I'm in a really weird place spiritually and have been for a few years now. I think I'm actually becoming very agnostic and not really sure what to do about it yet. And still struggling with guilt, yk? But I really don't too much believe what is being taught at church anymore. I still take the kids to church tho. But I've got a weird church situation and with everything else going on I don't know what to do anymore.

Anyhow we live out in the country. The nearest churches to us that we consider to be "sound congregations" (our church is very conservative and considers many churches with the same name to be liberal) are 30 miles in either direction. I was going to the one that I had been a member of for about 1/2 my life. Then last year when I started really asking some big questions about whether or not christianity was for me and praying a lot about it, a few of the members of this church very unintentionally insulted me. I know that they didn't mean to and if they knew they had they would do anything they could to make it up to me. But I decided to take it as a sign that it was time to move on, since I was feeling the need too anyhow.

SO we started going to a church that is very close to my house, but it is very liberal. I thought, well, we're going to be moving soon and this will be somewhere we can go till we get settled in somewhere else. Now we've decided not to move and I feel like I need to make a decision about church. We shouldn't stay where we are. I don't want to go back to our old church. The next nearest church is 30 miles away and I can't afford the gas over there or to my old church either right now with gas being as much as it is. And my DH is working on Sundays now and we have to share a car, so I couldn't go that far to church and be back in time for him to get to work on time.

I keep wondering is this some sort of sign?

I do think that fellowship and worship in a community is important as it is stated in the NT.

However, there was a span of 2 years when I did not attend anywhere. It was during this time that I spent a good deal of time studying the Bible, praying, and asking God to show me a group to fellowship with. In the meantime, I watched church on television. Not the best situation, but until God was clear about what I was to do, this is what I did. I knew not to move ahead of God in my own will. During this time, I was (aside from a couple of my children) the only Christian in our home. Dh did not believe.

Fast forward a ways. We attended a church about 20 miles one way from our house and it was at this church where my husband accepted Christ. The only reason why we went is because my dh suggested we go because the youth pastor was a old college football buddy. I now see how God worked through my husband in answering my prayer for a group to meet with and worship with. After a while, dh and I both felt like we were being called out of that church. I believe that this church was the place for my husband to accept Christ and start his walk as a Christian and this is why we were at that church. Well, a time of no attendence came and we were all as a family watching church on TV while we searched for God's will as far as where to worship.

We had a big list of churches to visit and we did visit some on that list and we knew that they were not the place for us. We kept on praying, and watching TV church.

Other major life changes came about in our lives during this time. (things that God led us to do) Huge steps of faith that we are still in the middle of. However during this time and due to some of these changes, we did find our place.

To make a long story short, we finally found a place where the worship fits us....all of our family. (dh, myself, and our children) So we are attending there. It is local and only about 7 miles from our house. We will be joining officially as we are ready to do so individually. We knew that this was where we were to worship due to how awe inspiring and amazing the service was. The people can be a bit stand-offish, but we know we are there to worship our Lord God and that the other people there are human and sinners just like we are and we are not to base our relationship with God on others who attend that church. (or any church for that matter) I hope that made sense as I think it is a mistake many people make. (becoming offended and writing off a religion due to the offense....I think this is one of Satans most successful tools)

As far as your question as to wondering if these circumstances are a "sign".....well, only God can answer your seeking. I'd be careful about reading into things or signs....this is another great tool of Satan IMHO.

I suggest you pray and read your Bible. God may answer you through the scripture or through your prayer. I would check anything you are told by someone else or anything you "feel" with the Bible and what it says. That is just my advice and it is backed by scripture, otherwise I'd not give it to you.

I will pray for you. Be open to where God is leading you and don't rush ahead of God in impatience. Things will happen in His time, not yours. Seek Him with all your heart and listen....He will answer....however, the timeline is His alone.

:hug:

Michelle

I do think that fellowship and worship in a community is important as it is stated in the NT.

However, there was a span of 2 years when I did not attend anywhere. It was during this time that I spent a good deal of time studying the Bible, praying, and asking God to show me a group to fellowship with. In the meantime, I watched church on television. Not the best situation, but until God was clear about what I was to do, this is what I did. I knew not to move ahead of God in my own will. During this time, I was (aside from a couple of my children) the only Christian in our home. Dh did not believe.

Fast forward a ways. We attended a church about 20 miles one way from our house and it was at this church where my husband accepted Christ. The only reason why we went is because my dh suggested we go because the youth pastor was a old college football buddy. I now see how God worked through my husband in answering my prayer for a group to meet with and worship with. After a while, dh and I both felt like we were being called out of that church. I believe that this church was the place for my husband to accept Christ and start his walk as a Christian and this is why we were at that church. Well, a time of no attendence came and we were all as a family watching church on TV while we searched for God's will as far as where to worship.

We had a big list of churches to visit and we did visit some on that list and we knew that they were not the place for us. We kept on praying, and watching TV church.

Other major life changes came about in our lives during this time. (things that God led us to do) Huge steps of faith that we are still in the middle of. However during this time and due to some of these changes, we did find our place.

To make a long story short, we finally found a place where the worship fits us....all of our family. (dh, myself, and our children) So we are attending there. It is local and only about 7 miles from our house. We will be joining officially as we are ready to do so individually. We knew that this was where we were to worship due to how awe inspiring and amazing the service was. The people can be a bit stand-offish, but we know we are there to worship our Lord God and that the other people there are human and sinners just like we are and we are not to base our relationship with God on others who attend that church. (or any church for that matter) I hope that made sense as I think it is a mistake many people make. (becoming offended and writing off a religion due to the offense....I think this is one of Satans most successful tools)

As far as your question as to wondering if these circumstances are a "sign".....well, only God can answer your seeking. I'd be careful about reading into things or signs....this is another great tool of Satan IMHO.

I suggest you pray and read your Bible. God may answer you through the scripture or through your prayer. I would check anything you are told by someone else or anything you "feel" with the Bible and what it says. That is just my advice and it is backed by scripture, otherwise I'd not give it to you.I will pray for you. Be open to where God is leading you and don't rush ahead of God in impatience. Things will happen in His time, not yours. Seek Him with all your heart and listen....He will answer....however, the timeline is His alone.

:hug:

Michelle

:ditto: what Michelle said she is wise! I bolded part that I think is excellent advice.

I am not one that relies too much on external signs for major life choices - personally, I would say God probably does not care where you go to church, but does desire you to grow in your relationship with him and others and church can be a good way to do that.

The downfall with relying on outward signs is that they are subject to so many things, mistakes people make, the barometric pressure, etc etc (the point being, God is not the only one with access to your outward circumstances).
God has every ability to speak to you through his word, your heart and through the wisdom of other people - when those things line up it is really exciting!

One thing I am confused about, it sounds like you cannot stay in your current church because it is too liberal, yet you are thinking of leaving the church altogether, so does it matter if you attend a liberal church or not? Do you like your current church??

Sorry I know my earlier post was confusing. I'm trying to work things out in my head and it doesn't always translate well into written words LOL

I personally am in a very hard place to be spiritually. Faith is no longer logical to me and I keep trying to make it be. Outside of the Bible I can't find any reason to say that this is all true. I feel like I'm becoming agnostic and I'm fighting really hard and really struggling to hang on to the faith that I had once. And because of my own internal struggle I many times wonder if I want to raise my children in the church or not. It's jsut tough right now and I have to find someway to work thru it.


I was raised in a church that puts a great importance on how God is worshipped in church. SO for me not just any church will do, it has to be one that I feel worships in the right way. THe church we had been visiting was more liberal and because of that I could not place my membership there. It was just supposed to be a temporary situation till we got settled somewhere else.

I still feel like my old church is not where we belong right now. The next nearest church is too far for us to drive right now with or vehicle situation. My DH and I share a car and he goes to work on Sunday afternoons. Plus gas is $4 a gal and it's too much of a strain on our budget to make extra trips to town right now.

So that at the moment leaves the liberal church being the only convienent choice.

I have prayed and prayed about this. I'm not a big believer in signs myself, but I do believe in prayer. And I keep wondering if all that has gone on is somehow his way of answering my prayers and what exactly it is he wants me to do from here.

I understand.................you could try online services like mcleanbible.org very sound teaching. it is a Bible church. Also, maybe think about asking God to replace the desire in you for him. Ask and you will recieve, seek and you will find ,knock and the door will be opened to you.

I don't think it is abnormal to question your faith, it happens. It might just make your faith stronger in the end. I suppose you could read "the case for Christ" also " the case for faith" by lee strobel, if you can find the time and energy!!!

I personally have a very hard time getting to church, I find there are alot of churches online that have sermons you can listen to. I know with mclean Bible you can listen to back services and they also have a live internet service sunday evenings( i do not work for the church) Another pastor i like is Ken Baugh. google his name and his church in CA will come up and he is really good and easy to listen to.

I really hope this helps. Ask God for what you need, ask him to fill you up with him, ask him where you should go to church..........ask him everything

replying in a hurry, so if I sound abrupt it is because I am covered in paint and need to shower so we can go out for my mom's bday. :)

what I still don't understand, is why the style of worship matters all that much, if you are one step away from walking away from your faith altogether? On one hand you are saying, you are not sure you still believe or in what or how much, on the other hand you are saying their is only one way of worshipping that can be 'right'.

So, my gut instinct, on reading your thread, and I may be way off base, is that you are bound by some religious ideals that may not have anything at all to do with a relationship or belief in God. So maybe, it is less God you are struggling with, and more some of the things you have been taught that may not be truth???

I think the Bible shows us that God can be beautifully worshipped in many different "ways" within the faith.

That is not saying that I think there are many paths to God....I thought I better clarify that there is only one way to God the Father and that is through his son Jesus Christ.

However, there are many ways in which we worship our Lord God.

Michelle