WHen you are feeling most stressed out? When you are feeling very vulnerable and inadequate? When you are feeling unsure and unloved? When you are feeling insecure? When you are afraid? What do you do?

Usually, what I do is spend money. But this time, it's the money that has me feeling a lot of what I am feeling. There are a lot of other things going on too and the pressure is feeling insurmountable. I really don't feel like I have anyone to talk with. Ken does NOT need any more stress. Adding a weak wife to the mix would just flip him out. My sister that I usually confide in has a newborn (she's one week old!!). My mom is emotionally absent.

I need some coping mechanisms that don't include spending money. Something that doesn't include me withdrawing even more from life. Something that won't be me curling up into a ball and crying.....

I used to spend money when I was feeling the same way. I spent so much that I'm trying to dig out of the hole of debt. I have come to feel the same way you have/are feeling. I threw out the cc's and started taking dd to the library and taking out books to read. It keeps me busy, I don't think about how I'm feeling, and I get to read to dd also while I'm at it..I also am learning new stuff! ;)

I also indulge in crafts..lol. My mother is also emotionally absent, my sister pregnant w/her 4th, and my dh is a workaholic. I sometimes feel like I have a wall to talk to, and sometimes I will talk to it..lol. Anyway, I started to just keep my hands and mind busy so I don't think about emotions/feelings and it has helped me a whole lot.

hth!
hang in there mama!
Toni

I nice quiet long walk.....

Awww Missy! I'm sorry you're down and stressed mama! *hugs*

You have my #? You can call me if you'd like! If not, LMK and I'll PM it to ya..

What do I do when I am stressed? I take a walk, go the park, have a picnic outside, have a tea party with the girls on the floor in the living room, take a bath, sew, read a book, bake or come to Amity's! LOL

I used to spend money, then I spent us into debt and now we have no money LOL!

Mama, you know we're here for you if you need to talk.. anytime, email, PM, IM or call me *hugs*

:( Spend money and eat...I HATE myself even more afterwards.

#1 put Justin in his room with a movie.

#2 go downstairs and SCREAM MY HEAD off and then cry a bit.

#3 go upstairs and love on my little man.

#4 Tell my dh I love him.

I'll try to call you this afternoon, Missy!
((HUGS))

Originally posted by ~Heidi~
:( Spend money and eat...I HATE myself even more afterwards.

yeah i hit Target and go for a bag of Oreos:o

Originally posted by ~Heidi~
:( Spend money and eat...I HATE myself even more afterwards.

This is EXACTLY what I DO NOT want! :)

Eating is another HUGE vice that I do too. Hence my HUGE size.

Ya'll are probably sick of hearing me say it, but I DRUM!!

It is, without a doubt, the best stress reliever I've ever experienced!!! I think it's for a few different reasons....

First, it's a physical activity. You get to actually hit something, with a purpose!! Sunbear, a Chippewa medicine man, always said the 2 best things you could do to relieve stress are to 1. Bang on a drum or 2. Dig a hole. Both are hard work and both work the muscles of your neck and sholder where all of the tension tends to collect....

Second, it makes it easy for the rest of the world to dissolve away for a while... When you drum, the beat becomes *everything* to you. You can't think about the unpaid bills and nagging inlaws while playing a steady beat on a drum... Trust me. Plus with drumming, you tap into something *primal* almost... The heartbeat of the Earth, the Rhythm of Life, so to speak...

Third, while your mind in totally in the *zone* as far as drumming goes, truths will reveal themselves to you. Again, I have to say, trust me on this one... Nearly every form of spirituality that has something along the lines of a Vision Quest or a truth seeking, drums were *always* present at the ceremonies.

Ah, well, Kaya just woke up... I'm pulling for you Missy!! And you said something along the lines of DH not needing a "weak woman". PLEASE, give yourself some credit. Having these feelings does NOT make you weak!

Chin up.

Meditation!
Some people have misconception that meditation=physcic powers or levitation as the goal but that is so untrue. An author of a few good books on mediation is Jon Kabat-Zinn. Beliefnet.com has some information and a few guided imagery things there to use.
I can tell you unhealthy ways of relieving stress but I know that isn't what you want to hear.

My bad things are biting my nails. I have all but kicked the habit except when stressed. Luckily I am never as bad as my mom was and never had them down to the "quick"... but almost. I am getting closer to being able to control it more when stressed as well.

Writing really helps me. I sit down and make a new budget or design also is a good stress reliever most of the time for me. If I really have a lot of energy I need to spend I will find something to organize. Makes me feel useful and lets me easily get lost in non-stressful thoughts and keeps my hands busy.

Reading helps sometimes - also something to take you mind away somewhere other than worries. Taking the kids out for something inexpensive like the park.

My biggest problem is that I tend to be a silent worrier too. I find if I can make myself talk about it - its a huge help as well. Either to dh, or getting it all out in a post. It helps me to think of new ways to solve the problem, or helps to know that others have been there and did make it out of it without too many battle scars... lol.

First I wanted to give you a big (((HUG)))

I find talking *always* helps. But I can talk and talk and talk. Missy, if you need to talk, I can give you my # or if you want it on my phone bill, I can call you.

And a coca-cola always helps. This is my vice.

And Missy, this is always what Amity's is for. To find support and offer whenyou are able.

Other things I do.

Cook or clean. Go figure. DH wishes I were upset more I think.
I like to write. I am really, really struggling with my miscarriage and have started writing about it. Mostly poems and just some journaling. I wish I were artisitic (as in painting or sketching) because I have quite a vision I want out on paper too. But that just isn't going to happen.

Photography. Moslty pictures of my kids. I'd like to get some of the moon too though. I
I have started beading. The other night I made a bracelet (didn't have enough beads for an anklet). I find that something like this...some sort of craft can help. Along this line, I wish I could sew.

Solitude. Someplace to be with my thoughts. Now I *rarely* get this. Hiking serves this purpose. It is just as refreshing to take my litttle ones. I get to think and see the world through children's eyes. And along this line...the observatory. I love astronomy. I love the night sky. I love laying on the ground and watching the sky shift through the hours of the night. Once again...more time to think.

Missy, hang in there mama. You are doing a good job. You are in a rough patch right now, but it will get better. (((HUGS)))

For me my number 1 stress reliever is:

SEX! SEX! SEX!

Not making love but the knock down drag out dirty nasty SEX!

I also read, paint crafts, sew, and play with the kids.
Just curious why my number 1 stress reliever wasn't on anyone elses list? Am I a nut?

Though to be honest I'm over stressed right now since my hubby has been in Afghanistan since Novemeber! UGGGGG....


Good luck in finding your "thing"

Regina:usa:

Oh Missy, sorry you are having a rough time right now. I'll email you today if Kaylin goes down for her nap. I need to come up with something too. I've been extra stressed myself lately and because of that Kaylin has a practically a whole new diaper stash coming. :o It didn't cost us any "real" money since I just used paypal I got from selling things she couldn't or wouldn't wear, but still we certainly didn't "need" most of this stuff.

I agree with trying to find some time to do something for yourself. Whatever it is that you like. I like to take a hot bath and read a book or to sew something (unless I'm exhausted and stressed in which case I always mess up whatever I'm sewing and feel even more frustrated). Sometimes I find getting on the computer helps me feel less alone. Othertimes I find that getting outside is better for me. I take DD to the park and hope that there will be another mom or two that I can chat with. Even though it's all small chat it's nice to talk to someone who isn't a toddler.

I also find making something usually helps me feel better. I draw a picture, or sew something, or bake something or whatever. It gives me something to focus on and a sense of accomplishment which I find hard somedays being a SAHM.

Take care of yourself. Hope you figure something out to help.

Hugs!

{{{{{{{Missy}}}}}}}

I've done lots of non-productive things to deal with stress but the things that really help and are good for me are:

Exercise--a good 20 minutes of getting my heart rate up really gives me a great rush. This is a recend RE-discovery of mine. ;) Last night to be honest.

Working on a project that I can devote my full attention to.

Reading or watching a good movie.

I think the first step for you would be to sit and make a list of what you want to accomplish in life--realistic goals, that is. My big one right now is weight loss. I'm taking steps to do what I need to do and focusing on that is so energizing I can hardly believe it.

I either go shopping, or get online...I'm online alot nowadays! LOL

I leave Jonah with DH and go for a long drive. Somewhere, anywhere, nowhere, it doesn't matter.

yep, add me to the eat and shop list too. not very constructive, huh?

{{{Hugs}}} Missy. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. When I'm stressed, it sometimes helps me to organize something. Just picking a small area (like one shelf in the closet), taking everything out, cleaning it well, and really making it look nice helps me feel better. By choosing a small area, I'm more likely to get it done without Emmaline going bizzerk :p and I can almost immediately see results.

If money is stressing you out right now, it might help to sit down and re-vamp your budget. Helps me sometimes, anyway....

Hope you're feeling better, mama....

Thank you mamas. the stupid mail did NOT bring the paycheck again today. i know it is not their fault. I went for a bikeride with the kids and planted some flowers that I had sitting on the backporch today. I feel a bit better now.

it's good to know that people are here to listen. i appreciate that more than you know..........

tidy a room, a quick sense of accomplishment gives me a boost.
go to a movie and zone out for 2 hours.
do something creative...if I'm really stressed like when my grandparents died I painted a room each time LOL
spending time with myself is how I recharge so I'll get the kids really tuckered out so bedtime is easier and I have a stretch of a couple hours of quiet time. read, write in a journal, have a bath...
get to bed early so I'm rested and better able to mentally and emotionally handle stress.
hope you find something that helps you...
Daintre