"Are you done having kids?"

I've been saying that we are done since baby number 3. I don't want to hear any negative comments; I am such a wuss. Honestly, I dunno if I will ever feel done.

What about you? How do you answer and are you being honest?

LOL..I actually used to be reallly annoyed and upset with dh b/c he'd do the "nope, we're done" thing after child # 4. when I asked him why he did that, he said he really doesn't want to discuss his sex life and beliefs with total strangers, so that just ended the conversation. (if you knew dh, he can say things in a tone that really does end the conversation!LOL)
I'll usually say something like, we'll see what God gives us. it's hard nowadays though, b/c not many people "get" that and I still ahve close friends ask of we'll *go* for # 10, even though they know how we feel.lol
:)

I say, "Well, for right now we are." Or, "I've learned a long time ago to never say never."

It's a difficult question for me. It hurts, in all honesty, but I don't want to get into it with strangers.

I have four and I am 40. I knew I would never "feel" done, but logically I wanted to be (for many reasons) so I got a tubal to settle the matter. People never ask me if I am having more - ever. But in my neck of the woods, it is unusual to have four even.

I say we let God plan our family.

It drives me crazy when ppl ask like it is a bad thing. What happened to the days when everyone had big families? It's just one of my peeves I guess. I don't go around asking people with one child, wow so you're only going to have one? It's especially hard when your family on all sides thinks you are nuts. I have heard enough "why would you want to bring more kids into this world with the way things are going" questions to last a life time. Ugh! I have started volunteering the answer before being asked. I usually just say we will probably have more eventually. I'm not stopping until something inside of me is at peace and says okay you're done now.

I always say maybe. I don't know what will happen, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't.

You can shutup most idiots and just curious georges with "Why yes we are having more but not right now because he has to knock me up first." But honestly when they ask I simply say yes and leave it there.

I get asked this a lot. While we only have two, most people who know us know we've lost five, including most recently a set of twins. My response is always "we're done when God says that we're done."

I shrug my shoulders and leave it at that.
My dh put on a "things about you questionaire" for a church trip "we might have additional additions or something like that.

I usually respond with "I think so". I think that we are most likely done, but you never know what the future may hold. It is so funny because when I had only 2 kids, noone asked this question, but now that I have 5 kids, everyone is apparently dying to know if I am going to have anymore. :lol:

I was so sad when my neighbor with 5 voluntarily told me she was done. I did that "awww, really??" People ask me that. One person I said, "lets let Thomas turn one first, then you can ask me" My own mother started talking to me about menopause when she was visiting after my son was born. I was like, "mom, I just had a baby. I don't want to talk about menopause." Most people assume I'm done now that I've "had my boy." When did our fertility become public domain?

I try not to be grumpy when people ask - but it really depends on whose asking. A woman at church asked me recently and the way she asked you tell it was a bad thing in her mind and so I said "Well, maybe when we have an ugly one."
I've always wanted to say in the grocery store or mall or somewhere busy "Oh! Where did those two come from?!"
Once a pair of older women at the grocery store asked me "How do you shop with all those little ones?' And I said, "Very quickly."
I try to keep my sense of humor. I admit it - I ask people if they're going to have more kids. I'm just curious. I think I'm always hoping they'll say yes and then we'll have something in common :)

After many years of this question, I finally decided to stump everyone and answer very positively. It has worked beautifully. LOL

I just say, "I hope not". Then go on to say how much I always wanted a big family and how much I enjoy it etc... I've found that people react much more positively to my happiness & joy and partly because it doesn't leave much room for them to say something negative. The ones who really disagree are so shocked that I could actually *want* more that they just look at me and shake their heads with some sort of comment like "you must be a better woman than me, no way could I handle it" etc...

When I gave in to the pressure to go along with other peoples ideas, I actually got more negativity than I do now. A sense of humor helps me a LOT and also I've finally come to the place where peoples opinions don't matter to me that much anymore. It used to really bother me. Now I just laugh or ignore them because they don't know what they are missing.

Aileen

I would say this is my most commonly asked question. I usually answer with a shrug and an "I don't know" because honestly, none of us know for sure that we will be blessed again. It usually just leaves a puzzled look on their face but if they really push me further about it, I will say "Why don't you ask God for me?" and they will shut up after that.

I've started telling people "Oh, we are about halfway there".

It is just simply no ones business.

i hate when people ask me that because with us being a blended family i would love to have at least one more with my fiancee but he got snipped after his 2 and then moving in my 4 was a wild trip.lol but we'd both like to have one together because of the beauty of it.Me?i'd have like 3 more

I was so sad when my neighbor with 5 voluntarily told me she was done. I did that "awww, really??"

Why were you sad? Did she not want to be done?

I have two kids and that is just perfect for us. But I often get the "are you having more" question implying that we should. I just say that we don't plan to have any more and are happy.

I have learned through Amity's not to be shocked by anyone's family choices!

ETA: oops ! I just realized this is the big family forum. I searched by new posts and it interested me. So, disregard this small family mama!

That's ok Nancy! It's an old post but is updated once in a while when new people come to the forum. :)

I was sad for two reasons, one she is a wonderful mother and any addition to her family would be a lucky child. And second is that she was one of very few families I know with more than the standard 2-3 kids, I have enjoyed seeing her family grow and for purely selfish reasons would have loved to see it grow some more. :) She herself was happy to be "done".

I get asked that all the time, but first they ask if they are all mine. If I'm in a bad mood I say, "no, I'm the babysitter". Somehow they don't get the sarcasm. If I'm in a good mood, I say, "yes, aren't children wonderful?" If they haven't shut up by then, and ask if I'm done, I just smile and say "I'd welcome more, but I am happy with what I have." That's the truth.

Depending on who is asking I have a few different responses.

"We still haven't figured out how they're getting here" is my favorite. ;) But I also often say, "We'll see how we feel in a few years. In the meantime we're keeping our options open."

(Not quite in the "big family" group yet...but I do have a question related to this to those who are...)

I don't know how I should answer this after this baby is born. If someone asks dh if we are having more, he will say no, and I think he means it. I feel done for now. But I don't know how I'll feel 2, 3, 4+ years from now (need time to forget this pregnancy, ugggg...lol) . And dh can't know how he'll feel either. He could have been done at 2, but he decided that 3 would be fine (God had him sit by a cute baby on a plane), and I had always said I wanted four (though I don't know if that's true now or not). I mean, we could be done at 3. But I don't know. And we could both say we're done and still have another baby by God's choice. But the question does come up a lot, so a good answer would be handy. I don't even know if I should save stuff after this baby, or just get rid of it all and start anew if need be.
TIA for any ideas or advice you have for me!
(you can pm me if you prefer that to answering in this thread)

I almost always say, "I don't know." I would love to be able to add to our family, but I truly do not know if it will happen. We'll see. :)

Nancy~
I wanted to respond to your post about "feeling happy with the children you have" because I think it is a common misconception that large families have more children because they were unhappy. I mean, there may be some that are unhappy about fertility problems, but in general they aren't hoping to add to their family so that they can finally "get happy." For dh and I, being open to life and following God's plan for us, is what makes us happy. That could have happened at 2 children or 12. At one time, I had the same as you... a boy and a girl and we were happy. We continued to be happy having more. Having a large family is hard but extremely rewarding.

I just saw this and wanted to reply.

Nancy~
I wanted to respond to your post about "feeling happy with the children you have" because I think it is a common misconception that large families have more children because they were unhappy. I mean, there may be some that are unhappy about fertility problems, but in general they aren't hoping to add to their family so that they can finally "get happy." For dh and I, being open to life and following God's plan for us, is what makes us happy. That could have happened at 2 children or 12. At one time, I had the same as you... a boy and a girl and we were happy. We continued to be happy having more. Having a large family is hard but extremely rewarding.


When I said that I feel happy with the children I have, I meant that I feel happy with the children I have. It wasn't a judgement about whether larger families are happy or not. It was just a statement about our family, which happens to be the perfect size for us.

I'm glad that you continue to be happy with more kids. I do not believe that would be the case for us. Yes, I understand that IF something happened and we did have more, we'd still have a happy life and would love that little person. But having more children would not make us happy.

well, until recently dh was done and i was not. and EVERYONE always asked me that question. i would simply say: dh is done, but i would love more. it was the truth. and no one asked any more,lol.
now dh has come around and we will have more! so i can happily say YES we will have more!!
amy

I've been asked this many times since I recently married. We have 7 children b/w us (only 4 live w/us though). I always answer, "My goodness, 7 is enough!" Which I feel appeases ppl's curiosity w/out actually being committal one way or another. I won't even divulge here what my true feelings are on this issue. Feelings can always change, accidents can happen, devastation can happen. However you want to look at it. I agree it's no one's business and I think it's rude to ask ppl. I'm not offended, I just don't understand why ppl think it's okay to ask.

I did have one friend call me on my response though. "You always say 7 is enough, but what does that mean? Will you have more together or not?" LOL!

Old thread but I found it interesting...

When people ask me, I laugh and say "My minivan is full." Of course everyone takes that as "Yes, we're done." Before dd5 was born, I felt that someone was missing from our family, that we weren't complete. When I was pg with her, I knew this was the one I was missing. I felt content to say that I'm done. My dh would have been content with four but he was open to one more. We're both sure that five is how many children we were meant to have, but we wouldn't turn away any surprises. ;)