I don't know how many of you can relate. It's ok if you don't. I just need to get it out because it has been bugging me for awhile and I hope by talking about it, I can make peace with it.

I feel guilt over the "footprint" on the earth that my big family makes. No way, no how would I want to not have one or two of my kids, but I do feel a certain amount of guilt for "indulging" myself and having more than 2 kids.

I mean honestly, would I have had a 4th if I had already had a girl? I do not know. I do know I wasn't married totally to the idea of one particular gender when I decided to have my 4th. I wanted to be a mother again, not simply have a girl.

I'm so pleased with all of my kids. I adore them all. I guess I just never thought I would have more than 4.

I live in an area where having more is distasteful. I feel like screaming, "But I'm being careful with resources. I am!" :D We try so hard to be gentle on the Earth, but it almost feels like there is no room for environmentalists with large families. I feel shunned at times.

I think I'm different from many of you in this forum. I am not religious and do not believe that God dictates my family size. So, I don't get that sense of peace that many of you have knowing you are fulfilling the path that was already chosen for you.

I chose this. Therefore, I feel the consequences of my actions. It feels like an awesome responsibility.

Is anyone else in my shoes? :eyes:

I get it. :)

I think especially here in CA if you have more than a couple kids people are freaking out about how you are destroying the earths rescources & consuming to the hilt. I also think that its a short-sided view.

I dont have much guilt for my family size. If only because I see what my neighbors on each side are consuming! One set has 2 kids. My kids are amazed when they go next door - the kids have ALL the toys! The parents do too! LOL. They often come to our yard. When they leave I am left to clean up their drink containers, chip bags, candy wrappers & such. ugh.
The other set has 3 kids. The 10 yr old has numerous computers, 3 PDAs 9for a 10 yr old?!), ummmm... I could go on & on. When ds told him what he wanted for his birthday he told ds to change it & ask for a laptop first. Ds told him it wouldn't happen & he told ds they were cheap!

I|see the neighbors trash. Who knew the families of 2 could use so much?

My kids have less everything than all the kids they know. Even when I feel guilty for purchases, they can in no way compete with our neighbors with smaller families. AT ALL. We simply do not buy as much as they do.

I think the assumption that bigger family = more stuff just does not ring true in the majority of cases.

I am also raising my kids to care about the earth. That is 5 more people who love the earth & want to protect it.

Okay. this post was typed listening to 3 of the kids go crazy downstairs chasing after pets & being crazy . Its the best I can do. LOL

I agree with Anne-Marie. I understand what you're saying, but I know that your household has a much smaller footprint on the earth than many households with few or no children. I know that my household has a faaaaaaar smaller footprint than our next door neighbors with no children.

Your post caught my eye...

I can completely relate to all that you said. We have three children, live simply, honor the earth, and we have a hang up about our environmental impact/footprint now. It is a huge factor in our, "do we have another baby" discussion. I'm glad to hear that we are not alone.

Yes, it is an awesome responsibility whether you raise them to love the earth or live to Glorify God!!

Wouldn't larger families actually be less of a strain? I mean, seriously! If I only had one child, he would probably be spoiled to hilts and we could really afford to buy whatever he wanted. But, with 4 (for now) we are much more careful about the things we buy because there are more people to have to buy for. Our budget just doesn't allow to buy the kids several computers or Pda's , etc. Plus, we are more likely to cook at home and not use prepackaged foods as they are also more expensive.

We aren't exactly environmentalists, but we aren't trying to trash the place either. In a given week, our trash is 1-2 cans full.....the same as the Old lady and her son next door, the two older folks across the street, the same as the single lady and her daughter, and the same as the family with only 2 kids across the street.

I get more of the "the government must be supporting you in order to have that many kids" kinda feeling around here!! Nope, its all me (DH actually) baby!

Look at as you are raising that many more to love the earth. Wouldn't it be better to have another that may use a little, but teaches or portrays to others the importance of responsibility......or not have any and let those that are extremely wasteful take over?

I have given it a lot of thought Stacy. I have decided we're simply trying to outnumber the idiots. :) Hopefully that made you smile.

Basically I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing a somebody's "fair share" when it comes to children. They are children, human beings, with intrinsic worth. The ones that are here and the ones yet unborn. Who can put a dollar value or an impact value or what have you on a human life. Even if you don't believe in the Christian God, all religions of the world have placed extraordinary value on the human life. Where I used to worry about it now I just "don't go there." I have to believe that there truly are things that I don't understand and this planet is amazingly adaptable as it evolves and sure there is the possiblilty that we are on a ticking timebomb with our consumption and it's effects but that is just a huge concept, on a macro scale, and I draw a line when it comes to allowing that to limiting my family size. Does that make any sense? I don't allow them on the same planes.

I definitely kwym about feeling shunned. I know many people have beliefs about our responsibilty to the earth when it comes to family size but if they are going to criticize me I probably wouldn't want them as my friend anyway. I have grown leaps and bounds with the addition of each child and realize that in many ways those with fewer children won't understand where I am, for the simple reason that they haven't walked in my shoes. I know it's hard. . . an environmentalist, with a large family, you don't see that every day. But you know, there's a place for you. It's ok. It's late and I am rambling but I hope that helps some.

I have given it a lot of thought Stacy. I have decided we're simply trying to outnumber the idiots. :) Hopefully that made you smile.
.

:lol:

Well, I'm glad I'm not totally alone here. Waterlily, I've been a long-time admirer of yours. :) Thank you for answering.

Some of you mentioned consumption and it reminded me of what I saw the other day.

Our street recently added large recycling trash cans (in addition to a yard waste bin and the traditional trash can). Before that, I took our recycling 40 minutes to turn in. So, the other day before trash day I looked up and down my street. Almost everyone had their trash cans AND their recycling overflowing with the lid barely (or not) closing. Their green waste bins were full too--sometimes with green waste, sometimes with additional trash.

We had filled the lower third of our trash can and about 1/2 of the recycle bin. Our green waste was filled because I had trimmed a tree.

I noticed that the vibe/impression/opinion of people in CA toward our family was VASTLY different than those here in the midwest or in Florida. Just in our travels - we're used to big smiles, particularly from older people, and stories of raising their own children.

From what I saw, we were one of three families (in 3 park days) who had five kids at the parks those days. Very different reality.

So, I get that you might feel differently about your family particularly living out there (or, rather, your footprint on the Earth) versus being here where we receive more praise for it and have more space between us. :)

It was strange to me.

I agree with everything that Anne Marie said.

We live in military housing, and are one of the biggest families on the street (there is another family with 7 children). Our neighbors that have only 2 small children generate as much trash each week as our family of 8 and they don't recycle.

My kids are very good about recycling and understand that we do things differently because we're different. They totally agree that using paper napkins and the like are wasteful when we can use cloth napkins and real plates instead.

I do feel guilty about two things -- the fact that we drive a Suburban, but we do need it to get everyone around together. And the other is that the kids consistently point out that we use a lot of paper with homeschooling. I remind them that we recycle it and that's about the best I can come up with.

No one IRL has ever questioned me about my environmental footprint.

:lol:

Well, I'm glad I'm not totally alone here. Waterlily, I've been a long-time admirer of yours. :) Thank you for answering.



Aw, thanks! Likewise. :heart:

I was thinking about this more the other night and I do believe we can trust our instincts with our family size as we have with nursing, birthing, etc. It is a very basic human drive to procreate. It's worth giving a degree of weight to when managing our family, at least as much as our intellect.

And think of all the other families yours will have an active or passive influence on with your lifestyle.

Finally thought to pop in here! :)

My answer is going to be religious, but somewhat different from God "dictating" how many children. Rather, we feel that God made this earth for us to use properly and wisely, and that is what we teach our children. If He only wanted families to have 1-2 children, that's all we'd be capable of having.

I agree with everything that Anne Marie said.
I do feel guilty about two things -- the fact that we drive a Suburban, but we do need it to get everyone around together. And the other is that the kids consistently point out that we use a lot of paper with homeschooling. I remind them that we recycle it and that's about the best I can come up with.

No one IRL has ever questioned me about my environmental footprint.


I do feel guilty about the car but I have hope soon there will be a more enviro-friendly big car out there for us to buy! I feel we are raising our children to make good choices. Ditto to everyone else pretty much, our family consumes far less then those with 2 or no children. Should I raise one child with a huge footprint or 4 with about the same or less impact but will go on to teach their spouse/children how to be enviro-friendly. If I didn't have this many kids would I and dh be this responsible about our own footprints??

bumping for Robin