Its Sunday again and I'm fighting with my family.
Zoey and Roman are saying they are too tired to go to church.

I woke Tom and he said he was up all the night before stressing on the funeral and didn't sleep well again last night. I woke Chelsey and she is the only one who says she wants to go - thats a good sign. And I want her to go.

But I started trying to get folks up and ready at 8:15 for the 9:30 service.
Its 9 now and I'm tired of nagging. There is childcare at the 8am and 9:30 service is sunday school. Not at the 11 - the kids come into the service - which would be fine for Zoey but Roman can't handle it. We've tried.

I finally told them all that I'll be going to the 11:00 service with Chelsey and Tom will stay home with the kids - and that next week we're all going and that is final.

But its NOT the way to start a day. I'm all upset and bummed and wanted to go to church as a family. We used to go every single Sunday and now its like once a month we go as a family, twice a month Tom and I go alone and Chels watches the kids. It really stinks and I am not happy about it.

When I was a kid, it was never up for discussion. We were just expected to go. I wouldn't have even considered fighting it.
Have you tried doing something like planning something really cool and fun for a Sunday afternoon, so that they are all anticipating it and then when they won't get up, tell them that they won't be able to participate. ;)
Or make sure they realize that every week they can't get up for church, they will have to go to bed an hour earlier on Saturday night. :lol:

I think I would let the rest of the family do as they wish and take the time to bond with Chelsey and take her out after for a fun something.

My kids haven't refused to go to church... they beg to go actually and get very upset when we end up not going :lol: DH has been more than I have though. With 4 kids it seems like someone is sick or Malachi is having a hard day. So I will stay home with the boys. But, on days where everyone is healthy etc... we all go. I've prob said more than I wanted to stay home cuase I was up late whatever. ;)

When I was young, I loved going to church, because after church we all went out to the local pancake house.

I'd start by trying to figure out why they don't want to go. Is it because they don't enjoy their time there? maybe getting involved in the children's ministry in order to help shape it in a direction that better suits your kids needs is an option? or maybe even trying different churches?

Do they dread going but enjoy it once they are there? sometimes its the whole transition thing...the bed is warm, I don't want to get my butt in gear and get ready, if I complain then staying home is an option,etc....

Can you talk about it as a family (in a way that gives them no condemnation for not going) so that they can hear how important going as a family is to you? maybe you can reach a solution that meets everyones needs?

Is the reason just being "too tired"? and if so, what time do they go to bed on Saturday nights? As a kid, I would have never thought that refusing to go was an option. We do give our girls say in whetehr they want to go because I don't want to push them, but they love it. They have actually talked us into going on a few occasions when we didn't want to spend the gas $.

It's not an optional thing in our house. It's something that we all do together every Sunday. To us, it's not an option to go to a big family dinner, but only bring some of the family. We see church (eucharist) that way. If you feel that way (that experiencing the eucharist as a family is important), maybe you can explain that it's like going to Grandma's for Thanksgiving or something. It's just something we do. We might not be excited about it, but it's still something we do. And we usually end up loving it.

Of course, if Tom's not going, that blows my plan out of the water!

I am so glad that it wasn't an option growing up. I'm so glad that my parents chose a few key things to be firm about. We had a lot of flexibility on most things, but that wasn't one of them.

Barb - I think you are doing a great job with your family. You guys have a lot on your plate right now. Please don't feel that I am judging you with this post. I just re-read it and realized that it might sound that way. I just mean to say that I'm with you and feel that it's super important for a family to carve out that tiny bit of time to share with God together each week. I truly think it strengthens families!

My kids don't have an option. We go to church as a family. We may sleep in and miss first service @ 9am, but then we're up and ready for 10:45 am service.

Hope the rest of your day is better Barb!
-gina

I'm sorry Barb! It IS hard when the family doesn't want to go (although we haven't had that issue here in years). Around here, it's just the thing we do. DH is a pastor so he has to be there unless he's on vacation, my oldest teaches Sunday School so she needs to be at both services (one to teach, one to go to service) and then the rest of us are there for the second service (I'm too lazy to get ready for first).

I agree that it's best to find out why they don't want to go - and also to make a family tradition with church. We used to have friends over or go to someone's house or go out to eat (when we had money) after church each week so it was fun to go. Maybe do something like that??

They basically do stay up too late on Saturday night - which I will rectify. Roman has sensory issues - and a probably new PDD nos diagnosis, so being in school is hard for him anyway.
Today I went with Chelsey and it was a good day - she got a message suited for some of what she is dealing with, and then she and I stopped and thrifted for a bit before coming home.
I am going to suggest next week that we go as a family at 9:30 and then out to breakfast - I think that might make a difference. Plus there is talk of adding sunday school to the 11am service in the next few months.
anyway, thanks for listening lol . Will figure it out.

b

In our house, it isn't a choice. It's like going to school or the dentist. We all go. It is a family affair, and we just don't make it a choice.

Well, I am sort of in the same boat. Stephanie loves church and Ava cannot stand it. Once dh deploys she will have to go. Right now they both stay home and then head off for a nature hike at a local nature preserve. I don't know what I will do once he is gone. I was forced to attned church (Catholic) as a child (until I left for college) and didn't like it at all. It turned me off religion for a long time. Had there been children's programs during the service I would have felt much better about going. Is there another church in your area that does offer children's services? I know it's a pain to search for a new church, so maybe that's not an option for you. It's good that Chelsey had a nice time there. Maybe just wait it out until they start up the Sunday School classes? Wouldn't it be nice to find *the* church that suits the whole family all of the time?:lol:

Another it isn't optional here. If our children say something about not wanting to go (which has happened) we just say that we go to church as a family. It is just something that we do. I think that it is hard because our boys have never known anything else. For a while dh worked on Sunday morning (not as a pastor) and we actually went to church on Saturday night.

I do make sure that the boys are in bed on time on Saturday night because if they miss their bedtime that is a recipe for disaster at our house. I can get them to church but there is too much whining and complaining for me to tolerate.

Here it's not an option either. But we worship all the time, we're not a "be with god on sunday" family. We get up we worship together in our home temple, chant together, afternoon/evening we read from the scriptures together, evenings dh takes kids to the Temple for evening worship while I cook.
Sunday is just "another day" we go to the Temple/worship.

Sickness is the only excuse. And if that happens we just sing and worship at home :)

Vidura has a hard time on Sunday because a lot of people come and songs can get loud, he can't handle much in a way of sensory stimulation, but he does go, though I let him go out and run around if he gets overwhelmed. During the week it's a lot more peaceful.

We're aiming to go daily for morning (4.30am) and evening (7pm) worship in September.

I run the fine line . I dont' want to FORCE my children to attend church if its not enjoyable (and worshipful) to them. I also have Roman who has sensory issues and probably pdd nos and some days CAN'T deal with the classroom.

We can physically all go to church as a family, but we don't worship there as a family - they go to class, we go to worship - they have tried to attend service with us, Zoey is bored - Roman can't handle sitting that long. I can understand that they want to BE together on Sundays. It isn't a matter of not liking the church - they do - we all do. I think mostly because I work all week and am gone all day, saturday is a day of chores and errands and sunday morning they want to just hang out... with me. They're getting it now that I"m going to church with or without them.

We also worship at home - but part of Christianity is fellowship and I do feel attendance at church is important.

Not an option here either.
I would make sure you are discussing your feelings before Sunday morning so you aren't starting a day that is set aside for worship and prayer off on the wrong foot.

Barb, when I need to "suggest" something to Erik--something we don't HAVE to do, but I really want him to do, but I don't want to force it... I have to be careful in how I suggest it. If I say, "Say, I was thinking we could go to church at 9:30, and then we'd go out to breakfast!" because it's almost always a refusal (well, in our case it would be something else, like going to the park, because we always go to church.)

I would probably start talking about it by at least Thursday, and make sure to state it at least 3 times before Saturday. Something like, "This week we're going to go to church as a family! After church, we'll be going out to eat. Where should we go?" the next time, "Remember, this week we'll all be going to church together! where are we going to eat?"

On Saturday well before bedtime I would talk through the whole routine with Erik: Tomorrow morning you need to be up by 8:30 so there's time to get ready for church. After I wake you up, it will be time for breakfast, and then to get dressed. I'll make sure to tell you when you have 15 minutes before it's time to go. If you get dressed right away, you can read before we leave. When we get to church, we'll park the car. THen remember, I'll take you into your classroom. Do you remember what it looks like? What do you think you'll do there? You'll probably have a Bible story, and do a project. We can ask the teachers when we go in what it will be. You'll stay in your class, and I'll go into the church where the grown-ups are. After I'm done, I'll come back and get you, and then we'll go to breakfast!!"

I don't have to do that for anders, but it's really really helpful for Erik so that he doesn't get overwhelmed. If he knows what to expect, it all goes much smoother. If I can anticipate the areas where he'll have difficulty, it's even better--like if I know the music time is loud and uncomfortable for him (and it often is), then I might suggest something that he can do in that time, or talk with the teacher about it, letting them know that he might need to sit at the table when the other kids are singing songs. If there's a game time, I might review rules for playing in active kids--keeping your body in your own space, not getting very rough, etc.

:hug:

Yes, I think the repetition will help. I'll start tonight actually talking about it and reminding them its Fathers day too so we'll go to church and out for brunch afterwards.

Zoey is almost 8, she loves church - she just wants to sleep in and lay around on sundays. Roman is almost 5 and has sensory/pddnos issues.

When you guys say its 'not an option' for them not to go - what do you Do/Say when the kids say they don't want to go?! Do you say 'too bad, we're going?'. Do you take them kicking and screaming in to get dressed? lol.
Doesn't *that* set a poor tone for a day of worship? What if the child complains of a 'stomach ache'? (ie my 8yo's excuse every other week).

lately its not worth giving up *MY* worship - so on the days they fight me, either Tom stays wth them and Chels and I go - or Chels stays with them and tom and I go. Once we actually asked my neighbor to watch the littles and Chels, Tom and I went together. They KNOW we go to church on Sundays. They LOVE our church. I'm not sure what the deal is honestly, but we'll be talking about it alot more this week for sure to find out what is going on and how I can curb this.

If your child is on the ASD spectrum, all tips are appreciated there as well. He doesn't seem to do well with participating in this huge class activity. And its hard on the sunday school teachers as well - tho they will come get us if it gets too bad.

Do you take them kicking and screaming in to get dressed? lol Yes.
I have 1 (maybe 2) children on the spectrum and it can be difficult. I think the most important thing is consistency. We go to church as a family every Sunday and Wednesday. I explain to them that it is not just part of our "routine" but part of our life. It is important for their spirit. We pray and talk about it throughout the week, every week.
I prepare as much as possible ahead of time. They all have backpacks that have bibles, notepads, Kleen Kanteen, and a small toy for the littles. We have snacks for to and from church and sometimes a sack lunch so hunger can never be the excuse for poor behavior, or add to it.
For Roman in the classroom, have you (or Tom or Chels) tried to stay with him a couple times and hook him up with a buddy so he feels more comfortable?

yah, actually we have - and for sunday school his sister is his buddy. She is willing to stay with him in the younger kids class for now, she's the helper and loves it. On the days she wants to go to her own classroom he has a friend in the room and since this church was his preschool as well, he knows all the teachers and other students.

We may have to try the kicking and screaming then.

We may have to try the kicking and screaming then.
Just to clarify, I am not a supporter of kicking and screaming in general. But...church is VERY important to us and I will not budge, not matter how hard they fight it.
And, Symoen has always had her sister who is just a year younger in class with her too. We've kind of moved them along as a pair. It has helped alot.

Barb, I don't take him kicking and screaming. But it's a bit different, because it's just a part of our family culture, yk? There's never been a time when we HAVEN'T gone to church as a family. Recently he's asked to stay home a few times, and I just say no, but he's 6 1/2, and it's different than Roman's age.

If Zoey is complaining of stomachaches Sunday morning, she's 8--I'd address that openly with her. "Zoey, it seems you have a stomachache every Sunday morning. Sometimes it's easy to use that as an excuse if you don't want to do something. What is it that you don't want to do about church?" Hear her out--there might be something worthwhile. You two together could maybe find a solution to some of the issues ("I like to just relax at home", perhaps you can have some dedicated relaxing time in the afternoon)

I had more to say, but that's all the time I have.

We've always gone to church every sunday. Then we left our home church and we had about two months of church 'shopping' - it changed things for sure.

I will talk to Zoey - but I know its about just wanting to lay around on a sunday. Its hard to get up, showered, dressed, eat, out the door by 9:30 on sunday when all everyone wants to do is sleep in lol. I think an 11:00 service would really solve the whole issue honestly.

Barb - The simple answer is that you need to move here and go to our church. We have a program that includes children with autism and variations. At VBS this week, about 15-20% of the kids have autism. It's a very cool experience for all of us! So, come on down! :)

see, that would be perfect lol.

Its not an issue every single week - just about every other week or so. THey begged to go to vbs and then with Toms physical therapy schedule and some other things that came up, they decided not to go - they want to go to our friends vbs which happens at night.

So we're working on earlier bedtimes on saturday nights, prepping by way of repetition all week, making it 'not an option' to not go, talking to the teachers about ways to help Roman participate (or to let him not participate depending on his mood) and we're going to get back into our regular sunday family worship. I don't know how the kicking/screaming thing really will work for church - I've tried it in the past for other things and its been miserable, but if I have to use that as a last resort it will just mean that Tom will end up sitting in the car with him at church.

and I'm still hoping for the 11am service to have sunday school and will ask again about that.

Well I could :ditto: what Heather said. For us church is just a part of our family culture so they are all pretty good about it. But we go whether they want to or not (really only J gives us a problem with it). When E was little he was so shy and I ended up teaching his class because of it. With J I made a ton of mistakes. When he was little and we moved here, I made him go to class and it was a huge mistake. If I had it to do over again I would have changed that because I think I created more problems over a longer period of time. I would still go to church but I would either stay in class with him or keep him with me if I had to do it again.

Repetition really helps Josh too. We try to make Sat a relaxing day. I know it is different for you because you are working now but for us we try to make sure that we are home in the afternoon on Sat. This is as much for dh as for the boys. Also we make sure that we hit our bedtime. The boys can't stay up late on Sat it is a disaster if they do.

On Sunday mornings we don't turn on the tv at all. The boys get up and play for a while and then we get ready for church. It really helps if they are not involved in watching tv.

For Zoey, I would try talking to her. If that didn't help then we would limit her activities during the week.

Oh and if one of the boys says they don't want to go we just calmly state, "It's Sunday and we go to church together on Sunday as a family." It is matter of fact and we go on. With J sometimes I will have to give him options. Would you like to wear this or that. Usually I try to get him dressed first and tell him he can play for x minutes when he is dressed and ready to go.

I know it is hard as an adult to do something once you get out of the habit or routine so I am sure that is what you are facing with the kids. Plus you all have had a bunch of stress this year.

It isn't a matter of not liking the church - they do - we all do. I think mostly because I work all week and am gone all day, saturday is a day of chores and errands and sunday morning they want to just hang out... with me.

I used to wonder how families managed to be apart all week for school/work, then when the weekend came, make sure everyone is in bed at an early enough time so that they could attend church on Sunday. That's like 6 days out of a 7 day week, of early mornings and schedules to stick to. It just seems that there wouldn't be much downtime for just spending time together as a family relaxing. I can see why a child would be balking that.

That was one of the reasons we weren't making it to church on Sundays. Dh would work long hours, and the last thing I wanted to do with our family time when we got it, was wake everyone up early and drag them to church, and end up with just a small amount of family time. I felt that God was an integral part of our everyday life, and therefore we didn't need to cut out family time in an already busy week, to give him glory. But then again, I grew up with a strong Christian dad who stopped going to church when I was young (for lots of reasons), but never stopped being a strong believer. I don't put a lot of emphasis on church attendance, but I do put a lot of emphasis on family, and daily living for God.

Charity, we have done the same. There have been times when we were very busy during the week. When dh was working really crazy hours there were times where we would just lay in bed Sunday morning and think "we sooo don't want to get out this morning". And we didn't. We decided that us spending time just hanging out was important as well since it was pretty rare at that point and our family really needed it. We don't feel you have to be *in* church every week. I can't even tell you how many weeks I've missed church because I was so tired from being up all night with a baby. Or because we had a crazy day with Malachi the day before and I just wanted to sleep.in.

Shoot, we have stayed home just to have sex before hahaha. ok, dh had just been away and we reallllly needed that time together but we liked to joke about how we were skipping church to have sex ;)

I guess we just think sometimes spending time as a family snuggling in bed and having a nice breakfast or whatever is worth staying home from church sometimes. Our children know that we don't have to be in a physical church building to worship.

ok i'm still in bed , just saw this in my inbox and remembered all that. :)