to be raised by someone else" thing?

Do you have phases where it is more annoying than others?

How do you deal with it?

99.9%of the time it doesn't bug me. I think it is annoying and condescending, but I accept it as par for the course. Right now, however, I find it more irritating (not hurtful, irritating) than usual.

smugness is always in bad taste.

Can't say that I've actually had that said to me in person but I'm aware of it going around many places, many times. I guess I feel called to work and just don't pay those who criticize any attention or any energy.

Oh, I find it downright hurtful when people say that.

There is no way a person can utter that phrase without thinking they are superior in some way to women who work, no matter how many times they tack on, "that's just me though" or any other such addendum.

**** happens. I wanted to stay home too. We've got to eat somehow. Nobody else "raised" my kid. I am doing that, thank you very much.

How do I deal with it? I ignore those people and vent online ;)

I'm ashamed to admit I've uttered that phrase more than once. I never thought of how hurtful it might be.

It was typically in the context of, "You should hire an au pair" from my Mother. :shake:

I don't know that is bothers me to read it online but if someone actually said it to me IRL I'm sure I'd have something not to nice to say about it.

I have never quite understood the WOHM/SAHM crap even when I *was* a SAHM. Nothing works for everyone. Ever.

Just reply, "well neither did I."

:drop: < shameful look

I have said that too but not to another mother. Mostly I say it in response to someone in my family who asks when/if I am going back to work.

Eh, like I said 99.9% of the time it doesn't bug me.

I've said it in the far past (like when I was 18-20), but I do know - at least for me - that I didn't get the manner in which work would affect my family and that the WOHM is STILL THE MAMA. Until I did it, I didn't realize that there are parts of WOH that can benefit the entire family (and not in the "so we can have more stuff" line).

Just every once in a while I get irritated (not hurt) by the condescention.

I'm so glad that we have this forum so that I can actually utter the above statement.

And, I too, don't get the whole criticism between the SAHM and the WOHMs. Shoot, how can we - as women - expect others to treat us with respect and diginity if we don't even treat each other that way? I do believe that if we each sat down with each other and really listened to each others' story, we could see that the choices that most of us make are very valid choices that have been thought out and are the best choices in each of our given lives.

So, :hug: thank you guys for letting me vent.

to be raised by someone else" thing?

Do you have phases where it is more annoying than others?

How do you deal with it?

99.9%of the time it doesn't bug me. I think it is annoying and condescending, but I accept it as par for the course. Right now, however, I find it more irritating (not hurtful, irritating) than usual.

Don't take this the wrong way, but why do people talk to you so rudely?! I am not implying that you are "asking for it" but I can't believe someone could say such judgemental things, simply because you work outside the home!

I'm so sorry!!

Don't take this the wrong way, but why do people talk to you so rudely?! I am not implying that you are "asking for it" but I can't believe someone could say such judgemental things, simply because you work outside the home!

I'm so sorry!!

It wasn't said about me. It was a statement that I heard (and hear a lot in various forms), but it wasn't directed toward me.

It wasn't said about me. It was a statement that I heard (and hear a lot in various forms), but it wasn't directed toward me.

I was gonna say!

Still rude, but not as rude as spoken to one's face.

to be raised by someone else" thing?
.

That statement is just ignorant. I am in firm belief that it takes a village. No, other people are not raising your children for you, they are helping you. Do moms that say this live in a vacuum where no one else takes their kids, ever? Or teaches them, or interacts with them? Sheesh.

I've said it in regards to my sister who is not so happily married for 20yrs, and doesn't ever seem to have her kiddo with her. He's 4, in daycare from the time she opens until closing(for only $60/week, mind you!) spends the weekends with my other sister, and is in the church nursery 3 times a week while they attend services. They probably spend 12 waking hours with this child a week. It is so sad, but my sister and parents continue to enable her to leave him like that. So yeah, I do get frustrated with her, and when she badgers me about going back to work, I will say this.

Now, I don't ever say or think this about my friends, or anybody else, really. I think most Moms are just doing the best they can, and they really do have their child's best interest in mind. I'm not all that judgemental anymore, but I used to be when I was a new Mom.

I've been thinking about this thread in quiet times lately, and I realized what it is that prompted me to say that (or feel that way). Aside from the obvious conflict with my Mom and her belief that I should hire "help" - I think the main issue, for me, is that I don't have a tribe of people around me who are SAHMs IRL. Everyone I know (and particularly DH's colleague's wives) are WOHMs. I don't know if they resent me for staying home or if they really think it's something they couldn't do, but I get a lot of grief through the grapevine. Oddly, the husbands are more supportive and think it's great. :confused: Anyway. Just wanted to throw that out there, too. Not that a rationalization changes it at all. :hug:

I've never had anyone say it to me, but I do think it's a terrible thing to say. I WOH'd for more years than I have SAH'd, and I don't think I take better care of my kids 'cause I'm home more. :lol:

But I put this on par with the ****e I read on my hsing support groups...every now and again, and daily at MDC, that 'children who go to school are in insitutions...and that why would *anyone* have children if they were just going to warehouse them in an institution for 6/8/10 hours a day?' I always wonder what planet these people are on.

Nobody in my real life hsing group would ever say such a thing to a fellow parent! (People spew all sorts of hate when they are hiding behind their little screens, things they would never consider saying to flesh and blood folk in front of them).

Most people in my rl hsing group have had plenty of experience with all sorts of educational configurations, including 'letting' an older child who wants to be institutionalized, be institutionalized. ;)

I didn't even know this forum existed. Cool. Hope you don't mind a SAHM stopping by.

Just a thought--My mom worked out of home my entire life and I spent a lot of time at day-cares. However-I don't remember much about any of those and remember tons about time with my mom. I know that it didn't keep my from bonding with my parents and have seen the same thing when I was a nanny. Keds know who their parents are and they are the most important people in a child's life. Just thinking but why doesn't anyone ever say junk like this to dads? HTH SArah

Just a thought--My mom worked out of home my entire life and I spent a lot of time at day-cares. However-I don't remember much about any of those and remember tons about time with my mom. I know that it didn't keep my from bonding with my parents and have seen the same thing when I was a nanny. Keds know who their parents are and they are the most important people in a child's life. Just thinking but why doesn't anyone ever say junk like this to dads? HTH SArah

I've heard a lot of negative things said about Dads-- they are workaholics, esp. And not in an admirable way.


I think people expect a lot from fathers these days-- as they should. But over the years, at biz events, many women have said to me about their dh's, "He'd rather make money that be with his family". My dh (in top level management) says that the men he works with are often thinking about their children, and talk about their children.

Sometimes, especially at higher levels, the expectations that you are 'billable' etc are great. (This is cultural). Esp if the other parent is at home, or isn't working full time. Many men have great burdens , and they are expected to have fewer issues leaving their children.

At least women can miss their kids and people understand.

I didn't even know this forum existed. Cool. Hope you don't mind a SAHM stopping by.

not for a minute. Glad you stopped by.

I'm glad for this forum.

I too admit that I've said this more than once and I have said it to my cousins face. I think she resents me because I'm "super mom" :rolleyes: I was talking about how I was working 2 days a week etc. and she knows I homeschool and she began giving me the rigmaroll of why do you do that etc.. so I say I didn't have kids so someone else could raise them, what's the point of bringing children into the world to send them out so someone else can teach them their values.
I do believe this to a certain extent, but keep in mind that my cousin is one of those who "could never stay home I'd go crazy" Her dh (or her) make enough money that one of them could stay home but they both choose to send their children to daycare 5 days a week and then send them off to grandmas in the evening so they can do whatever.
I haven't said this to anyone elses face just to my dh or my sister and my best friend and wasn't saying it "to" them, just in conversation.
This is a really sensitive subject to me and I don't want to say too much for fear of judging or being judged.