And I'm trying to act brave. But I'm just so very scared. :(

I signed my student loan agreement today. We've got our flights booked. We've opened a bank account and got a rental manager in New Zealand. I'm getting rid of stuff every day. We're getting close. And I'm so afraid. This is such a big step for all of us. I hope I can really do this. I can't fail so many people.

Kerri

Of course you can do this!

And even if there is a little snag here and there - you will not be "failing" anybody. I mean- it *is* a huge change. It's no surprise you are feeling a "little" nervous :)

Best of luck to you mama :cross:

Irina is so wise. Listen to her :)

This is a big move--it's normal to feel maybe a little overwhelmed--but as someone married to a WONDERFUL husband who has been more than a little underemployed for a while now--let me tell you that success is where you find it. You can "fail" in one area while rocketing to success in another. Don't worry too much about where the joy will come from. It'll be there to find.

The more I think about it, it's not actually going to school that's freaking me out. It's the logistics of selling our cars, renting our house, fixing up all the paperwork, etc. That stuff overwhelms me because I'm in charge of it all.

I know I'm good at attending births, and I did reasonably well grade-wise last time I was in school. It's the unknowns like finding a place, not being able to envision what our lives will look like. And taking on debt is a very big a scary thing to me. We don't do debt.

I know I'm not in control here, but I'm the oldest child and not being in charge is very scary for me. ;)

Kerri

I can totally relate to the moving logistics aspect... the big picture IS scary... but when you take it one or two steps at a time it is so manageable. When I look back on our move here, I can't believe we ever did it even though I KNOW we did....

You're right. When I look back at everything I've done so far, we've made enormous progress. Just the application was a ton of work. Then my husband's NZ work permit and the kids' citizenship registrations. Then the student loan. Now we think we've found good renters (just showed the house today) and that's hopefully one huge thing done. Next we just have to sell our cars, I guess. It WILL be okay, but I'm really worn out with all of it.

Kerri

You are doing GREAT. ONe moment at atime.
I just ran into Leslie...she graduated the program. SHe might be going back to BC in Jan...she is so excited, she is a MIDWIFE!

I can see it for you.

I know how crazy it all is moving across the world. We did it and are VERy seriously looking to do it again. The funny part is that it seems harder going back *home*.

At least we don't have to do all the paperwork. pfew.

One moment at a time.
If you need anything I can do for you, please ask. I know you have Belinda...but you never know...:)
xo~L

Kerri - you are so capable of doing all of this. I totally believe in you. :hug:

Aww, you guys are awesome.

Christy, we're hoping to be blessed by the furniture fairy when we get there, so send some of those good vibes our way. ;) Not much of a second-hand market there apparently (right, Linda?), so we'll be sleeping on the floor until we can gradually find what we need.

Linda, that's great that Leslie's moving back here, tell her we want her for sure! We are SO desperate for midwives. It's crazy. A province of millions with about 100 midwives is a bit of a joke. We're probably going to be in Masterton because it has commuter trains to Wellington (where my school is) and the rent is about half the price as in the capital.

We have to draft up some kind of resignation letter for Dave to hand in at work. It kills him to do it because they need and actually appreciate him, but we're hoping they'll want him back in 3 years. He's a hard worker, so I'm thinking they will.

Anyway, I just can't sleep anymore these days. I'm tired all the time, but I lie there thinking about everything. The freezing weather triggers Noah's asthma and he's coughing tonight, so I listen and worry. :(

Kerri