i should probably be asking the market board, actually, rather than my thrifty friends...lol! well...at least if you all think it's a bad idea, i'll *know* that spendier people will think it's tacky :).

i was just thinking about how i'm gave ds a gift from freecycle for his b-day and will give him all used stuff except for one or two things for christmas. but then i buy everyone else's stuff and spend more $$ and make a more negative impact on the environment. i've really been focused on getting our stuff used rather than supporting the production of more and more and more stuff. so...the other day at a couple of consignment sales, i found a play coffee pot that would be perfect for a friends kids for christmas because they are a coffee family and their kids have a play kitchen and always play that they're having coffee with their tea set...lol. it has a little scratch on the clear plastic part, so i thought maybe it wasn't good enough to give for christmas and considered just giving it to them for fun. but what do you think? those girls would never ever wonder why it wasn't new, i know.

i was thinking about sending out an email to my friends/family on the christmas list and saying why i'm doing what i'm doing...mainly so that noone feels sorry for us or like we're really hurting financially or something. and also, honestly, so that i don't end up feeling embarassed at gift giving time. oh...and i would say to please feel free to give us used/homemade gifts as well.

what do you think?

It would go over well in my family but I wouldn't even have to explain it (or want to actually - once you point it out it seems weird yk?).

Our extended family has actually switched to giving white elephant gifts - things from around the house/yard sales/etc. the funnier the better. Lightens the day to see everyone laughing at some funny hat from the basement.

I think I'd suggest sending out the email to explain why and just say that you'd like to receive gifts with the these themes in mind and see the reaction-some people will just plain want a new gift and you probably already know who there are.

so 40 people have looked, but only one comment...lol! give me your honest opinion!

It wouldn't work for my family. I think they'd be insulted if I gave them used things for Christmas presents. But they are the materialistic type. It might work for my dearest friend since she always happily accepts used things.

I think if you really want to do that, think of the person who would be recieving it and whether they would appreciate that or not.

I am going to reply, and please remember, I am not what people consider thrifty, lol. Not by this boards comparisons, but by real life ones, yes.

Ok, it would go over fine with MY family. If the items were barely used, or antique type ones. However dh's family would be insulted, likely discuss it behind our backs and then toss the items. It's just how they are. However they are also "thrifty" with their money, unless it's for themselves. LOL.

So in short, I'd do it if the items were, say, still wrapped and new....or if it was an antique type thing, like a great quilt or dish or etc. that I find at a flea market....and only would I give those types of things to those who appreciate them, my own family.

you know you can always give us used things! LOL!

we do this with my parents and family...especially for kids gifts. if we find something great at consignment...but usually we buy it early and can't wait until christmas to give it..hahaha!

i know some of our friends would probably think it was great...but i have in mind a few that i think would think it odd...but maybe not so odd b/c they know you and your earnestness to take care of the earth.

well, I read and didn't answer. Growing up, we never ever had anything new.. and now that I can afford new stuff for gifts, I tend to not even think about gently used stuff - which I'm sure makes me sound like a snob, and I'm not.

I love hand me down playdresses for my girls, and clothes in general are great, although I'm weirded out about shoes. For toys, it totally depends on what it is and the condition.. I love handmade gifts, both to send and recieve. I bought some handmade in-expensive pottery this weeked for Eric's father and mine, and I'll send that with potpourri.

I'd send out a letter, approach it as reducing your footprint on the environment and don't mention finances at all. You can make a good argument for feeling it's your responsibility to the planet without people thinking you're simply cheap or in financial trouble, kwim? Plus, if you're requesting gently used or handmade gifts for the same reason, it really won't come across that way. :)

I don't think it's tacky but I do think that you need to know whether the person you are giving to will like it or not.

I can think of a few of my family members who would rather receive a useless "new" item than something used that they would love.

Well, I don't know. LOL I don't really like the idea of used gifts, but on the other hand, it totally depends on what it is etc. Personally, I like to give consumable gifts. Things you KNOW will get used. Flylady.net or whatever has a great list. I like to give food items (think nice olive oils, wines, gourmet or special home/farmer's market made). Magazine subscriptions (they can be recycled). Tickets to events. Car care stuff for guys. Ha, one year my brother was lucky enough to get an emergency roadside kit and flashers. LOL Okay, that may have been too much. Um. Enviromentally friendly cleaning supplies. Hand soaps and lotions. For dh's graduation my aunt and uncle gave us a certificate for 4 hours of their time. That was nice, because we really need help! LOL My MIL loves antiques and those would be used I guess, but that is about it.

yea..i agree it depends on what it is.

I use to give gently used or things that I made and it never went over well. So, now if I buy it is very inexpensive or they just don't get anything. :lol: My list is very short this year. :smirk:

do you think that would go over very well with your family stef?

As a child we received used toys for Christmas one year, and we didn't care.

These days I don't know what my family would think. For the most part they don't even react favorably to homemade gifts. I find it so frustrating to have been raised by them when frugality was absolutely necessary, and then to have those values mocked now.

I hate the whole $$=love thing. It is evidenced by more lavish gifts for family and 99 cent store gifts for other people. Now, I just hate cheap, made in China, 99 cent store junk. I hate knowing things will go to the landfill. I would rather spend $1 making a jar of bath salts with good salt, real essential oils, and a lovely recycled jar than give a jar of 99 cent store artifically colored and scented salts...and I know far too many people who would prefer the store bought junk.

I buy my boys used clothing. I buy used books, and used toys. They know that money goes farther when you buy things used. But I don't think I would ever give a used toy to one of my nephews. They haven't been raised that way and it wouldn't be what they wanted. For them I bargain hunt, or make gifts.

My niece is younger, and I have no problem giving her used things. I think if it is what we do now then she'll just accept it as normal. But my sister is also amenable to it, and that makes a difference. We're making her an ABC scrapbook this year for Christmas, and we have a (used) Waldorf doll to give her for her birthday.

For adults I usually give consumable gifts, homemade or storebought (okay, I prefer homemade, but not all of the people we give gifts to agree). I would easily give a used book if I knew it was perfect for someone (alas, it seems most of my family doesn't even read for pleasure).

I think used items are great if you know the person would use it or that you would feel good about spending your money on it.

I've come to a point where I can buy very little and feel pretty good about it. At one point I was buying a lot of gifts out of guilt or perceived pressure. Now I don't.

If I want to share something special with someone, I share. I'm a firm believer in gifts of time, dates, memberships, foods, and donations.

Don't feel you have to explain or justify what you are doing. Just be confident in your decision and it will work out just fine.:)

A few good reads are:

The hundred dollar holiday (more of a booklet, but good)

Unplugging the Christmas machine

A simple Christmas by somebody chapin?

I love it!

We did that one year. I come from a pretty frugal New England family.

I thought it was awesome, but a couple of people didn't like it. I was *so* bummed. I picked out some really cool things and it seemed that all were happy. BUt! We made a compromise! See next paragraph. :smooch:

We have a limit in place, which folks loved! Now we do Boston Red Sox Swap (what we call a Yankee swap. lol). We pick names at Thanksgiving dinner. If there are 6 in your family, you pick 6 names, if there are 2, you pick 2. It's so totally fun! We love doing it.

I told my sisters (my best friends) a loooooong time ago that we cannot waste money on gifts. They agreed, and so do our mom and dad (divorced, but their partners like it as well).

What my parents cannot get past is buying stuff for children. They do ask for lists, which helps tons on not getting carp. They are awesome at getting museum passes and other membership type items.

As for friends, we don't. We started NOPE years and years ago. No gifts for college roomies, playgroup friends, work friends, or their kids etc. We do get together several times a year, esp at the holidays with people we love, and maybe give teeny little gifts like ground coffee, homemade muffins, or a family board game--nothing beyond. We have been upfront about this and have lost no friends. People are HAPPY we're grounded.

Unplug The Christmas Machine is my fav 'cheap gifts' book, ever. Nobody enjoys the garbage. What people need to do is talk about it, and confront it! It will be OK!

thanks for your thoughts. dh and i were talking about it tonight. both of us have deep convictions/desires to be generous. so...it's sort of a battle in my head...is giving something used being generous like i want to be? the truth is though, i would probably spend just as much say on one best friend's kid if i got used toys for gifts...but they would just get more. if i know me, that's how it would work.

i don't want to give used just to give something i found. i have things in mind, and if i can find them used, i really want to make less of a negative impact that way. if i can not find what i want, i'm not going to go out yard saleing and find something to give to someone for the heck of it :).

dh and i decided that i wouldn't send an email or explain ourselves in any way. because....it's a gift from the heart...no explanation necessary. the people i love will not open some piece of crap and wonder why in the world i got them a used piece of junk. it will be well thought out and their first thought would hopefully be that it's something they had been wanting. maybe their second thought would be "is it used...stephanie's so weird" lol. anyway, i don't want to do it to make a statement. i want to do it because it feels right for me to do. we decided if i send an explanation, i'll be thought of more as making a statement and possible even make people feel judged for buying our family something new, which i would HATE to do.

do you think that would go over very well with your family stef?

my family...oh my family. well, so far my mom is giving isaac all the used stuff i found at the consignment sale...and she's totally excited about it. she's so generous and thoughtful and would never blink an eye at something used. the rest of my family...well i would say that they would hate it, but i honestly don't want to judge them too harshly. so far, my incredibly mainstream cousin has really sincerely appreciated and loved the tie dyed play silk and the soft shoes (i know...not that crunchy, but still). i think they might comment about me behind my back, but on the other hand, they may respect it.

i may be able to go the handmade route with them. i don't know. i'll have to think about what i would want to get them and then decide if i could find it homemade or used....and then decide.

good to hear your thoughts, julie, since we have the same world and you know my family pretty well.

I never considered my generosity to be compromised by not wasting resources! Nor have I ever thought of my sisters or my mother as non- generous types.

I would rather make you a meal, or babysit your kids.

Giving wasteful made -in-china mall gifts you don't need, or out of obligation, isn't how I define generosity.

We're a messed up culture, yk? We don't have to buy into the hype & falsehoods on what makes a person good and decent.

I never considered my generosity to be compromised by not wasting resources! Nor have I ever thought of my sisters or my mother as non- generous types.

I would rather make you a meal, or babysit your kids.

Giving wasteful made -in-china mall gifts you don't need, or out of obligation, isn't how I define generosity.

We're a messed up culture, yk? We don't have to buy into the hype & falsehoods on what makes a person good and decent.

Yeah, that.

And personally I would much rather receive those items. I'll take a jar of homemade preserves over a knick knack (or anything made in China) anyday!

I wish my family would see books and magazines as gifts. They don't understand how those could be gifts but what they can't see is that my kids LOVE reading and receiving mail. It's like a monthly gift! :lol:

just don't get me used underwear or something...that i would not think was cool! :lol: :hahaha:

just don't get me used underwear or something...that i would not think was cool! :lol: :hahaha:


I *so* know you are kidding. But i do think people worry about this sort of thing needlessly.

The sorts of things my family and I have gifted are things like roller blades, sports equipment that's barely used, picture frames, music, movies, cool belts, books, things we've gotten new that is better suited to someone else and the like.

We are also big on new books, theater passes, resturant GCs and things like that.

Nobody *wants* sweaters with *things* embroidered on them, smelly CVS candles, or fuzzy slippers of any kind! Not even brand spanking new!

Nobody *wants* sweaters with *things* embroidered on them, smelly CVS candles, or fuzzy slippers of any kind! Not even brand spanking new!


:lol: Amen sister!!

My family does this every year. What we have done in years past is set a budget. $100 for each me and dh (this was skipped over for YEARS becuase we couldn't afford it, so we wouldn't get anything for Christmas until tax return) $60 for each of the kids, and $200 for everyone else. My family has made an art of it... the wonderful homemade gifts (one year I made all the men in my family pj bottoms, one year we hand dipped candles and made candle holders Martha Stewart style out of restored banister spindles, one year we made boxes of really wonderful decident candy) mixed in with used gifts (I got gifted my sil's old cobalt blue Kitchenaid mixer one year and a used guitar case. I have never had a better Christmas since I have been an adult.)... if you are creative, it really does work well.

The best idea is to be as creative and practical with used and homemade gifts as possible. If they won't use them, they won't be up for getting things like that again. I start thinking about Christmas about this time of year. And I am sure as Don goes of to the academy again I will be doing a lot of art with the kids etc, that will end up shifting into Christmas gifts very soon. (Alex is already making garden markers out of baking clay for his grandma for Christmas... he was working on it yesterday with the runes he has been making for his wizard costume).

I come from a family of never-throw-anything-away'ers... and there for, we got REALLY creative when we were short on funds. I don't think my mom has bought a full price gift in 10 years. Not that I am willing to do that... I am more like one of those people that will get something if people will really like it, or if it is perfect for them (I once got my brother the entire first season of Greatest American Hero and he LOVED that gift... couldn't believe that I had found it.) but if I can't find anything, they get a nice gift basket with bought flowers and some canned goods that I know they will use. I am very practical. ;) (More practical than frugal)

Val