My 15 y/o DD is a great kid. She is a very positive person. I don't know why this bothers me, but she claims credit for everything that happens to her. (Think of the movie and book, THE SECRET.) She acts as if she wills everything into being by her positive thinking.

For example, I am trying to get her into a program that will allow her to spend an entire school year in India. There will be meetings I need to attend, applications filled out, passport applied for...

She is acting like this is her idea and she is the one that is going to make it happen although she has emailed no one, looked up anything. Her dad will work overtime to finace the trip, not to mention me running here and there with 5 kids. I want to do this, because I know it will be a positive experience for her. When I was a teen, I would have loved to study abroad, but my parents saw no need and I was too undisciplined to save money and do the neccessary stuff on my own.

Why do I want credit? Why do I want her to appreciate me?! Why am I so friggin insecure I need a pat on the back?!!

I don't think it's crazy or far fetched to want your kids to notice when people are doing nice things for them. I think it's not crazy to expect thank yous either. :) Does she know you are feeling unappreciated?

Its not about a pat on the back or even being appreciated. I think its about TEACHING THEM that when someone is doing something on your behalf, you show appreciation, and its good to practice on mom. How do I know this? Because I wish I'd spent more time at 15 REQUIRING her to learn to verbalize appreciation for those around her, including me - because now at almost 19 she's a real jerk most of the time to everyone who helps her and they don't tolerate it. So she loses friends and pisses off family members.

Do it now. While you still can.

I think I would put some of the responsibility on her and be prepared for the natural consequences of it not happening.
You SHOULD get credit for what you are doing for her.

You are not out of line, she is. I don't think it is wrong to expect someone to look outside of themselves in gratitude just a bit. We are seeing this already in our 11yo and I am trying to put the brakes on it significantly, she has lived a comfy life and has developed an insatiable appetite for more, more, more of everything. Nothing is ever enough. So more of nothing it is becoming until it starts becoming enough. :)

I don't think it's crazy or far fetched to want your kids to notice when people are doing nice things for them. I think it's not crazy to expect thank yous either. :) Does she know you are feeling unappreciated?

I had a long talk with her. I told her I felt unappreciated when she doesn't recognize the things I do for her to make dreams possible. She was very apologetic and told me she is thankful but forgets to thank me. She promises she'll be more appreciative. LOL:cross:

Its not about a pat on the back or even being appreciated. I think its about TEACHING THEM that when someone is doing something on your behalf, you show appreciation, and its good to practice on mom. How do I know this? Because I wish I'd spent more time at 15 REQUIRING her to learn to verbalize appreciation for those around her, including me - because now at almost 19 she's a real jerk most of the time to everyone who helps her and they don't tolerate it. So she loses friends and pisses off family members.

Do it now. While you still can.

Thanks Barb. Ugh. Everyone thinks parenting gets easier when the child gets older. I think my teen is the hardest one to parent at times!

I think I would put some of the responsibility on her and be prepared for the natural consequences of it not happening.
You SHOULD get credit for what you are doing for her.

I think I am going to have her do some contacting. It shows me how bad she wants to go AND if there's any mistakes, she can't blame me.

You are not out of line, she is. I don't think it is wrong to expect someone to look outside of themselves in gratitude just a bit. We are seeing this already in our 11yo and I am trying to put the brakes on it significantly, she has lived a comfy life and has developed an insatiable appetite for more, more, more of everything. Nothing is ever enough. So more of nothing it is becoming until it starts becoming enough. :)

OMG that sounds excatly like my 7 y/o DS. We could be canoeing the Amazon and he'd ask, "What are we doing after this? I'm bored!! I want ADVENTURE!!"