waterlily
03-20-2007, 01:04 PM
don't ask me if I'm done.
My neighbor. . . I love her but sometimes I wish she wouldn't speak *everything* that's on her mind. She keeps saying that my baby doesn't make her want another one. I know it's not personal, she thinks that about everyone's baby. She genuinely feels done with two. But as others grow their families it makes her think about it again and just confirm in her mind that she doesn't want another child. I used to tell her, you may feel differently when the youngest is older and you can take on more. Now I just say nothing because it's become apparent to me she's not looking for discussion, she's looking for confirmation.
People have ceased to ask me if I'm done and now just assume, "now you're done, right?" "I bet you're done now!" I don't feel done. Will I ever feel done? DH does but I don't. I used to say, "it depends who you ask, me or dh." and laugh. That was when I had three children. Now I don't say anything, just smile. Why does it matter to them? I realized, it doesn't. It shakes their idea of what's acceptable. Perhaps they consider me a sensible person and now I don't fit into their notion of a sensible person anymore.
Mainly it's the immediate family that really hopes I'm done. Other people are just amused. Now my extended family (aunts and uncles) thinks it's wonderful. My neighbor has five children and I met her mother a while back. I asked her, do you have a large family as well? And she said, no, I only had three children, but now, seeing my daughter's family, I wish I had had more. Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? I can't help but wish that my family had that effect on others. But I know it doesn't. I suppose, instead I could wish that more people were like this woman's mother. Open to the blessings of another's experience. Willing to see outside their box.
I guess this brings me to another thought. Assuming at one time you also expected the 2.5 children...what changed your mind?
I'll answer for myself that I never expected 2.5 children. Both my parents came from families of 9. My mother says she would have had more than us three had her second two pregnancies not been so traumatic (she nearly died with #2). She used to want a dozen. When I was pg with my second daughter the family that was renting their condo to us had 5 children. When we told them we were moving due to expecting #2 and needing more space they were so postive and said, "you're on your way," with a big smile. (to growing a nice big brood like theirs, I imagined.) What an interesting thing to say. And then of course, there's Amity's. This was the first place I found with a fair share of large families. What heaven. I think all these things were influences. I used to say, well, I wanted 6, dh wanted 2, so I guess 4 would be a happy medium. So I guess it's four for me, but don't ask me if I'm done.
My neighbor. . . I love her but sometimes I wish she wouldn't speak *everything* that's on her mind. She keeps saying that my baby doesn't make her want another one. I know it's not personal, she thinks that about everyone's baby. She genuinely feels done with two. But as others grow their families it makes her think about it again and just confirm in her mind that she doesn't want another child. I used to tell her, you may feel differently when the youngest is older and you can take on more. Now I just say nothing because it's become apparent to me she's not looking for discussion, she's looking for confirmation.
People have ceased to ask me if I'm done and now just assume, "now you're done, right?" "I bet you're done now!" I don't feel done. Will I ever feel done? DH does but I don't. I used to say, "it depends who you ask, me or dh." and laugh. That was when I had three children. Now I don't say anything, just smile. Why does it matter to them? I realized, it doesn't. It shakes their idea of what's acceptable. Perhaps they consider me a sensible person and now I don't fit into their notion of a sensible person anymore.
Mainly it's the immediate family that really hopes I'm done. Other people are just amused. Now my extended family (aunts and uncles) thinks it's wonderful. My neighbor has five children and I met her mother a while back. I asked her, do you have a large family as well? And she said, no, I only had three children, but now, seeing my daughter's family, I wish I had had more. Isn't that a beautiful sentiment? I can't help but wish that my family had that effect on others. But I know it doesn't. I suppose, instead I could wish that more people were like this woman's mother. Open to the blessings of another's experience. Willing to see outside their box.
I guess this brings me to another thought. Assuming at one time you also expected the 2.5 children...what changed your mind?
I'll answer for myself that I never expected 2.5 children. Both my parents came from families of 9. My mother says she would have had more than us three had her second two pregnancies not been so traumatic (she nearly died with #2). She used to want a dozen. When I was pg with my second daughter the family that was renting their condo to us had 5 children. When we told them we were moving due to expecting #2 and needing more space they were so postive and said, "you're on your way," with a big smile. (to growing a nice big brood like theirs, I imagined.) What an interesting thing to say. And then of course, there's Amity's. This was the first place I found with a fair share of large families. What heaven. I think all these things were influences. I used to say, well, I wanted 6, dh wanted 2, so I guess 4 would be a happy medium. So I guess it's four for me, but don't ask me if I'm done.