My dh can gas up on credit and not feel guilty. Granted 80% of the time he IS using that gas for work, and getting back to work etc. But he can use money and not feel guilty.

I am just feeling irritated. It feels like all of his expences are justified and mine are just petty. They are only for me and the kids. They don't make money, they don't get us anything but enjoyment and occasional educational moments. So if anything is going to take a cut, it is us.

Most of the time I am happy to take this cut. I consider this part of staying at home etc. But when I have been sitting here for 9 days and have only left the house to go get a back xray I am feeling slightly irrationally trapped and unreasonably cut back. If that makes sense.

And then, my dh, instead of coming home today, he decided to stay up there because some big hot shot was doing a talk on suicide. Even though he got off early.

Is it strange that the closer we get to the end of this, the more terrible it seems? That was the oppisite with the other academy, but the other one was only 9 wks long... this one is over twice that long and even farther away.

Why do I feel guilty about wanting to put $20 on credit just to get out of the ****ed house?

I have felt the same way lately Val.
I admire your commitment to your budget. Sorry it is so hard.

DO NOT feel guilty, Mama!!! Do you remember when we talked about getting ready for this time, and you didn't want to spend money, etc., and you were saying you recognized that this really wasn't the time not to spend money??? If spending some money on the credit card right now helps you to avoid some of the resentment I hear building, then do it.

When Don is home more, when he is able to help more and you are not carrying so much of the load at home, then it will be easier to cut back on spending and make up for this, but that resentment, it'll eat away at you, YK? There are just five weeks to go, so maybe you feel like you should be able to suck it up, but, Mama, it's been a long haul, and five weeks can seem like a really long time when you're at home by yourself with a little baby and restless kids (trust me, I know, and I have a hubby home most nights and weekends).

Give yourself a break! Would Don want you to feel bad or stay stuck in the house? I am sure he would understand that sometimes you need to get out right now.

Take care, Mama!!!!