I was raised in a very conservative household. We knew the scientific aspects of sex, but my parents were the "Don't do it!" type of people. I was always told that, as Catholics, we were not allowed to have premarital sex. Is that still true for Christians, or has that type of thinking erroded over the years? I was so afraid of "going to Hell" for breaking the rules. I would hate for my dds to feel that way:( How do Christians deal with this issue?

Well I was raised Protestant and we didn't talk about sex at all. That coulda been 'cause I was raised by a single dad who was uncomfortable talking about it with his 2 daughters though. :p

I remember going to him once, when I was thinking about having sex (I was 13) and he didn't want to talk about it. Later that week, he gave me a book about sex for kids, with cartoon drawings. That was the end of it. I don't think I really knew the scientific aspects of sex until after I had a child at the age of 20, how sad is that? And I ended up having sex for the first time at the age of 14. I learned everything about sex from movies, TV and friends. That's definitely NOT going to happen with my child(ren).

Well, I'm Catholic, and premarital sex is definately considered a serious sin. My 7 1/2 year old dd is just starting to ask questions about sex. Right now, I am not volunteering any information but I am answering her questions as they come. My plan is to approach the subject in the light of saying that sex is something special God gave to us and because it is so beautiful and sacred, we are only meant to share it with our spouse. I will definately let my kids know that it is a sin to have sex outside of marriage, but I don't want to instill the wrath of God in them on the subject. I would hate to have fear be the motivating factor in having them make good choices.

The Catholic Church's teaching is still the same, but there are now some really good reasources that explain why.(Theology of the Body for Beginners may be a good book to start with.)

I think this link might be helpful! It includes answers to questions such as "Is premarital sex bad?" and "Can God forgive you if you've had premarital sex?"

Catholic Answers: Chastity Questions (http://www.catholic.com/chastity/chastity_questions.asp)

Another link: (This one is an article called The Christian View of Sex)

One More Soul - The Blessings of Children (http://www.omsoul.com/christian-view-of-sex.php)

I do agree that how I was raised pretty much just said "don't do it". We still believe that, but offer reasons why--and more frank discussions about the issue.

I never grew up afraid of going to hell if I sinned, though. I mean, I believed in hell, but I also believed that Jesus died in payment for my sins, so I didn't have fear of hell.

We're teaching our children to 'just say no'. LOL Honestly, we've taught them that sex is a gift from God - that HE created it for us and for our pleasure as well as to make more babies. There are all sorts of things that go along with sex and one of them is the intimacy and relationship that is behind it. Waiting to give that gift of yourself to your spouse is so special (DH and I were virgins on our wedding night), and we've cast that vision for our daughters (so far - the littles are too little yet). The girls are now 14 and 16 and seem to have taken hold of the same vision.

Ann

Another link: (This one is an article called The Christian View of Sex)

One More Soul - The Blessings of Children (http://www.omsoul.com/christian-view-of-sex.php)

Thank you for this link. It was very informative.

What Ann said. Sex is wonderful and beautiful. God created it! He gave it TO US, but he gave it to us with rules. Just like God told Adam and Eve they could eat from EVERY tree in the garden but one. He says we can have this wonderful beautiful gift, but it is to be ENJOYED in the context of marriage. It has no place outside of marriage.

What Ann said. Sex is wonderful and beautiful. God created it! He gave it TO US, but he gave it to us with rules. Just like God told Adam and Eve they could eat from EVERY tree in the garden but one. He says we can have this wonderful beautiful gift, but it is to be ENJOYED in the context of marriage. It has no place outside of marriage.

nods - thats what I am teaching my daughter who is now 17 and per her report still a virgin. She asked me if I was a virgin when I met her father and I was honest and said no. She asked me if I regretted that and I was honest and said 'in some ways , very much so". and left it at that . She has made a vow of chastity til marriage in her youth ministry group and so far she's sticking to it - tho I know that may change, and it may change soon tho I hope not.

Chelsey watched me pregnant with both her sister (at age 11) and her brother (she was 14). She watched pregnancy, an emergency cesarean with sister, a vba2c with brother (she watched him crown and be born and cut his cord). She watched breastfeeding, cloth diapering, potty learning.....
she has no desire to have a baby right now and understands that there is no 100% babyproof form of birth control except abstaining. There was a 6 month pregnant girl in a prom dress saturday night when I dropped her at homecoming and when she pointed the girl out to me said 'i know every baby is a blessing mama, but she should've waited. she's too young' and then told me of a 14yo freshman who has a 4month old :(
We are very open about conversations about sex, about aids, about std's , about pregnancy and childbirth. I think she has alot of scientific info, some good 'emotional' info and an open door to talk to me if/when she decides to become sexually active since I'd rather her active with condoms then dead from aids.
anyway, not catholic - but I did convert to christianity thru the catholic church before going on my merry way to find my path within Christs church.

:)

What Ann said. Sex is wonderful and beautiful. God created it! He gave it TO US, but he gave it to us with rules. Just like God told Adam and Eve they could eat from EVERY tree in the garden but one. He says we can have this wonderful beautiful gift, but it is to be ENJOYED in the context of marriage. It has no place outside of marriage.

Very well said, Hayes! Man, you just get better and better, I'm dying to move already! LOL

We were raised that premarital sex is a serious serious big big deal.

Not just actual sex either, but all kinds of touching, oral, etc. I abstained more out of fear (of God, my parents, the church) than understanding. I'm still pretty hung-up sexually because even though we're married I have guilt about it. Rationally I know that's dumb, but I'm sure that's why I can't let go and get into it very easily at all.

I've taught my kids already that their bodies are sacred and we are not to share them with other people until we're married. I will also teach them that sex is a beautiful thing for sharing love and creating babies. I don't know how to balance that really well with the don't-do-it-message. You guys have given awesome answers though.

Kerri

We were raised that premarital sex is a serious serious big big deal.

Not just actual sex either, but all kinds of touching, oral, etc. I abstained more out of fear (of God, my parents, the church) than understanding. I'm still pretty hung-up sexually because even though we're married I have guilt about it. Rationally I know that's dumb, but I'm sure that's why I can't let go and get into it very easily at all.
Kerri

:hug:

I was raised in the same church Kerri was. Sexual sins are considered the biggest sins you can commit. These include masturbation, petting (touching boobies and genitals), all the way up to intercourse. If you engage in petting or intercourse, you can only be forgiven if you confess to your bishop (church leader). He will help you repent by sometimes giving you things to do, like reading church books, scriptures, etc. It's not often that you are considered forgiven immediately upon confession, though it does happen (usually if the sin was in the distant past and you are bawling your eyes out in regret, and have since lived a chaste life). Ironically, no one has the authority to declare you forgiven AFAIK, though it happens all the time in the church.

I can't COUNT how many times I've been in a bishop's office confessing, since I was 15 yrs old. Oh the stories I could tell...

To complicate things entirely, the LDS church is also extremely vague on proper marital sex. At least last I checked (which was via a bishop, who had the handbook open) in 2004, there was still a grey area re: anal sex and oral sex even in marriage. I personally know ppl who have been told by bishops that oral sex is wrong. I remember when I was my most devout LDS I stopped giving dh oral sex b/c I didn't know if it was okay or not, and I didn't want to risk doing anything wrong. <sigh>

And strangely, the only quotes I've found by church leaders state that marriage is definitely NOT "anything goes" in terms of sex. And then usually something is stated like "We've been asked to outline specifics, but we will not do that due to the sensitive nature and don't want to offend the women. but if you have the Spirit you KNOW what is wrong." :rolleyes: And no, that was not a direct quote LOL.

OTOH, I remember my good friend in HS who was *very* Christian, and she was having sex w/her bf. Her parents found out, and basically sat her down very briefly telling her she knew better. And that was that. Of course they kept having sex. So I sure didn't think the LDS way was very good, but at least we knew where we stood. We couldn't claim ignorance, and there were consequences. From what I gathered from those around me, Christians believe the Bible so fornicating is wrong, but no more wrong than anything else so it's justified and they just keep doing it. I would too, if I thought it was no bigger deal than disobeying my mom and not cleaning the bathroom or something.