I attended church today w/my family. Dh doesn't ask me to or expect me to, but I wanted to, for him. And for my children's social lives (please don't slam me for that reasoning).

My head just hurts. I can't reconcile anything. I realize more and more as time goes on that there can't be "knowledge" of these things, only faith. And I do not have faith. But religion and faith surround me. It was so much easier when I KNEW what truth was. I've come too far though. I don't think I can go back to believing. Sometimes I consider putting my life into the church again though, just b/c it's not really a bad thing, and it's such a part of my/our culture. And it would be less complicated. But, I suck at not being true to myself.

I've discovered this truth about what I believe (or don't believe). And it doesn't match those around me. And I just really want to "fit in" and have things be easier, but my mind is screaming for me to "come out of the closet" so to speak, and stay out.

My head just hurts. :(

You know, I was going to post something very very similar today.

I adore having my parents visit, but I hate then going with them to their church. It is so much a part of my culture/upbrining, but not my belief system. It would be easier if I could believe what they do, but I don't and every time I go, there are things that I hear that are just like nails on a chalkboard.

I attended church today w/my family. Dh doesn't ask me to or expect me to, but I wanted to, for him. And for my children's social lives (please don't slam me for that reasoning).

My head just hurts. I can't reconcile anything. I realize more and more as time goes on that there can't be "knowledge" of these things, only faith. And I do not have faith. But religion and faith surround me. It was so much easier when I KNEW what truth was. I've come too far though. I don't think I can go back to believing. Sometimes I consider putting my life into the church again though, just b/c it's not really a bad thing, and it's such a part of my/our culture. And it would be less complicated. But, I suck at not being true to myself.

I've discovered this truth about what I believe (or don't believe). And it doesn't match those around me. And I just really want to "fit in" and have things be easier, but my mind is screaming for me to "come out of the closet" so to speak, and stay out.

My head just hurts. :(

Amen, amen, and AMEN!!! It would be just SO much easier if I could put the toothpaste back into the tube, the genie back into the bottle, etc.!

ARGHHH!!! I do love going, but it is just not in me to believe anymore. It just isn't. Because I don't live in Utah, my children do not suffer negative social effects when they don't attend. That makes it a little easier.

It has been about two months since I last attended my own ward. Today I attended my parents ward (The ward I grew up in). The bishop (a kind man whom I've known for 30 years) and another guy BOTH indicated to me that they know I haven't been to church for a long time! WTH! How the heck do they know? My ward is an hour away, and in another stake! How did word get back to them? My parents don't know, so they didn't tell, but they will be finding out soon enough, I guess.

Somehow it is a small world in the LDS community. Word gets around.

Anyway, so you married an active LDS person? I didn't realize that!

I'm sorry you were gossiped about, Laurie. :( My (non LDS) neighbor told the previous owner of my home that I am pregnant. ?? I put on some weight, but it's not like she knew me before. I am so sad I look pregnant. Anyway, the previous owner cuts hair at the local salon, and the RS president goes there, and previous owner told RS pres... who thankfully did NOT pass it on but asked dh directly... then dh told me it was "someone in the ward" but not RS pres... nor that the neighbor decided I was pregnant by sight. Ugh. Guess it's not a big deal other than I'm a fat cow.

Yep, married a mormon boy. Funny, huh? We joke about me being Wiccan (I'm not) b/c my ex-dh told everyone I've gone off the deep end and become Wiccan.. "I can tell by her MySpace friends!" :lol: That was around the time Bran had posted a very gothic cartoon on my page.... hmm...

Anyway, he knows to expect nothing from me, ever, regarding temple marriage or anything. It is difficult, simply b/c who wouldn't feel more connected if their partner believed spiritually in the same way? But it works for us.

I've actually decided my headache isn't from church issues per se.. it's from chewing gum all during church so I wouldn't have bad breath. But I have TMJ issues and the gum did me in. Dh was not happy I chose to use up my jaw muscles on gum rather than more interesting things...

Do I sound crazy today? Thank you sort-of-mormon mamas. I would feel crazier w/out you!

Oh Mary, and Rebecca, and Laurie! I totally know. Today was the first time we've all gone just about all year. Actually, probably the second. Anyway, we've had sickness after sickness, but I loved the break. Dave worked today (switched yesterday so he could play in, and win undefeated, the stake basketball tournament, lol), and I figured I'd take the kids because at least that would be 3 hours occupied in this rainy long weekend. But I couldn't handle it.

Sacrament meeting, Adam and Noah were terrible, as usual. But at least that meant I could go out in the foyer with them and talk with some friends. Gospel Doctrine, I skipped and sat in the foyer with friends. LOL. Relief Society, I tried to go. I really did. I sat through opening exercises and then when the lesson started, it was announced it was based on the infamous anti-feminist Julie Beck talk "Women Who Know" and I just left.

I went out to check on Noah who hasn't really loved Sunbeams. He was fine, but I found a little guy wandering around, a son of some friends of ours who is autistic and had escaped primary because he was overstimulated. I know him pretty well and he was happy to hang out with me for a while, then I took him back to class and sat with him until he was feeling okay again. I feel like I served someone so his parents could stay in their meetings where they wanted to be.

Anyway, I have major headaches every time I go to church. I've been struggling with them anyway, but the stress I feel when I'm there makes me so much worse. My neck is tight, and I keep my mouth shut when people are saying things and I want to argue. And it sucks.

My family (Hi Belinda! LOL) and husband all say it's a choice. I'm choosing not to believe and I need to have more faith. Honestly? I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If I could choose and go back to where I was, where I thought I had all the answers and had a safe happy existance, I would. The church I used to believe in doesn't exist anymore. I don't have a choice. I can't unlearn the things I've learned. It's the scariest thing in the world when the bottom falls out of your existance and how you see everything. I've gone through months and years of fear and looking at everything new again.

I'm causing my family pain who truly fear for my soul. And that hurts me as much as it does them. I feel so trapped. I guess I feel I deserve the respect from them that I wouldn't throw away my eternal exultation over some nonsense internet anti-mormon junk. I can't help that I don't believe it anymore. If I demanded and pleaded with them to believe in something that they didn't, nothing could make them do it. Belief isn't like that. Sure, I can go along and fake in public the rest of my life, but it's so hard.

People (from church) assume I feel like they do about so many things and it affects every conversation and lesson and interaction. I'm lying to everyone, but I don't have the courage to be honest and be so harshly judged. Sigh. I'm worn out. I feel like I'm not being true to anyone, and making the people closest to me understand or respect that is impossible. There's no winning this one. I wish I didn't care.

Anyway, Mary, sorry for hijacking this thread. I just had it all bottling up. ;)

Kerri

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If I could choose and go back to where I was, where I thought I had all the answers and had a safe happy existance, I would. The church I used to believe in doesn't exist anymore. I don't have a choice. I can't unlearn the things I've learned. It's the scariest thing in the world when the bottom falls out of your existance and how you see everything. I've gone through months and years of fear and looking at everything new again.


Oh Kerri, you didn't hijack one bit. I so wish I could undo as well. :( I feel incredibly lost. Not like a "lost soul" or anything. I can't distance myself from it when it surrounds me, yet I don't mind it surrounding me. It *is* familiar and does feel safe somehow. But, that's what happens when you are raised with rules, rules, and more rules. Your bottom falls out of your existence when the rules don't apply anymore. I feel like a kid who was just pushed out of the house too early. Rules are safe. I should shut up. You said it so perfectly.

Yeah, I think that's the problem with the 'one true' aspect. When we realize that there are alot of aspects that aren't what we thought, it's like suddenly nothing's true. That's right about the rules rules rules. Rules about everything make us feel safe but anything outside the rules seems so so scary. So basically we're just reiterating each other, but it's nice to be able to feel what someone else is saying anyway. LOL.

And I'm so sorry about the gossip and the weightgain. Those are both the pits. I had people ask me if I was pregnant before, and it was super hard when we wished so badly we were. You have PCOS too, right? I'm getting stretchmarks on top of stretch marks, but I'm not gaining weight right now, so how they heck does that happen? And I'm going bald in the front. Where it's visible. My hair is way thinner and it's all I see. I friggin hate hormones.

I feel so sad for all of you that are struggling with faith and or religion. Faith and religion are different to me. Faith is my belief in God and religion is how I choose to celebrate and nurture my faith. I'm unclear if your faith has gone, along with your comfort with your religion. Either way, I can feel your pain through your words and I'm so sorry you are all hurting. Is there a support group for people who have left the Mormon religion?

I think your posts especially resonated with me because I am involved in a group called Welcoming Catholics Back Home. Now people that attend these meetings are in a different place than you are, but often their stories are just as painful as the ones you have shared in this thread. So often they have left the church because of things they disagreed with, or the church has hurt them in some way...often by the rules of the church, or rules and judgment that they mistakenly thought existed in the Church. At any rate through this group they find support, commonality and healing. Some decide to return to the Church and some don't, but regardless of their choice, it is a healing process. That is why I asked if such a thing existed in the Mormon religion.

Wishing you all peace,

I'm unclear if your faith has gone, along with your comfort with your religion.

Is there a support group for people who have left the Mormon religion?


Yes, my faith is gone. I understand what you are saying about the difference.

For a bit I did attend a post-mormon support group that was wonderful. Even better, it was held at a UU church which I also attended a few times and really loved. But we've moved, and it's an hour away which is just too far. There are social groups up here (not formal support) but I haven't attended any of those.

May I ask why your faith is gone? And could I suggest in only a loving, supportive way that perhaps, just perhaps the niggling going on inside of you may be an invitation for you to rediscover faith? I certainly do not mean to offend and if have, please forgive my insensitivity. I only want peace for you my friend.

May I ask why your faith is gone? And could I suggest in only a loving, supportive way that perhaps, just perhaps the niggling going on inside of you may be an invitation for you to rediscover faith? I certainly do not mean to offend and if have, please forgive my insensitivity. I only want peace for you my friend.

No, that doesn't offend me at all, and that had crossed my mind. As to why... well, that is such a loaded question. I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Hugs Mary. My faith has been gone since I was a very little girl. I went to Catholic school for 5th and 6th grade and felt like an alien- I didn't believe any of it and that confirmed my lack of belief.

Have you looked into Unitarian Universalist or Secular Humanism? UU folks still attend a service and have a community- not so much for SH tho. They may have discussion circles, but there are no services.

Have you looked into Unitarian Universalist or Secular Humanism? UU folks still attend a service and have a community- not so much for SH tho. They may have discussion circles, but there are no services.

Yes, I loved the one I occasionally attended in SLC. I did just do a search, and was surprised there is also one up where I now live! I think I may try it out next week, thanks for the suggestion.

I have also attended maybe 2 SH meetings. They would meet monthly in SLC. Too far now. I remember feeling very much on the outside, but wishing I could not be so fearful. I really liked the group, nearly all were older adults.

The interesting thing is that most people who leave the LDS church usually become atheists. Because we're kind of taught that it's either all true or all false, so if this church isn't true, none must be. I know that doesn't make sense, and it's hard for me to articulate what I mean. But I have to remind myself alot that God and faith doesn't belong to any one faith.

I still believe in God, but I'm not sure what else yet. It's a journey. But it's a relief to realize that it's mine to make. I've always believed what I was told "we" believed. And it's so scary to step outside that, but also very rewarding in a weird way. So much of our faith is about our families. It's like you're not just leaving the church, you're telling your family you don't want to be with them in the eternities. That's a big deal. :(

Kerri

So much of our faith is about our families. It's like you're not just leaving the church, you're telling your family you don't want to be with them in the eternities. That's a big deal. :(

Kerri

Kerri,
That is a big deal...that is huge and painful. The best I can relate to is when I wanted to leave the Catholic faith. All my family is catholic and I knew it would hurt their hearts if I left the church. Thankfully over time I was able to reconcile with the church. I truly am thankful for that and don't take it lightly. I often think about the struggles that Jesus and Mary had. Even Jesus' own brother didn't believe he was the Messiah at first and can you imagine all the turmoil Mary went through when her family and community found out she was pregnant. The point I am trying to make is to invite Jesus into your sorrow because He fully knows what that feels like for family and community to not have the same belief. Praying that you will find peace and clarity and your family will find understanding.

My family (Hi Belinda! LOL) and husband all say it's a choice. I'm choosing not to believe and I need to have more faith. Honestly? I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If I could choose and go back to where I was, where I thought I had all the answers and had a safe happy existance, I would. The church I used to believe in doesn't exist anymore. I don't have a choice. I can't unlearn the things I've learned. It's the scariest thing in the world when the bottom falls out of your existance and how you see everything. I've gone through months and years of fear and looking at everything new again.

I'm causing my family pain who truly fear for my soul. And that hurts me as much as it does them.

honestly, there is so very much I would like to discuss about my feelings, but not openly on the board - for several reasons, but I so wish there was a quiet, private place where only those of us in this group could talk openly.

Sigh.

But, I understand the whole "choice" thing, but wish that it were. I struggled to choose to believe for years, but couldn't get it to stick and it wasn't for lack of trying. I just don't. And, I know my family worries dreadfully about me - even though they acknowledge that I AM a good person. But, you know . . . . My mom gave my dh a BOM for Christmas.

Is there a support group for people who have left the Mormon religion?

I'm sure that there is, but the thing that is difficult for me personally is that I do not hate the church. It is my culture and much of my identity (vs. belief) and my assumption is that those groups have hatred toward a part of that which I love - my family. I don't want to go somewhere where there is hatred and bigotry. I've already experienced a lifetime enough of that.

The interesting thing is that most people who leave the LDS church usually become atheists. Because we're kind of taught that it's either all true or all false, so if this church isn't true, none must be. I know that doesn't make sense, and it's hard for me to articulate what I mean. But I have to remind myself alot that God and faith doesn't belong to any one faith.

I still believe in God, but I'm not sure what else yet. It's a journey. But it's a relief to realize that it's mine to make. I've always believed what I was told "we" believed. And it's so scary to step outside that, but also very rewarding in a weird way. So much of our faith is about our families. It's like you're not just leaving the church, you're telling your family you don't want to be with them in the eternities. That's a big deal. :(

Kerri

or UU. My uncles who've left have become very active in the UU church.

Now, I'm married to a Catholic. I have that a good 8 years of trying to fit and I just don't fit there either. UU was good, but then I feel as if I'm splitting not only from my family or origin, but my husband as well.

Yeah, there are lots of groups for "recovering" mormons, but nothing all that positive about my heritage and identity. I guess I'm a secular or cultural Mormon. I still care about the people I know there, I know all the teachings, it's a big part of my upbringing and who I am, but I don't believe it's the one true church. Rebecca, we could do a private yahoogroup or something to talk more? I know what you mean about feeling vulnerable about it all being out there, too.

Kerri

I'm sure that there is, but the thing that is difficult for me personally is that I do not hate the church. It is my culture and much of my identity (vs. belief) and my assumption is that those groups have hatred toward a part of that which I love - my family. I don't want to go somewhere where there is hatred and bigotry. I've already experienced a lifetime enough of that.

Actually the group I was involved with was not like this. Sure, there were angry ppl, but it was facilitated by a wonderful older man who had no anger, and we all were just on different paths. Ppl were welcome even if they were still going to church, or weren't quite sure what they believed. It wasn't about convincing someone, just as a domestic violence support group isn't about badgering a woman to leave.

Actually the group I was involved with was not like this. Sure, there were angry ppl, but it was facilitated by a wonderful older man who had no anger, and we all were just on different paths. Ppl were welcome even if they were still going to church, or weren't quite sure what they believed. It wasn't about convincing someone, just as a domestic violence support group isn't about badgering a woman to leave.

That would be great to find. I wonder if there would be something like that around here. You know, being so close to Independence and all (for reals - Independence, MO is 20 minutes away; y'all are destined to move here someday you know).

Be true to yourself.

Don't pretend to be something you're not.

If it feels wrong then it is.

Be yourself! :flowerkit

I don't have much to share. I wish I had something great to type that would comfort each of you because each of you have been there for me here at amity's or have influenced me in some way.

I can say that I have been where many of you are. (having left Mormonism and having gone through many stages and years of seeking other religions, practicing a few, dealing with great amounts of anger, being what I considered agnostic, and then back to relationship with God)


Everything circled around the church....my friends, my children's friends, my community, extended family who were members, etc....so when I left the faith and belief of Mormonism, I lost all my social structure as well. So it was not just being alone regarding unbelief....I lost all other areas of my life when I left the church. (other than my husband and children) At least that is how it was for me.

My husband had a very difficult journey too. (he was born and raised in the church. I had been an adult convert when I married him)

My heart does go out to each of you. Supporting you all via distance and prayer.

:hug:

Michelle

Thank you Michelle. I am lucky, my family is 100% supportive. True Christian attitudes! And I've only lost 1 friend over the whole thing. Everyone else is great. Sometimes it's hard, but probably b/c I insist on remaining in those social networks in many ways. :) I don't mind. And of course here in Utah it's everywhere. But really, I find acceptance wherever I go. Even w/the bishop I used to meet with. He never tried to reconvert me. Such respect!

I'm seriously considering sucking it up and just going each Sunday. I think I will do that, for the most part, until I get a job at which point I will request that I work on Sundays. :)

I'm still not 100% convinced it's not the truth though. I'm just sorta lost about all that, and really wish I could just NOT CARE. But I am and have always been a truth-seeker at heart! Dangit all!