mamabear
08-09-2007, 09:30 AM
This is my third attempt to post this.
We're doing the HEL. To consolidate the debt, take care of the most pressing needs for the house (having a functional driveway through winter, drying the basement which is a moldy nightmare about now), and hopefully leave us with a small cushion.
On the one hand I feel like a total failure - two years into our move to Vermont, we've essentially spent almost all our profit from the sale of our Florida house. On the other hand, I feel like we've been successful; this is a huge move, to an area where it isn't easy to make a living, and we're doing it, we financed it with that money but we're on solid footing and climbing up in income slowly but surely.
What I do feel great about is that we are NOT getting a tractor. :smirk: That I was able to talk dh out of that one. I think it helped that we had our neighbor do the driveway work and he said that doing something like, bushhogging trails through our property and clearing the fields we want cleared, would be $300. The other work we're having done, Matt realistically could NOT have done with the tractor (digging trenches/culverts to divert water away from the house) - unless we had a $7k backhoe on it. I think he really came to realize this, and that it makes so much more sense for us to hire our neighbor who has all the tools, to do it for us, than for him to learn how to effectively operate the tractor and actually find the time to do it (even in the summer!).
I also feel like Matt and I are on the same page financially, finally. Although I still struggle with him feeling like he's "entitled" to spend money without worrying about budget. Then he spends, so I feel like, "Well why should the kids and I go without, I'll get what I want too." It's a bad cycle. For example, I noticed that after he bought a suit and got a haircut for his interview for the job that never happened, he spent $80 on going out in Burlington and eating dinner (and drinking). :vent: I would NEVER EVER EVER put $80 on a credit card like that. So, I felt justified in spending about the same to put us up in a hotel and get pizza delivered, last week when Jake had two appointments on Monday and one on Tuesday, in the same town a 1.5 hr drive from our house. I still feel justified in that, because I mean, it would have been hell to drive back then turn around again the next morning, and we never do that, and I didn't have Matt to split the driving with. But anyway...I digress. It's purchases like that, that drive me absolutely bananas though. At the same time, he spent $60 on sneakers - his were literally falling to pieces before he bought himself new sneakers. His underwear will be full of holes before he buys new. He can be very thrifty in other areas...but going out to eat and having a good time are not those areas! I guess he was also in the "well I'm going to get this job and make a lot more money" mindset, but that doesn't excuse the behavior, kwim?
Anyway...my point being, I feel like we're on the same page, but I also feel like we *both* fall into the trap of "I'll just put this on the CC because although we can't afford it, I feel entitled to it." I've been actively working on this, and am hopeful I can get him on the same page.
The thing that will help us, is that we actually have to CLOSE almost all our cards to get approved for this home equity loan. The one we've had the longest also has a $10k limit and we were going to keep that one open for online purchases and emergencies, but now I'm feeling anxious about that, and thinking I should keep the second-longest one open, that has only a $2500 limit and is in Matt's name. (Despite the eating-out blunder, I'm probably more dangerous with a CC than he is, due to online purchases.) In any case, what I really want is one for emergencies frozen in a block of ice (and $10k would make me feel more comfortable) with numbers I haven't memorized, and one with a small limit that we use for online purchases and pay off monthly. If we have a budget in place, and that's been another stipulation of our own for doing the HEL, paying it off monthly shouldn't be a problem.
So...that's where we are. I have such a mix of feelings surrounding all of this...I am so blessed to be here, but I need to work harder to help us live within our means. And also we really need to just increase income. I realize it's just about impossible to live up here on $30k a year gross income, with any significant mortgage. Looking at the stresses my friends are facing off-grid, I also don't regret backing out of the camp we were going to buy that was off-grid. I feel it would have been way too stressful for us to live like that, especially w/Jake's medical needs. So, we're facing these stresses instead...but we're handling them and tackling the problems head-on.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and support. I appreciate it more than I can say! I love this board.
We're doing the HEL. To consolidate the debt, take care of the most pressing needs for the house (having a functional driveway through winter, drying the basement which is a moldy nightmare about now), and hopefully leave us with a small cushion.
On the one hand I feel like a total failure - two years into our move to Vermont, we've essentially spent almost all our profit from the sale of our Florida house. On the other hand, I feel like we've been successful; this is a huge move, to an area where it isn't easy to make a living, and we're doing it, we financed it with that money but we're on solid footing and climbing up in income slowly but surely.
What I do feel great about is that we are NOT getting a tractor. :smirk: That I was able to talk dh out of that one. I think it helped that we had our neighbor do the driveway work and he said that doing something like, bushhogging trails through our property and clearing the fields we want cleared, would be $300. The other work we're having done, Matt realistically could NOT have done with the tractor (digging trenches/culverts to divert water away from the house) - unless we had a $7k backhoe on it. I think he really came to realize this, and that it makes so much more sense for us to hire our neighbor who has all the tools, to do it for us, than for him to learn how to effectively operate the tractor and actually find the time to do it (even in the summer!).
I also feel like Matt and I are on the same page financially, finally. Although I still struggle with him feeling like he's "entitled" to spend money without worrying about budget. Then he spends, so I feel like, "Well why should the kids and I go without, I'll get what I want too." It's a bad cycle. For example, I noticed that after he bought a suit and got a haircut for his interview for the job that never happened, he spent $80 on going out in Burlington and eating dinner (and drinking). :vent: I would NEVER EVER EVER put $80 on a credit card like that. So, I felt justified in spending about the same to put us up in a hotel and get pizza delivered, last week when Jake had two appointments on Monday and one on Tuesday, in the same town a 1.5 hr drive from our house. I still feel justified in that, because I mean, it would have been hell to drive back then turn around again the next morning, and we never do that, and I didn't have Matt to split the driving with. But anyway...I digress. It's purchases like that, that drive me absolutely bananas though. At the same time, he spent $60 on sneakers - his were literally falling to pieces before he bought himself new sneakers. His underwear will be full of holes before he buys new. He can be very thrifty in other areas...but going out to eat and having a good time are not those areas! I guess he was also in the "well I'm going to get this job and make a lot more money" mindset, but that doesn't excuse the behavior, kwim?
Anyway...my point being, I feel like we're on the same page, but I also feel like we *both* fall into the trap of "I'll just put this on the CC because although we can't afford it, I feel entitled to it." I've been actively working on this, and am hopeful I can get him on the same page.
The thing that will help us, is that we actually have to CLOSE almost all our cards to get approved for this home equity loan. The one we've had the longest also has a $10k limit and we were going to keep that one open for online purchases and emergencies, but now I'm feeling anxious about that, and thinking I should keep the second-longest one open, that has only a $2500 limit and is in Matt's name. (Despite the eating-out blunder, I'm probably more dangerous with a CC than he is, due to online purchases.) In any case, what I really want is one for emergencies frozen in a block of ice (and $10k would make me feel more comfortable) with numbers I haven't memorized, and one with a small limit that we use for online purchases and pay off monthly. If we have a budget in place, and that's been another stipulation of our own for doing the HEL, paying it off monthly shouldn't be a problem.
So...that's where we are. I have such a mix of feelings surrounding all of this...I am so blessed to be here, but I need to work harder to help us live within our means. And also we really need to just increase income. I realize it's just about impossible to live up here on $30k a year gross income, with any significant mortgage. Looking at the stresses my friends are facing off-grid, I also don't regret backing out of the camp we were going to buy that was off-grid. I feel it would have been way too stressful for us to live like that, especially w/Jake's medical needs. So, we're facing these stresses instead...but we're handling them and tackling the problems head-on.
I wanted to say thank you to everyone for your advice and support. I appreciate it more than I can say! I love this board.