeling badly about not reading the AM forums for a while as opposed to thinking, boy, I wish I'd spent more time with my ds! It's a hard things....adult conversations for many consist of these forums! (it does for me at times!)....so it's hard to let go, but you CAN keep in touch with those you really care about and whatnot.
BALANCE....home/family time vs computer/internet time. There are lots of things you and Christian can do to increase his knowledge and have FUN while doing it!

((HUGS))

I'm a yeller at times, so I do understand the guilt aspect of the computer vs child(ren) thing.

PS- Time outs work for us. They use it in his pre-preschool class and he'll FINALLY sit still for us to use it at home. My ds KNOWS he's done a NO-NO and has to sit down quietly for 3 minutes and when the time is up I tell him in no uncertain terms what he did was wrong and next time to do XYZ. (poop goes IN the potty, not as artwork on your bedroom walls; NO hitting the puppy, hitting hurts and hurting isn't nice, etc) It's beginning to work for us. Also, since starting Atkins, we're ALL eating a lot less sugar....mostly working on cutting out frivilous forms of sugar like cookies, candy, koolaid, etc. But that's working!

Wish I had better advice for you, hopefully someone else makes MUCH more sense than I.