I am having some concerns about the direction in which I think our church is heading. We've been there just shy of 3 years (so not long time members) but because I'm part of the music ministry I guess I feel like I'm part of the 'team' tho I'm not staff obviously.

When we arrived , after 4 months, the senior pastor was FIRED (i have no details) and the associate pastor stepped up to be senior pastor. He was good. I liked him.

I approached our senior pastor in January to talk about what happened at Christmas time and to express my concern but also to make suggestions, offer alternatives as solutions and volunteer to help. The big issue is that it appears that our church is so into 'outreach' to the community right now and being 'trendy, hip, cool' as to bring in folks - that we're losing the traditional stuff and some of us in the congregation still want/need that (per conversations with friends and other church members I know I'm not alone)
Basically for Christmas there was a rock opera - Trans Siberian Orchestra if you're familiar with them. Its a story of a run away girl and reconciliation and how God worked in her life and the life of her father and a bar full of people on Christmas eve. Its a lovely story, the music rocks and I personally love it. But not for Christmas eve. I believe it really hurt alot of people. There was NO traditional service. None. No story of the birth of baby Jesus on Christmas eve. There was only the one service. The kids sang and then this story and the message was very over the top as well - very 'alternative'.
And honestly, those folks who come with grandmothers or small children - it was not appropriate. My suggestion was that keep the rockin' service and market it to the community as that - but why not also have a traditional service for families since our congregation IS made up of mostly families with children and older adults who really kinda want that on the holidays. I personally woudl've taken my kids/friends to a traditional service and then come back for the rock service with some different friends ;)

I was told it was a staffing issue - there wasn't enough staff at the time to manage two different services cuz we'd had some people leave. Hrm.. ok.
I also got the feeling, and continued to get the feeling, that our senior pastor was basically preaching about criticism (receiving too much of it), how we need to think out of the box and accept change, and even how we need to sometimes let others make decisions for us because we don't see the bigger picture. Over the last 4 or 5 months I KNOW I've heard those themes repeatedly in his messages. I talked a bit with the women in my playgroup/bible study and every single one of them - and their husbands - have been hearing it too. And no one is happy with what is going on.

They all feel like the pastor has his own agenda for the church. They all feel that some of his messages are bordering on 'mean spirited' and its enough already with the Suns references and Starbucks and Nordstroms references - am I not cool/hip/trendy enough because I can't afford those places? My dh hates sports so you're not hitting him with those references either.
Most of us also feel very disconnected to this man. He isn't truly welcoming to people, he doesn't feel sincere in any way. My dh has said this pastor doesn't even say hello to him or acknowledge him in any way.

So i went to the new associate pastor who I really like and got a meeting with him and sat down and talked about some of this stuff. He says that our senior pastor has basically been 'abused' with hateful emails, people being mean and unhealthy and that we need to give him time to heal and recover just as our church needs to heal and recover from the Music worship leader leaving, the senior pastor before him being fired, the new associate pastor coming on board. etc. But this is like months upon months already.

The music ministry is still coming together with the new director - slowly - still lots of grieving going on there. It felt empty for a while. Like its not a ministry or even a team and no where close to being a family/small group - just a bnch of strangers trying to play together and not a whole lot of worship/praise going on. Its getting better. I'm trying to fill rehearsals with love and Jesus and help the new director by bringing positive energy to the group. Even suggested a potluck for the band and families so we can get to know each other.


There are some serious problems in our church. But there is also some wonderful amazing stuff going on. VBS and awana and the kids ministry is awesome! BUT - the turnover in the toddler room and nursery of teachers/volunteers is so huge that theres absolutely no consistencey. Roman is terrified and refuses to stay in the room with strangers. I don't blame him. So dh sits and plays with him the whole time and doesn't even truly go to church. And when he DOES go into the service cuz roman falls asleep - he also is not thrilled wth the message the pastor is preaching so he feels like why bother and we need a new church cuz whats the point of an amazing congregation, children and teens programming, great music ministry and other outreach groups when the message is empty.

Sigh.

Sorry, this is a novel. I went in and talked to the associate pastor about all of this junk and muck and basically he helped me 'reframe' and see how I can help vs how I'm grieving and upset kwim? And that was great. What about the rest of the congregation . Theres so many upset, angry, people feeling empty right now and its hard to stay positive when most of my friends are looking for a new church because of the pastor :(

and my dh wants us to look too

I don't want to lose what we've become a part of and I don't knwo what to do but pray. So thats what I'm doing. Praying and continuing to try to participate in everything we do at church - and love and support our pastor as much as I can considering he really makes it hard - his 'vibes' are so distant and ... honestly...
phoney.

it wasn't always this way. He seems defensive, walls up. I don't know whats going on.

blah. Thanks for reading. Just needed to get it all off my chest

WOW Barb. I can imagine the stress of this situation. I have struggled at my church for years. And have never felt really close to people and all but they have sure been kind to me through my struggle with cancer.
So part of the problem could be me and part of the problem at your church could be others.

I think turnover in the nursery is common. Those areas of ministry are not desired for most people. I take my turn in the nursery and also in childrens church and I certainly do not do more than my turn.

You are in a tough spot because anytime we deal with church, we deal with people and their imperfections.
It seems like your kids have been thriving there and you have been able to use your musical gifts too. But your dh is not growing. That is tough.

How would your kids feel if they have to leave? Could you visit a new church once a month until you get a feel to stay or go?

Wish I coudl give you some avice to make this easier, but I have no clue how to do that.
XOXOXO

Yes, I do, all the time.

Oh, right. My DH is the pastor. ;)

Thank you so much for going to the pastoral staff and talking about concerns. From a pastor's family, that is much appreciated. We've had people leave the church, and it's a small church, and we never know why, they just stop coming. That really hurts, especially when you've invested a lot of time into the relationships.

Anyway, whatever you decide is right for your family, I pray God will be guiding you. One church is not always the right fit for everyone. And yes, sometimes you can help be a part of the solution instead of leaving. But it's hard to find the right balance.

Barb, our church it totally different from yours, all "traditional" none of that newfangled stuff.

Our preachers preach. our elders make decisions. I would ask one of the elders with whom you should speak.

I agree with the PP. Is there a vestry you can talk with? Our church has meetings and members to speak to about specific issues. Not sure if this is how it is done other places, though.