I know this sounds horrible, but I have found myself getting frustrated w/my friends when they complain about money now. Now that I am working it is so nice to have extra money to do what we want when we want and as of right now we have no issues paying our bills. I homeschool and work 24-32 hours a week, yes it's a little hectic at times, but the financial freedom is so worth it. When I hear my friends talk about how they can't pay their electric bill I just want to tell them to get a stinkin job and stop complaining. I know it's horrible, I was a SAHM for 6 years but even in that time we didn't really struggle too much because we didn't own our house, we were renting.
I know staying at home is very important to many many people, but man, I just don't understand anymore now that I see the paycheck and I can still juggle everything any my kids only have a sitter for less than 5 hours a week.
Sorry I just had to get that off my chest it's really been bugging me for a while now. :(

I understand - to a point. I remember a discussion around these here parts several years ago about how it was so critical for a mother to SAH even when there was huge financial need so great that necessitated government assistance. I do sometimes feel like, "well, go get a job; it isn't the end of the world and your kids will still know you are the mom," but then again, it often is not fiancially feasible for moms to work. For a lot of people, it costs them more to work than to stay home, or the financial impact of working is so great that their net income increase is not worthwhile at all.

I understand - to a point. I remember a discussion around these here parts several years ago about how it was so critical for a mother to SAH even when there was huge financial need so great that necessitated government assistance. I do sometimes feel like, "well, go get a job; it isn't the end of the world and your kids will still know you are the mom," but then again, it often is not fiancially feasible for moms to work. For a lot of people, it costs them more to work than to stay home, or the financial impact of working is so great that their net income increase is not worthwhile at all.


Yep! And also on the flip side, job does not always equal financial comfort. Sometimes those of us with jobs are still struggling.

That being said, even if the financial impact wasn't what it would should be, I would still want to work at least part time for other reasons (not financial, but personal freedom.) So I agree with your original statement, the only way I would want to SAH again is if I had an infant.

It is good to get it off your chest!!

Michelle

I'm guessing I'll have similar feelings. The part time job at curves even helped. The full time job coming up will completely change our lives. Instead of surviving, we'll actually be able to pay off debt, pay bills and have some extra for saving for vacations and stuff again. I am really looking forward to it. I just don't want to be a sahm any more

The part time job at curves even helped. The full time job coming up will completely change our lives. Instead of surviving, we'll actually be able to pay off debt, pay bills and have some extra for saving for vacations and stuff again. I am really looking forward to it. I just don't want to be a sahm any more

Barb,

You expressed for me too!!! I am really considering going full-time teaching, but I have the issue of having a son who is mentally handicapped and even with pay at $12 a hour for someone to watch him from 4:15pm to about 6:00-7:00pm, I can't find anyone to do it!! Heck, when I was a SAHM, I'd have loved that job for extra income since it was in my home. (the state of Wyoming pays that much for childcare for any family who has a mentally handicapped child, regardless of the parents income!!! Cool, huh?)

If I went full-time teaching, we'd be even better off as far as debt reduction and being able to finally do things we've always wanted to do. Even now with my part-time teachers contract....our lives have changed!

Michelle

I am lurking in this forum as I plan on finishing my degree this summer and hopefully, possibly, getting a job this fall?? Anyhow, interesting discussion here. I am really blessed because dh makes enough money that I can stay home. BUT - I feel like we are so dependent on his job, and that causes me stress and fear. And, we have $60K in student loans to pay off. They both just went into repayment and we have a goal to get them paid off in 5 years, and really, I need to be working for that to truly happen. So, it is inspiring to see the benefits.

There are - IMO - many benefits to working. I believe that whatever one's CHOICE there are benefits. The key - again, IMO - is choice. I have not seen any negative impact on my family from my choice to work. I have, however, seen much benefit, but for whatever reason, society has created value judgments over either SAH or WOH. Both are valid and good if done from a point of thoughtful decision-making.

I personally could never SAH fulltime. Be it strength, weakness, or just neutral aspects of my personality, I do not do well without the benefit of working my mind in a different manner than I do at home. I also need (emotionally) to have a source of income that is all my own to make my own choices. Finally, I really like the extras I can give my children from the money I earn working two days a week. We can belong to a fun family gym. Lolo can take yoga, swimming, and tumbling. Those are all things we could absolutely not afford without my income. Girlie also gets to go to a preschool we feel good about. Again, couldn't do without my income.

I know some would say that I could provide those things myself were I to stay home - I could do preschool for my dd. I could do yoga. I could do tumbling. But, I would also say that given our social isolation living somewhere where we do not have any friends or family, that I have observed a negative impact on my family from our lack of social contacts. I seen Lauren thrive when she is around other children. She NEEDS this and it is something I cannot provide on my own.

Then, there is my mental health. I am happier when I don't feel so isolated - which I really feel a great deal. Were it not for work, dh would be the only adult with whom I would interact for months on end (until family came to visit). I thrive when I work part time.

My family really has not suffered, but rather has benefitted, from my decision to work.

thanks mamas, I honestly had a feeling I might get flamed so I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my feelings.

I do want to add that I don't mean to come down on people who struggle financially. Dawn, i'm sorry if I upset you with what I said. I do sympathise with those who do work and struggle.

I did think of something odd this AM. Of my friends whom I know that complain they have 2-3 kids and stay home. I also have several friends who have 5,7,9 kids and the moms stay home and I never hear those women complain about money. That just struck me as odd.

I have been giving alot of thought to going back to work. I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels they need more. I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I am hoping more mamas reply with thier pov.

I have been giving alot of thought to going back to work. I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels they need more. I will be keeping an eye on this thread. I am hoping more mamas reply with thier pov.

What held me back all these years were a few things:

1. Honest to goodness lack of a decent child care provider (we have always lived rural which means worse choices available)

2. My spending my 20's pregnant, breastfeeding, or adopting.

3. Our having adopted children with special needs (mentally handicapped) that were significant enough to screw up finding childcare until they were in school all day. Sadly, this is still an issue for us...I can't teach full-time until we can find someone to watch our son from 4-6pm M-Th and then from 2-6pm Friday. Even at $12 a hour we can't find someone!!!! Our state pays for a set amount of "respite" (childcare) for mentally handicapped children regardless of the family income. :)

4. Our sincerely held religious beliefs from our church that taught that women were to get educated and then stay at home full-time having all the babies they possibly could. The woman's education was to "fall back on" in case the husband died or was disabled or something. (we no longer hold to that religion...and from what I understand the religion itself has greatly changed in this teaching about # of babies and women working)

Am I the only one who is a better mom now that you are working? I really am a better mother!! I never imagined this would happen. I do think if I had had a relative or good quality childcare, I should have been working all these years. Looking back, teaching is a great job to have while having babies and breastfeeding. (although we'd still have had the problem with the mentally handicapped child) I think my working would also have changed how many children we ended up having which would have also made me and my dh better parents since we'd not be spread so thin. But, I'm glad we have the children we do! After typing that, I realize our lives would have been very different had I taught school all these years.

But then again, I'd not be the person I am without the experiences I had while being a full-time at-home mom for over 12 years, KWIM?

I do feel better about myself as a person. I love teaching so much!!! My job has made me a happier person overall. I'm more conscious of being thankful for everything since I started to work outside the home.

That said, it has been an adjustment for me. A BIG ADJUSTMENT!!! Only until very recently did I wonder if I should have stayed home and not taken the job. It has been a rough adjustment for not only me, but for my husband and children. Part of that is the fact that I took over a program/position that was failing and I have had to work full-time hours to turn it around. (but am paid part-time since I'm in a yearly contracted position)

I'll never go back to being home full-time again. I can say that now.

I'm going to stay part-time for next year for sure. I'll contract back in the teaching position at part-time. (I'm assuming they'll offer me my contract again!!*lol*) If we can manage to find someone reliable to watch our handicapped son, then I'll go full-time the year after that which would really really make our debt reduction soar FAST. If I can't find someone to watch our son, I'll stay part-time until he is 18 and we find a group home setting for him that he likes. (he won't be able to have his own apartment...but will live in a group home with other mentally handicapped people and then come home for visits like any other "normal" adult child)

Working has changed my life. I've met new people. I found the "real me" that was hiding under the only definition I ever gave myself which was "wife and mother."

I did struggle socially for a while and am still learning. I am unable to play the political game that you have in public schools and I think my administrators and fellow teachers realize that I'm totally transparent. What you see with me is what you get and I'm honest to a fault. The parents of my students love that and the fact that my classroom is open at all times for parents to come and go and volunteer. :)

Not sure if anyone is reading this post since it is so long. But it was good for me to post it and share how I feel.

Oh, one more thing. We have had to spend one of my twice monthly paychecks so far this year on things I had to get to go back into the workplace. Well, not all that money went to work items only....we were finally able to afford safe cookware and a couple other items that we've just gone without for our entire married life. But both of my checks will soon be going back on debt reduction and beefing up our savings beyond the $1K Dave Ramsey (financial guru) recommends.

We will probably experience some shock when tax time comes. My salary will put us into the tax bracket that carries the heaviest burden. :mad: But we'll deal with it!

Michelle

I love working PT and could not go to full SAHM. (Throwing on flameproof suit - I started back to work 1 day a week when #2 was only 6 weeks old-she's still very attached to me & BFing).

On the flip side - I don't know when I'll ever be ready to work FT again either. That just seems too much - esp. around dinner time. Maybe if DH was home earlier, more, when his national guard is done, the kids are older, but I don't know.

I've had to shop daycare situations (I think I've used every option there is except live in nanny) and switch jobs but I still get a lot of personal satistfaction from working. And the $ although a lot less than if FT (esp b/c no vac time,etc) really makes a difference.

thanks mamas, I honestly had a feeling I might get flamed so I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in my feelings.

I do want to add that I don't mean to come down on people who struggle financially. Dawn, i'm sorry if I upset you with what I said. I do sympathise with those who do work and struggle.

I did think of something odd this AM. Of my friends whom I know that complain they have 2-3 kids and stay home. I also have several friends who have 5,7,9 kids and the moms stay home and I never hear those women complain about money. That just struck me as odd.

Not directly related to this particular post, but I've been thinking about your OP all day.

Here's one thing I think/feel very strongly: I get irritated when people complain about anything over which they actually have a choice, but somehow feel it is easier to maintain the status quo and complain than to do the difficult - but ultimately better in the long term - decision.

Doesn't matter what it is.

Am I the only one who is a better mom now that you are working? I really am a better mother!! I never imagined this would happen.

no, I believe I am also a better mother when I'm working part time.

On the flip side - I don't know when I'll ever be ready to work FT again either. That just seems too much - esp. around dinner time. Maybe if DH was home earlier, more, when his national guard is done, the kids are older, but I don't know.

I'm also in agreement - for me - with this. I really like the balance of parttime work.

I'm also in agreement - for me - with this. I really like the balance of parttime work.

I'm thinking (when I hear from women who work PT in their chosen field) that I may have what I want. Part-time teaching. I'll know after next year for sure.....since this year I'm keeping full-time hours in order to re-establish the program that I oversee/teach. I realize how lucky I am to work part-time in my chosen field rather than part-time at Wal-Mart. Not to slam those who work part-time at Wal Mart...I am realizing more and more through threads like this that I am very blessed to be working part-time in my field of teaching public school. I get retirement benefits with it which is nice.

I can say my one New Year's resolution is to try to work the hours that my contract requires, which are part-time. I think I have the program pretty set for the most part. I'm sure I'll put in some long days every month or so, but that is better than long days a few times a week, KWIM? My contract stipulates I be there from 7:45 to 12:15. I have a half-hour drive each way on top of that.

So, I'm going to try to really be part-time when school starts this coming week. Then I'll probably really realize what you all are saying....about working part-time.

Anyway, many posts here on Amity's are making me realize how grateful I should really be.

Michelle

OK, I'll echo the other sentiments... part-time sounds like a dream come true and the best of both worlds! Although I'm sure it's still a balancing act.

Michelle, having worked in public schools last year I sympathize with not knowing how to "play the game" - that world is so political. But I'm sure your sincerity rises above game playing, really! It sounds like you have a true passion for your work.

I do want to add that I don't mean to come down on people who struggle financially. Dawn, i'm sorry if I upset you with what I said. I do sympathise with those who do work and struggle.



No worries, Charlotte! ;)

On the flip side - I don't know when I'll ever be ready to work FT again either. That just seems too much - esp. around dinner time.

Ditto to that, but fortunately in my field, FT is only 32 hours, (8 hours more than I work now) so It wouldn't be horrible, but we have no need as far as benefits are concerned for me to go FT and adding 1 8 hour shift a week wouldn't change our world tremendously. I hopefully will never have to work FT, but may decide to when the kids go to college.

Here's one thing I think/feel very strongly: I get irritated when people complain about anything over which they actually have a choice, but somehow feel it is easier to maintain the status quo and complain than to do the difficult - but ultimately better in the long term - decision.

Doesn't matter what it is.

YES!!!

I have friends and family that complain about struggling because they can't do thier Victoria's Secret/Macy's shopping this month....

As a single parent, I don't have a choice..I work. I am struggling financially to a ridiculous extreme. No offense taken by your posts though.
I used to be a SAHM, and was ok with it, but bored out of my mind.
I agree with the point that I will only be a SAHM again if I have an infant, am breastfeeding or adopting...and better add have a signifiacnt other to that!

I think I would be a better mother if I were to work part time. I am strongly considering it now. Or at least considering "something." I just don't know how to get there. I only have a 2yr degree (was going to transfer), and I haven't worked in almost 9 years. It is not worth me taking a part-time job right now. That would bump us up out of medicaid category and my DD has Aspergers and weekly PT and OT. Our insurance through DH's job is barely paying for any of this. There is just no way we could pay for this therapy (about 30K a year!!!) when my husband only makes about 35K/yr. She must have it. I have seen the difference in 7 short months that it is making. There are no waviers for Asperger's here, no special programs to cover costs even though it is a genuine disability. That is one of the biggest obstacles. The next is that I am 32. If I go back to school, then I will have to get a job to pay back the ridiculous student loans (in other words, not really improving out financial situation for at least a few years). I haven't really looked into it lately, but I know from when DH was going to school, that we are just at the cut-off point, income-wise, for grants and stuff. If I could get at least part of it taken care of, then I would go back to school without a doubt. I don't know what I would like to do, but I would like to make a decent salary. I come from a long line of poor people, so I don't even know what jobs pay a decent salary. Sigh. I am so intelligent, but I don't have a whole lot of common sense, I'm afraid. I have been pondering this for at least a year now. Maybe I will call the college and make an appt. to speak to someone who can at least point me in the right direction. For now, I do back-up babysitting for friends to bring in a little extra cash. (like maybe a $100/month on a good one)

Excuse my pitiful vent/complaint/worries.

I think I would be a better mother if I were to work part time. I am strongly considering it now. Or at least considering "something." I just don't know how to get there. I only have a 2yr degree (was going to transfer), and I haven't worked in almost 9 years. It is not worth me taking a part-time job right now. That would bump us up out of medicaid category and my DD has Aspergers and weekly PT and OT. Our insurance through DH's job is barely paying for any of this. There is just no way we could pay for this therapy (about 30K a year!!!) when my husband only makes about 35K/yr. She must have it. I have seen the difference in 7 short months that it is making. There are no waviers for Asperger's here, no special programs to cover costs even though it is a genuine disability. That is one of the biggest obstacles. The next is that I am 32. If I go back to school, then I will have to get a job to pay back the ridiculous student loans (in other words, not really improving out financial situation for at least a few years). I haven't really looked into it lately, but I know from when DH was going to school, that we are just at the cut-off point, income-wise, for grants and stuff. If I could get at least part of it taken care of, then I would go back to school without a doubt. I don't know what I would like to do, but I would like to make a decent salary. I come from a long line of poor people, so I don't even know what jobs pay a decent salary. Sigh. I am so intelligent, but I don't have a whole lot of common sense, I'm afraid. I have been pondering this for at least a year now. Maybe I will call the college and make an appt. to speak to someone who can at least point me in the right direction. For now, I do back-up babysitting for friends to bring in a little extra cash. (like maybe a $100/month on a good one)

Excuse my pitiful vent/complaint/worries.

I totally sympathise. A couple years ago I was working 2 part-time jobs, one for close to minimum wage. I was shocked to learn that this bumped us up taxwise so that it was like I was making like 3 dollars an hour.
I don't know whether working in the medical field appeals to you - but it could be one viable option. The pay is pretty high and they usually have tuition reinbursment so you wouldn't have to worry about loans.

I don't know whether working in the medical field appeals to you - but it could be one viable option. The pay is pretty high and they usually have tuition reinbursment so you wouldn't have to worry about loans.

That's what I was going to suggest as well. There are many many things to do in the healthcare field other than just "wiping butts" You could work in medical records, housekeeping, food services. I know each area of the country is different but at the hospital I work at the lowest paying job is around $8-9 an hour, and they do offer great medical benefits and tuition reimbursement.

I absolutely see both (all) sides of this issue. I've been a single mom struggling, getting assistance because I couldn't survive w/out it. I've stayed at home because I wanted to, and sometimes we've struggled, and sometimes we didn't. Now, I am in a situation where working completely OTH just doesn't make sense. It would cost me a minimum of $8/hr. for a nanny for my kids (cheaper than daycare, and waaaay cheap for a sitter of any kind in these parts for 3 kids) If I was making $11/hr. (what I was making b4 sAH) then I'd really be going to work for $3/hr. which is basically taken by taxes, not including the fact that my commute would be another 1-2 hours/day that I'd have to pay $8/hr. for, so I wouldn't even be making any money. Even if I found a job for $15/hr. after taxes I'd be working for, what, $5/hr?

Basically is sucks all the way around. We have family in the area who wouldn't/couldn't help w/ daycare, and well, it just wouldn't work. I feel guilty all the time complaining that I can't pay the bills, but when my friends suggest that I just get a job, they don't see the reality of it. (They also happen to have family who watch their children for free at the drop of a hat)

We make it, but we struggle. I work in/out of the home, and while on paper we don't show much income, it keeps us in "cash" between pay periods which makes a big difference.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I think I would go crazy staying home w/ the kids w/out work on the side........but I struggle w/ going to work full or pt, because it really would just be working for the sake of getting out of the house......I guess for now, even though we struggle to pay our bills, this is the situation that works best for us.:)

Basically is sucks all the way around. We have family in the area who wouldn't/couldn't help w/ daycare, and well, it just wouldn't work. I feel guilty all the time complaining that I can't pay the bills, but when my friends suggest that I just get a job, they don't see the reality of it. (They also happen to have family who watch their children for free at the drop of a hat)



oh, yes, I am the only one of my friends with children that does not have the option of one of my parents babysitting for me...they both work.
Lots of family close by but they either work or have other agendas to attend to.
By the time my mom retires, my kids will be nearly grown (probably).

I think the issue of working outside the home is as personal as the families making the decisions. What works for one swimmingly won't work at all for another family.

I get really defensive when I hear the "why don't you get a job if you're struggling so much" attitude. I'm sure it's as annoying for those who work outside the home to hear "oh, it's much better to stay home with your kids". Truthfully, both are wrong, and both are right. There's just too much involved to make a blanket statement like that.

I admire mamas who can work outside the home and keep their family running. I also admire the SAH moms who keep their family running, lol. Neither is an easy job. The dynamics are ever changing. Mamas work their hineys off to do what's best for their families, even if they are making different choices than we would make.

As for schooling, an easy assessment of feasibility is to fill out the FAFSA online. This is a FREE application and does not obligate you to anything. You have your information sent to the schools you are considering but you will be the one to initiate the process of enrolling so don't worry about getting phone calls from schools and such. At the end of the application you will be told your EFC (expected family contribution). This is the number used to determine what assistance you qualify for. Making good choices as far as what to go to school FOR might make loans a good option. Student loans offered through the government are very flexible as far as repayment. You may not want to rack up $30k in loans to make $20k/year, but if you're informed and conscious of what you are getting into loans aren't all that bad. Even with a 2 year degree you may be able to go back to a community college and get another 2 year degree in a different area and still qualify for grants and such. Many of your general ed credits should transfer so the length of schooling could be very short. This is especially applicable if you are going into something specific. My dh is in school to be a Chemical Tech and will be making around 40k with his 2yr degree. Many of the medical fields are excellent 2yr options. Those jobs usually offer some opportunity for tuition reimbursement as you go or for additional schooling as well. Dh will continue on to a 4yr program paid for by his company, for example. Scholarships are available for "non-traditional" students who are beyond the typical just-out-of-high-school college demographic. It's a whole different world once you're an adult student as opposed to just out of high school. Support and financial assistance is much easier to navigate because there is less competition for limited funds in many cases.

Anyone with questions about navigating FAFSA or going back to school can feel free to pm me. Dh and I are both students and I may be able to make sense of some of it. It was really confusing at the beginning but really pretty manageable once you're into it.

My 40-year old husband got sufficiently injured at work to receive State Retirement (he was a government employee) during 2006. He worked there eight years. He receives $800 a month State Retirement plus $366 a week in workers' comp, which will probably end in about a year or so. At that time he will hopefully receive a settlement large enough to pay our home off (and he will lose the $366/week at that time). So we will survive on the $800 a month (and who knows about social security/disability -- years down the road maybe he'll be approved). My point is this. He had his health insurance through work and luckily he also had mine as his secondary carrier. If not for my job, he would not have health insurance at all! Also, my job (that I have had for 20 years) enabled us to not worry so much about how we would survive financially and focus on his healing. I am thankful that I worked - if for no other reason but this - and this could happen to anyone!

Thanks for all your support, Mamas. I am just so confused right now. I think I will do a Fafsa this weekend just to see. Luckily we have a technical school and a university right here in town, so whatever I decide, I won't have to travel, at least.

And yeah, I wish I had been smart enough to think ahead before having kids. This would have been so much simpler 10 years ago. I hope I am able to pass this wisdom on to my girls.

i think this topic is challenging because of the myriad of factors involved and how different individuals and couples value those factors (or 'weigh' those factors).

for my own part, my husband and i--no children yet--decided that we wanted to have the option of having a SAHP. he became our 'primary breadwinner' and my income has become our fun money, our investing money, and a part of our savings. while i want to continue working after having children--at least part time--that money will only be utilized in the same way that it is now.

learning to live within the means of a single income was a fun project for us in evaluating what we truly value and think is important to spend money on (and create as a fixed cost) and how we want to spend and invest our 'play money' in order to increase our abundance. it was really fun for us.

one example of the relative valuation procss in regards to finances is that of our homes. many of our friends live within the means of two incomes (and a lot of credit card debt--as much as $30k). these friends, combined, do make more money than DH and I, but we live more soundly. that is, our friends are 'always broke' even though they live rather 'richly.'

the most striking example is our homes. when we bought our home--a condo in a nice neighborhood--we bought it within the means of my husband's income. since that time, property value has doubled--it was a fantastic investment for us. when our friends recently bought their home, they bought a place that is about 3 times the size of ours, with land, etc, in a similar neighborhood. A house easily costing double what ours is currently worth.

their income, combined, can support it. but what if something should happen to one of them--disability, illness--or they decide that one should be a SAH parent. would this be possible for them?

i do not htink it would be. they are both at the 'top of their fields' and have no interest in moving into management (where the money is). thus, other than cost of living and small merit raises, one of them will never be able to cover the income earnings of both.

this sets them into a bind. if one wants to SAH, then they might have to downsize their home, change neighborhoods, or whatever. or, they can, instead, continue to work.

working for a passion is one great thing--i work for passion. i love my job. when i have children, i hope to continue to work--at least part time due to passion. but, i would not feel comfortable working so that we could have a fancier house, when it is not something that we need. not that i wouldn't like a fancier place when we can afford it, but i do not need it when we cannot cover it financially.

those families with two incomes--children or no--who live on one income and utilize the other for investments, etc, it is these familes that are in the best financial situation to cover changes in income through SAH, loss of a job, diability or illness. these are the financially savvy ones.

but, the greater issues also fall into the question of 'livable wage' issues. what is a liveable wage, and can a single individual really cover fixed costs with what the minimum wage is, or what a slightly larger than minimum wage is?

even if an individual is trying to cover a family with a single income, is it possible at minimum wage? at $8 an hour or so?

and this comes back to questions of relative value--what the individual wants to live with, hwo they can and are able to live on a given income. and what it takes to arrive at that place.

there are so many variations. so many questions.