I have a 10 year old daugher (expecting my halo for extreme patience to arrive any day now) who is turning into a teenager by the second. My issues/quetions with her:

- How do I get her to take her hygeine seriously? I bought her the American Girl books on the topic, I tell her all the time how her body is changing and she needs to shower more...and yet at least twice a week I find her hair reeking. SO annoying

- Her mouth runs away with her. Alot. I don't know how to emphasize to her that her words aren't smart or funny if they are offensive to someone. We have lectured, yelled, punished...don't know what is left.

- She has insomnia and begs me for something to help her with that. She figured out when I gave her Benadryl for one of her allergic reactions that she slept really well, and now she wants something that will have the same effect. We have a bedtime routine that's been in place since 1 or 2 years old, and she gets up at 6am...so I'm not sure how to handle this.

I also have an 8 year old son with Duane's Syndrome and ADD. He's currently on Ritalin for that (and he has learning disabilies....disorder of written expression) which has made a world of difference in his classroom life.

- He has such a fast temper. And it's unpredictable. One day he'll be calm and happy and the next the same situation will have him stomping upstairs slamming doors. It feels like a roller coaster with him some days.

- He is immature for his age and I don't know if I should push him harder in regards to his language and mannerisms, or enjoy him staying young.

- He is lying to us and it's getting very frustrating. Luckily he's not good at it. But no matter how we approach it (calm & quiet or with anger) and we explain he'll get into MORE trouble for lying than for anything he did wrong, it still happens. He's such a good kid...but this is a major fault with him.


And, as a disclaimer I'd like to say both my kids are great and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I get compliments on their behaviour in public all the time, and they have really good hearts. That being said....I need a stiff drink.

In regard to your daughter...

I just tell my kids to shower. Its not an option or a suggestion, If I tell them to bathe, they bathe. I like to make it part of a relaxing bedtime routine.

For insomnia we have used herbal tisanes & homeopathics. One they really like is called Moon drops.

I dont know what to do about the smart mouth, luckily we have not experieced that with our children.

melitonin. i dont remember the amounts but if your interested ill go look it up again. works well for kids and is afaik very safe.

how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk. (there is a christian version of this that jsut didnt do it for me. get the orginial.)

hmmm the hygiene thing. i dunno. we have some uh ripe friends so ian is clean cos he doesnt want to smell.

what kind of learning disabilitiy? i have pretty bad dylexia, dyscalcula and dysgraphia. like typing this opst is a huge pia. i am sure not all the letters will be in the correct order. there is a computer program that helps us spell and write better. it is pricey though. you might budget it in if you homeschool or get a grant or get a homeschooling coop to buy it. you can goole it easily enough.
back ground noise like the national public radio helps me. it helps me concentrate and collect my thoughts in terms of add.

In regard to your daughter...

I just tell my kids to shower. Its not an option or a suggestion, If I tell them to bathe, they bathe. I like to make it part of a relaxing bedtime routine.


Yes, she does shower when she's told - I'd just like her to start taking more responsibility on herself and to not "have" to be told. She just doesn't seem to care if there is dirt under her nails or if her hair has gone 4 days without washing. I let it go once for a week to see if she would notice or do something about it - nadda. It's frustrating because I'm a very scent-sensitive person.

melitonin. i dont remember the amounts but if your interested ill go look it up again. works well for kids and is afaik very safe.

what kind of learning disabilitiy? i have pretty bad dylexia, dyscalcula and dysgraphia. like typing this opst is a huge pia. i am sure not all the letters will be in the correct order. there is a computer program that helps us spell and write better. it is pricey though. you might budget it in if you homeschool or get a grant or get a homeschooling coop to buy it. you can goole it easily enough.
back ground noise like the national public radio helps me. it helps me concentrate and collect my thoughts in terms of add.

Hmmm, I'll have to look into the Melitonin - thanks! We have read that book - we also read another one (1-2-3 magic) that was helpful but it only seems to really have an effect on our daughter. Our son is more....complicated. LOL. I'm trying to be patient with him, I'm hoping he'll outgrow some of his issues in time.

He has ADD, and Disorder of Written Expression (he can't transfer thoughts to paper, or abstract ideas to paper) and he is behind in reading - though catching up to his peer group. He was born with Duane's Syndrome (eye muscle defects) so for the first couple years of his life before he had his surgeries he didn't develop fine motor skills, and his speech was delayed. He was behind from the start and then he had a very rough start to his school life, with a couple traumatic events and bad situations before we finally were able to get him into a good school. Luckily things are up in that department but he still asks me if he'll have to go back to that old school once in awhile :eyes:

oh hugs. weve had a horrific time with schools. i cannot go into details right now but omg nothing could have been worse. i so so understand.

It is possible that in a couple years she WILL take responsibility for cleaning herself up and etc.

My 14 year old takes a shower a day and spends a lot of time doing her hair and makeup and

she started taking the initiative around age 12 1/2.

Before that, I was her prompter.

It is possible that in a couple years she WILL take responsibility for cleaning herself up and etc.

My 14 year old takes a shower a day and spends a lot of time doing her hair and makeup and

she started taking the initiative around age 12 1/2.

Before that, I was her prompter.

Yeah that. I was the same way.

oh hugs. weve had a horrific time with schools. i cannot go into details right now but omg nothing could have been worse. i so so understand.

Yeah, unfortunately because where we bought our new home was still under construction the kids were assigned to a school about 15 minutes away in the "hood". We moved OUT of a neighboorhood heading in that direction because hubby was running into some people he arrests. Then my kids get sent to the worst area (well, one of) where it's guaranteed the parents will be people hubby has dealt with? Ugh. We gave it a chance but when I have to put my 6 year old in therapy with a specialized child psychologist and threaten police action if the don't transfer him (I had pulled him at that point....home-schooled till he could be transferred) then the chance is UP. Makes me FURIOUS just typing about it.

Luckily daughter went to a charter school so we never had these issues with her.

It is possible that in a couple years she WILL take responsibility for cleaning herself up and etc.

My 14 year old takes a shower a day and spends a lot of time doing her hair and makeup and

she started taking the initiative around age 12 1/2.

Before that, I was her prompter.

Hmm, so maybe I'm just being impatient then. I think we tend to expect more from her because she's older...but really 10 isn't all that mature. There is hope!
Thanks :)

Yeah, unfortunately because where we bought our new home was still under construction the kids were assigned to a school about 15 minutes away in the "hood". We moved OUT of a neighboorhood heading in that direction because hubby was running into some people he arrests. Then my kids get sent to the worst area (well, one of) where it's guaranteed the parents will be people hubby has dealt with? Ugh. We gave it a chance but when I have to put my 6 year old in therapy with a specialized child psychologist and threaten police action if the don't transfer him (I had pulled him at that point....home-schooled till he could be transferred) then the chance is UP. Makes me FURIOUS just typing about it.

Luckily daughter went to a charter school so we never had these issues with her.

omg. we had the same kind of problems. until i called the assitant super intendent of the school district and said. "i will be calling my lawyer if ian doesnt get transfered." that got him into the school just a couple of blocks from us thats super over crowded (and the school a couple of blocks the other way is shutting down due to low attendence. :eyesroll) i didnt send him to the closing school cos well, he got kicked out of it. ftr. i hoemschooled him for a year and a half which was great but arghh hard to do with me in school full time and working. (i know some people do it with partners, some ppl do it as single parents. i am not one of those ppl.)

i hoemschooled him for a year and a half which was great but arghh hard to do with me in school full time and working. (i know some people do it with partners, some ppl do it as single parents. i am not one of those ppl.)

Ditto....hubby and I both work full time (his shifts are more normal now, but at the time it was days/afternoons/nights and overtime thrown in just for fun) so I had to prepare the curriculum at night, then get my mother-in-law to work with him during the day. It wasn't a good time.

I don't understand the mentality (or lack of it) with these school districts....you'd think if you are going to develop all these new communities you'd maybe make a school or two to go along with it??? That's why I like my daughter's charter school (which son can't attend because of his learning issues) - they take over abandoned schools and fix them up.

I have daydreams of Mary Poppins showing up at my house some day.

me too. or barring that becoming mary poppins. which aint happening anytime soon.

My dd just turned 11 and just within the past few months has been asking to shower regularly but she has been stinky for almost a yr now. Soon she will figure it out. My oldest is 14 in a few weeks and we had to really be careful to remember he was still a baby/child himself around that age esp since we had just had a baby, it was easy to throw responsibility on him since he is the oldest. My dh is a police officer too and we had to send the kids to catholic school. No way would did I want the stress of your hubby/daddy arrested mine last night!
I just think some kids are more prone to the lying. I was a liar when I was a child, stupid stuff, stuff my parents knew I was lying over. Why I have no clue lol I did outgrow it in high school though. My 11 yrodd is the liar around here, all the time, over dumb stuff too. We also can tell when she is but she is getting better and better and it (sigh) Just today she wanted to go by her friends by herself without her sis, friend has a younger sis too so the 4 of them play together often. I ask her if her sister is coming too and she says No Mrs S says she can't come over. Never mind I was sitting next to her while she was on the phone with friend and didn't hear anything like that. And on the rare occasion the Moms only want one kid to come over (like last week her younger one had a spelling test and Mom wanted her to study or they already have another friend over) we tell each other why not the kids. My ds though never lies, never has. Sure once in awhile but never on a regular basis. Same with my 5yrodd once in awhile she blames things on her sibs but nothing regular. I ground, yell, ask nice, dh tells her stories about people he arrests for lying and it doesn't seem to faze her. No help there just sympathy lol I just hope she'll outgrow it too.

I have a very challenging 13 year old. She also has insomnia and then after school when she gets home she wants to sleep because she's been up half the night. This, of course makes the insomnia problem worse so she's crabby all the time and frequently gets off schedule. What sometimes works for us is to keep her busy as much as possible after school so she doesn't get too much down time. She gets some, but if she sits in front of the tv or computer for hours after school (which she'd love) then she's up all night.

I second the melatonin. My dd takes it at 9pm every night. Then she has to go to lay down in her bed. She's allowed to take the phone to chat with her friends, since she's only allowed to use her cell phone after 9pm and on weekends. She insists that it's not cool to use the house phone, lol... anyway...at 9:30, I go into her room and take the phone. She must stay in her bed resting until 10pm when I go in and make sure her lights are out and radio is turned down low.

So, I guess what we do is keep her busy all day, then give her a good hour of downtime before lights out. Also, she can't be trusted to turn lights out or get off the phone on her own, so I must stay up and check on this. I've tried leaving it up to her and she's up til 4 am on a school night if I'm not watching carefully.

As for the mouth. I'm working on that too. My current strategy is that I will not listen if she is being rude or unreasonable. I just ignore her. If she says something really offensive then she's in her room for an hour. My little ones don't need to hear someone disrespecting their mama.

hygiene is something that came slowly for us. Finally in 8th grade, she's taking showers without me making her do it. Just this week she has taken one every night, but a few months ago, it was more like 2x a week and I had to demand that she shower sometimes because her hair and nails were just plain old gross. It drove me nuts!

I am so glad I'm not the only one who struggles! We see son's pediatrician when we get back from England in March and I'm going to run the Melatonin past him for both kids (I want to be careful with son on meds already). Thanks so much for all your input and advice.

SS, what are herbal tisanes? Melatonin, while not dangerous, should not be used for an extended period of time or by anyone with an autoimmune disorder.

My girls and 21 and 12, but I just barely muddled through and probably could not offer any good advice. :lol: