....other things that I am frusturated at dealing with....(sorry if this has been asked before - if so, if you could link me with other thread, I'd appreciate it..)

...how do you style that coarse grey kinky hair (which is still coarse even if it is dyed)...

...what do I wash my face with that is rough and slightly sagging

...how do I put makeup on my eyes with all these wrinkles

...I am losing the fight over plucking all this facial hair....it is crazy...

I see older-ish women looking very stylish but I just feel like a middle age rumpled up woman in jeans & t-shirts & running shoes.

Mama, I go through this same battle. I am losing hair. I use to have thick vibrant hair. This has been emotionally hard for me.
The coarseness, I am nto sure there is anything you can do but good Omega oils, like cod liver, or if vegetarian add jojoba oil or sesame oil to your scalp on occassion. I must tell you I HAVE to do that. Without hormones, I really battle my scalp like never before.
Your hair will feel wierd tho with oils on it. Take about 1 TBSP and warm it and massage into the scalp and wait awhile then brush through. I often wear a bandana or else wash my hair shortly after the oil application.
It does help.
As far as facial hair, not sure what combats that but if I hear of any things I will letcha know. That is very common.
Washing the face...yes, that is an issue with me too. I use to have really nice skin, and now it tends to dryness. I make an awesome herbal face wash that is nice, or what I also do is wash with water in the mornings.
I spritz my face with rosewater or neroli hydrosol as needed (I have always done this tho) I make or have my friend make my face creams and once or twice a week I wash my face with cream. It really helps.
You can also use things around the house. My friend Rebecca just posted these on her blog.

Milk and honey and powdered rose petals. (Moisturizing and soothing.)

Yogurt and chopped mint leaves. (Cooling, soothing and stimulating.)

Yogurt and ground basil. (Soothing and invigorating.)

Oat flour and plantain infusion. (Incredibly soothing and healing.)

Oat flour and rosemary infusion. (Healing and stimulating.)

The lactic acid in the yogurt is very good for skin

Honey is a great nourishing mask-anythign with rose, rosehip oil, jojoba are all very good choices for us.

Thank you very much - I will give those suggestions a try!!