OK, I'm getting so frustated. My 19 month old will not listen to me!!! I feel like I am telling him no all day long and I hate that, but he is such a daredevil and that's what all the no's are about! He's figured out he can climb onto the toy box or into it, and is not trying to figure out how to get all the way up top. He also climbs onto the couch, and around to the windowsill behind it and walks along the windowsill, which doesn't bother me as much, BUT now he's trying to climb back up over the top of the couch. He did this the other day and lost him balance flipped down onto the couch and bounced off HARD and flipped face first onto the floor. Did that stop him from doing it again? NO after all the tears, he got back up and tried it again! That's just the inside dangers..

Outside it's worse! He will not listen to me at all. We go outside and he makes a beeline for the sidewalk and will just run right off of the curb, which of course then he falls face first onto the road if I don't catch him! If we go for a walk anywhere, I have to hold his hand or else he takes off and tries to go into the road, again going right off the curb without looking. I see other kids his age outside walking with their parents and they don't have to hold his hand the whole time. They stop when they ask them to, they stay close to their parents. Not Connor!!

Mama's I'm at my wits end!! I don't know what to do anymore! He's not even listening to DH. Seriously, sometimes it's like he doesn't understand us. But he does.. at times he will acknowledge us, but keep on going. I hate constantly telling him no, but even talking to him, explaining it doesn't work.

Tonight he was being particularly daredevilish and not listening and I finally said OK, you can sit with mama now and held him in my lap for a minute and explained to him that he is sitting in my lap b/c he's not listening and trying to do stuff that will hurt him. The first time I did it for one minute and then let him back down. He was back at trying to climb the toy box again and playing with the stereo (which I know that he knows he shouldn't be doing~he turns it on and the volume all the way up!) So I scooped him up and held him in my lap again. He didn't like it and by a minute he was hitting me and biting me, so I told him he had to sit with me for another minute. Told him biting is not nice, hitting is not nice, I don't hit you, you don't hit mama, and so on. The entire time I was telling him why he was in my lap and for how long and so on. The second time he finally calmed down and stopped for a little bit.

I just don't know what to do anymore.. I'm getting so frustrated. Please if you have any advice!! All DH does is yells at him, even when I ask him not to. DH thinks rapping him on the hand will help.. not gonna happen. So please tell me something I can do?!!? I know he's a toddler and he's gonna do stuff like this, but this has been going on for 7 months now!! :(

Oh mama, we have boys cut from the same cloth. My boy is just a year older. :)

First things first: Lay the toy box on it's side and push the couch against a wall. And start living by this philosophy....if it's in the house, he can get it.

These two things work, redirect and distract. But for them to work, you have to have things ready for distraction. I keep favorite toys hidden to pull out when I really need them. My son looooooves blocks. I don't allow him to free play with them because I need them for distraction. The sound of them being poured out onto the table makes him stop in his tracks.

Also plan some big time motor play....plain ole rough housing. Make it daily and have dad do it. Dads are better at it. I know that's sexist, but they are....it's their nature, rough and tumble. Pull all the cushions onto the carpet and have a big old fashioned pillow fight. My boy plays hard, he can take down his 11 year old brother but still after just 15 minutes of tumbling he's rubbing his eyes saying. "mama, I go nigh nigh."

Hang in there, I *know* it's frustrating....especially when he plows through your freshly folded and stacked clean laundry!

Katie

Our children are sent to us to give us some of life's biggest tests aren't they? Well, I don't have child like yours, but one of my closest friends does. I agree whole heartedly with Katies advice. Redirect and distract. Using 'no' all the time just makes it loose its meaning. If I find myself saying 'no' to my daughter too much, it is a reminder to redirect and distract. It works much better. Of course 'No' is necessary with emminent danger. I also agree with rearrange your house so it is less inviting to danger for your son. Now is not going to be the time that your house is arranged to your aesthetic liking.

My friend with the 15 mo wild boy had to remove all chairs from the living area of her house. Her son uses them to climb onto everything. Instead of fighting something she can't stop-she just made it unavailable. Another friend put a slide/climbing thing in her living room (maybe by little tykes) Her climing daughter (16 mo) directs her energy climbing and sliding on that. She throws her toys down it etc. Her mom says it really has helped redirect her daughters energy.

The outdoor thing...it must be so hard. But, he has to be safe. If that means hold your hand or be carried because he isn't acting in a sfae manner so be it. Even if he kicks and screams and everybody stares at you-you are the good mother! WHo cares if they are staring at you and thinking that you are not?

My friend is reading "Raising Your Spirited Child' by Mary Kurcinka She really like it. It is $11.00 on Amazon. It has been really helpful to her. (it also helps you deal with all kinds of other personalitites-like verbose AmityMamas!) You may find it your Library. Remember this too shall pass...Our local La Leche leader had a child like yours (her fourth) He grew out of it when he was four! I am not saying that to scare you-I am saying that he is six and has not been that way for two years.

:eek:

I redirect and distract! He's figured it out and doesn't fall for it anymore.. seriously!! All I used to have to do was put the remote where he could get it or the phone and he'd stop what he was doing and go straight for the chance to play with them. Not anymore. I try with other things too.. toys, books, food (surprisingly that doesn't work, when all he ever wants to do is eat!! LOL), videos, you name it, I've tried redirecting. I've moved as much stuff as i can out of there and rearranged things as much as possible. (by there I mean the living room, where he does all his climbing) Seriously we've re-arranged the furniture so much to try to find a solution. It'll work for a little while, then he figures a way around it. :( The toy box, I think I'm just going to have to put somewhere out of sight. It's a rubbermaid type toy box.. it's got a bottom like rubbermaid containers, then a big top with an opening and a shelf up top and a sliding door thingy to close it. Putting it on the side won't work, taking the top off won't work, he'll still climb on the edge of the bottom part. We're going to have to figure something out to do about that. The only thing I can think of to get him off the windowsill behind the couch (it's actully the love seat he climbs on to do this.. don't know why I said couch.. lol the couch is against the wall) is move it out a little bit so he can't do it. But it's only a matter of time before he can get on the windowsill without any help b/c it's very low. He's just too darn smart!! LOL I should be happy I have such a brilliant child!! ;)

He definately does rough house with daddy though and I'm taking him outside to play whenever it's nice enough outside (everyday this week so far). I even brought him to the park to run around someplace without having to worry about curbs and such today. Didn't tire him out! LOL

Thanks for the suggestions though.. I'll keep on searching for stuff that works for us. It's supposed to be rainy tomorrow, so I think a trip to the library is in order.. :) Maybe we'll find some helpful books there..

I also have an acrobatic, crazymaking child who loves adventure! ;)

I learned to pick my battles, things that will REALLY harm her (like the stove) and allow her to explore even if I'm worried she will fall and bonk. I wouldn't let her climb on the fridge mind you, but on the back of the couch that is against a wall? Well, I don't like it, but I don't want to be constantly vigilant and stop her from doing it each and every time.

Toddlers are all little climbers, runners and explorers. That is the big developmental phase they are in - learning about their body's limits! A few falls from something and they will either 1) stop doing it temporarily or 2) keep doing it a few more times until they master it and move on to something else more exciting.

My suggestion, cringe, tell him you're scared that he will get hurt, let him explore (within reason), comfort him when he gets hurt and tell him that is why you were scared.

From Dr Sears:
During the second year your baby's temperament will become more apparent. "Bubbly," "daredevil," "determined," "cautious," and "adventurous" are just a few of the labels toddlers acquire. Children come wired differently, and different kinds of children need different kinds of discipline. Matthew, a relatively cautious toddler, seemed to think out a task carefully before attempting it. If he got himself in too deep he would not protest being rescued. our two-year-old Lauren came wired with a different program. She sees an enticing gadget on top of the kitchen counter and she is willing to risk life and limb to get it. Because of her personality, we don't often let her out of our sight. Her drive helps her keep going, to get up after falling, to persist after being told "no," to struggle with words to make her needs known. It also inspires her to climb higher if the cookie jar has been promoted to the top shelf. The parents' task, in the words of one frazzled toddler manager, is to "keep my child from breaking his neck, and yet encourage him to learn." Think "age-appropriate behavior" and you'll be able to give age-appropriate direction.
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/t060400.asp

HTH, this will pass!!!

ditto everything above with the caveat of don't expect it to get much better until he nears the age of 3-4 years old. I've got 3 kids that have been like this - my dd at age 3 1/2 FINALLY started understanding the why's for the "no's" and developing the attention span and imagination to play other games instead of just climbing everywhere and getting into mischeif. My 2 1/2 year old boy is getting there, he wasn't as bad as my daughter was but that's because his older sister often draws him into her games.

I've got a 16 month old now - who is in this stage. She climbs on the stove, up shelves, on the table, has fallen off a top bunk when we were visiting friends (their kids opened the bedroom door - it had been shut to keep her out). I'm surprised any of us survive to adulthood. It's scary, but it is just a stage. I've had to get back in the habit of carrying her along with me if I have to go upstairs for laundry or go to the bathroom. Constant supervision & re-direction a million times a day.

It will get better - but don't expect it much better for another year or even two. What really, really helps for us is to get the kids out to a playground whenever we can - then they can climb around all they want and get that out of their systems.

Thanks mamas for your suggestions and advice. I'm going to go to the library today and check out some positive discipline books, maybe that will give me some insight and advice. I've put up his wooden toys (block, ring stacker, and some other stuff) and whenever he starts climbing I get them down and dump them out for him. It seems to be working a little bit...

Lots of good advice here - I too have a couple like this. It does get better:)

One thing I noticed was that you talk a lot to him. Now, I think that's great, but I have found that these active little toddler boys respond best to few words.

When my boys were about that age they climbed everywhere. And I overlooked most of it, but on the really bad stuff I just said "no, that's not for you" and got them into something else. I might have had to say no a bunch of times over 1 thing - but I didn't give lots of explanations.

They tend to tune out the explanations and just learn to not hear you. Mom becomes all talk and no action. So, just say no and then do something about it.

If mine persisted then I would take them to another room or different location. If we were out someplace, I left if they couldn't act right.


I hope this helps - Melinda

Some more practical ideas:

When you go on walks - how about a harness. I had one for my son and it was great. It was a five point - like the car seats, so they couldn't wiggle out of it and it had loops at the back (out of reach) that I could either hook a leash too, or some small straps.

I used the leash when we were out walking and he could explore, but couldn't run off and dart into traffic and he didn't have to hold my hand.

The small straps were great for hooking into the grocery cart (always standing up) or the high chair or stroller.

Yes, people gave me dirty looks - but who cares, my son wasn't hit by a car, lost in the store or tumbling out of the grocery cart.

Also - for those busy boys, I've found playdough does wonders for working out aggression. They can get a lot of energy out by working with it. Also, water play is very soothing to them. I used to set mine up with one of the sinks and soapy water while I did the dishes in the other sink. He enjoyed being close to me and felt like a helper and had fun. Yes, the foor got wet - but it was soap and water - the floor needed that!

Go outside and play as much as possible whatever the weather for as long as possible. Get good and dirty!

For discipline - few words and very firm. Pick your battles carefully and consistantly discipline for them. I often had to leave places when out because mine couldn't act right - very hard to do, but very effective.

Also, my very active ones really need a good diet, a structured routine and lots of sleep. If they are tired or hungry, they are crazy.

HTH - Melinda